 sj |
||
|
||
BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch
|
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: MAG Date: 16 Oct 02 - 10:20 PM My sister has instructions to notify everyone in my flip file -- adding M for Mudcat.org, please post in forum seems easy enough. Mind you, my family is long lived and you're going to have me around for a very long time. -- MA |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 Oct 02 - 01:17 AM Somehow I posted a negative feeling here... Blame it on the depression... although there have been a lot of changes this year, and yes, some of them were pretty drastic and not exactly sensible, but things are looking brighter - at least all my marbles are in the same container now! The thing is, it's not a depressing thread, more a celebratory one, especially Ricks' last postings... I'm sure there are many here who thought he might not post again, including him! It would do people good to read this thread over again. Or better still, print out bits of it and stick it up around their lives. LTS |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Marion Date: 16 Oct 02 - 12:42 AM I used to take lessons from Rick; one day this spring Heather called to cancel, saying that Rick had to go get a pain in his side checked out. Next time I saw him, I said, "Did you get yourself sorted out?". He pauses and says, "Yeah, pretty much." Geez! As for myself...I'm not sick or old so if I died it would probably be sudden, so no time to go through a process. Maybe my Mom would think to call Willie-O, or maybe he'd see it in the paper, but I guess there's no other likely way that Mudcat would know. Marion |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 16 Oct 02 - 12:16 AM Thanks, I'd forgotten about this thread, too! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Rick Fielding Date: 15 Oct 02 - 11:44 PM Hmmm, interesting thread. I'd forgotten about it entirely. So back when this was started I had no idea that I'd soon be faced with EXACTLY what this discussion is all about. When I was diagnosed with kidney cancer in May of this year, I really didn't know WHAT to tell anyone, let alone the good friends I'd made at Mudcat. I wasn't actually being TREATED for anything....I was just waiting for an available operating date for something that I was told would be VERY risky...not just the removal of a kidney, but trying to stop things from spreading. I continued to post in my normal 'tongue in cheek' way, and only told a couple of folks that I was feeling 'a bit under the weather'. Same thing in real life. Only Heather and her sister knew how grave the situation was. My feeling was that telling folks the extent of my illness would have been a colossal downer, and no matter WHAT the outcome, would have changed the nature of all my relationships forever. I chose to be as cheerful as my situation allowed, and I got lucky in that I had a superb surgeon and the operation date came through in time (I'm fine now), but I WAS getting to the point where I was going to write a 'farewell' to my fellow Mudcatters, and a separate one that would have gone on my website. Guess I would have made quite a few phone calls as well....and tried to keep them as "up" as possible. I look at the situation now, and I don't see it as morbid....just a part of the process.....but BOY!! Am I glad I didn't HAVE to write that final post!! Ha Ha! Cheers, and good thread kat. Rick |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: mack/misophist Date: 15 Oct 02 - 08:38 PM I have attended the deaths of far too many creatures. Some want all the company and re-assurance possible, some turn their backs on the world, and some retreat from it. All are natural. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 15 Oct 02 - 04:03 AM refresh |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Bert Date: 20 May 02 - 03:16 AM ...Give them freely while alive,... Good point! Here goes. I love the whole damn silly lot of you! Bert |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amos Date: 20 May 02 - 12:30 AM "Bring down the walls, and bring in the river", saith the Bard. ML, I think you hit the bull's eye again; we take up residence in the Collegiate Eiditon of Webster's. and lose all contact with the heartbeats in the world. Primary sin, IMHO -- to stop the ears from hearing the realities singing around us. A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Mudlark Date: 19 May 02 - 03:13 PM Thanks, Jeanie for the love and hug...a great thing to read, first thing in the morning!
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Steve in Idaho Date: 19 May 02 - 12:45 PM Odd thread - and I'm going to creep a bit. Living on a working ranch really keeps us in tune with how fragile life is. I have to have my old saddle mare shot tomorrow. Her kidneys gave out on her and she's in a bit of pain. I'm just grateful for the friends I have as I don't have to pull the trigger. I think I could but Ms. J won't let me - she says I've killed enough in my life.
Sorry for the creep - and Ms. J will let you all know when my turn comes to explore the other side.
Steve |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Liz the Squeak Date: 19 May 02 - 12:35 PM Funny reading the posts of a year back and seeing how much has changed since then..... and not for the better either. So much for promises. LTS |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Date: 19 May 02 - 12:30 PM well..truth be told, katdarling....I have been thinking on this thread a bit myself lately...can blame it on Sharon's story... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Jeanie Date: 19 May 02 - 03:16 AM Love and a Hug to you, Mudlark. I went on a course last year, where we were encouraged to complete any "unfinished business" - as a result of which I wrote a letter to my parents, saying all the things I'd never said. I had to write it : I could never have spoken it, my words would have been too incoherent with tears. (As it was, the pages were splashed a bit). My dad died three months later, and I am so glad I had sent that letter. So, I would urge everyone: say it now, do it now. Amos - I'm going to show your post to my daughter (when she gets up - I go online in secret when she's asleep, so as not to get told off !) - she'll appreciate it !! Isn't it good when old threads like this get revived ? I've only been on Mudcat for about a year, and would never have seen this - would have missed that beautiful poem by EJ. (Do look at it, it's higher up the list somewhere). So...in the spirit of this thread: Love and Thanks to ALL of you on Mudcat. (No, I'm not planning on disappearing anywhere..) - jeanie |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Mudlark Date: 18 May 02 - 10:50 PM Wesley, I remember Joe Bzsflqk very well, and am sending you an umbrella of smiles until the cloud finally lifts. Hang in there...
I don't post often so doubt anybody would miss me on Mudcat, but I have left instructions with 3 different friends, also have a copy on my computer desktop. And, since I have very little family, except for a sister I don't have any contact with and a stepdaughter I love dearly I've been working up a will to make as sure as I can that my "estate," such as it is, goes where I think best.
I've made sure that friends I'm in contact with continue to want my dogs, and have promised to keep them together. I care about what happens to them a million times more than any "thing" I own.
Thanks for starting this thread, Kat.I don't think it morbid at all. My husband died quite unexpectedly in his sleep, which has made me think about this sort of thing a lot over the past year. It's a great idea to not only pass along "things" but words of love and appreciation. I, too, give them freely while alive, but it doesn't hurt to say it one last time as well. One thing, tho....I'm taking my Martin WITH me! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 18 May 02 - 10:49 PM Thanks, Nathandarlin'...it's getting pretty bad when I cannot even remember the name of one of my own threads! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amos Date: 18 May 02 - 10:07 PM CS: You're right on the money, ma'am! We who rode the population curve known as the Baby Boom are especially suited for that advice: let those you appreciate know now, and do it often. Admiration is the most precious gift one being can grant another, and we communicate it far too little. And while I'm at it, let me add that I really admire Kat's thread, and the very human sentimentsa it captures, and CS's wise addition. The thought occurred to me that if I were to pass away suddenly, it might be necessary for the Mudcat to contact my family with the information-- they are used to seeing me in a rigid position in front of the monitor for long periods of time, and wouldn't notice the difference until my Ex-Unit started smelling bad!! LOL "Hi! I'm from the Mudcat!! Your husband's posts are all series of q's and x's and we thought you should perhaps check his pulse...." :>) LOL! A
|
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Celtic Soul Date: 18 May 02 - 09:53 PM You can be assured that if anything happened to CarolC, you would all be made aware. I know she's been here a long time, and has many many friends, and I would see to it that you were informed. This thread did give me great pause, and not just because it's an issue of examining ones own mortality, but because it examines what others might want/think/feel about ones passing as well. I had an acquaintance a long time ago. He was a very decent person, but he was a bit of a downer at times, though liked well enough when he was being chipper. Many times, folks would make excuses for not hanging out with him when he was acting depressed. Or, they simply didn't think about him at all. He hung himself. What really opened my eyes was the change in folks after his death (myself included). Suddenly, out of the woodwork we were all crying for his loss. But more, we had a great deal nice to say about him. And the things we found to say were all true. Things I am sure would have meant a lot to him when he was alive. Things I believe we all felt a great deal of remorse in having not said to him when he was there to hear. We all wished we had known he was so depressed so that we could have done something about it. I don't think any of us were being hypocritical. I think we meant it, but failed to realize it when he was still alive. In his case, it was by his own hand, but we can all be gone tomorrow with less warning even than his friends and family had with him. And even in the best of relationships where you don't really think there is anything left unsaid, there still seem to be regrets after the person is no longer there. "Why didn't I tell her I love her the last time I talked on the phone with her? All I said was "catch ya later!". "Why didn't I tell him more often how proud I was of him and for him?" "Why didn't I make more time for her?" There really is no going back. Rather than leave a note for people after you're gone...at a time when the remorse sets in for what they were unable to say back to your words, why not say it now, while those you care for and those who care for you are still around to know that, for certain, there is no unfinished business? That for certain, no one thinks "I wish I could have just told him/her (blank) before he/she was gone. That way, all there is left to say when one is gone is "I've passed...I'll miss you". And all that's left for those you leave behind to say is "We'll miss you too." Time for me to follow my own advice... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Date: 18 May 02 - 08:54 PM refreshing for katdarling |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Jim Krause Date: 01 Mar 01 - 05:31 PM Kat, I live in Lawrence, KS. And yes, having something of a face-to-face meeting with folks gives me a sense of greater realism. Although posting to the Mudcat isn't a whole lot different that when I was a kid and heard stories about other kids who had penpals in Skagway. Jim |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 01 Mar 01 - 05:14 PM Well, Jim, I appreciate your honesty and you bet I do! My SO and my youngest daughter, whom I live with, are both very familiar with the Mudcat and have spoken to several Mudders whom I know they would contact. In fact, I gave them instructions as to such a long time ago. It didn't just hinge on meeting Catters face-to-face for me, although it helped and was a terrific experience, but maybe that is what would make it more real for you, Jim, assuming you want that? Sorry, I cannot remember where you are located and if that is possible. At any rate, glad to have you around, regardless. kat |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Jim Krause Date: 01 Mar 01 - 05:04 PM Kat, Do you have a Mudder friend or family member who accepts the charge to post about you should that occur? The answer to your question from this quarter is No. I still have mixed feelings about all this cyber stuff. In some way that I can't find words to describe, it still feels all so anonymous. Oh sure, anyone can look up the stats on anyone else using the Resources page. But what is that? Just stuff we choose to let strangers know about ourselves. So why do I bother to hang out here, then? It's a nice break from songwriting, or working on webpages. Call it loafing, because it is. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: CamiSu Date: 01 Mar 01 - 03:07 PM I must admit I have had thoughts about this, though more about that I would let everyone know if something ever happened to Jessica. I really didn't think much that I'd be missed here until I got a pm from Mary asking where I was... but I'm sure Jessica would let you know if something happened to me as well. I do care about you all, even if I often don't know what to say, particularly if everyone else has already said it better. Shy sometimes. Wesley, my heart is with you, too. I still miss my dad terribly and it has been over 8 years. Hell, I miss my father-in-law badly as well, and that's been almost 23 years. It never goes completely away. CamiSu |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Night Owl Date: 01 Mar 01 - 11:37 AM So much talent with words LEJ..thanks for posting...it's wonderful!! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 01 Mar 01 - 09:17 AM That is a wonderful thought, Bonnie! |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte Date: 01 Mar 01 - 08:15 AM Oooops, I forgot that closing HTML command. Didn't mean to put my last statement in neon lights. Those kind of thoughts are supposed to be subtle. Oh well, what can you do. Bon |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte Date: 01 Mar 01 - 08:12 AM When I pass away I think Little Ricky should be buried along with me like those Pharos who loaded their tombs with significant others. I am going to have my cleaning lady, massage therapist and psychiatrist buried along with me. :)Actually, I figure I would like to set up a Miss Metronome Student Fund that goes to help pay for music instruction from Rick Fielding. It would be for those people who could not afford music lessons otherwise.Bonnie
fixed html |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Rick Fielding Date: 01 Mar 01 - 01:45 AM Bonnie, are you leaving "little ricky" the solitary fishy to me in your will? Rick |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:30 AM Well, BonnieBanjoPhyte....when are you going to start believing it? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: wysiwyg Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:25 AM sigh.... So many people to be madly in love with, so little time! (So many spouses!) ~Da Flooz |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 28 Feb 01 - 11:26 PM WOW!!! Beautiful, LeeJ!! Thanks for posting it, esp. to this thread!! luvyakat |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Lonesome EJ Date: 28 Feb 01 - 09:51 PM February Poem
Perhaps it is the long-lingering winter
But it is February |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte Date: 28 Feb 01 - 07:33 PM Why thanks Amergin, my psychiatrist keeps trying to tell me the same thing. BoniPhyte |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Date: 28 Feb 01 - 07:25 PM You're already loved and wanted BonnieBanjoPhyte.... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Little Neophyte Date: 28 Feb 01 - 07:20 PM Well I figure if I kick the bucket, then my sister Sherry will give Rick & Heather a call. Being that I am going to leave Rick in my Will then Sherry better give the Fieldings a call. Then Rick will let you guys know after he stops sobbing over the loss of me. And then all you guys will start sobbing and I will hover around above feeling so loved & wanted. That is how I see it. Bonnie |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 28 Feb 01 - 07:06 PM Helen, last posting I see for her was June '99 when she said things were going alright, in response to Bert's asking. I wonder if anyone has been in touch with her? I didn't know her well, but she certainly seemed like a very special Mudcatter. I am sorry I missed out on much of her activity here. There are others I wonder about, too. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:34 PM Just remember that you are in our thoughts, Wes.... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Helen Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:33 PM Talking of Mudcat icons: Whatever happened to Shula? Helen |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Wesley S Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:25 PM Kat - I doubt that you're old enough to remember the guy in Lil Abner that walked around with the raincloud over his head but I'm begining to relate to how he feels. I'm not quite up to Job's level yet but I'll just try to laugh my way through all of this. Thanks - Wesley |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 28 Feb 01 - 05:03 PM You've got it, Amergin. Will PM you with the rest of my contact info. I'd miss all of ya! Mortee, you can just bet we'd have a humunguous cyberwake for either of you! Micca, your words are just beautiful. Thanks, Tiggerdooley...I was hoping people wouldn't think I was being too morbid.:-) Wesley? We are going to have to have a heavy-duty confab with the ol' Cosmic, ya know and just tell them to hold off on anymore right now! Sheesh! I am very sorry to hear about your mom. Mine has been gone two years now and I still miss her. If there is anything I can do to help, talk, etc., please let me know. Losing a parent is not easy, losing a parent and a child is more than anyone should have to endure. My heart goes out to you and your family... luvya'llkat |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amergin Date: 28 Feb 01 - 04:40 PM Hey, Tigger, I'd miss ya.....Katdarling, thank you for the offer. I accept.... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: tiggerdooley Date: 28 Feb 01 - 02:30 PM I've only been a mudcatter since last Friday, but I came here for reasons related to remembering somebody who has passed (see Lyrics Request thread: Go to sleep my baby). Now I'm not expecting you folks to miss me if I disappeared tomorrow, but I do know that some of my comments, stories and memories of dear family members are already in cyberspace for along time to come. I think I like that idea... |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Morticia Date: 28 Feb 01 - 02:17 PM I had always taken it as read that I would post news of Micca's dragging to the great void kicking and screaming, and perhaps Liz the Squeak too,and they of mine. I fully expect a cyber wake of heroic proportions and the Mudcat Tavern awash with ale and scurrilous stories for any one of us.Anyway, who else could I trust to look after those two reprobates if I go first, if not you guys? |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Micca Date: 28 Feb 01 - 02:11 PM sorry, my post is missing the last line " as so many of you already do in mine"
added to previous post |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Wesley S Date: 28 Feb 01 - 01:58 PM My brother { Hello Ironmule ! } lurks here but rarely posts. My guess is that he would post something but I'll confirm that with him soon. I never would have thought about that - I wouldn't have thought that enough people would care but after my son Patricks death last December and the number of personal messages and contacts I received I realise how wrong I was. It was a great comfort to both my wife and I - and she's never been here. I know I'm feeling very mortal now. My mother died one week ago today and thats a sure fire way to see the face of the grim reaper. On top of that I had a car wreck yesterday on my first day back at work. As the song says "If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all". I'm beginning to wonder if Someone is pissed off at me. I've got an appointment for a complete checkup. And I'm driving very slowly now. But it is nice to know that we belong to a community that cares even if we have never met face to face. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: GUEST,micca at work Date: 28 Feb 01 - 07:42 AM Yes I hope someone of mine will let folks here know if anything happened and here is why. Just after I was diagnosed as diabetic (3 years ago) I had an "episode" that was described by my doctor as a very very tiny stroke he put me on a daily small dose of aspirin to keep the blood thin, The Psychological effects of this, were much more far reaching than I expected or noticed. This came to a head when my closest friend and family member (the same person) sat me down and gave me the most almighty rollicking, recently. The reason for this was I had been withdrawing from those close to me to try and limit the pain my death would cause them. I accepted that this was true, though' entirely unconscious. It was then pointed out that my friends would be distressed no matter what happened, and that distancing them was simply making it worse, not easier as they would be deprived of more recent happy memories. The immediate and long term effect of this is that, I am going to enjoy every minute of every day, live, love as much as I can, sing , and laugh, and most of all share with friends, when my time comes to move to the next level, I hope my friends will come together both here in the virtual, and in the 3D and do a "Talking stick " type wake. A symbol (often a carved stick) is passed round (in the presence of lots of beer and wine) and the person holding the stick "has the floor" and can sing, recite a poem or tell a joke or an anecdote or memory about the object of the event. For we live on in the memories of our friends, and especially we should cherish them while we can as I am cared for and cherished by mine, and if you have space for me, I would like to live on in your memories too as so many of you already do in mine. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Extra Stout Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:57 AM In Ohio, we have a little organ donor icon on our driver's licences. Maybe a short Mudcat notice could be scotch taped to a similar spot. Stuff falls off my fridge all the time, but I haven't lost my driver's licence yet. That's a nice idea, Kat. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: katlaughing Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:35 AM Oh, sure, LeeJ, take away any possibility of us having a send-up wake and stomping good music time for you!**BG** I like that idea of us being the substance of our posts and getting reborn. Sometimes I go back and read over something I wrote a long time ago on here and am amazed; don't remember writing it, nor where it came from. Beautiful posting, Spud, I love the way you share your wisdom and am very glad you've joined us. |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Amos Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:41 PM Spud: Wonderful post and wonderful heart. Read you 5x5. Actually, I think you are immortal and with that kind of courage, you'll have no trouble living up to it!!! But I'm real glad they didn't read your instructions!!! Regards, A |
|
Subject: RE: BS: Facing Mortality & Keeping In Touch From: Lonesome EJ Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:41 PM I think I might prefer that no one here know if anything were to happen to me. I sometimes wonder about some of those who have disappeared from the forum, like my friend Neil Lowe, who just stopped posting one day. I hope he's ok, and if not, I'd just as soon keep my fingers crossed that he'll post again. At least here, we are defined by the substance of our posts, or the lack thereof. I like the way old threads re-emerge, bringing those posts and posters back to life. It's the Mudcat's own little cycle of rebirth. Long may we run. |