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Jesus' Penis
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: mousethief Date: 03 Nov 00 - 12:46 PM 1. On "Penis Envy:" Freud was a filthy old misogynist who projected his insecurities on the neurotic old ladies he treated. What he really envied was the fact that they were "getting it" and he wasn't. IMHO. 2. LJC, you failed to address the real question that arises from your lurid tale, at least for us guys. HOW DOES IT AFFECT PERFORMANCE?!
Alex |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Troll Date: 03 Nov 00 - 12:38 PM LJC, you are STRANGE. I like that in a person. Ten minutes with the ice, huh? (I have similar problems) Guest jon, go take a flying leap. Praise is nice people and doesn't deserve ANY crap from YOU. Whatever your problem is, take it somewhere else if you can't remain civil. If you don't like Praises posts, the answer is real simple but I'll spell it out for you so you will be sure to understand. DON"T READ THEM. There. Wasn't that easy? And if you are a good boy, next week we'll teach you to tie your own shoes. troll |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: little john cameron Date: 03 Nov 00 - 12:25 PM Couldnae hae said it better masel Alex. ljc |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: mousethief Date: 03 Nov 00 - 12:01 PM At first I was afraid this thread was just an attempt by a sore atheist to get the Christians riled up. But golly gee, of all the people riled up, none of them seem to be Christians. Which is fairly predictable. So far the Christians I've seen here on Mudcat have been pretty secure in their faith. As somebody (Lewis? Chesterton?) said, nobody runs down the street yelling, "The sun will rise tomorrow!" except people who are afraid it won't. It's people who are insecure in their own beliefs that can't stand to hear others talking about theirs. I'd love to hear more about what the Pagans, Jews, Muslims, etc. believe. Aside from this being interesting and helping me to understand and appreciate my own beliefs (and correct them where they err), the more you know about somebody, the harder it is to objectify them and make them "the enemy." But what do I know? I like folk music.
Alex |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: little john cameron Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:50 AM OK,here we go.This is a bit on the wordy site but a couldnae figur oot whaur tae"cut it aff" so tae speak !! Btw ,ah never wrote this,ah got it aff the net. Now that I've got your attention, I'll go back and tell the whole story. Apologies if it gets a little lengthy, but this yarn deserves to be spun well. BTW, TAE THE MAN UPSTAIRS,FEEL FREE TAE DELETE THIS IF YE LIKE AS IT'S NO FOR WEAK STUMMICKS.
BACKGROUND
After I was circumcised as an infant, the wound was not taken care of with sufficient diligence, and it healed incorrectly. Portions of the raw edge of the remaining foreskin bonded to the glans, a little bit above the lower edge of the glans. This left a series of "skin bridges", basically sections of foreskin which can't be retracted, because they are fused to the glans at one end and the shaft at the other. These varied in width from about 1/16" to 1/4", and were attached off and on over about 2/3 of the circumference. This was never a major problem. It was a long time before I even realized it was abnormal. Everything functioned properly, but there were a few minor problems with it which made me wish I could fix it. Mainly,
It was a cosmetic defect -- it didn't look good.
It was tough to keep clean under the bridges -- I had to swab it with a Q-tip now and then to knock down smegma buildup.
Some of the most sensitive parts of the glans were hidden under relatively insensitive chunks of foreskin, robbing me of the proper stimulation which was mine and every man's birthright.
Now, all a doctor would do it sterilize it, numb it, cut it and bandage it. "Hell, maybe I can do that!", I thought. The problem was how to kill the pain. I experimented with cutting myself (with an x-acto knife), but seeing as it always hurt like hell before I even cut anything, I never went through with it.
Recently, I came back and studied the situation. Again, the problem with the self-surgery approach was dealing with pain. There had to be some way of numbing the area, but how? One winter day, it hit me.
SURGERY KIT Cuticle scissors (1 pair)
Rubbing alcohol (1 bottle)
Antibiotic ointment (1 tube)
Anti-bacterial soap (1 bottle)
Gauze pads (lots, various sizes)
Ice cubes (iodine added to water for sterility)
Clean Washcloth (freshly laundered with lots'o bleach)
Well-lit work area (the kitchen table)
PROCEDURE
Wipe down work area with alcohol. Clean penis with soap and water, then with alcohol. Wash hands thoroughly. Soak scissors in alcohol. Holding the ice cube with the washcloth (to prevent your fingers from going numb), apply the ice cube to the target area. Hold for 5 to 10 minutes, until area is numb.
Using the cuticle scissors, sever the skin bridge as closely as possible to its connection with the glans. Then sever the foreskin end of the bridge in such a location as to leave an even edge on the foreskin.
Use gauze pads and direct pressure to stop the bleeding, then apply antibiotic ointment and bandage.
THE OPERATIONS
Though the operations are not painful if done correctly, the healing process is a real pain in the ass. It also takes a certain state of mind to be able to cut your own flesh. I would kind of put myself into robo-man zombie mode for the operations, in that I never dwelled on what I was doing, I just mechanically plodded through all the steps without thinking about how totally gross it was.
Since the ice cube could only numb a small portion of the penis, and since I could only tolerate so much trauma to my dick in one session, it took 6 separate operations, spread out over a two week period, to cut/remove all of the skin bridges.
Operation #1 (Day 1)
The test cut. I chose a small thin skin bridge, about 1/16" across. I held the ice cube on for 5 minutes. The ice caused a peculiar kind of "cold ache", but it wasn't that bad. I gingerly made the cuts, and sliced through with no pain at all. There was some minor bleeding, but because of the speed at which I worked, I had finished and had the gauze on it before the wound had any chance to bleed significantly. After about 10 minutes the bleeding was stopped and I bandaged it up, no problem at all. Only a tiny little speck of flesh had been removed, rather unimpressive looking.
Operation #2 (Day 3)
Operation #1 turned out so well, I decided to go for big game this time. The target was the mother of all skin bridges, about 1/4" across and very thick and meaty. Again, I made the preparations and applied ice for 5 minutes.
I made the first cut along the glans, and was surprised at how much I had to bear down on the scissors. This skin was surprisingly tough. I finished that cut, and then turned my attention to the cut on the foreskin side. Wanting to get it done quickly, I decided that two large, powerful snips should do the job. I bore down and made the first cut, and realized with a shock that IT HURT LIKE HELL.
Well, it turns out that due to the thickness of the skin bridge on that end, the cold hadn't penetrated deeply enough, and it hadn't gone numb. So, I was left with a problem. I had a half severed bit of foreskin hanging off me, and no anesthetic. My only recourse was to finish the cut. I thought, "Shit. This will hurt". So I lined up the scissors, closed my eyes, and as quickly and powerfully as I could, I made the snip. My prediction was correct; it did hurt (don't you hate when you're right about things like that?). I managed to avoid shouting out, instead opting for a few simple gasps and whimpers.
I resolved to hold the ice on for much longer in future operations.
I spent the rest of the evening with nothing on below the waist, sitting in front of the TV with a few brews (this became standard procedure for all forthcoming operations). Any motion tended to make it break open and bleed again, so I moved around very little. I was functioning (that is, walking) almost normally again by the next day, but it took about 5 days before this one completely stopped oozing blood.
As I gingerly hobbled back into the kitchen for another brew, I spotted IT, the severed hunk-o-foreskin that I had left on the table. It was of fairly good size, about 1/2" by 1/4" and maybe as thick as a piece of bacon.
Suddenly, strange thoughts entered my skull, and a raging mental battle between good and evil ensued.
EVIL: "Eat the foreskin."
So, I ate it. Turns out it was very tough and chewy, kind of like biting a little piece of rubber. I chewed for about 5 minutes, but didn't make any progress on breaking it down, so I swallowed it. It had a little bit of blood flavor at first, but after that it had no flavor at all; rather disappointing in that respect. Maybe I should have cooked it.
Operation #3 (Day 10)
A medium sized cut. I held the ice cube on much longer (10 minutes instead of 5), so there was no problem with pain. Not nearly as much bleeding, but still a respectable amount.
A word about erections: they were a bad thing. Any hard-on would tear the wounds open and start them bleeding again. This would be a problem for about 3 or 4 days until the wounds had healed sufficiently. Basically, I had to spend a long, long time without even thinking a nasty thought. Of course, when I was asleep I had no control over the process, which would always result in me waking up with a dick that hurt and bloody bandages. I was really lovin' life at moments like these.
Operation #4 (Day 12)
Another medium sized cut, but with the added bonus of having a small vein (about 1 mm in diameter) running through the skin bridge. Now, the blood supply for the penis mainly runs through blood vessels buried deep inside. When you get down the the small vessels, the circulatory system becomes more of a spiderweb, with redundant paths going to every point. So I knew it wasn't actually dangerous to cut it, but it was still a kind of psychological obstacle. I expected this one to be a heavy bleeder, and I wasn't disappointed. It took about a full hour of direct pressure to get the severed ends of the vein to close up. Otherwise, not too much of a problem.
Operation #5 (Day 14)
I was planning on more time to let the others heal, but due to changes in the way skin tension was being applied to the remaining bridges (because I'd cut some others away), one small bridge was getting a lot of stress and starting to hurt. So I chopped it quick and easy, no real problems.
Operation #6 (Day 15)
The problem with operation #5 was that it just transferred the stress to the next bridge down the line. So even though I had about 3/4" of flesh left to cut, I resolved to do it all at once in one last cutting frenzy.
Due to the size of the operation, it took a while to complete (maybe 1 minute total), which gave the blood a chance to flow. I had to stop a few times and wipe away blood so I could see what I was doing.
Strangely, this didn't bother me at all. It seemed perfectly normal that I should be wiping up copious amounts of blood flowing from my bleeding pecker which I had sliced open myself.
Actually, it seemed kind of cool at the time, which led me to speculate at the time that I had gone insane, which I also thought was pretty cool.
Anyway, except for the excess blood which had dripped on to the chair, it went quite well. The only thing that really grossed me out was when I noticed I had blood all over my hands. If any psychoanalysts want to analyze that tidbit for me, feel free, though I really don't care.
The wounds are now completely healed, and the results are good.
Mainly:
Without the skin tension holding things back, total dick length has increased by 1/4". (Of course I've measured the length of my dick. Like you haven't?)
It's a great topic for dinnertime conversation. Women generally seem to find it quite interesting. Men generally turn kind of pale. With my newfound surgical skills, I've been contemplating a few more self-surgical procedures. You know, mole removal, wart removal, nose jobs, the whole vista of cosmetic surgery. I'll need some help for that mole on my back, which means training an assistant. Ah, the future looks interesting indeed |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Little Hawk Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:42 AM I could hardly believe it when I saw the title of this thread, so I ignored it for awhile. Now, having investigated, I find it is a treasure trove of humour, indeed. However, to wax serious for a moment here, I think we might all ponder as to why the word "penis" raises such concern in people's minds? Why should it? Why should it be any more controversial than "ear", "foot", "leg", etc. It's a part of the body. Surely all parts of the body have an equal and essential right to be appreciated and respected. Why are so many swear words associated with the penis (or the vagina)??? Or sex generally??? Pretty sick situation. These are indications of a culture that's got a serious problem around sex, largely due to the misguided efforts of 3 churches over the past few thousand years...the Jewish, Muslim, and Christian churches. I certainly don't blame Jesus for that. I blame a long succession of guilt-haunted priests and religious authorities, who have misused his name. Too bad Jesus couldn't have stopped by and given them a good stiff lecture and straightened them out. (How's that for Freudian language, eh?) Mind you, they'd probably just have burned him at the stake or something like that...as an impostor or a heretic. Hooray for Jesus, and phooey on the flippin' churches! (most of 'em, that is) |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: hesperis Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:42 AM Looking forward to it, LJC!!! I don't mind people living their beliefs in public places as well as in private. I would mind it if people shoved it in my face, and constantly tried to convert me, and told me I'd burn in hell if I didn't go along with them. I don't see any of that here though - just some people who are living their beliefs. You know, it's pretty accepted in psychological circles that if someone has a real problem with other people's beliefs, it usually means he has a problem with his own beliefs. Well, if you have a problem with other people believing whatever they belive, get a therapist and work it out there, ok? If your religion is a part of your life, and a part of who you are, it's going to be evident. But that doesn't mean you are actively trying to convert people to your beliefs. I see no fire-and-brimestone threats here at all. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: little john cameron Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:25 AM Help mah Boab gang,lichten up !!! The subject is hilarious.Ha ha ha ha ha ,ah 'm still haein a stroke aboot the "holy earwax" definately a pearl o great price.This has naethin dae dae wi the "Big Yin" it's aboot makin money aff a scam. Ah hae a dissertation aboot a similar subject.Ah 'll see if ah can "resurrect"it efter ah stop laughin.Ah wis nearly threw oot anither site wi this ane. ljc |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,Jon Date: 03 Nov 00 - 11:20 AM S'OK, Daddy, I know You'd like to be my father, you'd like to be my dad And give me kisses when I'm good and spank me when I'm bad... So would Mother ~Preys'. By all means, believe in and practice whatever superstitious magic you wish- but please don't be surprised if certain individuals object to it being repeatedly shoved in their faces. Please take your condescending superiority and bogus concern for "misguided souls" and stick it firmly in your left ear, Daddyo. And save your "prayers" for someone who asks for them. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,sat Date: 03 Nov 00 - 10:39 AM Yaw are a bunch of jackass's and retards |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,Russ Date: 03 Nov 00 - 10:18 AM KingBrilliant, It took the ancient church a while to sort out the appropriate ways to conceptualize and talk about the person, ministry, and purpose of the earthly Jesus. Some early theologians could make no sense out of the notion of a deity (infinite, omnipotent, omniscient, etc.) becoming a human being (finite, limited in all the ways humans are limited). It sounded like logically contradictory nonsense to them. Some couldn't handle the idea of God as a completely spiritual entity (spiritual/nonmaterial = good) truly becoming a human material entity (material/corporeal = bad). Others couldn't deal with the idea of an incarnate omnipotent deity apparently being thwarted and truly suffering, dying, and to all appearances failing. So for a variety of reasons a variety of "theories" denying the true humanity of the earthly Jesus were developed. Sometimes these theologians are grouped together and referred to as "Docetists." They insisted that the earthly Jesus was only an illusion and only seemed to be human, to have been born, to have lived and suffered. You will occasionally run into contemporary Christians who are uncomfortable with the all the implications of a fully human earthly Jesus. You might want to take a look at www.newadvent.org/cathen/05070c.htm |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: KingBrilliant Date: 03 Nov 00 - 08:37 AM I hesitate to post, but.... I'm genuinely interested to know on what basis there would have been a belief that he didn't have a penis? Was it prudery or was there some genuine theological argument? Also, what is Conversion by Fornication, or is that just something someone has made up? Not sure why this thread exists, but I'd like to know the answers to the above questions..... Kris |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Liz the Squeak Date: 03 Nov 00 - 03:59 AM Well why shouldn't we have these types of discussion here, after all, a Pope in the 1200's outlawed half the Franciscan order because they reckoned that Jesus laughed!! Of course he has a willy, he was a man. There are men in the world who have willies; they don't let it rule their lives, or use it to think with, and they don't go poking them into every known orifice, they just use it to pee with. I mean, you spend a week making a nice planet, you make a being in your own image, and then you make it a partner, and you give them dangly bits. If you're going to go through all that effort to make humans, and THEN make your own son go and live with them, then surely you want him to fit in? LTS |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: BigDaddy Date: 03 Nov 00 - 02:15 AM If the "Mudcat Christian Coalition" is offensive to you, Guest,Jon, then after years of considering myself a number of things other than traditional Christian, I'm almost ready to resume going to church on Sundays and Wednesdays and praying for misguided souls like yourself. As I told Praise recently, she reminds me of the best of my Christian forebears. She seemingly doesn't judge; she simply states her truth and beliefs and apparently practices the Golden Rule. Here at Mudcat there are apparently a number of "coalitions:" Wiccan, Pagan, Christian, "New Agers," skeptics, etc. The best of these seem to have found a way to share a number of things (including beliefs/disbelief) without stepping on toes. When I first arrived here, I innocently asked what "flamers and trolls" were. I guess now I know. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: hesperis Date: 03 Nov 00 - 12:38 AM So now we have the true origin of the concept of 'penis envy'! It was cooked up by a man who was afraid of losing his 'manly parts'! I'm sorry, I had to post... that story was just so cute! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 08:55 PM Kat, My friend took her little boy to the YMCA for swimming classes. It was coed and afterwards the children changed into dry clothes in the ladies locker room (2-4 year olds) before going home. For a full week her son walked around clinging frantically to his penis and would not stop no matter what she said. Finally she got him to talk about it. It seems he had seen the little girls in the locker and assumed that theirs had fallen off.He was terrified of suffering the same fate. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: harpgirl Date: 02 Nov 00 - 08:52 PM kat...you don't honestly believe that was me do you? It wasn't...I swear to you on the death bed of my next dying AIDS patient. I did start the World AIDS Day thread, however. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: katlaughing Date: 02 Nov 00 - 08:17 PM Harpgirl rides again! Sheesh, Abby, cut it out! My 4 year old grand-nephew wanted to make sure of his anatomical parts, so asked his mom if all boys had "a penis and balls like me?" She answered, "Yes." Then he asked, "What do girls have?" Before she could reply, he said, "Oh, I know! Girls just have hair!" Too bad that we still can't just let the flame-induced threads die quickly, eh? kat |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,Jon Date: 02 Nov 00 - 07:32 PM Sorry, Daddy, but:
Subject: RE: Bible question
Um, harpgirl, dearest, you have a right to be offended, but we also have a right to be
Subject: RE: Bible question
I also wonder, would you walk up to people discussing these topics at a folk venue |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Nov 00 - 07:11 PM JEri, while a troll it may be, I swear to you there are scholars that actually take this seriously. Why, I have no idea............ Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 07:00 PM Catalog, Tinker. I still have it. I'll let you know. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Jeri Date: 02 Nov 00 - 06:50 PM Either it was a troll, or a little kid asking. It's the sort of question a little kid would ask. The answer you would give a little kid is "Jesus was a man and most men have penises." I've got a few smart-ass answers I'll keep to myself. It's a real bitch when guest trolls only winding up trolling guests, who further troll. I sort of wonder if we have someone talking to themselves here. (Wouldn't be the first time.) It isn't as offensive as it is silly. And a bit desperate... |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Tinker Date: 02 Nov 00 - 06:49 PM Sins you made me laugh out loud. It was my converting to chocolate that first got me regular practice in coping with flame throwers.Fifteen years ago today the Mr.and I legally hooked up. Barely notice 'em anymore, well the blatent ones occaisionally get a down right belly laugh these days..... Tinker Where did you see the shirt? Catalog? Store? Can I get my hubby to scoure the city? |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Nov 00 - 06:38 PM Yeah BD and Sins........They took it real serious in that course too and like I said, who gives a hoot? This one may be a topic for the great minds but to me its both dumb and just another pot-stirrer. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 06:13 PM Thank you, Big Daddy. That's what I was trying to say but got caught up my own self righteousness. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: BigDaddy Date: 02 Nov 00 - 06:04 PM Whatever our personal beliefs, I don't see why anyone would want to begin a thread with such a title. Whether it's a "serious" thread or an attempt at humor, it's inappropriate. I'd be equally offended were the reference to Buddha, Mohammed, Confucius or any other revered spiritual leader. Come to think of it, I'd be offended no matter whose name was attached. I'm sure there are places out there where such wording might be considered funny or cute. I'd suggest that's a good place to stick it. I'm not a prude by any means and I'm not offended by any honest and open discussion of sex or religion; but I have been weary of middle-school "humor" since middle school. My congratulations and best wishes to all those who took this annoyance with good grace. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Lonesome EJ Date: 02 Nov 00 - 06:03 PM Wasn't it Christ Who said "there is no such thing as BAD publicity"? Come to think,might have been Pilate. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 05:10 PM C'mon Tinker. Join me and the mouse in an ice cream cone. We,re converting from vanilla to chocolate. Just remembered: I saw a great T-shirt called the Tinker with a picture of the Thinker with tools. Thought of you. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Tinker Date: 02 Nov 00 - 05:07 PM Well,I'm much more accustomed to being told I boarder on the heretical than the evangelical. Hey Praise, I brought up the mystics and you got the heat. Sorry. I still think it's just the bar going lower and lower in an attempt to prompt a real rage. When there has been so much already said through the ages, who would want to compete with the writings of Catherine and Julian anyway.... And all will be well:~>and all will be well:~>and all will be well:~> :~> :~> Tinker Catspaw--enjoyed the prayper doll... but it leaves this thread unanswered...LOL... |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: mousethief Date: 02 Nov 00 - 04:50 PM I'll try to convert you if you feel left out, Sinsull. Let's see, if you have Canadian and that's running at 66 cents American to the Canadian dollar -- just how much did you want to convert, by the way? No wait. I know the real problem. It's some temperature Celsius where you are and you want to know what that is in REAL degrees (Fahrenheit). I can do that conversion too. Actually the funny thing is, I've never seen Praise try to convert anybody. She is very vocal about her beliefs, but then again it's a free Internet and she has the right to say whatever she feels about her beliefs. But never have I ever seen her say, "you should become a Christian" or anything of the sort. Some people just need thicker skin, I'm thinking. If any Christian within 100 meters of you expressing anything about their faith seems to you like proselytization, you must be very insecure in your own faith (or lack thereof). Or maybe some people just hate to see others happy and at ease with their worldview? "I'm feeling existential Angst about metaphysics and so should you?" This seems to me to be the critics were feeling when Bob Dylan converted to Christianity (if that's what he did; he sure crowed like it, anyway). Or maybe there are just some people who can't live without bitching and moaning and complaining and raining on other people's parades. Or maybe I just need an ice cream cone. Yes, that seems more likely.
Alex |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 04:42 PM You are trying too hard, Jon. Not a word since June but now you're in an uproar over Praise. Very strange. She and I chat almost daily and she has never tried to convert me. What makes you so special? |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,Jon Date: 02 Nov 00 - 04:29 PM You find it offensive? As offensive as having to endure the born-again witnessing, proselytizing, and Mother ~Praise's Rescue Mission?? I think not. Hallay-freakin-looyah. Take it away, JEEzis. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,A Believer Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:38 PM I don't know how such a subject as this could ever come into someone's mind, much less degenerate into whether Mary the mother of Jesus could have conceived any other way except as the only miracle of its kind. I quote portions of Luke 1: -- After the angel told Mary she would conceive Jesus, v. 34 reads "And Mary said to the angel, 'How can this be, since I am a virgin?' v. 35 continues, "And the angel answered and said 'The Holy SPIRIT will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy offspring shall be called the Son of God.'" Putting it simply and plainly: the incarnation was accomplished by this creative act of the Holy Spirit in the body of Mary. This was a special miracle and miracles are not meant to be explained. And thank God for this miracle which was for the purpose of redemption of mankind!! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,Russ Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:32 PM Chalcedon (451 AD) " Following, then, the holy fathers, we unite in teaching all men to confess the one and only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. This selfsame one is perfect both in deity and in humanness; this selfsame one is also actually God and actually man, with a rational soul and a body. He is of the same reality as God as far as his deity is concerned and of the same reality as we ourselves as far as his humanness is concerned; thus like us in all respects, sin only excepted. www.iclnet.org/pub/resources/text/history/creeds.chalcedon.txt |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Irish sergeant Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:25 PM I always assumed, after flirting with several relions before converting to Catholocism, that if the bible didn't mention it. It wasn't important. However, being of the Jewish faith (Or at least, Mary was) Jesus went through bris like every other male child of his time and place. I was under the impression that he did have because I believe you couldn't be accorded status as a rabbi if you weren't "Whole". I haven't checked out Exodus lately and I am rather vague on the Jewish religion so my imformation may be wrong. If this isn't a serious threat asking a question for information, maybe we ought to back off these shoals. There are as pointed out a bove, people who don't necessarly have a sense of humor. I, personally think God does have a sense of humor. Hey, two words, duckbilled platypus! Hi Praise! Neil |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:14 PM ...uh, yeah................... I assume since the rituals of the Jewish religion extend that far back, that a Bris of some sort would have been in order. Back in college, I have vague memories of discussing this in one of my religion classes and while Dr. Holloway and others seemed to be quite serious about it, my thoughts were more like, "Who cares? You've got to be kidding." Come to think of it, those are still my thoughts. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:08 PM I always admired Mrs. Bobbitt's approach. Anaesthetize him with a bottle of Jack, whack it off, and toss it out a car window. Oh sorry guys - a different operation. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Matt_R Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:04 PM Smegma, or not to smegma? You make the call! |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: wysiwyg Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:03 PM Yes, but in some cases, surgery is such an attractive option to contemplate, eh? ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 03:03 PM Just remembered how the good sisters used to skirt the issue of circumcision claiming that it was the ceremony after the birth of a child where a woman would be blessed and allowed back into the Temple. She was "unclean" until then and could not leave her home. No mention of bris. Precocious little brat that I was, I pointed out that the Latin meant "cutting around". Ten "Our Fathers" and ten "Hail Marys". |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:43 PM We cross posted, Praise. To me, it is not a question of who can take it. It is a question of right or wrong. By the way, any idea of recovery time on an hemorrhoidectomy? Maybe Preparation H is the better route. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Kim C Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:40 PM I think Alex settled it with the verse from Luke. It stands to reason that since Jesus was supposed to live and suffer as a human bean, that He would have a little friend like everyone else. The Bible as we know it doesn't say so but I imagine He was tempted as a result of it, like everyone else. On the surface it seems like a ridiculous question, but me being an enquiring mind myself, I can understand it. I came up in the Southern Baptist church, and my elders did not care much for my enquiring mind. But God gave me it, and my inquisitiveness has got me out of trouble as much as it has ever got me into it, maybe more. And I firmly believe that the Father, Son and Holy Ghost all three have a very healthy sense of humor and do not mind a little good-natured ribbing once in awhile. If we laugh, and we are made in God's image, then He must laugh too. There are some verses in Proverbs about laughter but shame on me, right now I can't remember them. :D |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: wysiwyg Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:31 PM (It's OK, SINSULL. Jesus is tough. He can take it. He already did. The rest of us... aw, we're pretty tough too. You sweetie. ~Susan) |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: SINSULL Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:24 PM Guest Jon? June 4 to November 2 without a post and you choose to rejoin us with an insult to Praise's beliefs? Your "quip" is not only not witty, it is offensive. To anyone who chooses to continue this thread, please keep in mind that you are walking a very fine line between amusing some and genuinely hurting others. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: wysiwyg Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:12 PM Wha-hooo! They want me to talk about JAYSUS!!!! RIGHT after you tell me about your 200th hemorrhoidectomy, THAT'S when I'll talk about THIS aspect of our Lord, and me. (shaking her head, a slight smile escaping)... some people... ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: GUEST,Jon Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:03 PM It would be nice if we could get the input here of some of the people from the Bible thread. Praise's views on the joy of having Jesus inside you would be really interesting. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: Jim the Bart Date: 02 Nov 00 - 01:38 PM Wolfgang - thanks to the link to that site. I'm always looking for new insights and POV's. Bart,eschewing cheap attempts at humor, for once |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: mousethief Date: 02 Nov 00 - 01:23 PM On the contrary, you're a real prick. (JUST KIDDING!)
Alex |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: The Shambles Date: 02 Nov 00 - 01:13 PM Sorry. I did tackle this one a little half-cocked. |
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Subject: RE: Jesus' Penis From: mousethief Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:15 PM On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise him, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he had been conceived. (Luke 2:21)
Alex |
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