BS: Greatest Turd in American History...

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:19 PM

I don't think he'd even be able to enter Denny's.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 07:04 PM

Well, a 600 foot tall Jesus might create some problems in the restroom at Denny's...

Just a guess...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 01:30 PM

Strange shit, man.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:39 PM

josepp, if there was indeed such a place as hell...I expect you could find gainful employment there haraguing the damned with your views about religion and Jesus and related subjects of that sort, and generally making their lives quite miserable in so doing... ;-)

Inspired spiritual teachers are like teachers of any other kind. They experience all the same bodily processes that the rest of us do, and they are just as human as the rest of us. It is their less mature followers who turn them into superhuman idols after they are gone.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:37 PM

I seem to remember Woody Guthrie wrote a song, that's about the biggest turd that man has ever done.....

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: GUEST,josepp
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:30 PM

There was a punk band way back when called Tragic Mulatto (two horn players, a bassist and a drummer) who did a song called "900 Foot Jesus" ("899 feet just won't do"). Maybe they were making reference to Roberts.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:25 PM

Oral Roberts saw Jesus strolling around one time, and he was... whudeesay...600 feet tall?, so Jung may not have been far off the mark there.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: GUEST,josepp
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:25 PM

Come to think of it, shitting is a very important thing in Christian matters. Way back when in the early days of Christianity, the question of Jesus's divinity centered on his shit--or rather, whether he actually took one or not.

See, if he was really god then he is incorruptible meaning he didn't take a dump because corrupt and incorrupt cannot inhabit the same body. But others felt that he had to be human to suffer as he did at his scourging and crucifixion or he didn't pay for our sins by suffering for all of us. So, yes, he shit because he was made flesh and anything made flesh must shit.

Still others said, well, yes he shit BUT it was for appearances only. He really didn't have to shit. But still others said, well, the gospels show him eating and drinking so he couldn't have not shit or only shit for appearances. He'd have to shit if he ate and drank.

But one of the other camps answered by saying that he didn't have a digestive tract and so couldn't process anything he consumed. He ate for the sake of appearances. The food upon being swallowed went to a kind of never-never land as in never to be shat out. This Jesus was like a chocolate Easter bunny--looked good on the outside but hollow inside.

Still others wanted to know that if Jesus shit for appearances was it an optical illusion, a hynotic suggestion, what? If he made shit to appear, what was the shit made of? They answered that it was real shit but Jesus only made it to look human, he didn't have to make it if he didn't want to because he's god.

And so on. So being a good Christian is to talk a lot of shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:16 PM

Good Lord.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: GUEST,josepp
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 12:11 PM

As a boy, Carl Jung dreamed he saw God taking a shit so huge it fell on a cathedral and crushed it. No kidding, Jung supposedly dreamed this once.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 11:49 AM

You may be right, Bobert, that the tale has been exaggerated over the years. Still, I think it must have been quite an impressive turd, as turds go.

I still think ol' 'Zilla should have used the flaming breath/death ray instead. Think of the bad movies we'd have been spared of if he had.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 10:40 PM

I heard of that turd, LH, but it's legend has grown legs over the years... My Couzin Rufe was in on the clean up and said the thing weighed in at less than 5,000 pounds and they use one back hoe to clean it up... Took two hours...

But heck of a turd... I mean, 5,000 pounds ain't squat...

BTW, Godzilla only weighed about 15,000 pounds so for it to drop a million plus pound turd is a stretch... I mean, I heard of being full of shit but, nah, 1,000,000 pound turd??? Nah....

It's called colon-logistics...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 10:39 PM

My former employer.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 10:32 PM

Okay, I've given this some careful thought, and here's what I think about it.

Ahem!

The greatest turd in American history was dropped by Godzilla in a Hollywood backlot when they did one of the Godzilla films in the USA. He was attempting to get even with America for dropping those A-bombs on Japan back in '45. He tried to drop the turd in question on that idiot Roland Emmerich who produced the movies "Independence Day", "2012", "The Day After Tomorrow", "Godzilla 1998", "The Patriot", etc.

Every movie Roland Emmerich has ever directed has been simply godawful and terrible beyond belief, so I can understand why Godzilla tried to do away with him in that fashion. Unfortunately, though, he missed. Emmerich just barely escaped.

Too bad.

The turd in question weighted 1,282,000 pounds and was the size of a Boeing 727 fuselage. It took 25 earth movers 3 weeks to dispose of it, and the smell reached all the way to Oklahoma, causing a catastrophic drop in the value of real estate across a wide swath of America.

Next time, let's hope Godzilla uses his flaming atomic breath instead and vaporizes Roland Emmerich. Or he could just step on him. Whatever works.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Paul Burke
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 10:27 PM

Hey you have historyin America these days?

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 10:06 PM

Beer rocks and so do turds...

Ahhhh, no... Turds don't rock...

My bad...

Beer rocks...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 09:56 PM

pdq... why would you waste your time posting to this thread? Haven't you got more important shit to whine and complain about instead of attempting to act superior and grandstand in such a childish manner?

If you have something to contribute in an educational or humourous manner... do so. Otherwise, leave the sleeping rednecks lie. It ain't rocket science. It's just good manners.

Redneck translation on Friday night after a few beers : WHAT is YOUR problem?

There's another add-on to that. You figure it out.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 09:31 PM

Heck, seems that only the most retarded threads seem to interest anyone so...

..WTH???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: pdq
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 09:24 PM

Max bought a new server so we could have this?

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 09:03 PM

GWB called Karl Rove "Turd Blossom"...

But I don't think that make Rive the greatest turd in history... Close, perhaps...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: gnu
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 08:54 PM

You gotta ask? Here's a hint... GWB. Redneck, uneducated, rich boy, no mind, unfeeling, callous... and so on... turd. Turd is a complement for that piece a shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 08:48 PM

enuf....

(whassa matter Bill, no sense of humor? I guess not.)

Subject: RE: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: kendall
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 08:46 PM

Define turd.

Subject: BS: Greatest Turd in American History...
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 08:37 PM

Well???