BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: X
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 05:50 PM

You're welcomed; He and his wife, (girlfriend) Stephanie Powers were at their African ranch when it happened.

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Sep 02 - 04:51 PM

Thanks very much, Banjoest. I hadn't been able to think of his name until you posted. Now I can finally sleep tonight! *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: X
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 08:27 PM

SharonA:

You speak of William Holden.

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 05:37 PM

occasional tables are the worst. As Les Barker so famously put it - occasionally they are chairs (etc etc)

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 04:45 PM

Wasn't it a coffee table that tried to get Dubya earlier this year? We shouldn't malign these creatures, they have their uses... maybe next time the coffee table will win.... (although in Florida it already did).

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Giac
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 10:23 AM

A friend's daughter, son-in-law and small grandson lived with him for a time. All were sitting in the living room one evening when the toddler, ambling along, tripped and fell into the coffee table. Everyone consoled the child and talked about what a menace was a coffee table.

The next evening the scenario was repeated and the baby had a large lump on his forehead.

The grandfather, who had been nipping a bit, stood up, picked up the table and tossed it out the front door into the yard. Neighbors within eyesight peered through curtains as the wispy little man poured gasoline on the table and flung a match at it. As it raged, then burned to ashes, not one person, including the cop who lived directly across the street, came out to ask why.

In the neighborhood, the incident became known as the Fiery Death of Carl's G.D. Coffee Table.

~:o) Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:55 AM

Arrgh... I wish I could think of the actor's name... he was one of the 1950's teen-movie idols, and he died after falling in his home and hitting his head on his coffee table (I'm pretty sure that was the story). Does anyone else remember?

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 09:43 AM

They will get you for that kat

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 04:16 AM

LOL Kat!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 01:08 AM

katlaughing -- That was wonderful. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Sep 02 - 12:19 AM

They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.

In innocence, bladder-wracked
I sprang from my bed and ran
To the loo, the door just cracked,
I could see it, in reach, was almost there.

They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.

A sidle down the hallway
Hard edge stuck out in my path
Tangled legs will make me pay
For the folly that was mine that night.

They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.

Now, I am bound in plaster
Hobbling round, lights a'blazing
With crutches that have casters,
Crabby chair and table? Nailed down!

They only came out at night
Creepy, crawly on four legs
It was a terrible sight
Side-winding crabby chair and table.

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 11:25 PM

My latest black eye was from a run in with the vacuum Cleaner.

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 09:57 PM

All of this, of course, has been portrayed in the classic motion picture "Killer Coffee Tables From Outer Space". *G*

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 05:38 PM

JimmyT, Les Barker has written a poem about that very thing, the brown, hairy coconut bird.

Mooh - I'm not laughing, honest... a friend of mine recently wrenched his shoulder badly enough to need physio on it... When asked what he was doing went bright red and mumbled something about falling off someone.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: jimmyt
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 04:29 PM

I recently heard, although I can't remember the exact number, about the number of people worldwide who die each year from falling coconuts, and it much higher than the number of people killed by sharks. Just goes to show you that you are safer in the water than walking on the beach!

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Mooh
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 04:07 PM

Liz...I know! I once ruptured myself in my sleep by violently twisting in the sheets. It took a surgeon and a GP an eternity to set...um...things straight (I have kids to prove it). I sleep a little less athletically nowadays. I was alone, honest!

(I try not to remember this), Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 02:50 PM

When I was 15 the sofa jumped out and attacked me pushing me over onto the floor where I banged me knee. I went to hospital because I couldn't move it to find out that the damn sofa had aided the lounge floor in breaking my kneecap.....ouch!!!

Cat

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Sep 02 - 05:37 AM

Ah, the shin - a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Domestic animals put an astounding number of people into hospital every year too - I know, I was one of them! I fell over a dark cat in a dim corner and banged my head. Got 3 days with concussion for that one. And my new managers' wife has just got out of 8 weeks in plaster after falling over one of his cats.... again! And yes, it was the same leg. Not sure if it was the same cat, he has 2, I suspect they're taking turns.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: GUEST,Katlinel
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 11:15 PM

One musn't forget the vacume cleaners that lurk on the floor at night, eager to attack and break the toes of anyone stumbling to the potty at night...viscious little creatures. (They've bitten me twice--you'd think I would learn my lesson. *lol*)

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: X
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 07:04 PM

Do we need to put trigger locks on everything?

Subject: RE: BS: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Gareth
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 06:55 PM

Errr - how many folkies does it take to change a .....

X - where X = A + B + C

Proof

A = 1 to do the job

B = N to sing about how good the old ...... was

C = N to post on how the the 'Cat isnt up to its old standard.

Gareth - BG -

Subject: RE: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 06:11 PM

And let's not forget all those people who are injured by bed linen... there's a fair percentage of people who are put into hospital by the act of making a bed. Now you know why I don't do it. These duvets fight back you know!

LTS

Subject: RE: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 05:49 PM

Hey PT.....It's the little stuff that gets you everytime! A few years ago I read that one of the top reasons people got stitches at Emergency Rooms was from slicing bagels! True.....I'm not kidding! I had a friend who had a nasty one requiring about a dozen stitches from trying to slice the bagel with a butterknife!!! She was holding it in her hand and forcing the knife with so much pressure that she sliced through the skin at the base of the thumb.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: artbrooks
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 05:30 PM

Huuummm...are there statistics on the percentage caused by leaning back in swivel chairs while searching for the EXACT CORRECT next phrase for the paper you're writing?

Subject: RE: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 05:20 PM

PT, old buddy, I think you need to go back to your writing, the point just before you started getting silly, and rework that part!! LOL!!

I can assure you there are at least that many furniture related incidents not in the databases, due to misplaced masculine pride. These injuries were caused by highly volatile opinions about where chairs and pianos should be put; causing grievous harm to shoulders, atlas vertebrae, hip joints, and sacroiliacs in mature males between 35 and 65. Typical population was also white (57%), educated (74% were college graduates) and pussy-whpped (89%).

Oddly enough in 62% of the cases surveyed, the offending object was restored to its original position after it had finished its dastardly work. Investigators, working for insurance companies, are preparing position papers on the possibility that claims should be denied as intentionally perpetrated by spousal beneficiaries.

A

Subject: Coffee Tables That Kill!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 14 Sep 02 - 05:00 PM

Well, no, not really, but according to a 1985 article in Pediatric Emergency Care (1:184) by R. Ruddy et al, that analyzed 250,000 furniture related injuries in the U.S. during 1983, fully 25% of these were caused by coffee tables. Most of the victims were children who sustained lacerations on the head and face from the sharp edges. (from an article by Harold Morawitz).

yours, Peter T. (This is not related to Big Mick and his fight with the collapsing chair, the table was innocent, I tell you).