BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 11:41 PM

A quick way to finish the "Mudcat of the Rings" thread without leaving out any of the good parts...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: DonMeixner
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 10:04 PM

A brush to clear the lint from one's navel has always been the height of retched excess to me.

Don

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Allan Dennehy
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 08:09 PM

I have a beer glass holder for the mic. stand. The missis just bought me a screw on ashtray for the same. Now all I need is a bicycle bell and a headlight. When's Christmas coming again?

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: kendall
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 06:30 PM

I told my wife I'd like to have a screemer. What did I get?
A sweater.

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 06:08 PM

Uhhhhh....perhaps one more copy of Bronson.

A film of Blind Lemon Jefferson playing.

A film of Robert Johnson playing and singing. I know these things don't exist, but I can dream.

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everythin
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 03:39 PM

I used to drive a 1983 Fuck, but it wasn't the Screaming Orgasmic model. All it had was AM/FM radials, 5-speed cruise control, plush interior and got a lot of miles to the gallon.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: GUEST,Eddie Poobody will Pee for you
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 12:29 PM

Aww Gargoyle's just had a bad week. A few days ago he described the tune "Washington Square" with it's tenor banjo lead, as 'Bluegrass'. He'll feel better soon.

The old Banjo-joke

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 12:23 PM

Any Microsoft Product that is bug free. (not funny but it is a cheap present)

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Joe Offer
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 12:08 PM

A second copy of Bronson.
Then they can give me their old copy.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jan 03 - 02:16 AM

If the particular 'Catter is big, mean, violence-prone and passing through the Los Angeles area, you could always give them Gargoyle's real name and address so they could stop by and have a pleasant little chat with him.

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 11:20 PM

A grand screaming orgasmic FUCK!

Everyone can use a good FUCK!

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 10:04 PM

Penelope Rutledge's phone number? (Sorry, I don't have it.)

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Hollowfox
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 05:30 PM

'Spaw, you mean your weather forecast doesn't include brass statuary warnings? There used to be a dj on some Pittsburgh radio station who added them to certain weather forecasts a few years back.

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 04:46 PM

One of these, maybe?

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 01:22 PM

Yes Shields, and we have had that conversation before here, but as you can plainly see, the "primate" thing as you phrase it, also has truth.....Witness this....My Brass Monkey..........Nautical my ass!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Shields Folk
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 01:12 PM

I thought a "brass monkey" was a a nautical term and now't to do with certain primates?

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 12:36 PM

Interestingly enough, I had just mentioned elsewhere that it is so damn cold here that the balls had fallen off my brass monkey and the chimp was a goner. I summarily received the following from Brother Dave Swan who seems to have turned over my name and monkey situation to a friend in the business. His letter to me follows:

Dear Mr. Patterson,

Anent the recent misfortune of your monkey, we are pleased to offer another in our line of fine brass ornament maintenance products. As a past consumer of our line, we hope you will be able to make good use of our Barometrically Activated Lined Loins Cradle And Testicular/Crotch Heater, we call it BALLCATCH.

As the barometer falls, this supporter shaped device rises from its attractive brass base, gently engaging your monkey's manhood. The lined cup (available in Polarfleece, shearling, or ranch raised mink) gently insulates the entirety of your primate's privates until a high passes through, causing the cup to retract.

The exterior of the cup may be decorated with your house number, your favorite team's logo, or the Patterson family crest for a small additional charge.

110v power supply required for heater and deployment motors.

Please indicate your choice of sizes below:

Golden Tamarind Monkey: Our smallest, suitable for accountant, laywer, and folk music pedant monkeys, ie; Conrad Bladey.

Howler Monkey: Suitable for most folk singer monkeys (available with optional Neil Young attachment).

Oh My God Gorilla: Suitable only for the members(so to speak)of LFPS. We've found it takes balls to charge for what they do.

Best wishes

V.S. Deferenz
V.P. Marketing Dep't

I'm thinking of ordering the OMGG model........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everything
From: Mooh
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 12:21 PM

...a cutaway acoustic/electric resonator guitar and matching mandolin? I can dream, can't I?

Sigh, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everyt
From: Larkin
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 09:39 AM

Strong Antibiotics!

Subject: BS: What to give the 'Catter who has everyt
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 18 Jan 03 - 09:25 AM

One of the problems of living in Ascot is we get mailshots from people who overestimate our affluence.
This week we got one from a silverware company. Among the delights in their catalogue, now safely in the recycling box, were: silver tops to replace the plastic ones on your Marmite pot and silver holders for your brown sauce and ketchup bottles. Very Hyacinth Bouquet/Martha Stewart!

RtS
(form an orderly queue, don't all rush at once!)