BS: Wanna Buy A House?

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: GUEST,Seaking
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 06:07 PM

A few carefully positioned rat-traps around the house would do it for me..

Try some reverse psychology. Keep the rooms dark, don't put the coffee percolator on just before viewers arrive and get rid of any fresh flowers around the house. Don't make the beds and definitely do not open the windows in the bathroom.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: 42
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 07:07 AM

just start running the microwave everytime a potential buyer comes around. they won't stay long.

j

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 04:53 AM

Leeve a few dead bodies scattered about the place.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Raptor
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 07:30 PM

I could demand $650,000 in Canadian Tire Money!

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: M.Ted
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 07:26 PM

Just don't sell it. When they offer you money, say, "No." If they offer more, say,"No!!!". If they offer you even more, say "No!!!!" Pretty soon, they will either get tired or just plain run out of money.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 07:08 PM

Of course you could just stick the asking price so high that no one would dream of buying it - and high enough so that, if some nut came along and offered it, you might even be tempted.   Or would that involve some kind of breach of contract with the Estate Agent?

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 07:00 PM

Paint 'Helter Skelter' on the wall in dark red or black, then repaint over it lightly so you can still read it.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 06:38 PM

Get a piece of chair rail or some other molding (moulding in UK and and elsewhere). Bang it around until it's all dented and chipped. Run a brush of paint (white is okay) up the wood, painting it heavy in some spots and light in others. Sort of measure the wall and sort of cut the molding to length. Nail it up on the wall, but don't worry about it being level.

Go all gushy over the work like that that's been done on the house, "why s/he even did the wiring his/her self!"

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: LadyJean
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 12:06 AM

My crazy neighbors are driving me insane. I'm honestly looking for a house.
Come to that, crazy neighbors would probably scare any potential buyers away. Have you got any? Could you rent some?

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 08:23 PM

drawa chalk outline of a body on the floor.
and write "I'll be back" (in blood) on the wall.

you dont actually have to accept any offers that are made
it will certainly give you an Idea how much you can get for the house.

talking about houses, after living in ours for almost 2 years,
my wife and I uncovered some wall paneling in the basement and found a
door (nailed shut) leading to a room we never even knew about.
(its actually more like a 4x5x20 crawlspace but there were some interesting things (besides garbage) lying about. The newspapers around the floor date to 1959.
petr

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 12:28 AM

Get a neighbor to come outside wearing a Hell's Angels jacket. (Make sure no true Hell's Angels are in the vicinity to object to an imposter.)

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 12 Apr 04 - 03:22 PM

I had a friend who used to be called in by other friends when they were interviewing prospective flat-sharers.

"John likes Wagner, don't you, John?" they'd say if they didn't like the look of the prospect, and John, wild-haired, wild-eyed and wild-bearded, would nod and grunt. "Uh-huh. LOUD Wagner's best."

Maybe you could import a "neighbour" - "This is my neighbour Merv. He's part of the local Wagner association."

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Amergin
Date: 12 Apr 04 - 09:40 AM

Just sit there and drool...don't respond to anything...just drool.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 04 - 09:35 AM

Make sure to tell people, often and loudly, that there are NO liens against the property, nope, none at all, and that ALL of the Indian Land claims were settled years and years and years ago.

Or just sigh heavily and go on and on and on about how hard it is to settle water rights disputes in court these days and how you long for the old times when such things were settled with a six-gun.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 11:07 PM

Hah, I almost suggested the Indian Burial Ground thing!

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: bflat
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 11:04 PM

If it's fun you want over just removing it from sale, than bring some animals or fowl, as in turkeys or skunks (deflowered, but keep that to yourself, not your usual domesticated cat or dog, into the home. Give them a dedicated space and let them act naturally. Sure to disturb any potential buyers.

Ellen

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Raptor
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 06:34 PM

I always knew I could just take it off the market! But thats not as much fun!

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 04:43 PM

Take a 1/4" drill bit and drill holes to form a large "VR" or "ER" in the wallboard of some room. Tell those who ask that, like Sherlock Holmes, you were engaged in patriotic pistol practice.

Or drill several holes reasonably close together and let some reddish-brown paint dribble down from them. When people ask, change the subject.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 03:32 PM

Well, now that you have3 found that you can take the house of the market I guess it's a mute point, however...

... in the future should you find yerself in a similar situation that you can't get out of...

... PM Spawzer.......

See where I'm going with this?

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 02:59 PM

Oh, yeah! ... and start singing some murder ballads from the DT....

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 11 Apr 04 - 02:31 PM

Do one of the bedrooms up shrine style then when you get to that room act upset and say you kept it like that since the day when ...make excuses not to talk about it but then when you get to the cellar or large cupboard make sure its locked and look shifty when trying to find the lost key!

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 09:21 PM

Leave a few wrecked cars and some shopping trolleys (plus and old fridge) in the front garden.

Have a nice loud recording of someone practicing on a drum kit and blame it on the neighbours kids.

Buy some fresh durian, a tasty fruit that when opened smells like a sewer, and leave it in the kitchen, or get some well fermented kimchi, a rather delicious but smelly pickle made of fermented white cabbage, garlic and chillies, and leave that in the kitchen too.

A Chiniese alternative would be fermented dofu (tofu) which when fried in oil smell a lot like horse pee.

Come to think of it then invite the viewers to stay for dinner!

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 07:11 PM

Just take it off the market. Happens all the time. Tell the real estate agent that the new job fell through and you won't be moving to Destruction Bay after all.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Raptor
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 07:11 PM

Theres no problem Just taking it off the market. I just thought I'd have some fun! Such as: telling the buyers that you can't hardly tell that it used to be an "Indian Burriel Ground".

Raptor

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 06:45 PM

Actually, you could get a friend to give you Earnest Money, say, $500 in check form...to take it off the market for 3 mos. You don't cash the check, friend gets it back, and you don't have to move, show the house or make up lies.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 06:28 PM

Be there when they come, of course. Then leer suggestively as they tour the bedroom and say, "Can I come look at YOUR house now too?"

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 05:50 PM

Serriously, though, surely your agent will not raise a kafluffle if you say you want to take the house off the market?? Tell him you will come back to him if you change your mind. That's all he's concerned about.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Oaklet
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 05:44 PM

Just as they get comfy, start to leaf through several voluminous swatches of human skin and try to get their agreement that coffee, made from roasted human remains, is much better than instant.

If that fails, play the banjo.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 03:47 PM

What will it cost you if you just change your mind and un-list it? How much will these suggested antics cost you to make your house unlivable for you and anyone else who might look at it? How do these numbers compare?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 03:47 PM

Be unavailable when time comes to show the house, and unwilling to let anyone be in the house without your presence. At any time of the day or night that it might be requested.

Actually, I don't know what kind of listing contract you signed, but can't you just announce that it's been taken off the market? Or is there a penalty clause in the contract or something?

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 03:46 PM

Get rid of the litter box and tell the cats to pee in the corners.:-)

Seriously, any way that you can break the contract without a penalty?

Play up why you want to move, ala weird neighbours, as noted above, tell them they are snake-handling evangelists....tell them Paw, Cletus and the Reg boys are living in the basement and Spaw is on his way.:-)

FWIW, I've alway heard that it is best not to make any major life changes, i.e. move, within the first year of the loss of a loved one, either through transition or divorce, so it's good you've decided to stay.:-)

Good luck!

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 03:41 PM

Sound evasive if prospective buyers ask you what the neighbours are like or whether it's a quiet area.

Spend the whole time scratching and make comments like 'I hate being allergic to flea bites'.

Leave out brochures from underpinning firms.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 03:34 PM

Needs a little TLC   Torching Leveling and Carting away

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 03:23 PM

Don't fry onions. That's one of the tactics suggested by real estate agents for making a house more sellable.

Cram the rooms with as much furniture and junk as you can. That'll make the rooms look small. Paint the rooms in ghastly colors. Put some old clothes or rags in a plastic garbage bag and wet them down. Then close up the bag until the clothes start to stink from mildew. Then open the bag just enough to let some of the mildew smell out. Keep the contents of the bag just wet enough to keep the mildew stink alive. (You might want to use an air filter while you're home alone so that you don't get sick from the mildew.) The smell of mildew will suggest the presence of hidden leaks in the roof or someplace like that.

See if you can get your neighbors to let someone you know who owns a motorcycle spend some time revving it up in your neighbor's driveway, making it look like you have noisy neighbors.

Good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 02:55 PM

Keep cooking cabbage, and frying onions.
John

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 02:27 PM

Do you like mice? Roaches? Bats?

Subject: RE: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: dianavan
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 02:26 PM

Blame it on the neighbors.

Subject: BS: Wanna Buy A House?
From: Raptor
Date: 10 Apr 04 - 02:25 PM

I have put my house on the market thinking I might move but I've decided to stay. I've signed on with my real estate agent for 3 months. so Little Hawk and I were discussing ways to sell this house so anyone in thier right mind would run away and not buy it. Such as:
"I'd stay in this lovely house if I thought the roof would not cave in soon" Or:
"Haunted Houses hardly bother my but for the Bleeding walls"

What would you say to someone you didn't want to buy your house?

Raptor