BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 05:10 AM

THis is a deeply touching thread.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 18 Feb 05 - 05:01 AM

I am suddenly shy.
Am I emmitting some kind of pheromones into the abyss?
I love ya but I gotta leave ya. It's late, I'm feeling a little toasty and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with a love I've never felt before. I might have to go off and talk to myself about this before I can say anymore.
I might have to go off and imagine a wiener connected to a body that has recently been unconnected from a..ah..another body that was dearly and definitly 'nearly' connected to a...ah..wiener.
Shiney, it looks like you might have hooked up already-go for it baby.
Sheney-You still dazzle me.








P.S. I think we all have some connection- We MOABiteS can look at the spelling and know it's family shit going on around here.(smile, grin, chuckle, laugh, fart)

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: GUEST,Sheney Knause
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 03:18 PM

Dear Rustic Rebel,

I apologize for the intrusion my brother has made into your private life. You see, among his other numerous faults, my brother is a pathological liar and borderline paranoid schizophrenic.

Yes, it is true that my brother and I were conjoined twins and, yes, his nose was attached to my posterior. But it was he who derived enjoyment from the situation, not I. I often suggested an operation to separate us but Shiney rejected my overtures until I finally had to put my foot down a few months ago and insist. His claims of mistreatment at my hands are totally groundless as it was he who continually sabatoged all my efforts toward better lives for both of us.

Furthermore, I am not a disciple of Baba Bahnahna Dakree. I was merely hired as a consultant by the ashram. Yes, it is true that the Baba's adherents do follow him around with their noses stuck in his butt-crack, but the Baba, being relatively new to the guru business, was having a hard time adjusting to being the recipient of adulation in such an odd form. When the management of the ashram learned that I had been followed around by a flatulence-sniffing parasite of a brother for some forty years, they immediately offered me a hefty sum if I would merely coach the Baba in how to graciously receive such an odd honor.

Also, my brother's comparison of his manhood to a kielbasa and my own to a Vienna sausage is outright prevarication. My organ is of perfectly normal dimensions, though I would never be so callous as to measure it and state the result. And, as my brother and I are identical twins, you can rest assured that his is the same size. Well, actually, I should say was the same size. You see, when they performed the operation to separate us, things did not go very well for Shiney's nose. In fact, he had no nose at all when the surgery was completed. And, as no nose donor was available, the doctors did the best they could with what they had at hand, so to speak.

Again, I apologize for my brother's forwardness. Perhaps I can make up for his rudenes by extending an invitation to accompany me to dinner and a performance of "La Boheme" next Friday evening. Please signal your acceptance via return post.

Thank you,

Sheney A. Knause

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: GUEST,Shiney Knause
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:45 PM

Dear Rusty,

Hear's th' ansers t' yore questchuns:

1. Will we raise nightcrawlers or worms for our living?
Wigglers. Nitecrawlers is too soft. Wigglers stays on th' hook better.

2. Will you promise to paint the trailer every 15 years if it needs it or not?
I'll do better thun thet. I'll slap a coat uh CoolCoat on it ebver uther year.

3. Will you grow the potatos and corn and keep the still in sanitary and good operating order?
Not only th' still, but th' Meth lab too!

4. Will you promise to make me laugh everyday by doing a chicken dance with the roosters barenaked?
I awreddy duz thet ebver day.

5. Will you tell me about your manhood and is your brothers bigger?
Well, mine looks sorta like whatchacall a Keelbasa. Sheney's, it sorta looks like a Vyannee sausage.

6. Will you brush your teeth at least once a week?
Don' need to. I puts 'em in thet Poleedent stuff ebver nite.

7. Will you cry with me when I'm sad, laugh with me when I'm happy, warm me when I'm cold, feed me when I'm hungry, and love me when I'm horny?
Th' las' one.

8. Can we have rocking chairs on the porch and drink home-made wine, wrestle in the lawn and eat monkey and swine?
Shore. But I ain't nebver et no monkey. You know how t' cook it?

9. Do you expect me to make you a cambric shirt?
No. Dunno whut it iz so how'm I s'posed t' 'spect ya t' meck one?

10. Will you plan spontaneous trips to places unknown and swim with the beavers, ride the camels and ostriches, climb in the trees of Borneo with the orangutan, sleep with the rhinos , catpult with the eagles, and play accordion with the orchestra?
Dunno, but we sho' nuff kin swim wif th' water mocassins, go muddin' in th' 4WD, sleep wif th' pit bulls an' pick th' banjer on th' back porch.

Lubv,

Shiney

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: GUEST,Rusty Krebill
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 11:37 AM

My sweet dear boy Shiney,

Has smelling your brothers butt so long got your brain all poo-pooed? Don't you understand that the harmony of marriage cannot be sanctified without love and unity. You propose marriage to me without even a statement of the size of your wiggler and think I will marry you.

Let me make a proposal to you first, my sweet dear; answer my questions and let me consider your proposal.
1. Will we raise nightcrawlers or worms for our living?
2. Will you promise to paint the trailer every 15 years if it needs it or not?
3. Will you grow the potatos and corn and keep the still in sanitary and good operating order?
4. Will you promise to make me laugh everyday by doing a chicken dance with the roosters barenaked?
5. Will you tell me about your manhood and is your brothers bigger?
6. Will you brush your teeth at least once a week?
7. Will you cry with me when I'm sad, laugh with me when I'm happy, warm me when I'm cold, feed me when I'm hungry, and love me when I'm horny?
8. Can we have rocking chairs on the porch and drink home-made wine, wrestle in the lawn and eat monkey and swine?
9. Do you expect me to make you a cambric shirt?
10. Will you plan spontaneous trips to places unknown and swim with the beavers, ride the camels and ostriches, climb in the trees of Borneo with the orangutan, sleep with the rhinos , catpult with the eagles, and play accordion with the orchestra?

My Sweet-Shiney, Answer me these questions and I'll let you know if you have my love forever.
Yours truly, Rusty Krebill

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 09:41 AM

Shiney spells just like he talks. He cain't help it.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 08:56 AM

Ah'm jist one nice feller, Amos. Allus willin' ta help out a pal. Ya need a date?

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 05:18 AM

That kind of screwed up spelling is so hard to decypher I just pass it by.

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 04:36 AM

Bad joke time....

If a husband and wife in Alabamy get divorced, can they still stay brother and sister?

Sorry......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 05 - 12:15 AM

Rapaire....thet were mighty nice ov yew to make that offer to Mistuh Knause.

I dunno noone by the name RUsty in these parts but I do feel a little Rusty once in a while...sometimes I wake up muttering "Oil...can... Oil...can..." in mah sleep, AH dunno why, IS thet related, you reckon?

Mebbe like ole Bee DubyaEll kin explicate this matter fer me? Ya think?


A

Subject: RE: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 09:37 PM

Shiney, you are one romantic son of a gun, ya know? Iffen RR don't marry ya, I know a couple of girls here in Idaho that'd do ya.

Subject: BS: Yet Annuther Mudcat Weddin'
From: GUEST,Shiney Knause
Date: 16 Feb 05 - 06:37 PM

Howdy, all ya'll Mudcattin' fokes! Summa ya'll knows me awready, but mosta ya prolly don't. My name iz Shiney Knause. Thet's pernounced Shine-nee Kuhnowse. Do not cernfuse me wid Sheney Knause. He iz my bruther. We iz not th' same person.

A cuppla year ago me an' my bruther vizited summa ya'll fokes over t' thet Muther Obv All BS Freds an' my bruther Sheney taken a reel big likin' t' thet gal ya'll call Rusty Krebill. Well, it din't do Sheney much good t' go likin' thet gal so much 'cause they weren't nuffin' gonna come of it nohow. Ya see, me an' Sheney wuz borned whatchacall "conjoineded twins". My nose wuz conjoinded t' my bruther Sheney's butt-crack. It were kinda hard fer eether obv us t' habv whatchacall a normal social life. We din't habv no girlfrien's er nuffin' lack thet. Oh, ever now an' then we'd go inta town an' pay this ol' gal t' teck care uh our manly urges fer us. She were alwayz glad t' see us 'cause she got payed twicet an' she charged us extree on accounta we wuz freaks.

Anyways, a few month ago me an' Sheney finely got us a operation whut sepprated my nose frum his butt-crack. Since then, me an Sheney bin workin' reel hard tryin' t' save up enuff moneys t' move away frum eech uther. Ya see, when you's libved yer whole life wif yer nose stuck t' sumbuddy's butt-crack an' then ya finely gits sepprated, th' las' thang inna wurld you wanna see is any more obv thet sumbitch. I wuz workin' two jobs tryin' t' save up ennuff moneys t' move t' Califurnia.

But then my bruther Sheney went an' joineded up widda buncha hippy fokes whut lives over t' this place they calls a ashram. They gots this guru feller obver there name uh Baba Bahnahna Dakree an' all 'em hippy fokes follers him aroun' wif they noses stuck t' his butt-crack. I reckon my bruther habv done gone sorta nutso an' he reckons walkin' 'roun' wid his nose in ol' Baba's butt-crack is a way obv whatchacall doin' penence fer all th' times I hadda smell hiz farts.

Anyways, now thet my bruther Sheney habv joinded thet ashram an' seems t' be reel happy 'bout it, I don' need t' move t' Califurnia no more. So I wuz wunnerin' whut t' do wid all them moneys I'z saved up when I remembered ol' Rusty Krebill thet Sheney wuz so sweet on. So, I habv decided thet I shud ax Rusty if she mite wanna git married. I knows she's a randy ol' gal, alwayz runnin' 'roun' nekkid an' dancin' on tables an' such, an' since me an' Sheney got sepprated my manly urges habz bin a whole bunch more manlier than whut they useta be. I yam shore I cud keep a wumman lack Rusty satisfied.

So, Rusty, whatta ya say? If'n you say "yes" I'll cleen up th' trailer reel good an' call Bubba's Wrecker Service t' come git all th' ol' cars outta th' yard.

Lubv,

Yore Shiney


PS: I hope it were okay t' perpose t' you in a fred lack this. It were' th' onliest way I cud thank obv t' do it 'cause I don' habv yore fone nummer or emale.

PPS: Ya mite wanna sen' me summa yore ol' shoes er sumfin' so's I kin git th' dawgs useta yore smell bein' 'roun'. If Brownie latches holda yore leg they ain't no gittin' him loose.