BS: Cat farts.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Peter T.
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 06:17 PM

Caitrin, you have now totally ruined Robert Frost's lovely poem for me!!!! (Whose woods, these are, I think I know -- cha, cha, dip). yours, Peter T. (laughing hysterically). (Some say, the world, will end in fire, cha, cha, dip....)

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Caitrin
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 06:23 PM

I've created a monster. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From:
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 06:52 PM

Todays piece of utterly useless information !!!
FART in the scandinavian languages means PLATE.
SO why has the cat got more than one plate(dish)?
Asks he with stupid grin!

John.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 11:35 PM

In French, the word for fart is pet - hence Le Petomaine, I suppose, but it brings a whole new meaning to giving the cat a pet - as if he needs more....

Then there would be that group the Pet Shop boys.

Which means that there are shops where you can buy pets.

And heavy petting would be way out there with the other no-nos...

Sorry, but it is actually 4.30am real time, and I'm startng to get silly.... ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Oh, and cul de sac literally means 'arse of bag'...... Thanks Aud!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Bert
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 03:00 PM

Well to get back to the original problem, They've been on Cat's Choice from Sam's warehouse for a few days now and the odorous eminations are consirably reduced. Thanks for your help, everyone, in resolving this most disturbing problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Áine
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 03:32 PM

Dearest Bert (my favorite WTB),

I cannot believe that you've reopened this thread -- Although, it has to rank (pardon the pun) among the Mudcat classics, I'm sure! Is this just an excuse for you to sing The Compleat Cat Farts Theme Song on the next edition of Mudcat Radio?

Back on topic -- careful, don't slip ;-) -- we changed over to Purina Cat Chow Special Formula (the one for older cats with urinary tract issues) and the house is definitely smelling less like a pissoir/abatoir now.

Now, if we could just do something about the dog's emissions -- he's on a reduced calorie dry food and refuses to eat it very much -- he ends up stealing bits and pieces off the table and has even gotten into the garbage once or twice. And this is not a puppy, but an 8-year old who knows better than this!

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Lynn T
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 03:54 PM

There is a "proper" French version of Jabberwocky, as well as a Latin version; I remember calligraphing Jaseroque for my elder brother about 25 years ago. It runs (and actually makes a fair amount of sense in French) as follows:

Jaseroque

Il brilgue: les tôves lubricilleux Se gyrent en vrillant dans le guave. Enmîmés sont les gougebosqueux Et le mômerade horsgrave.

<>

Son glaive vorpal en main, il va- T-à la recherche du fauve manscant; Puis arrivé à l'arbre Té-té, Il y reste, réfléchussant.

Pendant qu'il pense, tout uffusé, Le Jaseroque, à l'oeil flambant, Vient siblant par le bois tullegeais, Et burbule en venant.

Un deux, un deux, par le milieu, Le glaive vorpal fait pat-à-pan! La bête défaite, avec sa tête, Il rentre gallomphant.

<> Il cortule dans sa joie.

Il brilgue: les tôves lubricilleux Se gyrent en vrillant dans le guave. Enmîmés sont les gougebosqueux Et le mômerade horsgave.

My cats aren't gassy - they just have bad breath when they get fish too often. Dad's Low-Ash Gourmet dry catfood does it for them, plus a slice of Velveeta each day for the geriatric 18-year-old calico.

Lynn

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From:
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:24 PM

The smog comes in in little cat farts,
And then fouls Mudcat's Forum,
And then lingers on,
and on,
and on.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Áine
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:41 PM

Dear Anonymous,

Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words shall never hurt me. (And they're so much easier to just ignore)

And, just in case you didn't get that last bit, it was a double-entendre.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Bert
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 04:45 PM

GOT 'IM hee hee

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 10:09 PM

"Who fouls this forum, I think I know
His real name in unknown, though.
Through Mudcat village he doth lurk,
And spreads unrest like flakes of snow.

Our little group must think it queer,
That one so bright should,year by year,
Complain so much, yet stay around,
Though other sites are mouse-click near..."

...etc....etc...apologies to Bobby Frost

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Dec 99 - 02:35 AM

Who would have thought one small white and ginger cat could have caused so much.

The answer to my problem is: Don't let the SO go shopping for catfood again!! 'Twas he bought the cheapo stuff that resulted in the malodourous bum episode. Back on the middle price range stuff now, and life is a little less fragrant. Just have to stop him sleeping in the bread bin now....

Thank you one and (mostly) all!

And for dogs - charcoal biscuits work a treat. Don't feed them to it, stuff 'em up his bum!! HA HA HA (mad maniacal laughter)

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Dec 99 - 07:21 AM

Sounds like a solution to the problem to me Squeaks. Good job.....So what have you come up with for your unwanted chest hair?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 01 Dec 99 - 07:55 AM

Catspaw, I find, a nice hot shower gets rid of all that unwanted chest hair. Although, I guess a lint brush would do.

BB

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Dec 99 - 08:00 AM

I dunno BB....I think Squeak's problem may be more deep rooted than that, so to speak.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Dec 99 - 02:19 PM

I DO NOT HAVE A HAIRY CHEST, DO YOU REALLY NEED TO SEE THE PICTURES TO PROVE IT???

It's like how do you get rid of unwanted pubic hair?

Clean your teeth....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Stewie
Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:19 AM

This may be of interest. I stumbled upon it as a link from a jazz/blues lyrics site. It seems to be exhaustive on the subject - it includes a section on animal farts, reading lists, a treasury of childhood fartlore, definitive dictionary of words for 'fart' etc.

click here

In case the clicky thing doesn't work the URL is:

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

--Stewie.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Banjer
Date: 16 Feb 00 - 04:36 AM

Gotta go there!!! What an encyclopedia...Everything you ever wanted to know but were afraid to ask! Link doesn't seem to work, but copy and paste the URL.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: GUEST,Bud Savoie
Date: 16 Feb 00 - 07:10 AM

I have to get a life. I can't believe I just read the entire thread on cat farts.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 00 - 09:33 AM

Bud, I hear you loud and clear...I just read it my ownself. Sheeshe, what a ripe lot!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Feb 00 - 01:31 PM

It's alright for you, I have to live with the above mentioned animal and HE'S STILL DOING IT.... especially after a prolonged visit to the vet!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 00 - 02:33 PM

LTS -- is he trying to tell you something?

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: BlueJay
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 01:58 PM

Just got a cat last week- nobody told me they farted. Poor thing meowed at all the neighbors doors for a couple of days before I determined she didn't belong to anyone in the area. Not even full grown, she's really mellow, (my three year old uses her for a necklace), she was dehydrated and starving, so we took her in. It may sound ridiculous, but we got a dog the next day- we'd been planning that. But the dog farts too. Do you think they're marking their territory? A defensive mechanism perhaps. They seem to tolerate each other fairly well. Oh, well it's nice to have an understanding landlord, (originally was no pets, due to neglected Rottweilers). And it's really great to have PETS back in our lives: Sea Monkeys just don't cut it. I was thinking of an alligator, but after reading this thread...

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: BlueJay
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 02:04 PM

Oh yeah- The cat shit in my shoe. Is there any signifigance to that? She knows how to use the litter box.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Metchosin
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 02:09 PM

And I read the whole tome on the fart link too, even stooping so low as to copy the Farter from Sparta! Jeesh, whats happened to me? But I'm sure some wag will be able to come up with a tune for it. (in keepin with the prime directive)

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 04:03 PM

In all seriousness, flautulence usually has to do with diet,esp. in dogs. Table scraps should be a no no, and also high fat pet foods. Read the label on what you are feeding, and try to find something with less fat. Some animals are sensitive to specific things, just like humans. It could be horse meat that is causing the problem. Try to switch to a dry, urinary tract diet, but cats are notorious for not wanting to switch brands. Rawhide dog chews also cause this problem, and will swell in the gut and cause intestinal blockages. I give a high desity "baked bone" to my dogs. These are real bones that have been pressure treated so as not to splinter.
Sorcha,not a vet

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 09:50 PM

Avoid cheap cat food, don't let them eat brocolli, even though mine will grab it off your plate or, in one case, off the fork halfway to your mouth!

And watch out, there are some very nasty and largely UNPUBLICISED viruses out there, including a feline immuno deficiency virus, known as FIV, and related to the HIV virus but not transferrable to humans. It is VERY transferrable in cats, usually one or two good deep bites will do it.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Troll
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:03 PM

To the tune of "Hot dogs, Armour hot dogs..."

Cat farts! Smelly cat farts! What kind of cats let smelly cat farts?

Fat cats, thin cats, cats both owned and strayed;

Mixed breeds, pedigreeds, even cats who have been spayed let

Cat farts! Stinkin' cat farts!

That last and last all night.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:26 PM

Also, Feline Infectious Peritonitis, aka FIP, also non transferable to humans, but DEATH to a Cattery!

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Pelrad
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:41 PM

Blue Jay, the cat shat in your SHOE?! Geez, mine have the good manners to hide it in the laundry pile. ;-)

In the cases of both your cat and your dog, the cause of flatulence is probably a change in diet. It doesn't even matter if you are feeding them top of the line, break the bank food like Kat gives hers; if they are eating different food this week than they were last week, they're going to be stinky for a while.

As for the shitty shoe...Was her box accessible and clean? Mine go where they please when the box gets full. Otherwise, I don't know; maybe the message was "Thanks for taking me in and giving me a lovely new home. Allow me to make your shoes more comfortable."

Our cats have no flatulence problem unless they are eating cheap food, especially the canned variety (which also causes them to emit deathlumps in the litter box). Sometimes if we have switched from one brand to another they get stinky. They do fine on Purina ProPlan or the brand called 365, which we pick up for very little money in the local health food store ($1.99 for 4 pounds!). They do eat a lot less of the 365 than the tastier ProPlan, but they are beautifully healthy on both.

Not that anyone cares, but it will make me happy to tell you that we have four kitties; Houdini is 10 and the newest addition (black cat, green eyes, total wimp with gorgeous siamese-shaped face. quite the yowler; he came with the house we just moved into), Lydia is our first kitty (tortoise-shell calico with yellow eyes and a half yellow-tiger and half black-tiger face, part Siamese by the sound of her, total lovey; 5 years old this coming April), ZZ the former mama cat was rescued from negligent neighbors after five litters of babies (white with black tiger splotches all over her, also a half-and-half face and green eyes and bunny-like fur - probably from consuming so many of them...She turned 5 in October but had all her babies before she was 3), and Gilbert (grey tiger with spots instead of stripes, green eyes; totally timid but hounds his chosen person -me- half to death, he turned 2 in June). Whew, I feel better now. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Pelrad
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 10:41 PM

Blue Jay, the cat shat in your SHOE?! Geez, mine have the good manners to hide it in the laundry pile. ;-)

In the cases of both your cat and your dog, the cause of flatulence is probably a change in diet. It doesn't even matter if you are feeding them top of the line, break the bank food like Kat gives hers; if they are eating different food this week than they were last week, they're going to be stinky for a while.

As for the shitty shoe...Was her box accessible and clean? Mine go where they please when the box gets full. Otherwise, I don't know; maybe the message was "Thanks for taking me in and giving me a lovely new home. Allow me to make your shoes more comfortable."

Our cats have no flatulence problem unless they are eating cheap food, especially the canned variety (which also causes them to emit deathlumps in the litter box). Sometimes if we have switched from one brand to another they get stinky. They do fine on Purina ProPlan or the brand called 365, which we pick up for very little money in the local health food store ($1.99 for 4 pounds!). They do eat a lot less of the 365 than the tastier ProPlan, but they are beautifully healthy on both.

Not that anyone cares, but it will make me happy to tell you that we have four kitties; Houdini is 10 and the newest addition (black cat, green eyes, total wimp with gorgeous siamese-shaped face. quite the yowler; he came with the house we just moved into), Lydia is our first kitty (tortoise-shell calico with yellow eyes and a half yellow-tiger and half black-tiger face, part Siamese by the sound of her, total lovey; 5 years old this coming April), ZZ the former mama cat was rescued from negligent neighbors after five litters of babies (white with black tiger splotches all over her, also a half-and-half face and green eyes and bunny-like fur - probably from consuming so many of them...She turned 5 in October but had all her babies before she was 3), and Gilbert (grey tiger with spots instead of stripes, green eyes; totally timid but hounds his chosen person -me- half to death, he turned 2 in June). Whew, I feel better now. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Áine
Date: 17 Feb 00 - 11:05 PM

Ah, ain't it nice that all you newbies are carrying on a great Mudcat tradition!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 25 Feb 00 - 02:25 PM

I dunno...I think it's just part of the infamous cat mystique--my three are all selective about timing, it seems to me.

And here's my list of Furry Children: Bat (small fierce black short-hair with amber eyes, pointy batlike face, and evil disposition--master serial killer of small shrieking things), Lonnie Sue Chaney (gray and brown tabby klutz--the only truly clumsy cat I've ever been owned by--has an incredible raccoon tail), and Bela Bruce Lugosi (gray tiger with a loving disposition for humans, a razor-sharp temper for her brothers, and is an avid proponent of decorating with body parts, particularly the living room right after I clean it). Oh, yeah, and our poor little poodle Woof, who TRIES to make the damned cats mind, but they just WILL NOT cooperate. I love being a work-at-home Mom to this crew; the only problem is, some days I speak more dog and cat than English! I gotta get a life outside this place one of these days...

Lin

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Feb 00 - 03:38 PM

GET VAH-VOOM, TODAY!

[60'2-ish TV cartoon-type ad]
[jingle plays...]

Wanna get ridda that (ooo!) awful stink?
And keep your kitty (blap!) in the pink?
Bristol & Meyers have done it for you!
Getcha self a bottle of New, Vah-Voom!

No morra those nasties when (whoops!) kitty poots!
No need to change kibbles! (zing!) Use Puss-n-Boots!
One little dose is all you will need!
With New Vah-Voom--it's guaranteed!

[voiceover]
All you cat lovers, now you can keep pussy AND your hsuband purring like kittens! Use it once week! VAH-VOOM! Vah-Voom is scientifically formulated to send your little stinker right over the moon, and we swear, kittly'll come back down clean as a whislte! Vah-Voom! Pick up a bottle today!

Oh look at that kitty all (whoosh) clean and neat!
Look at old Henry (zamm) Flew forty feet!
Hurry and get some, you'll be glad you do!
New Vah-Voom! It's the answer for you!

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Osmium
Date: 25 Feb 00 - 05:27 PM

If all else fails try a Homeopathic Vet; nice to use something that science sais cannot work but we've had a lot of succes not just with cat farts but dog farts, hampster farts and snake bites.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Feb 00 - 11:29 PM

Oooooeeee, eetle hamster farts!! Can ye light 'em?

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: rangeroger
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 10:36 PM

As it is the anniversary of my entry into the zany world of the Mudat community I thought I would resurrect a few of the threads that ensnared me here and insured my Mudcat addiction.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Sorcha
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 10:43 PM

(cat farts, oh noooooooo)

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Áine
Date: 25 Feb 01 - 11:13 PM

Happy Mudcatversary, rangeroger!! This thread is definitely at the top of my own 'Mudcat Classic Thread' list -- thanks for bringing back some good memories.

-- Áine (who's got a new doggie friend now, who is just as flatulent as his (wonderful, faithful, sweet, brave) predecessor!)

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: BlueJay
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:14 AM

Rangeroger- Wow, I'd completely forgotten this one. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that both my cat and my dog are now stinkless, mostly. Also, the need to shit in my shoes has thankfully ended. Happy Mudcat Anniversary. You may do what you wish with this valuable information. BlueJay

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: GUEST,Mark. West Sussex U.K.
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 07:06 AM

Oh Noooooh! I don't believe this. Where else in the world could you get nearly a hundred people discussing farting felines. Priceless! Thanks you lot, you may not have cured the cats but you sure as hell have cheered me up. Anyway, I have this tortoise ... no, forget it.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Katcina
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:46 AM

I managed to resist the urge to open this last night. Sure am glad now that I did, or I would have never gotten to sleep for laughing so hard. With 3 cats, 2 dogs, and crazy George I appreciate all of the good advice on how to handle the problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: wdyat12
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:23 AM

Cat farts are one thing, but......

I haven't enjoyed the company of a cat inside my house since Rosie passed away, but I have many well-mannered cats and dogs that frequent my porch to bask in the sun and receive many hugs, pats, and praise from me. These are my company when I'm outside, my "porchpals" as I call them. I never feed them because I wouldn't want other people feeding my pets if I had any. I've never noticed any foul odors emanating from these animals while enjoying their company, however, there is this phantom, Old Tom, that leaves his calling card on my front door when the other female cats are in heat. Geeze! does that stink when the sun bakes on it. I have tried everything from Urine-Kleen to new paint to eradicate the smell and have been fairly successful, but that does not discourage Old Tom from marking his territory on a regular basis. As soon as he senses that I have erased the smell, he sneaks back and reestablishes his claim on my porch. I have had several heart to heart talks with Old Tom about the problem, but he says he forgets. Anyone know any cat psychology or have any humane ideas for discouraging this kind of behavior? I enjoy his company too, so I don't want him to feel unwelcome. Pew!

wdyat12

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 02:38 PM

Covering up the stink just makes him want to repost it as it were, like refreshing an old thread.....

Thanks for the memories of Stinky Cat Farts, something I don't get a great deal of now that the perpetrator has passed to that litter tray in the sky. He never did poop in anyone's shoes that I remember, although he did puke on the bed once.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Jock Morris
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 04:48 PM

Dave Goulder's method for worming a cat would probably work for curing the farts as well. Involves about 30 feet of string with a knot at every three, a sardine as bait and a cruel streak:-) When I see him next I'll try and get the words for his nasty little poem.

Nice chap as Dave is he ain't no cat lover.

Scott

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: JenEllen
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 05:30 PM

Gawd you guys make me laugh!!

First off, most of the gastrointestinal problems that animal have are diet related. Almost ALL of their physical problems can be related to diet.

For cats, the best all around diet I've found is ScienceDiet adult maintenence. Don't let the price fool you. They have a feeding chart on the back, and price-wise, the food just lasts longer per bag than store-bought cat foods. They also make a canned food Bert, but the extra oils and water can lead to GI problems too. Dry is just better. It's nutritionally sound, and it chips the tartar off of their teeth too. The big bonus, is if you feed them less, there is less to clean up too! I always tell folks it's like the cereal adverts. You could feed 12 bowls of friskies to one bowl of this food. You do the litterbox math...

Homeopathically...mix equal amounts of dried catnip with dried parsley. Sprinkle a bit of that in their food. The catnip shouts EAT ME and the parsley does the non-stink duty in the intestines...

For dogs...I'm sorry to report, even though the ScienceDiet stuff is GREAT...Science has yet to find a way to make a dog stop farting. The best we can do is learn to use it this energy source for good. (We've already drawn up plans at work for little ass-mounted windmills.....)

Love to every stinkin' one of you,
~Elle

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 06:09 PM

Happy Anniversary double r......some nice refreshes too.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Inukshuk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 07:38 PM

Dear Friends and fellow cat lovers,

This is probably not the place for such an appeal, but I implore you, in the name of humanity, to take a minute and read how our arctic cats are at risk.

ABNORMAL FELINE BEHAVIOUR IN THE ARCTIC

Accounts of grossly aberrant human behaviour as a result of getting "bushed" or contracting "cabin fever" in Canada's far north have been well documented. However, virtually nothing has been written to describe the effects of extreme climate and severe isolation on household pets, cats in particular. The following four case studies involving instances of anthropomorphism, domination, fetishism, and demonic possession, will serve to create an awareness of the dire consequences suffered by domestic felines who live in the arctic.

Gerald, a long, gangly cat with mottled orange and grey hair, participated as a full equal with his human companions. At meal times he would sit upright on a high chair at the table and eat from a plate using his claws to daintily carry the food to his mouth. During conversations he would politely hang onto every word uttered by the speaker, while gesticulating, nodding his head, and vocalizing in low guttural tones. This cat routinely made use of the flush toilet. There was never any doubt that Gerald considered himself to be a human being.

Less civilized by far was Corky, an extremely dominant and territorial tom, who became embroiled in a deadly battle of wills with his cohabiting male human. The cat and the man fought continuously over territory, especially for possession of the only arm chair in the tiny apartment. The man was enraged one day to witness the animal marking the chair in traditional tomcat fashion. Only quick intervention by the female human averted instant mayhem. A similar crisis occurred a few days later when the man's clarinet became the target of the feline's territorial markings. Corky's fate was sealed, however, when he maneuvered into position on the bathroom sink and singled out the man's toothbrush for his odorous urinary spray. The man took the cat to the edge of town and summarily dispatched it with a shotgun. The body was incinerated in a nearby garbage barrel along with the defiled toothbrush.

Cher, a diminutive Siamese, was put at risk as a result of her overwhelming fetish for human feet and footwear. When not actively enraptured by rubbing against an available foot, she would typically be found sleeping deep down inside any boot or mukluk large enough to accommodate her. Consequently she suffered abuse and indignities at the hands of the household man, who erroneously believed that he could discourage the unwelcome behaviour by playing the cat in the manner of bagpipes. He would bite the cat's tail while squeezing its body under his arm to produce ghastly squawkings. Once, while sharing a large bottle of over-proof rum with a visitor, he demonstrated his cat-playing expertise, and went on to brag that he could also play dogs using an accordion technique. After a few more drinks, the inebriates wandered outside to perform a duet. As the inept visitor struggled to maintain Cher in the appropriate bagpipe position, his host grabbed a passing husky firmly by the ears and tail and began a vigorous squeezebox routine. The resulting cacophony was a brief but horrific quartet of commingled animal and human screams. The husky ran off, the men staggered to the nursing station for medical attention, and Cher slipped back inside to hide in a gumboot for two days. Old Andrew's nameless black cat adapted to life in the arctic better than any other domestic feline, but the results were not pretty. Allowed to range freely in a settlement where half-wild dogs outnumbered people two to one, he appeared permanently stressed and tense. His huge yellow eyes, located unnaturally to the side of his head, never seemed to blink. Repeated frostbite had reduced his ears and tail to barely discernible nubs. Humans and canines alike heeded the forewarnings of his unearthly vocalized threats. Old Andrew boasted frequently of being in league with the Devil, and it was taken for granted that his cat also enjoyed sinister protection. There was simply no other way to explain his continued survival.

Although the above examples represent but a minuscule sampling of the abnormal behaviour that is rampant among domestic cats living in Canada's Arctic, they raise awareness to the magnitude of this pressing problem. It is an appalling situation that will not rectify itself. There is an urgent need for rigorous studies and comprehensive surveys that will enable diagnostic and remedial services to be implemented effectively. Concerned individuals and agencies must urge government, at the local, Territorial, and Federal levels, to act immediately. The sanity and the souls of our arctic cats are at stake.

Thank you for your perseverence and your concern. These are true case studies. None of these cats ever got to enjoy their prerogative of felicitatious feline flatulence.

Inukshuk

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:40 PM

That is pretty moving stuff, inukshuk.

I find it amazing that a thread on feline flatulence would run to over 90 posts, but I should think one on canine flatulence would go considerably further. In my experience NO ONE can match dogs in this department. No one.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Cat farts.
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:19 AM

You've never been at Micca's house the morning after.....

LTS - who is by no means living far from Sparta herself.... although my Bro in law would win any given competition for both viscosity, endurance and volume..