Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)

Subject: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:07 AM

Continuing the discontinuities of time and space.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: GUEST,cookie without a cookie
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:10 AM

continuum in a vacuum?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:21 AM

Maybe it could be a tag team match. MickMc vs SpAmergin. Who's going to ref ? Four men, a tank of Turkey Turd Beer and only one washroom. How's that for disaster, Sins ?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:23 AM

Good idea Guest. This place is a mess. When Roger is finished with the bedpan detail have him vacuum the place and mop up the Turkey Turds...or is it vacuum the Turkey turds and mop up the place?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:45 AM

Did somebody call? Look at the state of this place! No wonder we have to keep moving to a new Tavern!
I don't have all day to do this , you know, I've got old jokes to take out for an airing and I've got to keep the NYCFTTS running for 'Spaw (CEO & principal shareholder).
Grumble grumble, mutter mutter.
I think I'll suck it all into a tanker and send it to Patrish for her garden.
Should improve the rhubarb no end.(Chorus from the usual suspects:"I prefer custard on mine")
RtS (Roger the shitshifter)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: mousethief
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:53 AM

Spaw! Come quick! Come quick! The earthquake cracked open the giant tank of Turkey Turd! The whole basement is awash in cheap beer!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:59 AM

Got a tanker of Thai Coffee and 10 cases of frozen beef stew here! Where ya want it? Need a signature tho' - says on the paperwork to see...uhmmm....

I *think* it says Fezziwig. Or possibly Fozziewig...

can you read that? ya shure?

Wizziewigg!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: mousethief
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 12:19 PM

SUUUUUUUUSAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Your stew's here!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Caitrin
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 12:28 PM

Hey, 'Spaw, is the NYCFTTS looking for summer workers?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 12:31 PM

Fozziewig???

I used to work in his old rubber chicken factory!!

;-)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 01:20 PM

Caitrin, NO ONE can be that desparate for a job......well except for Skiff.......................

Okay gnu........We do this "Mudcat Style" and take it to the Jello Pit!!! We fill it with lime jello.....this time we make it with Turkey Turd.......Say Caitrin, could you take care of that??.........Then we dawn our thongs and go at each other with rubber tiples!!!........Anything goes at that point including flatulence!!!!..........Cleigh O'Possum will ref the match. I'll see you back here when the jello solidifies!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Micca
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 01:21 PM

" There was Spaw, upside down
pushing turkey turds on the floor
stew,stew, the truck men cried
as they came knocking on the door,
Dont let them in ,its all fouled up
somebody shouted , "Sword for hire"
and we all got very politely pissed
while the stew warmed on the fire
"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 01:29 PM

My friends and I at the MudCat Tavern,
Havin' us a jello fight
When all at once a guest came in
and started flingin' shite
What's up cried we, have ya had a bad day?
Did your g-string break or what?
g-string be damned, the guest he cried,
Bert's credit card's run out!

(to chorus)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:13 PM

Flatulence !! That's fightin dirty !! When I said you could make up the rules and I'd break em, I never dreamed you'd stoop that low. I may as well get the yard out now. Anyone got a clothespin for my nose ?... so I can get the yard down, not for Spaw's flatulence. He's the winner by default. I'm not THAT stupid.

Besides, I don't think anyone is ready for me in a thong. A thingthong, maybe, but not a thong.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:14 PM

I hate to think what "dawn our thongs" means.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:14 PM

To those who doubted my sanity and/or sobriety, the following is a synopsis of the "Hephaestus Plague". Highly recommend it to all.

PAGE-THE HEPHAESTUS PLAGUE- - This 191 page hard cover is a First Edition that was written by Thomas Page and published by Putnam in 1973. "I consider myself a relatively seasoned veteran of horror in its various literary and cinematic forms-but THE HEPHAESTUS PLAGUE made my skin crawl and pulses race as never before. To add that it is as well written as it is plotted seems de trop, but it's that rare science-fiction work that fascinates the intelligence while enthralling the imagination. it deals with flesh-and-blood creatures-even as you and I-and therein lies the delicious terror." -JUDITH CRIST When an earthquake rips open a quiet Georgia peach farm, thousands of heavy black beetles slowly emerge onto the surface of the earth, terrifying the local inhabitants with their ability to emit an intense flame. The experts are called in, but they remain baffled and helpless as the fire beetles, hitchhiking in tobacco and peach trucks, begin to sweep northward, leaving behind scorched fields and charred buildings. Only James Lang Parmiter, professor of entomology at a small Southern college, realizes that these are not beetles at all, but a form of life never before seen. Working day after day in almost total solitude and silence, this brilliant, strange man, described by a colleague as a "sinister Gandhi," discovers that these creatures were alive at the time of the dinosaur and are much older, more enduring, more intelligent than any other living creature and, thus, far more difficult to wipe out. Parmiter, reluctant to destroy the creatures, finds himself identifying with them; they have buried themselves deep within the earth even as he has sealed himself off in his lab. Desiring more and more to communicate with them, Parmiter arrives at a chilling decision: He will not only study the insects, but will breed them. Even as the East Coast reels in terror from the growing onslaughts of these creatures, Parmiter is overjoyed to learn that his Hephaestus parmitera have finally adjusted to the earth's surface and the females of the species have become pregnant.

Now who is going to be the first to express support and buy me a drink - NOT the swill sloshing around in the basement...THE BASEMENT!!! Caitrin. Forget the Jello Pit. Just mix a drum or two of lime jello with the beer in the basement. Then instead of pumping the beer out, we can shovel out the jello. too bad. It would have made for an interesting shanty sing while we manned the pumps. "Heave Away" could take on a whole new meaning.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Kim C
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:22 PM

Kin I jes get a lil whiskey please?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:27 PM

come back here on the 28th folks... i'll be buying all night!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Hollowfox
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:29 PM

You're on, Kim. I happen to have a bottle of Sheep Dip whiskey, and it's not half bad.*

*(This is an actual brand of a real whiskey, and while it's not the finest in the world, it's not half bad.)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:31 PM

Ya... not half bad for cleaning paint brushes!

LOL!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:36 PM

Clinton... welcome back. What's the scoop on the 28th ? House warming ?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:37 PM

so what's up the 28th, Clinton?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:38 PM

LOL PT............uh, yeah..........Well, would the moonshot that comes with wearing a thong count as a "dawn"???.............Geeziz, I really am a stupid shit at times.............So I wil now "don" my thong..........Hey, somebody get that guy Don over here to help me with this damn thing...er,uh....thong.................Okay gnu, I rell ya' what.........We'll forget the whole thing, but what are we gonna' do with that 100 gallons of lime/Turkey Turd Jello???..........Maybe we could serve it up to the Trivial Pursuit players and the rest of them...................Yeah, that might do it.................Gnu, you know anyplace we can get a quantity break on Cool Whip?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:42 PM

No sweat, Spaw. Oversize containers, six to a box, with a big sale sign over em would go like hot cakes at the Price Club. Hell, if they can sell memberships at $35 a pop, they can sell anything.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Kim C
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:43 PM

Hollowfox, c'mon over here with that Sheep Dip. I think we're going to need it if Spaw is walking around in a thong.........

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:56 PM

Actually, he appears to be hobbling rather than walking. So if I have this right, we are going to cover "Spaw in a Thong" with Cool Whip and set him up at a "SALE" table in the Price Club featuring Green Turkey Turd Jell-O Six Packs. Now when the sale is over, whose job is it to lick him clean? Roger is all tied up with vacuum hoses and bedpans. Maybe we can send him to that barbershop in Florida - a nice contrast to David in a loin cloth.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:00 PM

I said I could lick my weight in wildcats, but that's NOT what I meant.

BTW, stale rolls and TTB is the afternoon snack to tide us all over until sup's. What's on the menu for Happy Hour tonight ?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:18 PM

Cool Whip al a Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:23 PM

Watch out for the furballs.... go ahead, I dare ya.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:26 PM

Mmario, I didn't know the Tavern was in Ithaca! You aren't HERE yet! Don't leave the Thai coffee THERE-- now get over here! (Leave them the stew, poor darlings...)

Nyuk nyuk nyuk-- we at the Gathering may, if we wish, be where YOU all are (at the Tavern) tomorrow night, but I don't think you can at the Gathering with US! This here is a one-way continuum, not a c.o.n.t.i.n.u.u.m.m.u.u.n.i.t.n.o.c!

Oh I know Amos could manage it, and I expect to hear an Indian tomorrow night, but.... *G*G*G* Y'all will never find us!

~S~

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:30 PM

Well, since there's nothing wetter here than TTB, I'm heading out to get some Moosehead Green Lager. Can I pick anything up for anyone else ? Call me on the cell if you want anything.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: MMario
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:42 PM

If they take the left turn at Albequeque they might find us!

I really wish she had told me about the coffee *before* I pumped it into the jello pit!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Amergin
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:45 PM

Uh where did Mick run off too? he sighs with immense relief....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 03:50 PM

Hey Spaw, is that just a thong at thigh height?

I have large amounts of fig rolls (sorry, fig newtons) here if anyone wants to partake, except for Spaw, although farting in a thong does make a sound like an oboe...... so I'm told....

Bring on the Sheep Dip!! - that used to be my tipple until I discovered Four Bells.... LTS

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 04:12 PM

Big Mick is missing. Jen Ellen and PeterT are still under the table cloth sitting in about three inches of Moose Turd. Kendall ran off with the Trivial Pursuit Game. Caitrin is in the basement trying to de-gel the flood. gnu is off for some Moosehead lager. I think he's stopping by the pet shop for some hairball medication - must be something he ate. Matt left. He preferred the Rites of Spring to spring cleaning. Bert must have passed out in the corner - not a word since his line of credit dried up. Alison is gone too. HMMMM Wonder what she and the Captain are up to? He's meaner than 'Gin but can't run as fast. He'd better be careful. Kim came in sloshed. She's asleep on the bar or the bartender...not sure which. Oh well. Guess I'll go back to work. Spaw if you rub a little of that Cool Whip down into your thong, it should lubricate it enough to slip off easily. If not. don't let any of this crew near you with a pair of scissors or a Swiss Army Knife. Unless of course you want to join Matt back at the Rites of Spring thread. They can use another eunuch over there. See you later.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 04:24 PM

Got me Moose, bye. And everyone's gone or passed out. HA !!! Now's me chance.

Now listen you people, better take this down. I'm the Bodhran player, and I'm back in town...

What ? Just beating my drum. Didn't figure anyone would mind... what sign, where ? Oh. OK. I'll put it away.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 04:29 PM

Spaw enters, nicely attired in baggyass shorts and a worn out T-shirt and completely trashed boat shoes, carrying a thong.....

Ahhhhhh........Geeziz, am I glad to get that thing off!!! I should have brought my own instead of using one of the ones hanging there. This thing has THE SMALLEST codpocket in the world.....Damn thing like to castrated me........What's it's say inside here.....huh.........PROPERTY OF BIG MICK.......................no wonder the thing was so tight...........................Hey Sins, how about a TTB while we wait for gnu to return with the Moosehead?..........no?...................Well, how about a couple hands of rummy?.........................

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 04:39 PM

If I can't play my Hran, perhaps I could treat you to a song I learnt up Kent County from an old lad ? So what ? They're all passed out and Spaw and Sins are playing cards. Really ? OK then....

I said a Hangman slack that roooooope. I said hangman, hangman, hangman, hangman. Hangman, slack that rope.

Cause there ain't gonna be no hangin today, I said hangman slack that AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: JenEllen
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 07:23 PM

Sorry, Sins. 3d is less than a-muse-ing right at the moment. I'll be under the table. You just kick some tail at Trivial Pursuit for me, deal?

"pssst, sins!" came a small voice from under the table "The capital of Burundi is Bujumbura..."

~JE~ (who nevah doubted yoah sanity foah a moment, dahlin)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 07:53 PM

Need you a Sugar Dog and all I got to give today is a Vinegar Bitch.

~VB~

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: alison
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:42 PM

OK I won't be here to celebrate so I'll say it early.....

Happy birthday Clinton for the 28th

big hugs

alison

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Matt_R
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 10:48 PM

Hey, I didn't leave! I'm just getting my portfolio ready for submission. On Wednesday at 6pm I learn the the fate of my academic future.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 04:50 AM

As I type, the college groundsmen have parked a trailer full of steaming.....outside my office window to lay on the ground churned up by recent building now being reinstated as lawn... does this stuff follow me everywhere, MudcatTavern, NYCFTTS,en route to work, now here? Was I a nightsoil man in an earlier incarnation? Or is this retribution for my terrible singing and horrible jokes?
Answers on a blank cheque please....made payable to the skiffler retirement fund...
RtS

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 07:15 AM

Maybe they are just trying to light a fire under you.

~S~

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 08:19 AM

Looks like it's time to re-open THE SWAMP SONG clinic once again!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 08:30 AM

Aha! Was it the night they tore the , er, outhouse, down? If so, beware any remianing methane when you fire 'er up!
RtS (not a coprophile, honest, though my friends say I'm full of **it!)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Caitrin
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 10:26 AM

Caitrin drags herself up from the basement. "Oy Jesus...I've never seen so much green goo in my whole life. Yeesh. You wouldn't believe how much Gojo it takes to get green jello out of cheap carpet!" She slumps down into a chair at one of the lovely tavern tables. "Water!" she calls to the bartender. "'Spaw, is this typical NYCFTTS work?"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: GUEST, WYS
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 10:27 AM

No... she said witha slightly coprophagic grin...

Keep thinking.... something most genteel Mudcat homes have... in plenitude.

~S~

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 10:29 AM

Just watch out, Cait. They roped me into cleaning bedpans the the Geriatric wing!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern (More of the Different)
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 27 Apr 01 - 11:19 AM

Thanks alison!

;-)