BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.

Subject: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 10:27 AM

'But I'm not happy with the Iran deal, I think it's one of the worst deals ever made, I think it's one of the dumbest deals I've ever seen, one of the dumbest in terms of a deal. Where you give, where you give a $150 billion back to a country, where you give $1.7 billion in cash - did you ever see a million dollars in hundred-dollar bills? It's a lot. It's a whole - it's a lot. $1.7 billion in cash. Plane loads. Of, of, - think of it - plane, many planes. Boom. $1.7 billion. I don't understand.'

'Iraq should not have been attacked in the first place, all right?.....I looked at something, uh, I'm not allowed to show you because it's classified - but, I just looked at Afghanistan, and you look at the Taliban - and you take a look at every, every year, it's more, more, more, you know, they have the different colours - and you say, you know, "What's going on?"'

These quotes are:

1. From Donald Trump, in interview with the London 'Times', and the German newspaper 'Bild'.

Or 2. taken from the stage act of a second-rate satirical comedian,

Or 3. a dreadful warning that Class A narcotics and political philosophy don't mix.

Try to work it out without help, but if you're stuck, a full article appeared in the 'Times' and 'Bild'.

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 11:36 AM

I think I scored one out of one!
(He talks like George Dubya Bush doesn't he?)

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: meself
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 02:46 PM

Jean Chretien, former Prime Minister of Canada, developed this kind of thing to a fine art, using his French accent and phraseology as a kind of smoke-screen. He did it deliberately, as a way of not answering difficult questions.

A comedian who routinely impersonated Chretien tells about being at a press conference at which Chretien delivered one of his convoluted, nonsensical answers - then he winked at the comedian.

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 03:57 PM

"I don't know. A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof, and when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."
 
Former Canadian PM Jean Chrétien ( with a very strong French accent)

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: kendall
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:34 PM

That money belonged to Iran.it was frozen, and had to be paid back.

FDR froze Japans assets in the USA, and that was the last straw. In reply, they bombed Pearl Harbor.

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:48 PM

I don't think Trump sounds like Dubya at all. He sounds like a very confused Mafioso with acute Attention Deficit Disorder.

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 07:13 PM

Yes he does have a patter like a stand up comedian with lots of quick interjections and back tracks that are often contradictory.

I googled trump translators and my suspicions were born out.
All translators find it nearly impossible to make sense, perhaps it is already nonsense, but Japanese was one of the most impossible translations.

I did a piece where president Schwarzenegger's message was mistranslated as a nuclear strike. In reality trump is even more confused and confusing.

We need trump translators like the Key and Peale comedians.

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 08:52 PM

Based on Trumps propensity to lie through his teeth and why he would do that I came up with this fictional romp. Mostly I just wanted to tell Donald to shut up. Here is a readers digest version:




THE DEVIL and donald trump

There is a story they tell in the border lands, where Mexico joins American Counties of various diversity and intolerance



In 1955 there was a young man named Donald Trump, who lived at the cross roads of Forest Hills and Sluggo Street in Queens. He wasn't a bad kid to start but being sly and crafty got him into trouble for lots of little things like spit balls. The more they'd sting the more fun it was. For 7th grade he was sent to a Military school Cornwall on the Hudson not for behavior problems but because his dad wanted to toughen him up and get all the silly spiritual beliefs from Mom drummed out of Donald.

It was amazing what a year of hazing can do.
It teaches unswerving total denial, you learn to follow the rules and align yourself with authority and suck up with charm. Donald wasn't that lucky. While big for his age, in the showers his size only contrasted his unique 'hand size'` and started horrible teasing from the older boys. It made Donald crawl inside himself. The isolation, not knowing how to make a bed or shine his shoes, 'the new guy' hazing grew worse every day. One desperate night he cried out for help not knowing help could in fact be bought for very little compensation. And boy oh boy did he ever compensate.

The sobs and screams of anguish Donald released over fifty years ago were the last tears he would ever make. Under that giant Elm tree at midnight Donald had no idea it was the same tree
that President Grant a hundred years ago had exchanged his soul and voice for an autobiography that would save his family from poverty. Donald was thinking if he was caught outside the barracks at midnight he would certainly face a new torture tomorrow
Just then Donald felt a rustling of wind and a burning whiff of fire, a man stood before Donald and said "Everything is OK, I will never ever fail you." Who are you whimpered young Donald.
"I go by many names. I am real but you will learn I don't exist. I am here to save you. I heard your call for help" Really, i am in trouble. It's like, like torture here. To Donald the man's face seemed to change with the slightest tilt or turn. "What is the thing you want changed forever, What would make you happy?"


Donald's mind raced through all the tortures he experienced, thoughts of a genie and an answer that might really make him happy. He hesitated but then nervously said 'I want to be successful and get away with stuff no matter what. I want to win, I, I want girls and I want to get even with people who don't believe me no matter what. I, I want to win and and be the greatest, I want... '

"That is already a long list, [ long pause] if I give you all those things will you give me one small thing in return?"
Yeah sure..."Then sign here – poof - a quill poked Donald's thumb, now red with blood, and a small scroll unfurled - Right on this dotted line" Eyes still wet and thumb throbbing he signed Donald J Trump.   "Remember I will return one day when you grow very old and claim your immortal soul, for now, I am the owner of your active soul. "    But You didn' say.. "Yes and no. You should read what you sign Donald, I advise you to employ lawyers to read if you are not up to it."
You didn't say anything about that "Again I advise you, always get legal counsel. ENJOY !"
The man plunged into the ground as if in an invisible elevator.

Donald felt incredibly powerful with a pungent emptiness like a laundry bag full of dried semen.

…....................................................................................................................................................

Over five decades have past and the giant Elm tree is dead and gone along with every Elm in the entire country. Some say it was Gypsy Moths and some say it was root damage but we know the truth.
Donald Trump is now President, he always wins, and is now talking about himself in the third person.
Even when the CIA and FBI had the goods on Donald it didn't matter, he just gets away with stuff.
It's like he is governed by a different set of laws and rules.

POOF the devil appears with choking heat in the middle of the Oval Office and looks around with an evil Cheney grin and says "Its been a long time since I've been here." Melania did not succeed in bringing Donald to 'attention' this morning so Donald was wandering the White house when he came across the Devil in the Oval Office. Alarmed, Donald blurted out I haven't seen you since we renewed our contract after my first divorce. What is this all about, is it Melania?

"Yes and no as always Donald, but today you can call me Daryl Van Horne, I've been having some trouble with the ladies again and their God damn march. They have been running me ragged, and so have you. Donald. Your contract needs more servicing than all the others combined!" Well Daryl, I thought you would be happy. "I am never happy you ass hole but every now and then, I am satisfied. I need to call our contract satisfied and finalized."
But but,but I can still do more good than Hitler. I have the football and the biscuit and th...   
" Look, I knew Hitler, Hitler was a friend of mine, you sir are no Hitler!. You are just a stupid tweeting Twitler.. with permanent arrested development"

Trump yelled Stop right there daryl the devil or whatever yur name is, I Yam the President of the United States now. Didn't you always tell me I should have a lawyer for all my contracts ? Well I want a lawyer. I want the biggest yugest best lawyer in the whole god damn world.

"I admit I like the god damn part but you may not like to have the best lawyer there is on this planet."
Why? Who is he? "Donald, it could be a she, but as a matter of fact it is Barak Obama 44"
Holy Shit!
"Don't talk like that, a fact is still a fact with me buster, it isn't some stupid alternate truth of yours."

Bottom line , I want him here today. Are you sure James Baker isn't better?

"Shut up Donald"

Now that he retired, Barak dreamed of fighting the ultimate court case. One for the ages. Ever since he became a lawyer and a remarkable Constitutional scholar, he dreamed of standing before the Supreme Court to argue a case of equality and freedom for the big win of all time, but he never did. Instead he only selected 3 Supreme Court nominees. As fate would have it, the one and only case he ever argued as a lawyer, magically vanished from human history and memory. It is missing from any law review, court docket or literature. It really is sad. Forever secret is Barak's one and only case for the ages. Worse than that it was about a single soul that Barak felt was irredeemable. Barak was probably the only soul pure enough and scandal free to dare take on a court battle with the devil who always wins even when he loses. At least this is the way I heard the story, told in front of a desert crackling campfire about the most irredeemable soul on Earth;
….......................................................................................................................................................

Donald had a DVD Putin had sent him and was forty minutes in when he noticed a younger version of Melania in a key role of the movie 'The Ninth Gate' just when President Obama arrived. Trump thought to himself the girl in the movie had green eyes so it can't be Melania, but I suppose they could make her eyes any color God DAMN that is her, that little bitch never told me about this movie......

Hello Donald
hello barak, donald cast his eyes through his eyebrows sheepishly.
I heard you needed a Constitutional law lesson.
well actually no, I need a contract lawyer
Mix ups happen, I am not a contract lawyer, Donald I am sure you..
just a minute I have to tweet..................................................
I was told you are the guy for the job so what do you need? [My way ring tone] Hold on it's Kushner again, Yeah? Ok buy every corporation I tweeted about yesterday and sell last week's business. OKbye.
go ahead
If it is a contract case I need the contracts. Who is the other party?
well that is the thing, its kind of tricky
Is it Corporate, personal, multi-entity, trans..
quietly 'it's the devil'
No drama Obama didn't even flinch
No problem but when can I meet the other party?
"HELLO BARAK we haven't met."
this the devil Barak, he's a friend of mine.
To Barak the Devil bore a strong resemblance to Al Pacino.
Barak's mouth did betray surprise and said Well then Donald, a friend of the Devil is a friend of, scratch that. Where are these contracts?
To Barack, the Devil's looks transmogrified into the warden in the movie Cool Hand Luke.
"I am sure we just have a failya ta communicate but this contract is iron clad"
Barak took two scrolls into his left hand. Donald took two pills in his right hand and swallowed them dry wit a slap to the throat.
"Don't worry the contract is straight forward, . Oh by the way Donald, have you been satisfied with the results so far? " The Devil asked.
Absofuckinlutely! Trump nearly shouted.
Don't answer that. Sigh. Do we have a Court date? Barak queried.
"Surely we won't need to go to trial but if you need a date it could be at midnight tonight"
'We need to go to trial, and don't call me Shirley' . One more thing, Who is the judge?
Oops, got another call, Trump puts the phone to his ear.
"I thought that would have been obvious President Obama, the judge is Atonin Scalia of course."
Overheard on the phone Trump says 'then close their twitter account'
Will I have the right to voir dire the jury?
"You should ask the Judge" and POOF the devil disappeared

can we sue the devil?
'Lets settle the contract dispute first Donald'


….................................................................................................................................................................

Barak sat at the familiar Resolute desk with the contracts under the desk lamp as the light faded to an orange pink outside. Stacks of statutes nearly hid him from view. Barak even as a seedling had the power to bust through concrete. Just then Donald sauntered in with a piece of KFC chicken in hand and a mouth full.
Don't get crumbs on the desk Donald.
Do you want any Bark? I mean Barak. No thanks but I could use a cigarette break. You know the problem is that it doesn't matter if the devil is a citizen of the US or not because this is contract law. The Constitution is useless here.
You know Barry I wanted to say its very white of you to be doing this pro bono. I thought you would have been pissed off.
I never said pro bono Donald.
I'm sure we can find a little something for you, if you win of course.
I really need to concentrate here Donnie.

A waterfall of questions washed over Barak. Could he betray the law and let Trump be consumed for a greater good. Would a super ego incarnate consume the world out of revenge. Should he confront the black hole of evil to save a single irredeemable soul. Can he let himself believe this dream is indeed real. Why does the responsibility fall on me? Then he was reminded of the deeper meaning of his first name. Donald was thinking the fried chicken was giving him heartburn. "Donald by any chance could the first contract be a forgery of your name? Nope but he didn't explain anything. "that's irrelevant."

The White House butler escorted Justice Scalia to the oval office where Donald Barak and Ol'Hickory were waiting. Your Honor welcome. Hello boys, I thought I was going to do some hunting today but apparently I was mistaken. "no your Honor" the devil said "you were deliberately taken." Antonin asked where are we going to have this soiree? The devil added I was thinking the red room would work for us. Your honor may we empanel a jury? Barak pleaded. No I believe I will adjudicate this case myself. Now shall we all attend to the red room? Trump was in the midst of a tweet storm and shuffled out of the office while staring at his phone. Barak gathered some statutes and the contracts and strolled slowly out of the office.

When Donald looked up from his phone Trump announced defiantly 'I object!'
Scalia: Counsel please advise your client there will be no outbursts in my court.
I'm sorry your honor.Allow me to confer with my client.
But but look at this room it is devil red. Its like playing on his turf. Donald sputtered.
It is the White House after all, a bastion of democracy and freedom Obama said in hushed tones
Its a terrible backdrop Trump urged.
'Settle down Donald we can't anger the judge.'
Trump; I want a huge crowd not this closet!
Obama; Do you really want all your dealings with the Devil to go public?
Scalia: Get your client under control counselor or he will be held in contempt of Court.
Now is the Prosecution prepared for opening statements
Devil:Yes your honor.
Devil; I hold in my hand exhibit A, the contracts that the defendant freely signed not just once but twice out an abundance of caution clarity and certainty. Your Honor ,on its face this is an open and shut case.
Thank you very much. [ He sits down ]
Scalia'; Thank you for your brevity Mr. Prosecutor. The defense may proceed
Trump whispers to Obama but is within ear shot of the bench .I have alternate facts put me on the stan. By the way is this judge Mexican? [Scaalia scowls]
Obama; clears this throat loudly,We refute the assertion that my client reaffirmed the contract. In fact the first signature of Donald Trump was only 10 years old which New York State law does not recognize under statute 9 section three. No minor may enter into contractual agreement. Furthermore it is the validity of only the renewed contract that is in dispute. We will prove the renewed replacement contract is null and void. Thank you your honor.
Scalia; Prosecutor you may call your first witness.
Devil; I call President Donald J Trump
Obama; I object your Honor [suddenly Donald jumps to his feet and rushes to the chair near the Justice]
Scalia ; Overruled
Obama; 'Withdrawn' is said with exasperation.?
A specter appears in smoke with a tome titled 'Necromicon' " do you swear to tell the truth under penalty of eternal damnation ?
Trump; I do
Obama; I object.
Scalia; over ruled
Devil; President trump did you sign this contract 20 years ago?
Trump; yes



Devil; Ahem, Did you read the contract President Trump;
Trump; That time I did. [Ethereal outright laughter is heard]
Devil; No more questions your Honor
Scalia; You may return to your seat President Trump. Do you have any witnesses to call counselor?
Obama; I would like to call Satan,Devil,Prince of Darkness,Lucifer,Beezelbub,dybuk,Mephistopheles..
Scalia; I know very well who you mean, but I must warn you the devil is not bound by taking the oath because he is already damned.
Obama; I see. Very well. Ah, Hello Satan, how are you?
Devil; I am satisfied.
Obama; I would like to draw attention to the first original contract. Is this indeed original and bonafide?
Devil; Yes it is.
Obama; What was that?
Devil; It is the actual original contract.
Obama; Is this contract here the renewal contract?
Devil; Yes it says so at the top.
Obama; and this contract is I identical in terms of the desires and wishes of Donald J Trump to the original contract ?
Devil; Yes I believe so.
Obama; I put it to you that they are not the same. The original reads as follows,
'I want to be successful and get away with stuff no matter what. I want to win, I want girls and I want to get even with people who don't believe me no matter what. , I , I want to win and and be the greatest, I want... '
Would you please read exactly what the revised contract says regarding the wishes and desires of Donald Trump that will be granted by you in exchange for his soul.

Devil; I want to be successful and get away with stuff no matter what. I want to win, I want girls and I want to get even with people who don't believe me no matter what. , I , I want to win and and be the greatest.
Obama; Do you see the difference now, the revised contract is different, it leaves out the final wish of 'I want'
Devil; that is just a sentence fragment. A sentence fragment we cleaned up, 'I want' is only nonsense

Obama; It appears you were impatient and cut him off mid sentence when young Donald said 'I Want' . Want is a real emotion and state of being. Even the absence from want is powerful, which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants—everywhere in the world.
Further more since the renewed contract is not exact only the original contract is bonafied however NYS law forbids contracts with minors, leaving your contractual relationship with my client null and Void. Satan you have not committed a crime, you are only guilty of impatience which you and your minions are most assuredly, nearly always impatient.
Your Honor, I rest my case.
Satan began to smoke – all over.

Scalia; " I will be back with a verdict." and the Justice merely faded to nothingness. Suddenly he reappeared and Antonin Scalia said " Suing a President is not allowed unless it involves criminal injury of the Constitution and its Amendments so if the Devil wants to appeal it would have to be on Constitutional ground , I find in favor of the defendant. [gavel] poof

It became so hard to breathe in the red room Donald triumphantly bolted to the door but stumbled and fell into the door with such force it was surprising to see him get back up with what was going to be a black eye. Satan said You are longer under my protection Donald, In fact I am glad I am free of you. I want some time off, I've become something of a workaholic lately. Donald had a concussion that would inhibit his speech for his remaining days.

Obama; Donald if you need a Constitutional lawyer, and I expect you will, I am unavailable.

Devil; When you open that door you will see no time has passed. The Women's march is still happening.
You know Barak I can't allow you or the world to think you have beaten the Devil so you can have a contract of your own or have this wiped from time and human memory.

Barak; Thank you but no thank you. I am retired but I have not retired from the pursuit of the  
four essential human freedoms.

The first is freedom of speech and expression -- everywhere in the world.
The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way -- everywhere in the world.
The third is freedom from want, which will secure to people a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants -- everywhere in the world.
The fourth is freedom from fear, which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor -- anywhere in the world.
That is no vision of a distant millennium.  It is a definite basis for a kind of world attainable in our own time and generation. That kind of world is the very antithesis of the so-called "new order" of "US first" tyranny in which dictators seek to create with an alternative right.

Devil; I've heard it all before.

Anyway that's how I remember the story about the irredeemable soul that was saved by Barak Obama

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Mr Red
Date: 25 Jan 17 - 05:06 AM

I don't think Trump sounds like Dubya at all. He sounds like a very confused Mafioso with acute Attention Deficit Disorder.

I heard on BBC Radio 4 an American novelist who was being interviewed because she had written a book that painted the exact scenario that we have just witnessed made real, the US election fiasco. She was asked why she hasn't yet parodied Trump and explained it would make her dialogue completely incomprehensible.

and in the New Scientist a more analytical appraisal:

Trump, a man who speaks in so many nested clauses that reading transcripts feels like unpacking a bewildering series of Matryoshka dolls.
A president who doesn't waste time finishing one sentence that could be better spent starting another.
Might we expect a US veto on full stops, to be replaced forever with semi-colons?

They fear it will start a fashion!

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Jan 17 - 08:41 AM

Acme

Please delete accidental double post or both if appropriate

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Senoufou
Date: 25 Jan 17 - 08:53 AM

We went to see about a new mattress at the weekend, and the salesman spoke just like Trump. He backtracked, waffled, got lost in his own clauses and said about five things at once.
I reckon it was a technique for baffling customers into submission. I'm afraid my old schoolteacher persona came to the fore and I got very stern. I've dealt with so many shifty children over the years and I haven't lost the art. We went elsewhere in the end and got a better deal!
I'd say Trump is a very slippery character indeed. He's accustomed to wriggling around with huge business deals and making vast sums of money. Let's put it this way: I wouldn't buy a secondhand car (or a new mattress!) from him.

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Jan 17 - 02:49 PM

Maybe there will be a day without Trump I the news, or considerable comments about him.
I propose an "International Trump Free Day".

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 25 Jan 17 - 03:37 PM

Why only one day?

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Jan 17 - 04:38 PM

Why not one day?
Any more than that may require a vote at the UN.
:)

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Mr Red
Date: 26 Jan 17 - 04:01 PM

I vote.

Subject: RE: BS: Words of Wisdom - a quick quiz.
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jan 17 - 07:02 PM

Dear Mod Oh lambs of mercy sakes you deleted the post asking the powers that be to delete my accidental double post but not the double
post.







          FIRST TIME GUIDE TO DC TOURISTS

The first thing you should note is the traffic full of Limos, Black GM Suburbans, and giant panel trucks that say Shred-It that can drive and shred documents at the same time, there are hundreds of those. You people watchers will be glad to know that the many deformities they see are not contagious. The people who have no hair and scar tissue are Democrats that set their hair on fire and those without a nose are Republicans who cut their nose off to spite their face book enemies.

Window shoppers will delight at the smoke and mirror themes that sell unique items like rose colored glasses, demi goggles, arm bands and race cards. When it comes to taxes they have it all; tax choppers, tax hackers, tax loop holes, donut holes and ass holes.

The Majesty of DC is the architecture. K Street has the most revolving doors in the world. Constitution Ave looks like it was inspired by the Greeks but look again and you might see Albert Speer.

Be careful at the Supreme Court, they have a 100 foot zone which can not be crossed although they ruled that Women's Clinics only get 2 feet of clearance for demonstrators.

H street is Chinatown which is moving to Polish town but you can still see the ruins of J street from the riots 30 years ago