BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Janie
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 12:38 PM

Sorry, Jacqui, Tami, and Mom. Will stick with sending good thoughts.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 12:49 PM

Yes, I also got old stuff hooked by this topic. Sorry-- wish I'd just PMed my "credentials" in response to the post that mischaracterized them.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 01:04 PM

Come home Tami. With or without the car. And spend all your emotional energies getting yourself and your mother safe and healthy. I will PM you with more. Meantime click your heels together and say three times "There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home."
Then leave the storm and its damage behind and move on.
Love you,
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: skipy
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 01:14 PM

{{{{{{{TAMI & MOM}}}}}}}}}}

Skipy

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 01:42 PM

Hey, ya done great, Tami, and your Mom, too.

One whiff of entanglement and I would cut the anchor hawser and take the first tide out of there.

And consider it a job well done, and, as Mary says, head for home with your energies intact and the future clear ahead.

Lotsa the best stuff to both of you,


A

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Jeri
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:18 PM

Tami isn't stupid and I don't think the little nut fell far from the tree, so her mom isn't either. You know what the right thing is, and I believe you'll fight while it's appropriate and walk away when that's the right thing.

Let us know if we can help.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:32 PM

I love you all. We had no joy this AM, the repo guys wouldn't go out in the two inches of snow that fell overnight. Wimps. Scum-sucking Maggot, when asked point-blank for the keys by the male family friend that went with us, claimed he couldn't find them and two minutes later took off in the car, but only after staving up the side of the vehicle and crashing through a neighbor's fence. SCSD was called and we reported the car stolen and that the driver was in danger of hurting himself and others (he may have driven at least one car off the road that we know of). The man who talked with my mother told her that they would not be coming, mom had left the vehicle with this man back in June and that they had no record of the Protection Order. We gave up and came back to the house we're staying in. Will call our contact with the Battered Women Coalition in the AM, but at this point not sure what our next move is.

Jeri, did you call me a nut? Is this where I respond "takes one to know one"?

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: kendall
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:37 PM

There is one thing I know for a fact: All abusers are cowards.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:44 PM

Yes, Scum-sucking Maggot is a coward. However, he is also crazy. We are being very careful.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Peace
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:50 PM

Tami, if you still have ownership of the car, sell it to a friend for $10. Let your friend report it stolen.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Janie
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 02:57 PM

Tami,

Check your pm's.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 03:13 PM

Tami,

His behavior looks to me like escalation. Get out now, any which way you can. Accept any safe help offered, and book for out of state ASAP.

If you need a church-type contact let me know where you are and I will set it up from here-- place to stay, bus bucks, etc. can usually be gotten easily.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 03:32 PM

PS, since clergy life is calling me and I'll be offline for quite a bit now, I've given Janie our contact info to call in clergy resources if these could be helpful. With her credentials she'll know how to use that if asked.

Tami, you'll all be in our prayers. Including the abuser-- that he have peace and restraint.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 03:32 PM

Good thoughts coming at you from here, too, Tami. When you and your mother are safely back, we can compare notes. At least my ordeal and legal hassles with my first husband all took place in Maine, and not on opposite sides of the country. (Oh, but let me tell you about dealing with the assistant DA of York County...)

Been there, done that, got the experience for my resume...they say it builds character. (I dunno. I thought I was enough of a character.)

I survived and life got a LOT better.

Stay safe!

See you soon,
Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 04:32 PM

We are done. We have a couple of loose ends to tie up tomorrow, then we look for a flight home. Thanks for all the advice, help and good thoughts. Mudcatters are the best, but we already knew that.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 04:42 PM

We'll be waiting for you with bells on. Literally - I have a few dozen left from the pink party and found some more in the Christmas crap.
There is a storm moving in tonight so keep that in mind.
Auntie SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Azizi
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 05:12 PM

Tami, I join with others in sending you and your mother postive vibrations.

When you get back home, and if you and your mother are emotionally up to it, you both [or one of you] might want to talk to someone in the media where you live or the media in Maine about your experiences with the police.

What a terrible experience, made much worse by the lack of support from the police!

I'm very glad you and your mother are safe.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 05:32 PM

Woman in Main finds bells in Christmas crap.

DOesn't remember how they got there.

Film at eleven.

Safe travels home, Tami.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: mg
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 05:35 PM

I was going to say I have a room that is empty but I live way down in SW Washington. Let me know if you need it but it sounds like you are OK. I also have a friend with an empty and probably not lovely trailer that her 20 something son left in south Seattle and you could get to the airport from there if you had to by city bus...I am in the phone book for Long beach Washington.but I am at work now..there is a terrible storm here right now though..very high winds and rains and maybe flooding etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: mg
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 05:36 PM

p.s. Two inches of snow freaks us out here. We don't do snow. And it turns right away to ice. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 05:58 PM

All abusers are cowards. Unfortunately that's not quite true. It'd make life much easier if it was.

In a moral sense, maybe, but not when it comes to physical violence. The abuse is cowardly, true enough, but that's quite another matter.

Safety is a lot more of a priority than trying to get justice in this kind of situation. But when it's calmed down if there's any way you can take the police authorities who have failed so shockingly to dfo their duty to the cleaners, that might be the most important thing to do - if anything they sound like the major abusers in this case.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 06:26 PM

After your get back, BE SURE TO REPORT THE PASSPORT STOLEN!!! And give your suspicions of who did it, too.

They're a hot item on the black market.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: mg
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 06:39 PM

I think in future threads like this it would help to give the general geographic location. There are a couple of people who live near the situation who might not read this thread unless Snohomish County Washington or Myrtle Creak, North Carolina or wherever caught their eye. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: GUEST,dianavan
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 07:01 PM

Glad to hear you are on your way home.

Cut your loses and run. The more you attempt to regain what you have lost, the more 'in control' he feels. Give the cad absolutely no power in your lives. Deal with him only through officials and whatever you do, do not let him know where you are.

Most importantly, get mom into counselling. The worst part of a situation like this is that it damages your trust in others. It will take awhile before mom feels safe enough to trust anyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Sorcha
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 07:24 PM

Good luck and stay safe, ladies.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 10:24 PM

Tami -- I have been busy for a couple 9f days --- Jacqui stopped by today (t o see the menagerie) and told me what is going on..............STAY SAFE, STAY WELL, COME HOME ....if you need help finding your mum a place to live contact me --- I can get the word out.....

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: KT
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 04:01 AM

Tami, I've been out of town and just learned about your situation. Holding you and your mom in my heart ....asking for your safety and continued good progress through this ordeal. Strength, courage, confidence to you both, and safe journey home. Keep us posted.
Love, KT

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 08:31 AM

Tami called. They will be flying in on Saturday. She is very thankful for all the support. Diane will be living with Tami's grandmother - she is all sorted out. Tami is looking forward to being in her own bed and with Jason and Bandit, probably in that order.
This is a pretty amazing community. Tami's Mom is overwhelmed by the kindness and support you have all shown.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 08:52 AM

Thanks for the update, Sinsull. Now, is there any chance at all that the creep might know to look here? Is there even a remote chance he could find where Tami & Mom are staying until Saturday?

Tami, you don't need to answer here, I'm just looking for any loose ends regarding safety. You've done well. We want you both home, safe, and singing!

Love,

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 09:01 AM

Maeve - I don't think so - Diana wasn't a 'Catter and I don't think that he really knew anything about Tami.

He hasn't made any effort to find them so far and he would have been aware that they were local - I guess that he had just enough smarts to know that if he went after them it would be difficult even for these excuses for law officers not to do something.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 09:07 AM

Thanks, Jacqui. That's sorted, then!

Love,

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 09:26 AM

They are safe and he does not know where they are. The car still has to be sorted out with the insurance company since the police insist it is not stolen - SIGH! Now that he has damaged it and refuses to give it back, the insurance company and bank will have something to say. None of it has to involve Tami and Diane directly.

A car is a small price to pay for safety. It doesn't matter that it is not fair or downright illegal for him to get away with his BS. And we all know that in the great scheme of things he is probably already paying dearly for his crimes.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:40 AM

That's good to hear, Sins. Thanks for the update and please thank Tami,too, for keeping you and jacqui up to date, so'se you can pass it on.

Continued thanks givings from Colorado for the perfect outworking.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:44 AM

Keeping fingers crossed until Saturday. And loving thoughts and prayers as well.
Come home safely, my dear.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 11:19 AM

Just caught up with this thread. My heart goes out to you all, having been through something similar a long time ago. I really hope the worst of it is over now. Can't do much from here except send warm protective energy from Oz. I'll keep thinking of you and doing it every day.

Once again, Mudcatters have shown what a great community this is. I've been supported in a similar way when I had nasty flatmate problems a few years back. It was a huge morale booster for me, and I know it will be for Tami and her mum. You are a brave lady, mum! Good on you!

Jenny

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Tinker
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 12:10 PM

(((Hugs lady)))

I'll write more later, but the candles are lit and energy following. Be well, be safe, be kind (to each other), be strong ...

I'll PM later today

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 12:38 PM

Thanks again, Sinsull.

My concern regarding this thread in particular is that a person or his friends could easily find this thread, given a modicum of computer literacy, determination and/or patience, and enough bits of information put into a search. I'm still a bit wary of that combination in this case.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 12:41 PM

From what Tami knows this guy is a crystal meth addict and those are the circles he runs in. Hopefully surfing the net will not be high on their priority list.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: DebC
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 01:04 PM

Big Hugs out to Tami and her Mum.

Thinking of you,
Deb Cowan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 01:04 PM

I certainly hope you're all correct that it's a faint to nonexistant possibility. Even meth users & companions occasionally have a glimmer of awareness, and I'm still not happy.

It took me less than thirty seconds on dial-up to get our little thread to rise to the top of the search results by simply typing 2 first names, one county name, and the word "abuse".

I rest my case, yur onners. May it all go well.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: GUEST,dianavan
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 01:20 PM

"I guess that he had just enough smarts to know that if he went after them it would be difficult even for these excuses for law officers not to do something." - Jacqui C

Unfortunately, the abuser is not a rational human being. The law or the actions of the police probably have no effect on his behaviour. When enraged, he can't think that far ahead.

Quite often we try to apply rational or logical thought when dealing with abusers. This is dangerous because you cannot make sense of the actions of the insane.

Be very careful.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: maeve
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 01:24 PM

What dianavan said...

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: Maryrrf
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 01:39 PM

Although things didn't work out as well as could have been hoped (i.e. recovery of the car, documents, valuables, etc.) the positive aspect is that your mom got out of the relationship and will be putting a considerable distance between herself and the abuser. This is the most important thing - now she can begin healing and getting back on her feet. She is very, very fortunate to have a daughter like you that is helping her!

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ClaireBear
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 01:40 PM

I've been away, too, and only just read this.

I'm aghast to hear this story of the uncooperative sheriff's department...it makes me so angry!... Do know this, though, Tami: Although it's damnably unfair that your mother is getting no help from the locals, it's a wonderful blessing that she's got you! You are amazing.

Will be keeping both of you in my prayers. Get home safely.

(((((Tami & her mother)))))

Claire

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 02:00 PM

In Maine, there is an Order of Protection in effect, concerned law enforcement and a few very angry locals. Whatever happens will be dealt with quickly and effectively.
There are numerous "safe houses" available nationwide in the unlikely event that they are needed.
Thank you all for your concern but once again I am going to request that you keep this thread positive. Tami and Diane have been through a lot and reminding them of the possibilities just doesn't help.
Believe me, no one here is ignoring worse case scenarios.
We have all been through similar situations and know.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 04:47 PM

Believe me, no one here is ignoring worse case scenarios.

She's spot on; I checked a few key items with Sins offthread and I can confirm that the "local folks" are as "on it" as anyone possibly could be. Any advice that was needed (if any) has been given and received.

Let's all just let those folks get on with their roles.

Now it's a matter of holding the good thought while stuff happens. We don't really need to know what it is or anything else, except that our encouragement and good thoughts are helpful.

Go team! Go Tami! Go Diane!

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: stallion
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 05:38 PM

So sorry to read what you have been through and going through, hugs from the "boys", I would have gone with you had I been there, I know I am not exactly in my prime but I used to be "handy" as they say.

hugs
Pete

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 06:28 PM

What a picture - Tami with a tire iron and Peter with a belaying pin while Joann stands by and scares the carp out of him with a baleful stare.

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 06:53 PM

Hmm...Would that be like carping his britches? Interesting mental picture!

Subject: RE: BS: Domestic abuse/good thoughts needed
From: ranger1
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 06:53 PM

Oh, and 100!!!!