Lyr Req: Naughty family song

Subject: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: scrimnet
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 06:26 AM

Can anyone help with this pse???

I remember a song once sung which contained the following..

...Sister suzie's been aborted for the forty second time
Cousin (brother ?) xxxx has been arrested for a homosexual crime.

Fathers lost(?) his anal sphincture
Mothers got a prolapsed womb

And finishes...

Yet we are not down hearted
Neither are we up the spout
Aunty Mabel has just farted
Blown her arsehole inside out

I think it may have been in a book called "Bawdy Barrack Room Ballads"

I've done a search on the site andfound nothing.

I think the tune was a variation on "She Was Poor But She Was Honest"...

Thanks!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: gnomad
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 07:00 AM

Try searching for "Life presents a dismal picture", I am fairly sure that is your first line.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: The Vulgar Boatman
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 09:32 AM

And the tune is Deutschland uber alles....

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Midchuck
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 10:10 AM

Life at home is sad and dreary
Listen to my tale of woe.
Father has a bleeding rectum
Mother has a leaky hole.

Uncle Jeff has been deported
For some homosexual crime,
And the maid has been aborted
For the forty-second time.

...is the way my college roommate sang it 40+ years ago.

Peter.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 10:13 AM

It was in the 'Official Book of Bawdy Ballads' and if I knew who'd taken my copy of it, I'd be able to help you....

LTS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: alanabit
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 10:17 AM

I should search this site.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Micca
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:07 AM

Life presents a dismal picture
dark and mournful as the tomb
Father has and anal stricture
mother has a fallen womb
in the corner sits Jemima
never laughs and rarely smiles
what a dismal occupation
cracking ice for Grandpas piles

brother Bill has been reported
for a homosexual crime
siter Jane has been aborted
for the forty second time
see the baby with his Mammy
he is always having fits
every time he coughs he vomits
every time he farts he shits

Thats as much as I can remeber just now

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Snuffy
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 12:20 PM

It is in the DT as ALL THE WORLD IS DESOLATION

Versions have been posted on Mudcat
here,
here,
here,
here,
here,
etc etc.

And there seems to be as many tunes as versions

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: scrimnet
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 01:32 PM

Great!! Thanks everyone!!

Micca has the nearest to my memory!!

My Bawdy Book was nicked whilst I was in Switzerland as a not so innocent 14 yr old Scout!!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Leadfingers
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 07:56 PM

Miles Wootten wrote a 'dodgy family' song back then ! Aunty was a witch . Uncle was a Vampire , Nephew was a changeling and Grandpa
came out of Frankensteins Lab ! Good Stuff - MUST relearn it !!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Flash Company
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 11:02 AM

There is also one called 'My Word, How the Money Rolls In!'

My Uncle packs durex in packets,
And pierces each one with a pin,
My Aunty does cut price abortions,
My word, how the money rolls in!

Tune of My Bonny lies over the Ocean.

FC

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 04:00 PM

Flash Company:
Oh dear, how commercialism takes our songs away!
I don't remember mention of Durex

My Grandma sells cheap prophylactics
And pierces the teat with a pin
'Cos Grandad gets rich from abortions
My god how the money rolls in.

My brother's a slum missionary,
He saves the young ladies from sin.
He'll save you a blonde for a guinea.
My god how the money rolls in.

My father's a Harley Street surgeon.
With instruments long, sharp, and thin.
he only does one operation.
My god how the money rolls in.

Rolls in, rolls in,
My god how the money rolls in. (Rolls in)
Rolls in, rolls in
My god how the money rolls in.



CHEERS
Nigel

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: NightWing
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 04:30 PM

My two favorite verses are best to bookend the song:

My father makes book on the corner,
My mother makes illicit gin,
My sister sells kisses to sailors,
My God, how the money rolls in.

I've lost all my money to father
I'm losing my sight from the gin
I'm falling in love with my sister
My God, what a mess I am in!

BB,
NightWing

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Kajikit
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 03:05 PM

Leadfinger wrote:
Miles Wootten wrote a 'dodgy family' song back then ! Aunty was a witch. Uncle was a Vampire, Nephew was a changeling and Grandpa
came out of Frankensteins Lab ! Good Stuff - MUST relearn it !!

I'd love the words for this one! It sounds like it would go down a treat with the filkers... anyone?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 03:44 PM

And what about, the "woe is me, shame and scandal in the family" calypso?

Kitty

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: Joe_F
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:02 PM

One might also mention

Oh, my name is Diamond Lily,
I'm a whore in Piccadilly,
And my father runs a brothel in the Strand,
And my brother sells his arsehole
To the guards in Windsor Castle --
We're the finest fucking family in the land.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: John M.
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 12:28 AM

The song is "Diamond Lilly," "Tiger Lilly" or "The Finest Fucking Family in the Land". The tune universally(?) used is "The Road to the Isles". The UNCENSORED song is sung with a false Cockney accent (e.g. dropping "h"'s) by Oscar Brand on his "X" LP.

The song goes back to WWII according to Les Cleveland's 1959 book _The Songs We Sang_. Les can be heard sing the song here:

http://www.immortalia.com/mp3s/field-work/patrick-collection/les-cleveland/03%20-%20Tiger%20Lily%20%5BAka%20The%20Finest%20Fucking%20Family%5D.mp3

I have spent time accessing the relation the of "Finest Family" with "Life Presents a Dismal Picture" which is sometime sung to Deutland Uber Alles.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Naughty family song
From: John M.
Date: 09 Dec 06 - 12:30 AM

I HAVEN'T spent time accessing the relation between "Finest Fucking Family" and "Life Presents a Dismal Picture".