BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage

Subject: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 10:11 AM

Laval Council Approves Simian Marriage

By I. Kant Beleevitte
Published: September 30, 2010 Quebec

LAVAL — The City Council today passed a measure legalizing Simian marriage, making the city of Laval, Quebec the first jurisdiction below the Arctic Circle to allow such unions. Simian marriage is defined as marriage between consenting apes and monkeys of the age of majority. It is suggested, but not required, that the apes or monkeys be of the same sub-species...that is, a chimp marries a chimp, a baboon marries a baboon, etc., but exceptions to that will be permitted if they obtain a writ of authorization from a local judge.

The bill, which passed by an 11-to-10 vote, may still face obstacles in Canadian law, and among city voters and in the courts, but most advocates of Simian marriage say they expect it to become law all across Canada by early spring next year. Francophone Mayor Isadore Forget (known popularly as "I Forget" to the locals) has said he will sign the bill without hesitation "if someone gives me a drink".

"Today's vote is an important victory not only for the Simian community but for everyone who supports equal rights," said Councilman Remi Le Catastrophe, an independent and the author of the bill.

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 10:21 AM

I dunno. I dunno. I dunno.

All these chimp threads are making me long for Bill Shatner.

Respectfully,

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 10:30 AM

Well....I guess I could call him up, Joe, if he can spare a break from his busy schedule and drop in. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: akenaton
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 11:28 AM

Are there many baboons in Canada?

Are they worth anything electorally?

Are they fully aware of the safe sex literature?

Are condoms a no no?

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 02:09 PM

There are a fair number of people who, when in traffic, act like baboons....

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 08:21 AM

The lack of response to this thread is a really stunning indication of the general human public's callous disregard of primate rights. Most people really have no respect at all for apes and monkeys, but they'd never admit to it. Instead they hide behind a passive screen of indifference and mumble politically correct platitudes when the subject comes up. Shameful! We can only hope that full establishment of Simian Marriage Rights in Canada will help ameliorate this appalling situation.

And then we will move to the next great social battlefield: Cross-Species Marriage Rights!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 08:58 AM

Cluckty cluck cluck - I think I've just been plucked!

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 09:06 AM

It's mostly political propaganda, or, may I say a gentlemanly goose.

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 01:19 PM

...I wonder, then, if Big Foot is hot-footing it to Canada?

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 01:29 PM

We already have Bigfoot here, out west in the Rockies. At least, that's "word on the street", to quote Bobert.

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: gnu
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 02:43 PM

In the fly infested backwoods bog country in Kent County, New Brunswick we have Littlefoot, but there are a lot of them. Just as elusive as Bigfoot, which we had back before the old growth forests were cut.

When the white man slayed the old growth forests, especially with modern harvesting equipment and clearcutting, Bigfoot had to move north into the Appalachians, specifically The Christmas Mountains of Northumberland County, New Brunswick, thereby displacing the Littlepeople, or elves, who, in turn had to move to the far north of Canada. One jolly old elf, the top shelf elf, even named their new homeland the North Pole after the mountain he lived on in New Brunswick.

Unfortunately, a band of yuppie tree hugging "environmentalists" managed to stop sylviculture in the Christmas Mountains for years. They even blocked roads and tied themselves to trees and such until that fateful day. It was tragic. Millions and millions of cubic metres of timber were destroyed and, sadly, so were many forest flora and fauna... including Bigfoot.

Bigfoot no longer roams free in any of the forests of New Brunswick. They all work for Irving at the paper plant in Dieppe... while the yuppies still claim the chainsaws fell the mountains' timber in three hours. Tragic irony for the tree huggers, but not for our Simian Native Peoples. For them, working for Irving really sucks.

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 02:53 PM

Fascinating...

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: gnu
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 03:29 PM

Well, the Bigfoot wanted to go to work at the North Pole factory rather than for Irving with low wages and a slave driving workplace, but the head faerie, Sandy Claws (that's his true native peoples name which he was give because of his affinity for otters who frolicked on the banks of the sandy streams in the spawning grounds of the Miramichi drainage... which were made sandy by the runoff from the lumbering), and his tribe had built the factory and all the housing before the National Building Code of Canada was enforced in Cold Weather Construction Regions, so Bigfoot just didn't fit in.

Besides, there ain't a lot of fruit and berries up in the far north and, since the Bigfoot are BIG omnivores, and the only transportion up there is, like, just ten tiny reindeer, well, whddya think... Sandy ain't gonna hire them eh? Geeze oh eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 03:35 PM

Fantastic! You should write all this stuff up in a series of books and you could become a modern day Ernest Thompson Seton for Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: gnu
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 04:30 PM

Oh, it's all there. I am just waiting until I die to publish. It's worth a lot more money then.

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 05:23 PM

LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: gnu
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 05:58 PM

Re Seton, I was a Boy Sprout as a lad. Always prepared.

Ya gotta be prepared if ya might meet up with a Bigfoot what is pissed about what the white man did to the spruce woods... and the pine woods... and the hardwoods...

And, even our First Nations are pissed. I don't blame them for bein pissed. The modern harvesting equipment easily outran their trained beavers. Irving runs feller-bunchers and skidders 24/7/364 and beavers only do an average of 9/7/365. You do the math. Even IF the flat-tales could double shift, they'd be wearing their teeth to the bone every few months. No way could that kind of turnover keep up eh?

I dunno.. I feel sad for all hairy and furry friends that have been affected in this.

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 05:59 PM

Bigfoot may just be averege sized guy?

Big foot, big dick?

Subject: RE: BS: Equal rights for Simian marriage
From: gnu
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 06:18 PM

Ed... from the link... "Should length be measured when it's flaccid, stretched, or erect?"

Hahahahahaaa... the girls I goes wit would say, "What the fuck is wrong with you? OF COURSE WHEN 'E 'AS A 'ARDON!"