BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!

Subject: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 07:24 PM

I once walked the seven steps across my living room and did a loud damp fart with every step. I have been unable to repeat this feat in front of witnesses. But i wanted it on record that i did it.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 07:54 PM

Did you mean damn fart? If not, I am glad you are where you are and I am not... you old fart. I don't trust em anymore either. >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:18 PM

I'm impressed. Are you thinking of doing the marathon next year?

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:00 PM

The fartenon Smokey? Could be a senior's competition. 26 steps to glory?

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: olddude
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:04 PM

Is that a run by fart like a drive by shooting .. you could take out a whole line of people in the grocery store with that ya know

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:25 PM

Will wonders never cease?

A jet-propelled marathon!!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:38 PM

Al says "beat that", but I wouldn't be surprised if my youngest could, and he's only 2. We try to instil social skills at an early age over here.

Not that I would wish to belittle Al's glory in any way - a nappy is generally frowned on at competition level for obvious reasons.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:38 PM

I'm with you too, Al. Hell, we all are very proud of you. But tell us if you would Al, what got you interested in this means of assisted motivatin'? And maybe even more important, are you having flashbacks to Chuck Berry's 'Mabeline'? This is like unreal, man. BUT, we're WITH you!

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:47 PM

I think "over here" is where Al lives, so I guess opinions about social skills vary.

A nice, rhythmic "popcorn" fart while walking can be entertaining. I don't like the damp ones.

My philosophy is that people fart. You can't stop a fart, so you might as well enjoy it. People will say you CAN stop a fart, but eventually, gas builds up and you explode. Do you really think that's a good idea? Farts are nature's little release valve.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:51 PM

The damp ones have a better resonance - a crisper harmonic content and in general a richer timbre. It's all about tonal quality and acoustic projection. Don't confuse 'damp' for 'wet'; there's a world of difference between the two.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:53 PM

Wet farts? Um ... I dunno ....

Generally good advice to those who are getting a bit older is

a) never miss a chance to pee; and

b) never trust a fart!

Don Firth

P. S.   But then ... Pamper yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 10:05 PM

"P. S.   But then ... Pamper yourself."

Depends, Don.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 10:13 PM

How old should children be before they learn (from their devoted father) that it's possible to set fire to a fart? I was about 15 and had to learn from the drummer in the band.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 10:25 PM

Uh ... does that explain the "Smokey" handle?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 10:36 PM

No, Don, but they do sometimes call me 'Old man river'.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 10:59 PM

Seven dampies, Big Al???

I don't think so... I mean, after 3 or four they ain't dampies no more... They is, ahhhhhh...

...called poo...

Ya' might wanta check out the undies for solid stuff...

But never mind that solid stuff...

Back when I was 'round 8 or 9, I was out in the woods and had one4 of them poo episodes and so what's a kid to do??? Well, I didn't have a clue what poison ivy looked like at the time but, hey, with that broad leaf I reckoned that it was God's idea of woodland toilet paper...

'Nuff said...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 03:41 AM

Damn fart.....how would that work out?

Like macbeth.....Out Damned fart!

Gratified by the response chaps! Hands across the sea! Arseholes across the ocean!

As for the pyro tachnics, I've never been tempted, ever since a bloke at college did it and got blowback - had to be rushed to hospital with internal burning. he recovered quite nicely, but he was unlucky type. The Principal's wife caught him once - in the throes of self gratification. You'd never have guessed looking at him that he was prone to such mishaps. He always wore a collar and tie...... other clothes as well of course. But always a collar and tie.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:37 AM

Is this him?

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Smokey.
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:20 AM

Al, you're allowing a groundless fear to preclude one of life's greatest pleasures. Besides, only a fool would try it without trousers. I can well see how your friend might have singed his Jacobs, but I think internal burning would have to be achieved by some other, more imaginative means. Sometimes, for example, a soldering iron will heat up considerably faster than you'd think.

Subject: RE: BS: Physical Prowess -beat that!
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 07:53 PM

A treatise