BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now

Subject: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 09:58 AM

HELP WANTED

Apply Here Today

The retirement of Roger the Skiffler has left a positon open at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed. Skiff's loyal service has been a benchmark for all and filling his shoes will not be easy, although the patients fill their bedpans with great ease and Skiff has always proven himself a capable dumper/cleaner of them. Skiff has also been a fine promoter of the facilty which also includes the new James Taylor Rehab Unit on Catatonic Blandness and I would expect no less of his replacement. The successful candidate should possess the following:

* Regular Mudcat Participant
* Ability to handle a variety of duties
* Willing to work long but flexible hours
* Knowledge of both NYCFTTS admin procedures and bedpan cleaning
* Able to genuflect properly to the CEO
* Can promote the NYCFTTS when needed on the 'Cat

We offer an attractive benefit package that includes free treatment at the Center, your very own Tiple and Noseflute, and an occasional tongue lashing by the CEO.

If you are interested in this prestigious position, please post your resume and additional qualifications below.

Spaw.....CEO & Managing Director
Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Clifton53
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 10:30 AM

No thanks, I clean up enough crap as it is! Hey, if I did take the job, would somebody BM me? I never get a BM.

C

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: mooman
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 10:45 AM

Dear 'Spaw,

I'm not sure I would be up to the job, particularly stepping into RtS's shoes, but here is my brief CV anyway:

Regular mudcat participant: Some 1200 posts, both before and after sex change
Ability to handle a variety of duties: I can identify a variety of tropical hardwoods and temperate softwoods microscopically whilst simultaneously playing "Bonaparte crossing the Rhine" on mandocello, having a triple conversation with Lady McMoo and her noisy sisters, drinking a pint of Fuller's London Pride and cooking a prawn dupiaza (I realise though this is quite a common ability amongst 'Catters)
Long and flexible: Length should be no problem but since the Viagra I don't know how flexible I can be
NYCFTTS procedures and bedpan cleaning: I'm sure the pils will help with the first and no shit for the second!
Genuflection: This is my main problem due to being 1) a lapsed Catholic and 2) having knacker cartilages in both knees. Perhaps if a kneeler is provided?
NYCFTTS promotion on the 'Cat: As most 'Catters are already members it will I suppose this will just mean concentrating on the newbies and catching the trolls?

If appointed I'm looking forward to my tiple and noseflute. The verbal lashing I get already!

In great expectation,

mooman

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: harpgirl
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 10:48 AM

...the tongue lashing part sounds interseting....

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: GUEST,Ebbie
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 10:49 AM

I vote for Mooman!

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 10:53 AM

{could we perhaps post this in the Help Forum? evil chuckle....}

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:32 PM

Harp, I'll attend to you later...........hehehehehe

Well mooman certainly presents well. We'll keep this open for other applicants, but we are off to a fine start.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 12:50 PM

Would duties include actually working in the James Taylor Rehab Unit on Catatonic Blandness > I'm afraid I might have a negative affect on clients.

However, I am willing to submit my resume:

* Regular Mudcat Participant - very regular - practically every day (depending on diet)
* Ability to handle a variety of duties - have had diverse jobs from farm hand to restaurant management
* Willing to work long but flexible hours - how long can an hour be?
* Knowledge of both NYCFTTS admin procedures and bedpan cleaning

why do they separate these? aren't they the same thing? I'm confused!

I'm a fast learner...
* Able to genuflect properly to the CEO - almost two decades of groveling experience in the 16th century! 5 plus years of cringing and syncophancy in the 19th century
* Can promote the NYCFTTS when needed on the 'Cat - I can be very persistant when necessary

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 02:46 PM

Do you get Dental coverage?

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: GUEST, Ebbie
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 02:48 PM

Oh, dear. I vote for MMario!

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: paddymac
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 05:15 PM

Does the benefits package include a complimentary residential option and unlimited supply of flavored chapstick? Both of those may well be required if Director/CEO contact is of sufficient frequency to imply a significant degree of, ahem, familiarity.

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: SharonA
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 05:42 PM

How soon will you be opening the "America" Ward for the Hoarse and Nameless?

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 08:25 PM

The AWFTHorN? Scuttlebutt says that the promotional capital fundraising program for that was farmed out to the firm of Fielding, Swann, Patterson and Lane, LayAboutsAtLarge. That was several years ago - and we haven't heard from them since!

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Banjer
Date: 09 Nov 01 - 08:29 PM

* Regular Mudcat Participant - I check in at least once a day, sometimes I even post!!

* Ability to handle a variety of duties - I consider myself a jack of all trades and a master of none.

* Willing to work long but flexible hours - I've heard of 'bending' notes, how does one bend an hour?

* Knowledge of both NYCFTTS admin procedures and bedpan cleaning - Is there a difference?

* Able to genuflect properly to the CEO - Genuflect this.... * Can promote the NYCFTTS when needed on the 'Cat - Always do...Tell folks about it whenever the need arises.

So just what does the job pay? It can't be any worse than what I do now. I take shit from my boss, from customers and many other assholes. Will it interfere with my sessions with my shrink at the NYCFTTTS?

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: rangeroger
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 12:07 AM

Spaw, is this a sitting or standing position?

Please see previous discussions.

rr

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Sorcha
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 12:22 AM

Of course we haven't heard from Fielding Swann Patterson and Lane. They are very, very busy laying about. What did you expect? Oh, what a terrible choice....MMario, Banjer, and now rangeroger......perhaps another Roger would be the best choice. That way we residents would not have to remember a new name.

Continuity is always best when dealing with the musically challenged. We have a difficult time remembering who we are, let alone who our attendants are, ya know.

Even though I love Mario, I think I have to vote for RangerRoger..........I am so used to asking for Roger to come empty the bedpan..........."Here, Roger"

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 12:25 AM

Hmmmm...........a vote huh? Perhaps you have something Sorch. Stockholders and allthat..... We'll wait til we get all the applicants and then do a vote....

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 03:02 AM

rr ... it's always been my understanding that the preferred position for recieving an occasional tongue lashing from the CEO is "sitting". On second thought, if Spaw is the CEO ... you'd be better off on your feet! Run, Roger ... RUN!

LL

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Dead Horse
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 04:00 PM

Please consider me for above vacancy. I don't want the job, but I've found that the only way to get on in this world is to apply for every position, no matter what. The exact opposite to the old army maxim of Never Volunteer For Anything. I'd send my resumé, but my download browser doesn't support resumés. This is one reason I need to upgrade.

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Dead Horse
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 04:04 PM

P.S. I once applied for the position of Head Beer Taster at Shepherd Neame Brewery at £500pw, but in the end I decided that I couldn't afford it.

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 06:04 PM

I think Harpgirl is the only applicant worth supporting as she has demonstrated a keen sense of semantic duplicity and the ability to absorb extended tongue-lashings without protest; noting that the CEO is declining in years and is therefore likely to resprt to more and more tongue-lashings as his earlier capabilities decline, I suggest she would be the most appropriate candidate.

Additionaly, she is the best qualified to learn the art of tongue lashing from the CEO in anticipation of the time when nothing else will move him (as a recipient) to the fulfillment of his duties. Somehow I can't imagine the CEO accepting such treatment from any of the other candidates. Sorry, boys.

Management decisions like this are always hard, but we have to take long-term consequences into account. We must foresee the day when Viagra and possums are no longer adequate to stimulate the center's economy and bring about continued forward movement. If the CEO should ever fail to rise to the occasion, we may not be able to rectify the situation simply by using digital means. More fundamental talents will be called upon. A vote for Harpgirl is therefore a vote for the CEO's happy longevity.

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 06:20 PM

Is this a virtual position, or does the successful applicant actually have to set foot (or other body parts) in the dreaded, uncivilized, and basically undesirable Eastern Time Zone?

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 06:49 PM

art, the NYCTS is located in Montana somewhere. I think it was built on the site of Neil's famous 1973 LSD Overdose, the only known time when David Crosby had to give someone else a ride home.

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Nov 01 - 08:27 PM

I nominate Max. He needs a job, spends way too much time on Mudcat, and while pining for his beloved Kendall,can take advantage of the facilities. With some encouragement, Max will create the Gordon Bok Wing for Absentminded, Curmudgeonous, Itinerant Democrats...ACID...of which his beloved Captain is a member. AND, if we can get Kendall admitted, we may be able to keep him out of jail. WIN...WIN.

Subject: RE: BS: AdminPosition@the NYCFTTS-apply now
From: harpgirl
Date: 11 Nov 01 - 06:19 AM

Amos, you flatter me. I do think the biggest bitch should be in charge...