Subject: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,Silly Get Date: 07 Mar 02 - 10:11 AM I believe Billy wrote two songs that are, for different reasons, favourites of mine. "My Granny was a cripple in Nashville" & one I really love... "I'm asking you Sargeant where's mine," Chords, Lyrics and any other info would be of interest to me. Ta! |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Murray MacLeod Date: 07 Mar 02 - 10:20 AM Sergeant, Where's Mine ? Murray |
Subject: Lyr Add: C & W SUPERSONG (Billy Connolly) From: Murray MacLeod Date: 07 Mar 02 - 10:23 AM My granny is a cripple in Nashville Murray C&W Supersong (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Classic Connolly in words & music") C & W SUPERSONG (Billy Connolly) Yes my granny is a cripple in Nashville, friends This story I tell you true One day she went out on her wheelchair Never knowing it had a loose screw Well a wheel came off of that wheelchair, friends And on three wheels it trundled away And it trundled right over the edge of a cliff In an old seaside town far away (Country and Western noises) Now the boy who was pushing the wheelchair Was a little blind orphan called Joe And he said, "Oh where is my grannie?" And where did that damn wheelchair go Well he ran off to search for that wheelchair friends But his sightless eyes led him astray And he ran right over the edge of the cliff In that old seaside town far away (Country and Western noises) Well somebody sent for a doctor And an ambulance too, it was called And the people who lived in the neighbourhood Stood around and they cried, how they bawled Well the doctor and the ambulance came rushing, friends They were rushing from two different ways And they crashed with a BIFF and shot over the cliff In that old seaside town far away (Country and Western noises) Well they sent for brave Father Maloney To pray for the poor souls' repose And he said, "Well now that we're gathered here, good people" "Well we might as well pray I suppose" But too many people had gathered And the edge of the cliff gave way And they dropped with a yell and they all shot straight to hell In that old seaside town so terribly far away (Country and Western noises) Mews Music Ltd Source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ -Joe Offer- |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: katlaughing Date: 07 Mar 02 - 11:05 AM You might also want to check out this thread which has a link in it to a website all about the Big Yin! |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Genie Date: 07 Mar 02 - 01:23 PM Great songs, Silly! Thanks for asking for them. Genie |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,Keith A at work Date: 08 Mar 02 - 09:45 AM He also wrote Weekend Soldier, about the TA (army reserves) |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,ta2 Date: 08 Mar 02 - 10:07 AM when he was with the humblebums......2 great songs were..........."saltcoats".............and "why don't they come back to Dunoon " |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Skipjack K8 Date: 08 Mar 02 - 03:56 PM His D.I.V.O.R.C.E. spoof was a hoot, propably what he's known best for in the UK, musically. "She shooted 'Get him, Rover', and he jumped over, and bit my B.U.M" The other one that springs to mind is the spoof on Jimmy Osmond's Long Haired Lover, called Short Haired Police Cadet, set in the rougher parts of Glasgie. Great talent for spinning a yarn. Skipjack |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: cyder_drinker Date: 08 Mar 02 - 04:57 PM If it wasnae fer yer Wellies, Where wud ye be? You'd be in the Hospital, Or infirmary You could catch a dose o' the Flu Or even Pleurosy If ye didnae ha' yer feet In yer wellies Oh! Wellies they are wonderful Wellies they are swell Cos they keep oot the water And they keep in the smell And when ye're in a crowded room It's easy tae tell When some bugger's taken off their wellies |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: katlaughing Date: 08 Mar 02 - 05:00 PM Ah, one of my very favs of his, cyder drinker! |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Mac Tattie Date: 09 Mar 02 - 05:17 AM Billy was/is always at his best when he tries to be serious, and how he hated the audence when they snigered through his "meaningfull" songs. His "world tour" show, which started on TV this week, is an exception. Here he shows the sad/self centered person he has become. cheers. |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Mrs Cobble Date: 10 Mar 02 - 04:58 AM Agree Mac Tattie the Big Yin's TV show is just wondrful, I'm still laughing at, "if you want to get the shop assistant mad at you, ask for size EXTRA MEDIUM". Here it's not so funny but delivered by Billy **** ;-) One of the world's great entertainers. Mrs C |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Mar 02 - 08:48 AM I want that trike bike he rides....... hear me?? I WANT that trike bike!!!! I think he's having a bit of trouble reconciling himself to the success of his wife's book. It lays him completely bare and open to the world, and people expect him to be something else now... LTS |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Mrs Cobble Date: 10 Mar 02 - 09:47 AM LthS.. Oh! ! so thats what you want, A naked Billy Connolly on a trike Bike ! ! ! ! ;-) Mrs C |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Liz the Squeak Date: 10 Mar 02 - 03:27 PM Err... he will drop his clothes at the drop of a hat so to speak... leathered up will do nicely.... LTS |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Desdemona Date: 11 Mar 02 - 02:38 PM This is just BIZARRE; I had lunch with a friend literally an hour ago who was talking about Billy Connolly's songs and how funny they were. I said I'd never had the pleasure and here they are right here on the mudcat. **Kizmet**, I call it. |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Liz the Squeak Date: 11 Mar 02 - 07:15 PM No, Kismet should be in the Nelson's blood thread, we've got a thread creep going on here!!! LTS (it's really late, I should be in bed.....) |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Scabby Douglas Date: 12 Mar 02 - 07:34 AM was katlaughing taking the mick? "Cyder Drinker" indeed!!! Yeah.. and that other old Connolly classic "Oi've got a brand new combine harvester...." And "Ernie, the fastest milkman in the West."...
Cheers
Steven |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,Dita (at work) Date: 12 Mar 02 - 08:17 AM Read again Scabby, Cyder Drinker was the previous poster, love john. |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,MC Fat Date: 12 Mar 02 - 08:27 AM Granny's a Cripple was written by an irishman called Shay Heally |
Subject: RE: Billy Connolly songs From: Scabby Douglas Date: 12 Mar 02 - 09:54 AM Ah well, John.... My eyes are not what they once were.. and indeed I tender my apologies to katlaughing .... After all, who could forget Kenneth Williams as the inimitable talent behind "Combine Harvester" Cheers
Steven |
Subject: Lyr Req: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,Guest Date: 04 Aug 08 - 07:01 PM Can anyone help me find the lyrics for a parody of Turna Sorrento (almost certainly misspelled) which I think Billy Connolly wrote in the early seventies. it included lines about 'hear the patter on the water, see the baggy minnows scatter' I'm afraid it is just another set of lyrics to have slipped from my mind as years roll on |
Subject: Lyr Add: SALTCOATS AT THE FAIR (Billy Connolly) From: goatfell Date: 05 Aug 08 - 05:29 AM here are the words, and it is about my home town. SALTCOATS AT THE FAIR (Billy Connolly) Did you see the boats gaun doon the wattair Did ye see the baggy minnies scattair Fine well they know what we are aftair Wi wir nets and jeely jaurs in wir hauns 2. AA the day we spent at Saltcoats An the presents that we all got Ah goat a stick of rock for ma Auntie Fannie And a wee salt dish for my mammie 3. Did you see them queuing for fish suppairs Yer high fish tea wi yer bread and yir buttair Aa the drunk men lying in the guttair They were doon at Saltcoats for the fair 4. Say he tae me whit time are ye leavin, son Says ah tae him boot hauf eleeven, son Cos ah'm for the next train up tae Stevenson Cos ah don't like Saltcoats at the fair 5. Well Saltcoats goodbye I hate the smell of yur rotton seaweed Never again will I see you, Saltcoats goodbye |
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,Guest Date: 05 Aug 08 - 09:24 AM Thanks Goatfell. He was never very kind to the Costa Clyde! |
Subject: ADD: Tell Laura I Love Her (Billy Connolly parody) From: quokka Date: 05 Aug 08 - 09:42 AM please can someone post the Billy Connolly version of "Tell Laura I Love Her"? That was brilliant Cheers' Quokka Tell Laura I Love Her (from the LP "The Pick of Billy Connolly") TELL LAURA I LOVE HER! (parody by Billy Connolly) TELL LAURA I LOVE HER! TELL LAURA I NEED HER! TELL LAURA NOT TO CRY MY LOVE FOR HER WILL NEVER DIE. Ladies and gentlemen, I want to tell you, Oh yes, Laura and I were lovers for a long time ladies and gentlemen 'Til God took her away for a special purpose of his very own. I must admit I was a bit cheesed off at the time. I had a special purpose in mind myself. But there you go. Oh, sure, we'd lovers tiffs like anybody else. Like the time, in a moment of weakness, I sunk and I bought a dirty magazine. And in that magazine, ladies and gentlemen, I read about erogenous zones. In a very sly way, ladies and gentlemen, I invited Laura over to my place, ostensibly for coffee and cookies. And we were sitting on the sofa, and we were necking, ladies and gentlemen, necking. And I guess I must have touched one of her erogenous zones, ladies and gentlemen, Because she kneed me in one of mine. TELL LAURA I LOVE HER! TELL LAURA I NEED HER! TELL LAURA NOT TO CRY MY LOVE FOR HER WILL NEVER DIE. Oh ladies and gentlemen, I can't tell you, How could I ever forget that day God took Laura away for a special purpose of his own. We were downtown shopping for Laura's mum. She wanted some rubber bedclothes and an inflatable man. Strange woman Laura's mum. But anyhow, we were walking hand in hand down Main Street When a child ran onto the road, ladies and gentlemen. I said "Oh my God, my nerves!" and I covered my eyes I guess I'm that kind of guy. But Laura, who was made of stronger stuff than I, dashed onto the road to save that child. Ladies and gentlemen, I wanna tell you, the child made it to the other side and turned round and said "Eee eu eee-e eh-eu" but Laura didn't. She made it to the white line in the centre of the road, ladies and gentlemen, when a juggernaut came around the corner sideways and flattened her. TELL LAURA I LOVE HER! TELL LAURA I NEED HER! (I blame myself, I blame myself) TELL LAURA NOT TO CRY MY LOVE FOR HER WILL NEVER DIE. Oh ladies and gentlemen, how can I tell you, Some nights I lie awake, awash with sweat, as I hear the exact noise those lorries made when they flattened Laura It was a sorta "SPLAT" You know the noise you get When you stick a straw up a frogs bum and blow really hard I blame myself I wanna tell you, ladies and gentlemen Main Street was not a pretty sight There was bits of Laura everywhere I remember, two bits were sliding down the post office window And a big Alsatian came around the corner and made off with another couple of bits And it was with a heavy heart And a tear in either eye I searched, and I searched but I couldn't find the bit I was looking for! TELL LAURA I LOVE HER! TELL LAURA I NEED HER! TELL LAURA NOT TO CRY MY LOVE FOR HER WILL NEVER DIE. Source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070219045947/freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/songs/laura.htm -Joe Offer, 14 April 2009- |
Subject: Lyr Add: NOW I FEEL SO OLD (Billy Connolly) From: Geordie-Peorgie Date: 05 Aug 08 - 11:13 AM Try this one from (I believe) his time with The Humblebums NOW I FEEL SO OLD Words and music by Billy Connolly As recorded by The Humblebums 1. You blew in with the springtime and you took me by surprise. I saw things I'd never dreamed of as I gazed into your eyes. You said that you would stay until the leaves had turned to gold. I was so young and happy then but now... I feel so old 2 I think of you at night-time as I'm lyin' on my own. You've no idea how much I miss the things I've hardly known. When you were here the winters didn't seem to be as cold, But I felt so young and happy then and now... I feel so old. 3. Are you happy since you've been away? Where are you livin' now? I ask these questions constantly since you left until now. It's funny when you think on how I used to be so bold, But I felt so young and happy then and now... I feel so old. |
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Billy Connolly songs From: Geordie-Peorgie Date: 05 Aug 08 - 06:46 PM 'It's funny when you think on how I used to be so bold' Only took uz seven hours! |
Subject: ADD: Ins't It a Shame (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 02:44 PM There's a site many have referred to as a source for Billy Connolly lyrics: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ Now it's gone, and available only through the Wayback Machine, www.archive.org I thought I'd post the lyrics from the Website that we don't have, so they won't get lost. -Joe- Isn't It A Shame (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Raw Meat for the Balcony!") ISN'T IT A SHAME (Billy Connolly) Shame, shame, shame Shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame that the only walkin' we do Is you walkin' all over me And isn't it a shame that the only talkin' we do Is me talkin' in my sleep And isn't it a shame that the only holdin' we do Is you holdin' out on me Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame that the only laughin' we do Is you laughin' in my face And isn't it a shame that the only lovin' we know Is how you love to put me in my place And isn't it a shame that the only kissin' we do Is kissin' it all goodbye Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame (It's a shame) There's a service you can render (It's a shame) A little thing you've been overlookin' (It's a shame) When I say I want it warm and tender I'm not talkin' about the steak you're cookin' And isn't it a shame that the only kissin' we do Is kissin' it all goodbye Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame that the only feelin' would be Is feelin' that I'm gonna be sick Isn't it a shame that the only wantin' I do Is wantin' to get out of here quick Isn't it a shame that the only gettin' closer we do Is gettin' closer to the end Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Isn't it a shame, shame, shame Martin Coulter Music Ltd |
Subject: ADD: Closin' Time (parody by Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 02:58 PM Closin' Time (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Raw Meat for the Balcony!") CLOSIN' TIME (Billy Connolly) Oh it's closin' time again you'll have to leave us Oh you've got that far away look in your eyes We've got to hose the lobby down and count the tumblers And wipe the stewer from off tomorrow's pies Oh the Scottish pubs they're gonna be just like England They're lettin' us drink up an hour late But that won't affect the crowd that drink in my pub 'Cause they're all steamin' drunk at half past eight Oh yes it's closin' time again you'll have to leave us You've got that far away look in your eyes We've got to hose the lobby down and count the tumblers And wipe the stewer from off tomorrow's pies You should see the way they come in here at openin' It's a wonder they're allowed out on their own Stone cold sober they come in like Mickey Rooney Three pints later they barge out like big John Wayne Oh yes it's closin' time again you'll have to leave us For you've got that far away look in your eyes Oh yes we've got to hose the lobby down and count the tumblers And wipe the stewer from off tomorrow's pies Oh there's gonna be big changes made in this pub There'll be topless lassies servin' up your beer Well I told the boss that's sex descrimination I've been wearin' topless trousers here for years Oh yes it's closin' time again you'll have to leave us Oh you've got that far away look in your eyes We've got to hose the lobby down and count the tumblers And wipe the stewer from off tomorrow's pies Lark Music Ltd I think it's obvious that this is a parody of "Cryin' Time." source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ |
Subject: ADD: Two Little Boys in Blue (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 03:01 PM Two Little Boys In Blue (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Raw Meat for the Balcony TWO LITTLE BOYS IN BLUE (Billy Connolly) Do you think I could leave you lying When I could lie my head off too If somebody squaks in the witness box I'll cover up for you I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes The way the sergeant taught us to Before you count to three we'll be off scott free We're two little boys in blue Now two little boys had two little toys A whistle and a helmut blue And when they were wee it was plain to see What they'd grow up into They were hittin' other weans, bashing in their brains And shoppin' everybody too They didn't reform, now they're in uniform They're two little boys in blue Do you think I could leave you lying When I could lie my head off too If somebody squaks in the witness box I'll cover up for you I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes The way the sergeant taught us to Before you count to three we'll be off scott free We're two little boys in blue Now the duty sergeant said tuck the prisoners into bed But before you take their cocoa through Keep them in their cells and hit them where it tells But don't leave them black and blue You can kick them on their balls, bounce their head off the walls Bash them on the kidneys too Beat them on the legs and thighs but don't give them black eyes Or you'll be a prisoner too Do you think I could leave you lying When I could lie my head off too If somebody squaks in the witness box I'll cover up for you I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes The way the sergeant taught us to Before you count to three we'll be off scott free We're two little boys in blue So if you see them on the beat As they swagger down your street Here's a piece of advice for you Don't trust your luck turn around RUN LIKE THE CLAPPERS! From the two little boys in blue Do you think I could leave you lying When I could lie my head off too If somebody squaks in the witness box I'll cover up for you I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes The way the sergeant taught us to Before you count to three we'll be off scott free We're two little boys in blue Sleepy Dumpling Music Ltd Source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ |
Subject: ADD: As Usual (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 03:14 PM As Usual (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Raw Meat for the Balcony!") AS USUAL (Billy Connolly) I woke up with an achin' head as usual I can't remember goin' to bed as usual My stomach's feelin' very queer I've got a thunder storm in my left ear It must have been McEwen's beer as usual Oh we sucked the drink up like a hoover as usual The cheap wine and the paint remover as usual And somewhere deep inside my brain I seem to hear a diesel train And I promise not to drink again as usual I woke up in a public park as usual I must have crawled there after dark as usual Oh I'd better see how much I've got Oh Jesus Christ I've spent the lot I must have been a drunken sot as usual Jewel Music Pub Co Ltd Source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ I think this is a parody, too - but I can't locate the original song. -Joe- |
Subject: Lyr Add: HEY DOLORES (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 03:16 PM Hey! Dolores (from the LP "Billy Connolly - A Change Is As Good As Arrest") HEY! DOLORES (Billy Connolly) Hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here You've been out all night kickin' your hide And I've been sittin' home drinkin' beer You've been hangin' out with the in-crowd And you know it doesn't suit you dear So hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here I've been sittin' here drinkin' And my senses are gettin' all blurred I gambled all my money on the favourite in the second It came in first in the third I was gonna take you for a real big spread But the banker took my chequebook, the bookie took my bread Hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here Hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here You've been out all night kickin' your hide And I've been sittin' home drinkin' beer You've been hangin' out with the in-crowd And you know it doesn't suit you dear So hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here You didn't like my pigs in the kitchen And the turkeys in the bedroom made you sick You weren't ten minutes in the sweet little house You got rid of them all damn quick You flushed my frogs down the john Dolores You said the salamander couldn't stay And when you opened all the windows to get rid of the smells My pigeons all flew away Hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here You've been out all night kickin' your hide And I've been sittin' home drinkin' beer You've been hangin' out with the in-crowd And you know it doesn't suit you dear Hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here You're always on about personel hygiene As if I had some wierd disease Well I had a bath one Christmas And it made me all weak at the knees The soles of my feet went all crinkly And the shine went right out of my hair God only know what might've happened If I'd taken off my underwear Hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here You've been out all night kickin' your hide And I've been sittin' home drinkin' beer You've been hangin' out with the in-crowd And you know it doesn't suit you dear Hey Dolores, Hey Dolores Hey Dolores get your sweet ass over here Sleepy Dumpling Music Ltd Source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ |
Subject: ADD: Pain in my Ass (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 03:19 PM Pain In My Ass (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Raw Meat for the Balcony!") PAIN IN MY ASS (Billy Connolly) You're the dogend in my beer can You're the stone in my left shoe And when I think of great disasters You know I always think of you You're the snowdrift on my motorway The snake in my grass But most of all baby you're a pain in my ass I took you out for dinner to a fancy restaurant It took you half and hour to tell the waiter what you want And when he brought the soup you let it fall down on your knee And when he brought another one you spilled it over me You're the dogend in my beer can You're the stone in my left shoe And when I think of great disasters You know I always think of you You're the snowdrift on my motorway The snake in my grass But most of all baby you're a pain in my ass Oh I took you on an airplane and as we soared through the clouds You scared all the other passengers when you said your prayers out loud But the worst was still to come before we'd even touched the ground As a present to the pilot you passed your hat around You're the dogend in my beer can You're the stone in my left shoe And when I think of great disasters You know I always think of you You're the snowdrift on my motorway The snake in my grass But most of all baby you're a pain in my ass You were an hour late for the wedding I thought you'd left me in the lurch Oh you really shocked the guests there when you smoked your pipe in church And in the middle of the service I was stunned to say the least When you answered all the questions wrong and I got married to the priest You're the dogend in my beer can You're the stone in my left shoe And when I think of great disasters You know I always think of you You're the snowdrift on my motorway The snake in my grass But most of all baby you're a pain in my ass Sleepy Dumpling Music Ltd source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ |
Subject: ADD: Old Fashioned Tennessee Waltz(Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 03:22 PM The Old Fashioned Tennessee Waltz (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Riotous Assembly") THE OLD FASHIONED TENNESSEE WALTZ (Billy Connolly) The moon's silver fingers crept over the mountain On a deep purple Arkansas night The red lights were glowin' The red wine was flowin' The couples danced into the night Deep in the forest a bluebird was sleepin' Where only the coyote calls The dancers were swayin' The band it was playin' An old fashioned Tennessee waltz He stood in the shadows The black hatted stranger He stayed well away from the bar She could see his mustache And his blue tinted glasses In the glow from his five cent cigar She walked right up to him and said, "Hello stranger" He answered, "It's chilly for June" They swarmed arm in arm to the edge of the dancefloor And a black cloud sailed over the moon Just an old fashioned Tennessee waltz You've heard it before, you'll hear it again Just an old fashioned Tennessee waltz Young ladies beware of mysterious young men With glides and with sachets They swept the floor softly She felt she was dancing on air But his hands felt so cold and his eyes looked so old As he gave her that come with me stare She saw no danger but who was this stranger Was he real, was he true, was he false She took a chance and she lost Her last dance was the old fashioned Tennessee waltz Just an old fashioned Tennessee waltz You've heard it before, you'll hear it again Just an old fashioned Tennessee waltz Young ladies beware of mysterious young men Just an old fashioned Tennessee waltz You've heard it before, you'll hear it again Just an old fashioned Tennessee waltz Young ladies beware of mysterious young men Sleepy Dumpling Music Ltd soruce: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ I take it this has something to do with the Patti Page song. |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego Date: 14 Apr 09 - 04:15 PM Years ago, I heard a song done to the tune of "Mrs. McGrath." It was a sort of Irish parody which would turn up around St. Patrick's Day on radio. The last line, and the only one I remember, is "Thanks be to God that I wore me bra!" I thought it might have been an older Connolly tune. I know it's thin, but it's all I have. |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 14 Apr 09 - 04:54 PM TJ - it's the Ballad of Biddy McGrath by Shay Healy. Seamus
-Joe- |
Subject: ADD: Last Train to Glasgow Central(Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 05:12 PM Last Train to Glasgow Central (from the LP "Billy Connolly Live - In Concert LAST TRAIN TO GLASGOW CENTRAL (Billy Connelly) Last train to Glasgow Central, Last train to Glasgow Central, You'd better catch this one, And you'd better have a ticket 'cause here's the man. Beedie beedie bum bum, Twiddley dee, yoo hoo, To Glasgow Central. We had a great time, you could'ne whack it, Spent all my money, and pawned my jacket, And on the train goin' hame, I was hidin' in the lavvie when the ticket man came. Beedie beedie bare bum, Twiddley dee, yoo hoo, To Glasgow Central. Last train to Glasgow Central, Last train to Glasgow Central, You'd better catch this one, And you'd better have a ticket 'cause here's the man. Beedie beedie bum bum, Twiddley dee, yoo hoo, To Glasgow Central. (Padmore, Devere, Connolly) Cromwell Music Ltd source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070222224344/freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/songs/lasttrain.htm |
Subject: ADD: In the Brownies (parody by Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 05:17 PM In The Brownies (from the LP "Classic Connolly in Words and Music") IN THE BROWNIES (parody by Billy Connolly) Young man, are you tired of the scouts, I said young man, do you want to get out? I said young man, we will knock you about, It'll be OK, why worry Young man, you'll be one of the gang, I said young man, things will go with a bang, I said young man, you will soon get the hang of it, It's OK, why worry Young man, you will soon get the knack, I said young man, you'll be copping your whack I said young man, we will bend over backwards to Make you feel you're wanted. In the Brownies, everybody is your friend. In the Brownies, they're all waiting round the bend. In the Brownies, sticking with you to the end. In the Brownies, in the Brownies, In the Brownies, everybody goes to camp. In the Brownies, there is nothing like a tramp. In the Brownies, grab your mouth organ and In the Brownies, in the Brownies. Young man, stop bumming around. I said young man, keep your ear to the ground. I said young man, now's the time to go down, To your local branch and join us. Young man, stop looking behind. I said young man, you know you're going to find. I said young man, you're sure to go blind, If you don't eat up your carrots. In the Brownies, you won't be tying many knots. In the Brownies, you'll enjoy a certain lot. In the Brownies, you can give it your best shot. In the Brownies, in the Brownies. In the Brownies, a canteen that never shuts. In the Brownies, never any ifs or buts. In the Brownies, ginger beer and fruit and nuts. In the Brownies, in the Brownies. They want you, they want you, they want you as a new recruit. They want you, they want you, they want you as a new recruit. In the Brownies, everybody is your friend. In the Brownies, they're all waiting round the bend. In the Brownies, sticking with you to the end. In the Brownies, in the Brownies, In the Brownies, everybody goes to camp. In the Brownies, there is nothing like a tramp. In the Brownies, grab your mouth organ and In the Brownies, in the Brownies. (BIEM/STEMRA) source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ Somehow, I don't think these "Brownies" are a branch of the Girl Scouts U.S.A. Who are they? The song is a parody of "Y.M.C.A." and "In the Navy" which were recorded by the Village People. -Joe- |
Subject: ADD: Nine and a Half Guitars (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 05:32 PM (from the LP "Billy Connolly Live - In Concert") NINE AND A HALF GUITARS (Billy Connolly) I like to sing James Taylor songs, and songs by Carol King. I'll even sing John Murphy songs, I'll sing anything. But when I sing in social clubs, just one thing sickens me, A wee drunk woman staggers up, and this is what she says to me. Hey Jimmy, gonna gi' us Ten Guitars? Her face has got a dozen battle scars, Oh, I must have sang that song in a thousand bars. Oh, I'm really getting sick of Ten Guitars. Guitars were made for Rock and Roll, and no' this kind of trash. Gimme a song wi' Stephen Stills, or even Johnny Cash. But just when I start out to sing, some nice wee melody, The same wee woman donners up, and this is what she says to me. Hey Jimmy, oh c'mon, gi' us Ten Guitars. Her face has got a thousand battle scars, Oh, I must have sang that song in a thousand bars. Oh, I'm really getting sick of Ten Guitars. Oh, if I could get my hands on that big balm-pot Humperdinck, I'd rip his tonsils out his throat, and stuff them down the sink. Oh, I wish he'd never sang that song, or maybe something else instead, I'd love to take his ten Guitars and wrap them around his head. Hey Jimmy, oh c'mon, gi' us Ten Guitars. Her face has got a million battle scars, Oh, I must have sang that song in a thousand bars. Oh, I'm really getting sick of Ten Guitars. I'd love to break the strings on his Ten Guitars. (c) (Mills) Valley Music Ltd source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ And the original: TEN GUITARS (Gordon Mills) Engelbert Humperdinck - 1966 Tom Jones - 1968 Also recorded by: Brendan Dugan; Melissa Gosselin; Tommy Scott; Joe "Fingers" Webster & His River City Mainlanders. I have a band of men and all they do is play for me They come from miles around to hear them play a melody Beneath the stars my ten guitars will play a song for you And if you're with the one you love this is what you do Oh, dance, dance, dance to my ten guitars And very soon you know just where you are Through the eyes of love you see a thousand stars When you dance, dance, dance, to my ten guitars Guitars are made for love my band of men will always say So give each one a pretty girl and they will start to play Beneath the stars my ten guitars will play a song for you And if you're with the one you love this is what to do Oh, dance, dance, dance to my ten guitars And very soon you know just where you are Through the eyes of love you see a thousand stars When you dance, dance, dance, to my ten guitars Ooh, let me tell you now Dance, dance, dance to my ten guitars Hm, come on, everybody, Dance, dance, dance, to my ten guitars source: http://www.lyrics007.com/Engelbert%20Humperdinck%20Lyrics/Ten%20Guitars%20Lyrics.html And YouTube videos: |
Subject: ADD: You Take My Photograph (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 05:42 PM You Take My Photograph (I Break Your Face) (from the LP "Billy Connolly - A Change is as Good as Arrest") YOU TAKE MY PHOTOGRAPH (I BREAK YOUR FACE) (Billy Connolly) You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face I give you my promise you'll be sorry that you did it I give you my promise you'll be sorry that you did it You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face Take a liberty and say I let you In the darkroom I am going to get you...and your camera (camera) I know a trick and you are bound to love it When I tell you where I'm going to shove it The camera (camera) You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face All you want to do is sell me to the highest bidder All you want to do is sell me to the highest bidder You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face I've a trick that's very acrobatic With a Nikon or an Instamatic camera (camera) I don't it like when you get the picture Can you guess where I am going to stick your camera (camera) Smile please (flash) Close together (flash) Make a funny face (flash) This way (flash) Over here (flash) Give her a kiss, give her a kiss (flash) You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face Don't tell me it's just a job and you're obeying orders Don't tell me it's just a job and you're obeying orders You take my photograph, I break your face You take my photograph, I break your face I don't like it when I finished working Coming home only to find you lurking with your camera (camera) Did you really think that I would be delighted Just remember you were not invited with your camera (camera) Professional Music Consultants Ltd/Sleepy Dumpling Music Ltd Source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ Is this a parody of something? -Joe- |
Subject: ADD: Talkin' Blues (Billy Connolly) From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 05:52 PM Talkin' Blues (from the LP "Billy Connolly - Anthology") TALKIN' BLUES (WHAT'S IN A NAME) (Billy Connolly) I'm tellin' you people I've got problems on my mind Something that's been bugging me for quite some time As I wander through the world just lookin' for fame The question keeps cropping up, "What's in a name... Like Elvis, Engelbert, Bamber Gascoigne?" (I used to think that was a disease Oh I'm sorry I didn't come to school yesterday, Miss I was in bed with a bad attack of that Bamber Gascoigne I got up 5 times to the lavvy, and that was my starter for 10!) I knew a young couple once, name was McCann Gave birth to a baby, a fine young man Then they went to get him christened in the church in the lane The priest nearly fainted when he heard the baby's name He said, "Wha!" They said, "Genghis." He said, "Ah, Jesus Christ!" (They're always saying that.) Now life's pretty hard as an ordinary man, But it must get pretty hellish as Genghis McCann. Just wandering through the world looking for a friend Luckily he found one in the end He's a nutcase. From Aberdeen. Called Napoleon Bonacord Smith. Well the two got to talkin' 'bout trouble and strife And how they'd been laughed at all of their lives Then like Napoleon and Genghis did in days of yore They rode home on horseback and evened up the score With rifles, bayonets, screw-tops and swear words So if you get yourself a baby and you're looking for a name Remember what I told ya' cause you might end up the same You might get yourself in trouble it's plain to see Every word's true you can count on me William J. Connolly the 3rd. The J's for Jemimah Source: http://web.archive.org/web/20070613005405/http://freespace.virgin.net/martin.lewis/billy/ So, that's all the songs I found on that dead Website. -Joe- |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Jim I Date: 14 Apr 09 - 05:56 PM I'm not sure that 'As Usual' is a Connolly original. When I started out years ago looking for song origins I was told by someone that the song was written by a Sean Tierney, a regular at the Scotia Bar in Glasgow. It is a parody of an Alex Zanetis song (sung by Brenda Lee amongst others) which I have seen elsewhere on a Mudcat thread. Hamish Imlach also sings the song on one of his albums where it is credited 'Murphy/Zanetis'. I suspect Murphy may be Noel Murphy but have no way of knowing. |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 06:00 PM Hi, Jim - I suspect some of the others may not be Billy Connolly originals, either. I copied stuff from the Dead Website without taking the time to do perfect research. I see Billy has a very good Website at http://www.billyconnolly.com/. I didn't find song lyrics there, though. He's been mostly an actor in recent years, I gather. -Joe- |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Joe Offer Date: 14 Apr 09 - 08:46 PM I didn't find the lyrics to "Short Haired Police Cadet" online, but I did find a YouTube video. I can't understand the song - can somebody transcribe it? I also found an interesting mention of the song in this blog:
One of two number one hits from 1972 which involved the Mike Curb Congregation on glutinous backing vocals; the other was Sammy Davis Jr's cheery not-about-drugs-honest song "The Candy Man," a chart-topper in America but not a hit here, whereas Little Jimmy did not register at all on the Billboard lists. The latest in an increasing line of novelty Xmas number ones (how the Beatles were missed, even though two of them had singles out – with that "Liverpool" the residual memory remained) and essentially harmless tack, although it caused domestic consternation since Little Jimmy was only a year older than me; cue the agonised parent cries of "why haven't you written a best seller yet, child prodigy?" Happily, though, in Scotland it was comfortably outsold by Billy Connolly's "Short-Haired Police Cadet From Maryhill" which latter, thanks to lines such as "If ah catch ye smokin' hashish up a close" and "short-arsed Shuggy," didn't get much play on the radio. |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 15 Apr 09 - 03:28 AM The Brownies are just young Girl Scouts (who we call Guides)Joe. Age 7 to 10! |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST Date: 05 Aug 09 - 05:02 PM These songs were actually written by a bloke called Sean Tierney who was a Glasgow lawyer who used to drink in the Scotia Bar in Stockwell Street, that probably where Billy Connolly heard them. |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Dave Hanson Date: 06 Aug 09 - 02:56 AM I Am A Cider Drinker was written by the late Adge Cutler, people seem to be crediting Billy C authorship of songs just because he sings them [ goo as he is ] |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Georgiansilver Date: 06 Aug 09 - 03:14 AM I remember Billy with the Humblebums and one song in particular called "Everybody Knows That" :- It only rains when clouds bang together... but everybody knows that. And it's rockets and missiles that are causing this bad weather.. but everybody knows that'........ Anyone remember it? |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,MC Fat (at work) Date: 06 Aug 09 - 04:53 AM C & W supersong or My Grannies A Cripple From Nashville was written by Shay Healy |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: Dave Hanson Date: 06 Aug 09 - 09:59 AM I've got a recording of ' Everybody Knows That ' on a double LP record bought on a drunken field trip through Woolworths many years ago, good song mind. Dave H |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: scouse Date: 06 Aug 09 - 12:25 PM I remember Hamish Imlach and Ian Mac singing "As Usual." But I'm sure they never accredited it to Billy. As Aye, Phil |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: weerover Date: 06 Aug 09 - 03:12 PM I'm pretty sure that "Short-haired Police Cadet..." was written by Jimmy Blackburn, who once gave me the chance to do something I had been dying to do since I was a boy. Unfortunately it was almost certainly illegal, hence no details. wr |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: weerover Date: 06 Aug 09 - 04:59 PM On re-reading my post above, I realise that it could look a tad dodgy. No physical interaction between people (or animals!) was involved. |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST,jayhogan Date: 16 Nov 09 - 08:32 PM hey everyone,where can i find the chords for guitar for "my granny is a cripple in nashville"any help would be great!!! |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST Date: 05 May 19 - 07:19 AM Re: Closing time. I think the hosing down in the chorus is hosing down the LAVVY (lavatory) - that's what it sound like and would make sense. ;) |
Subject: RE: ADD: Billy Connolly songs From: GUEST Date: 05 May 19 - 07:30 AM It was "lavvy", certainly. |
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