BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?

Subject: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 02:51 PM

Okay we need help eh? It's BAD. Tim Horton's is closed down!!! The whole flippin' store is shut down, and the parkin lot has them thingies they put up when the y work on the roads eh? them orange thingies.

They are renovating!!! As if. The place was fine. Now it's empty.

What the flip are we supposed to do when the only flippin Tim Horton donut shop in town is flippin CLOSED???!!!

Okah, so they got in this truck that sells donuts and coffee and it's parked at the back. Well, that's NOT GHOOD EnUFGFF!!! I need a flippin palce to sit down and rest my butt while I impress the local girls and the female toorists eh?

This town is in a state of SHOCK! I am not foolin. It's bad. REal bad.

I figger if Gorge Flippin Bush can afford to blast hell out of IRAK and send 300,000 soldiers across the flippin world that he can afford to do something for Blind River eh? Like send some aid and reopen our Tim HOrton's.

I wrote the idiot Jean Chretin in Ottawa and he did not reply. He can't talk right anyway! He sounds like one of them Frog lumberjacks after a bad weekend in the bush.

Come on, Americans! We need your help. I never thought I would admit it, but we do.

Just dont' send in the tanks. Airlift money. And beer. Lots of both would be good.

BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 03:02 PM

How about we send you all of the donut holes from Dunkin' Donuts, huh? They'll fill you up without the fat!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,WAstedinWAwa
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 03:20 PM

Hoowaa ... waawaa ...MMM ...WAaawha wuz dat??????? IZZde BEER stor stilopinnnnnn duuuuude?????

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Peter T.
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 04:20 PM

Someone is spending too much time inside. yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 04:59 PM

I guess what were once referred to as one horse towns can now be called one Tim's towns. I feel for ya buddy. We have six in the booming metropolis of Whitby.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 05:10 PM

Jeez. Six eh? Thats not bad, dude. I gotta check uot Whitby one of these days. There aint even one horse around this town, I dont think...but we got a totally cool bar calleed the Iron Horse Inn. I drink there regular. I once streaked the place at midnight to win a bet!

Talk about "Shock and Awe", man! I wowed em. I owe my fame in this town partly to that and partly to my success with girls. I am a legnend around here.

But Timmy's is still closed and thats BAD.

Someone has gotta do somethin fast. I could use some smokes too. Tell Bush and tell him NOW! Quit fartin' around in IRAK and get down to business where business is good...Blind River (greatest little town in North Ontario, maybe in the World).

I been to WAwa. It sucks. Besides, it sounds like a baby yellin when you say "Wawa". I would rather go to Hull than visit Wawa again.

BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 05:53 PM

Maybe you can walk down the street to the Dunkin' Donuts and impress the girls there?

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 06:19 PM

I've PLAYED in Blind River Sins....believe me you DON'T want to impress THOSE girls! Once while I was playing "The Queen's Hotel" (or was it the "Rex"?) two of "Blind Drunk......'s" friends (it's a very small town...everyone's related) came up to the stage and DEMANDED I play Lee Greenwood's "I'm Proud to be an Americannn". I explained that I didn't know it (I left out the part about thinking it was crap) but that I HAD met Tim Horton. They chased me up to my room, tore the clothes off of me, and if it hadn't been for the big Rope-fire escape next to my bed......well....it's too ugly to contemplate.

Tim Hortons is a serious issue in Ontario's Northland.

It's sort of like rural Alabama with icicles.

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 06:34 PM

Living here a few miles from the corporate headquarters of Wendy's International, parent company of Tim's, the word on the streets is:
"Since you didn't go to Baghdad town
We'll shuttin' your Tim Horton's down."

Yeah, since Dave died there's no tellin' what those fools in Dublin will do next. That's Dublin, Ohio...........Home of Muirfield Golf Club and "The Memorial." Sorry, but we have two here in Lancaster and there are at least 15 or 20 in Columbus. Feel free to drive down.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 06:43 PM

Maybe Dublin, Ohio is where Saddam is hiding out. He's devious, and it would be a most unexpected move. Check out the local barbershops, cos he looks a lot like an old-fashioned barber when he's not in uniform, and he can handle a mean pair of shears.

Dunkin' Donuts has not yet invaded Canada, as far as I know. It's mostly Tim Horton's and Country Style here, with Tim's dominating the landscape.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 06:57 PM

Blind River... Been giving Northern Ontario a bad name for longer than most people care to recall...

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,trailer park
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 07:28 PM

I live in Clutter's Corners which is just a few miles from The Sault. We used to have a Tim Hortons but it closed and something new from the States (just across the river) has taken it's place.

It's called 'Holes R Us' (don't laugh, we couldn't believe it either) and it's now the only game in town, next to Mavis' Diner, Chang's Home Hardware, and the Smart-Mart and fill-up. Oh, and the Multi-plex cinema. It's only one small theatre but has several layers of plastic windows. My gosh, I didn't mean to come in here and describe my town so thoroughly, but since I am, I'll mention the Church that Dorkas and I go to. St. Puffin's is a beautiful little Catholic Church situated at the corner of Mung Rd. and Concession 9. Father Dominic and his ward Sean (who used to be the Scout leader until he quit, or something) live in the house next door.

Hey, I'm forgetting, this is about donuts isn't it?

Remember those Tim-bits things? Well that's ALL that 'Holes R Us' make. Yes they're cheaper but there's almost NO variety. Whole wheat, Cracked Wheat, Toasted Wheat, blanched wheat, and wheat-sprinkles. Very boring, no icing no nothing, but I guess they're very healthy. I wouldn't mind to see Tim Horton's come back.

Stu and Dorkas

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 07:48 PM

My Gawd...

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,WAstedinWAwa
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 08:30 PM

Waaaaa ..HoowaaaWAwa NEVER sukked asbaaaaaaad as you flippin hoserrrs in ah ... ahhh... oh yeah BLindRIVer thats it! I'da hitched a riide over and brung youua TIMmys dubbledubble but NOW you caaan just skip[it duuude! LIke I'm just gonna rollup my OWN rims rite here b;y misself an FORGET your freakin winin!!

NEsxt time you cum to WAwa, meat me under the BIG GOOSE an we'll rummble eh? Yeaaah I'll fix you up REEELgooood, ,,,

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 10:03 PM

This is a Canadian nightmare, going from bad to worse, sinking into the slime of its own inanity, and devouring all in a welter of semi-profane idiocy.

Tell me more...eh?

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 10:15 PM

Anybody got a translator program for this stuff? LH, it's at times like this you should be thankful that 75% of the Canadian population lives within a hundred miles of the US border.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 10:24 PM

Dunkin' Donuts sux.

BDiBR, you should go mooch off Little Hawk until the Tim Horton's reopens. They've got eight or fifteen of them in Orillia.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,WAstedinWAwa
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 10:35 PM

Im Still WAwaiting ya lilyliverred BLindRIverred hoser!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 10:57 PM

You FLIPPIN, CORK-PULLIN, GOOSE-PORKIN SON OF A MOTORFORKER!!! You think I'm afraid of YOU??? Don't make me laugh! If you don't flip right off NOW I am goin' to get a lift to Wawa and kick your ass! I aint never met no loser from Wawa that I couldn't outdrink, outfight, and out...well...any flippin thing you care to name.

You've got me ticked, eh? I will bust yer flippin face if I see you!

And my brother Don will too. He hates you losers in Wawa. Don't mess with Shane and Don from Blind River, buddy. We put losers like you where they belong. Face down in the spilled beer on the barroom floor, that's where.

BDiBR

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,WAstedinWAwa
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 11:23 PM

Waaa .. weaa .. WE'All no just what kinda bull you 're intoooo in BLind RIver!!!. Oh yeah you're so flippin BLIND you probly need it THIS BIG eh??? Haa that's REEELLL HONKIN goooooood e .. hic! ... eh???

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 11:24 PM

Have youse guys ever bin to a Tim's in kebec?? Day got lots of weird stuff on de menu eh, like toast. No Poutine though.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,WAstedinWAwa
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 11:51 PM

WAaa ... waaada ... WAda goood plan dude! Less go de kebec NOW!!! Just gottaa get theesse flippin feathhhhhers offa me ... Okay!! LEssgo get de weeiird Timstuff!!

Like they Probly wooden let BDiBR's BLindRIver Babe insiiide though, eh? Looks good on the loser HAha hic! HA!!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 11:58 PM

yeah, and d beers cheap in kebec too.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: CarolC
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 12:04 AM

Wow... cool site, WiW!!!! What a great idea for a site, Big Things in Ontario

I found the MAMMOTH CHEESE in there!
(Which inspires me to re-post this beauty that was first enquired about in a thread by LH a long, long time ago.)

ODE ON THE MAMMOTH CHEESE, WEIGHING OVER 7,000 POUNDS

James McIntyre "The Cheese Poet"
1827-1906

We have seen the Queen of cheese,
Laying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze --
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.

All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial Show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.

Cows numerous as a swarm of bees --
Or as the leaves upon the trees --
It did require to make thee please,
And stand unrivalled Queen of Cheese.

May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great World's show at Paris.

Of the youth -- beware of these --
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek; then songs or glees
We could not sing o' Queen of Cheese.

We'rt thou suspended from baloon,
You'd caste a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 12:26 AM

CarolC,

We're a sad bunch, aren't we. Hey, I wonder if they have this sort of thing on the Rock? Dildo jumps to mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Doobed out in Duncan
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 02:54 AM

Hey dudes…..like ….uh……. you know    …like uh….when you refer to Dildo jumps to mind….does that….uh….like….mean being fucked in the head?.Like,.......uh....While engaging in a plethora…..oh wow! Did I just spell that?…of boutique beers out here on the coast when we think of BUD LIGht that renowned beverage does not …..uh….spring to mind….shit it freaks me out when those lucid moments hit me. Most of us have degrees in something out here. But we sorta have difficulty remembering in what. Oh crap….just burned another hole in my dogs fur. Yeah….Oh! Right. Where was I? Like you know….now…. not then. But I digress.   The subject was….uh….yeah….Really big things! LIKE THIS …..and its within 100 yards of both a Tim Horton's and a Starbucks….well 9Starbucks…..but whose counting?…uh… that high anyway. Shit man….gotta go… I smell Pigpen smouldering out on the porch….oh shit, No!.. It is the porch…..I gotta porch?......I must have a new girlfriend…Gone dudes.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Metchosin
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 02:59 AM

Jeez that's a big mother of a stick!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: gnu
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 06:49 AM

Geeez, I wish we could send you one the ones in Moncton to tide you over. We've got forty or so of 'em and they drive me nuts. Every time you go by one, there's traffic at the entrances and it seems those who haven't had their Tim's yet can't figure out where the lanes are so they end up blocking the rest of us who have better things to do than drink that swill. I always figured they had flocks of trained pigeons who would gather and return the cups and stir sticks for recycling. I mean, there must be some reason the coffee taste that bad.

Now, I must give the local Tim's franchise a thank you for the new four rink arena complex and the fact that they have also sponsered a lot of hockey teams and other charities here over the years.

Any other places where Tim's did such a thing as a new FOUR RINK arena complex ? Just curious.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 07:13 AM

Hey gnu....I like big business getting involved too. Now down in Dayton, Tennessee, home of the 1924 Scopes "Monkey" trial regarding the teaching of evolution, folks take their religion seriously and a good weekly gospel sing is always found at McDonald's??? Yep, no shit!

Now here in Columbus, Ohio folks take sports at Ohio State real serious too as well as their shopping, so it came as no surprise when locally owned Schottenstein's (also has Value City stores), a discount department store which specializes in irregulars, overruns, and leftovers from the high-class stores, donated big to build a new basketball/sports complex which appropriately to basketball, is called "The Schott." Helluva' place I tell ya'!! You can catch a game and pickup some irregular underwear all at the same time............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Big Brother
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 10:30 AM

Hey, man! The idiot-boy (my little brouther) is sleeping it off. He got totally wasted last night at the Iron Horse and is in bad shape today I can tell you. He wshould be okay by around 6 tonight, I figger. He got all worked up about "Wasted in Wawa" and was carryin on at the Horse about it. Everybody expects a big fight any day now, but lemme tell ya, Shane dont win too many fights. LOL! I seen him manage a few draws though. He usually picks the wrong people to fight with, cos he has lousy judgement and its always after he's had a few too many, which is whenever he can bum some or whatever.

He was bummin' drinks last night and goin on in a grand fashion about how he was gonna kick Wawa ass! Ha! Ha! It was great. You shoulda been there.

You shoulda seen him this morning, man. He looked like dog barf on a stick.

NOw the Tim Horton's shutdown is a real flippin drag I can tell you! I would not say that the town is in a state of shock exackly, but I would say that it's depressed.

Well, I am off to the service station shortly. Hang tight, losers! I figger Shane will be semi-coherent in a few houars from now, which is probably when he will realize that Jimmy and me moved his bed inta the basement (with him in it) and locked him in there with the spiders and empty beer bottles. Ha! Ha! There is no way outa there but through a chimney.

See ya.

Don the Man

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,TrailerPark
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 10:41 AM

What a strange group of people you are! I can hardly believe that you're all telling the truth, especially that Steve Latimer guy. Where'd you make up a name like that? You don't play banjo do you? Up in a tree maybe.

Little Hawk sounds like some right wing militarist.

And Carol C, you're not the Carol Crumphitz I dated back in high school are you? Remember, we went to the drive in. You were some pissed when you discovered it had been closed for several years!

Rick Fielding! Rick Fielding!

Did you play guitar in Clutter's Corners back in 75? You weren't that guy who kept fuckin' up the Merle Haggard, by puttin' extra chords in it were you? It doesn't matter, cuz I wasn't one of the guys who beat you up.

I still have yer guitar though!

And finally (for now) PETER T, PETER T? What's the deal, you some kind of spy or somethin' or do you just think you're better than the rest of us?

Stu (without Dorkas. The bitch ran of last night with Mavis! What the hell has she not got that I got?)

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Dead Drunk in Dead Falls, Montana
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 12:01 PM

Canadians are a bucncha of pinko fellow traveler commie-lovers. They are gutless. Where we they when we needed them? Where were they when we took on Hitler in '41? I never been to Blind River, but it sounds like a hole to me. I live in Dead Falls, Montana, where we alldrive pickup trucks with rifle racks on the bakc windows and we shoot anything that fuckin moves! From the truck. We are not afraid to line up behind old Glory and take out dictators and scum wherevwer tehy may be. We favor war under any and all circumstances and we fight to win!

Tim Horton's is for losers and triators! I am not going to Canada till it is annexed and becomes part of the USA, which shoudl be soon.

Enjoy your commie health care while it lasts, you useless idiots!

In Dead Falls if you can't pay, too F-in bad!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Lovely Lonely Iron Fillies of Blind River I
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 12:27 PM

Dorkasless Stu - never fear, click right here! Yes, yes, I know she's only human - but sorry, there's just not enough Blue Bully Babes to go round this spring. Like they all took off for Espanola to work at the new Timmy's, eh?

LLIFoBRI

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Head Hoser of Blind River
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 01:08 PM

Dead Drunk in Dead Falls Montana - you flippin foul-mouthed American ingrate! Keep it up, bud, and maybe we'll stop letting you and your comrades come up here and kill our wildlife, eh?

Maybe we'll quit annihilating our forests for ya!

Worse yet, we might just, like, quit helping you build your flippin WMD's! THEN what would you do - eh? Huh? EH???

Hey, don't look now but there's your Project for a New American Century trickling away as fast as the foam off last night's beer ... ya losers!

HHoBR

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 02:37 PM

Spy. yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 02:40 PM

Gods... it's Mudcats very own Trailer Park Boys... only without the humour...

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 03:50 PM

Clinton,

Knock, knock.

Trailer Park Boys is my latest guilty pleasure. Just found out about it a few weeks ago. Can't wait for season 3, starts this Sunday.

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 04:00 PM

You and me both Steve... And there's a guy who plays locally who looks just like Bubbles!

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 04:33 PM

I'd love to see him!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 04:51 PM

I Kid Him 'Cause I Love Him!

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 06:50 PM

Clinton,

Disappointed, that's no Bubbles. He probably has never even heard of the Shit Rope, The Catcher in The Rye or Plato(smartest man who ever lived).

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 12:17 AM

The "Shit Rope"? Please explain.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 12:21 AM

Little Hawk,

It's from the TV show "Trailer Park Boys", have you seen it?

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 12:28 AM

Don't bet on it Steve!

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 10:26 AM

Ah...well, no. I don't watch TV. But it sounds like it's a pretty funny show, so maybe I'll check it out sometime (but not too likely...I choose to ignore the idiot box and do other things instead).

And it's mainly because of the commercials, but also just because. I ignore commercial radio for the same reason, and listen to recorded music of my own choice instead. I am not going to be a human sponge for commercial messages if I can help it. F*ck the bastards.

The pity of it is, you can't even rent a video or go to a movie theater now without having an ad for something screaming at you at double the normal volume. It's pathetic. And it's all driven by money...the great blind, destructive, idiotic imperative behind this unutterably deluded civilization.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: MMario
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 10:27 AM

This explains why Rochester (NY) may be getting a Tim Hortons - they are migrating south!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: GUEST,Dayglo Abortions
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 11:24 AM

To: Dead Drunk in Pussy Falls

It's dumb redneck hillbillies like you that give all Americans a bad name. You know nothing about Canadians. The only thing people like you value is nailing your sister's and drinking you shitty american beer. Before you start talking why don't you get your facts together. Further more Canada will never anex with you bastards. Stay the hell out of Canada you Neo Nazie Ass Clown!!

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 12:31 PM

Awright!!! You tell 'em, Dayglo! LOL!!! They don't know what "trouble" is till they've been cornered by an enraged beaver, by golly! Not to mention shafted by an enraged moose...

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 01:13 PM

"And it's all driven by money..."

Everything always has been, and for the concievable future, everything always will be... may as well get used to it... Otherwise yer climbing a shit rope...

Subject: RE: BS: Blind River - Town in SHOCK, eh?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 17 Apr 03 - 02:22 PM

Or you're Dorothy in the shit tornado!!