BS: back trouser department hygene

Subject: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: GUEST,middle aged bloke
Date: 11 May 06 - 12:54 PM

Is it an inevitable symtom of getting older..
but I'm finding it increasingly problematic wiping myself clean enough
after back bottom clearance sessions........

Where only a few short years ago I only needed a handfull of sheets
of toilet paper,
now I seem to use anything up to half a roll
before I've finished wiping to a satisfactory standard of cleanliness..????

The most annoying times are when I've just about finished off wiping clean
only to discover morenasty skidmark smears appearing immediately afterwards !!!!


..and this is even on days when I don't suffer from explosive wet guffs..


BTW.. I eat a healthy balanced omnivorous diet.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 06 - 01:21 PM

I am sure there's a rationale for this being posted here -- a song challenge or something. "Ballad of the Skidmark Kid", or "The Brown and White Blues" (wish those blues would leave me behind...). Or, just possibly, some reptilian impulse to act disgusting as a sort of juvenile way of creating an effect.

A

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 May 06 - 01:52 PM

We use soap and water to clean the rest of our bodies, yet we're supposed to adequately clean our posteriors with nothing but dry paper? I don't think so. Paper is a start, but a damp washcloth or moist towelette is required for real cleanliness.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 11 May 06 - 02:08 PM

This stupidity was locked once, can it not be again?!?!?!

Grow the fuck up would you wankers

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 May 06 - 02:34 PM

How do you keep clean Clint?
G.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 11 May 06 - 03:06 PM

What business is it of yours, or for ANY level of conversation???

You people are so puerile...

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bill D
Date: 11 May 06 - 03:19 PM

Clinton H. aside--(hey, CH...we are concerned, helpful folks here!)
...the quality of toilet paper HAS changed. Like paper gorcery bags, there used to be a significant amount of old growth timber with longer strands of cellulose used....now you pay top dollar for any strength in the product.
My solution, not having a bidét, is preliminary, cursory use of a 'moderate' quality paper, then one sheet of a TOP quality paper towel, folded twice and moistened. Kleenex "VIVA" is the best. (Bounty has ALSO reduced basic quality the last couple of years.) "Viva" even has now a roll with 2/3 size sheets.

It sounds expensive, but it works, and is very little more than quadruple use of cheap paper.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 May 06 - 03:21 PM

Moist towelets when out, washcloth at home-- and if that's too hard, my man, the solution DEPENDS on you! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 11 May 06 - 03:22 PM

It seems to me that anyone who opens a thread titled as this one is titled has no grounds to complain. No one forced you to read it. You weren't lured in under false pretenses.

The experience Middle Aged Bloke describes is REAL enough, even though not overly attractive. If he were a member I could and would PM him on the subject, but I don't think it's necessary to go into detail about it out in front of God and everybody, so I'll just let it lie there.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: bobad
Date: 11 May 06 - 05:29 PM

This is what we use in our home.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Peace
Date: 11 May 06 - 05:34 PM

Fellow staggers into a bar. Needs the washroom for a 'sit down' vists, and he's in a hurry . He's directed there by the barkeep. After a few minutes, the whole bar hears a piercing scream of agony. It is shortly followed by anpother and another. Some patrons and the barkeep run to the toilet and there's the drunk sitting down with his face all red and tears in his eyes. The barkeep asks what's wrong. Drunk replies, "I've tried flushing the toilet three times, and each time something grabs my testicles and squeezes them hard." Barkeep laughs and says, "Ya silly bugger, you're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: bobad
Date: 11 May 06 - 05:37 PM

Ha Ha, I got a chuckle out that one.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Helen
Date: 11 May 06 - 05:43 PM

Guest,mab, is is possible that your omnivorous diet includes more fibre than when you were younger. Maybe you are more health conscious now about what you are eating, and unfortunately more fibre means more time at the "other end" of the business.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 May 06 - 05:54 PM

peoplein the Middle East and Asia use water - its the cleanest way.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: GUEST
Date: 11 May 06 - 05:57 PM

If you're getting older the problem might be caused by wrinkles

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bill D
Date: 11 May 06 - 06:27 PM

water is fine, but application is tricky sometimes. I think the trick with the damp paper towel (partially dampened!) is VERY useful. When I am going to be out of town and in someplace like a hotel, I pack enough sheets of VIVA to deal with eventualities.

As to "older", I find that my skin in general is more delicate and easily irritated in recent years, and the decline in quality of TP has forced 'adjustment' in technique.

(Those commercial wipes are no doubt fine, but I'd reserve them for special cases)

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 May 06 - 06:30 PM

There is a kitchen roll called Bounce that can be used when wet, and it doesn't fall apart, very useful for all sorts of things.
G.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bill D
Date: 11 May 06 - 06:50 PM

ah....yes, Viva might be just a US brand...but that's it's virtues.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Janie
Date: 11 May 06 - 07:26 PM

kereful now, boys, 'r all that paper towelling will clog the facilities!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Peace
Date: 11 May 06 - 07:28 PM

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygiene
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 May 06 - 09:21 PM

My house is over 50 years old and was first built in the days when Brisbane had 'thunder boxes'. When sewage was installed, everybody modified their house by either adding the throne in the bathroom if it was big enough, or adding a very tiny room just for that, as in my case. Badly designed on the cheap, I have to walk thru the whole house to get to the bathroom (where the bath, shower in bath and sink is) to attend to hygiene before meals.

The French invented the bidet. Should I ever have the money to modify a house again, I will strongly desire the addition of such an elegant device. I will also think very hard about having one of those very small hand-basins in there too. At the moment, I often find the need for a shower is just the simplest solution...

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 May 06 - 09:30 PM

... but then I love on my own.

There's no need for me to discuss any of my other endearing habits...

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 May 06 - 09:57 PM

A wet dry vac can be stationed anywhere there's an outlet. Add a pressure washer and yer in business.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: bobad
Date: 11 May 06 - 10:19 PM

The Japanese have come up with a toilet that is the equivalent of an automated car wash for your bottom. It has a heated seat and sprays warm water for cleansing. It even has spray patterns that acknowledge the difference between gender genitalia. It is available in North America.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 11 May 06 - 10:40 PM

Er... meant LIVE on my own, damn it, but now I supose I'll never hear the end of THAT typo...

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: bobad
Date: 11 May 06 - 10:43 PM

You had me wondering Foolstroupe.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Janie
Date: 11 May 06 - 10:45 PM

Glad you corrected that FT. I was just thinking...well....

Nevermind:^)

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Paul Burke
Date: 12 May 06 - 03:43 AM

Buy a Karcher pressure washer.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 May 06 - 03:49 AM

As you get older and your bum gets bigger, the back door becomes more difficult to access, think of a fat person's belly button! [Yes you have to!]
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: GUEST
Date: 12 May 06 - 03:57 AM

I was told not to use kitchen roll - the fact that it doesn't disintegrate causes trouble at the sewage treatment plant, apparently. But I suppose you could bag it up and put it in the bin.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 May 06 - 04:31 AM

It is not necessary to use a whole sheet of kitchen roll each time. All paper has a 'grain' and most toilet rolls etc have a lengthwise grain, which makes it easy to tear in half. You saves ya pocketses and ya reduces da size o' da debris going off to da coast via your sewage pipe.
G.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: redsnapper
Date: 12 May 06 - 04:43 AM

In Rabelais' Pantagruel and Gargantua, Panurge found the neck of a swan to be the ideal object due to its softness and suppleness. If I remember my French well, he also tried a ladies bonnet but found that the spangles scratched horribly.

RS

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 12 May 06 - 04:50 AM

So a bidet ISN'T for wasjing your feet?

:D (tG)

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 May 06 - 04:57 AM

Nah the WC is for that, then you pull the chain to get fresh water for the other foot!
G

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 12 May 06 - 05:05 AM

No, Dave, it isn't - as Crocodile Dundee found out after thinking it over for a short period.

Now to the original problem: In the Orient they use to wash the back exit with clear water but only with the left hand (for all purposes below the belt, right hand used for eating etc.). Very recommendable!

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: GUEST,Bruce Baillie
Date: 12 May 06 - 10:04 AM

...Get a damned good lather on wi' some soap and get yer hand up there!

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: GUEST,Bruce Baillie
Date: 12 May 06 - 10:12 AM

...Just noticed, 'BACK BOTTOM clearance sessions', you have a front bottom then? amazing, a man with two arses!

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: redsnapper
Date: 12 May 06 - 10:31 AM

Several with that arrangement have been noted here over the years Bruce... one superior anterior and one inferior and posterior.

RS

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: GUEST
Date: 12 May 06 - 11:03 AM

"a man with two arses!"

now that should be the title of a classic centuries old trad folk song!


song challenge anyone ?

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bill D
Date: 12 May 06 - 11:04 AM

as to "kitchen rolls" or paper towels. I have a small basket with a plastic bag beside the toilet. Very occasionally a sheet will need to be flushed, but I don't believed that puts serious strain on the treatment plants, as they deal with thousand of tones of 'regular' paper daily.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Janie
Date: 12 May 06 - 11:05 AM

FWIW, according to my engineer sister who designs said facilities, and my father, who has served on the local 'sewer district' board for the past 35 years, paper towels in fact can and do cause problems for waste water treatment facilities, because they are not designed to disentegrate soon after wetting. (Flushed cigarette butts also cause problems, and end up floating in the river.)

This makes me wonder if the decrease in the 'quality' of tp over the last several decades is in part to accomodate increased waste water treatment. There are not nearly as many septic tanks in the USA as there were 40 years ago.

(Dad has been chairman of that board several times. During those periods, we can literally refer to him as a sh*thead:O)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: JennyO
Date: 12 May 06 - 11:39 AM

Not a song for a song challenge, but I was reminded of this joke:

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue required someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in first and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus took a look at the body, said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. It could be him. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked down and said, "Nope, that ain't Paddy".

The mortician thought that was rather strange, and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at the corpse and said, "Gee, he's burnt really bad. Will you roll him over?" The mortician rolled the body on to its front and Sean looked down for a moment before saying, "No, it isn't Paddy".

The mortician, puzzled, asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean replied, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."

"What do you mean? No-one has two arseholes," said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with the two arseholes!"

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bill D
Date: 12 May 06 - 11:48 AM

"... they are not designed to disentegrate soon after wetting."

thus, my basket. I will endeavor to reduce any flushing of such from 'seldom' to almost zero...*smile* My local plant in a major metro area is BIG,,,and I suspect they deal with far worse everyday.

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 May 06 - 12:12 PM

Like those goddam plastic nappies that get shoved down the toilet by the millions, along with all sorts of female sanitary stuff. [Sorry girls but it's a fact]
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Janie
Date: 12 May 06 - 12:58 PM

Paper towels (et. al.) flushed into the sewers are an attack on the basic infrastructure of this country, and as such may be construed to be terrorist activity. We are now piloting a program in the Washington DC metro area to track who flushes what into the system.

We'll be monitoring you, Bill D.

The Dept. of Homeland Security

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bill D
Date: 12 May 06 - 01:41 PM

now if I can just get paper towels imprinted with faces of 'certain' political figures, I'll give 'em something to monitor! *grin*

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Joybell
Date: 12 May 06 - 06:50 PM

You can buy gentle wipe-cloths in the baby section of the supermarket. They're usually in with the nappies/diapers.
Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Peace
Date: 12 May 06 - 08:22 PM

Here ya go, Bill . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Don Firth
Date: 12 May 06 - 09:02 PM

I was going to comment on this, but I decided to just let the matter drop. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: back trouser department hygene
From: Bill D
Date: 12 May 06 - 10:09 PM

lol, Peace! never doubt that a good will be thought of more than once!