BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia

Subject: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 12:37 PM

Hey! I just spotted a Midwestern Jadrool in my garden. What a frikkin' UGLY bird. Yech.

Alert the Audobon Society at once.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:01 PM

Shoot it. It's the only one left and the Audobon Society, the WWF, Friends of Animals, ELF, and the Society For The Preservation Of Butt-Ugly Birds want it extinct.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:02 PM

Is this it?

Midwestern Jadrool?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:07 PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Christ. No, that's something even worse, I think.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:10 PM

That bird's kinda cute. The MJ isn't, and has warts besides.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:15 PM

This one looks like it has warts

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:28 PM

Now, now--beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the eye of the Audobon Society.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 04:36 PM

Not in the case of the Jadrool (which, spelled backwards, is loordaJ, which is probably of no significance but then again might be). It's number 1 on the hit list of the Audobon Society's Subcommittee On The Extermination Of Birds So Ugly They Should Be Extinct.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 04:43 PM

You just ask the Momma Jadrool about who has the most beautiful child in the universe, wise guy,...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 07:23 PM

Ah yes, the Midwestern Jadrool! The only known bird with its left eye on the right side of it's head, and vice versa. The resulting state of perpetual disorientation gives it a very distinctive flight pattern characteristized by both upside-down flight and frequent ungainly collisions with the ground. Hence the Jadrool's common nickname of "The Broken Slinky Bird".

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 07:38 PM

>>>You just ask the Momma Jadrool about who has the most beautiful child in the universe, wise guy.

Actually they are the ONLY species that encourage the cuckoo eggs.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 08:53 PM

In fact, they are the only species that actually encourages the eating of omelets.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 08:55 PM

...in a vain hope that their line will come to an end.

These hopes have been perpetually frustrated by the fact that cooked Jadrool eggs taste awful!

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:03 PM

Rapaire!!! LOL

I've seen lines of male Jadrools picketing Earth Day celebrations calling for more use of DDT!

I've heard it said that only high rates of chronic nearsightedness among the mothers allows the species to survive.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:04 PM

I thought it was among the fathers.

Or both?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Peace
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:07 PM

You're right. Both fathers.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:12 PM

Yeah, their courtship ritual involves running away from each other as fast as they can. Reproduction only takes place because of a male running by accident into a female while running away from another female (and vice-versa). Among other very cogent reasons that reproduction is actively, nay, violently, discouraged by the female is because the bird lays pyramidal eggs with unequal sides.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:17 PM

Evidently these poor suckers are so ugly that Google refuses to show a single image of 'em...

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:18 PM

Whew! This story just gets weirder, doesn't it? I have put birdseed of various sorts out in hopes that the Jadrool will return and then I can get photos. I've also put out suet, hamburgers, some beer and a fresh pizza. Something oughta work.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Peace
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:22 PM

UGLY. They so ugly that when they look in a mirror the mirror cries.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:23 PM

A creature of suburban habitat, their diet consists mostly of half used tubes of acne cream and preparation H.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:32 PM

It is not well known that the Midwestern Jadrool is not the world's ugliest bird. The Murphy's Stout book of Ugly Critters gives that dubious honor to the Hairy Peckered Fuckwit latin name
Mentula Crinitus.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: CarolC
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:36 PM

Ahem...Mentula Crinitus Fuckwitii

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:38 PM

I stand corrected!

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 09:53 PM

Another ugly bird

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 11:30 PM

So is that "mid-western" as in "Ahia" aka Land of Spaw? Did it look anything like THIS!!!??

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 12:44 AM

Oh, MAN! We are gettin' close, Kat. Really close.

Trouble is, the one I saw seemed to be wearing glasses. I know that's very odd, but I saw it with my own eyes. I have no explanation for how such a primitive creature would end up with spectacles, but there it was.

Oh, and its chest plumage bore a strange resemblance to an ancient and rather filthy NASCAR T-shirt.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 11:14 AM

"Shane" break outa jail, maybe?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 12:39 PM

Few things have *no* redeeming features. The bird katlaughing linked to has nice hair.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 12:42 PM

Yeah, I thought so too. The Jadrool that I saw had pretty messy looking hair, however.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 12:49 PM

The hairy peckered fukwit

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 01:45 PM

This is a music forum.             :)

You overlook it that the jadrool, while not noted for its beauty, has a beautiful song.

Something that happens far too often in looks-oriented society.


Sigh.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 01:55 PM

Good point leeneia, But beauty is subjective.



Jadrool song?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 02:33 PM

No jadrool. But a bear came last night and ate the hamburgers and pizza. The beer has also mysteriously disappeared.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 04:14 PM

The sound of jadrool, as heard in the land, has oft been described as "an outrageous combination of bad accordion, bad banjo riffs, out-of-tune Jamaican steel drums, a flat tire being driven at 50 kph, and a piece of slate drawn across an old-time blackboard. Their mating call resembles nothing quite so much as a high-pitched 'Youbastardyouknockedmeup'"

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 07:24 PM

I have placed a large bullseye on the ground in the backyard and a sign saying "LAND HERE".

That may do the trick.

I've set up an automatic camera with a heat-sensing device in case the Jadrool visits while I'm asleep.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack The Sailor
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 08:15 PM

I hope you've gone analog.
Do you know that their image has been known to fry the memory cards on some digital cameras?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 08:06 AM

You might be able to stop a Walmart development site with this endangered bird. Or iy may have genetic antibodies for the avian flu.
If you cross this bird with an oistich you might get the fabled thunderbird.

THE MAIN ISSUE IS

does it taste good.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 08:40 AM

Jadrool is listed by aviation authorities as "Edible -- it won't kill you even though you wish it would."

Eating it produces permanent impotence in males, enhanced sexual drive in females when in the presence of males who have eaten jadrool (and only then), axillary warts, lingual paralysis, traffic-induced hallucinations, multilingual ability in non-existent languages, polylalia, renal artifacts of indeterminate age, hiccups, digital cramping during sexual activities, the inability to remember the rest of the song/music, cognitive dysfunction, innumeracy regarding wages, politically conservative remarks spontaneously expressed during labor union meetings and in similar settings, reversal of patellar function, dysplasia, endochronitis, permanent diarrhea, osculatory malfunction, CPD, TIA, and etc.

The taste is said to be something between road tar and very old road kill when fresh and worse when aged longer than one standard minute.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 09:08 AM

I've heard that it tastes like chicken.

Like chicken dipped in road tar and rotted armadillo gonads.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 08:40 AM

Armadillos have gonads? How can you tell?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Emma B
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 08:53 AM

this one has bols! :)

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 10:10 AM

No sign of the Midwestern Jadrool, but I was gratified to see a Patterson's Twit this morning at the the bird feeder. Better than nothing.

They are said to be very stupid birds, and it may be true. I had to rescue this one from drowning in the birdbath.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Emma B
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 10:21 AM

is there no privacy anywhere?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 10:36 AM

So! with respect to the jadrool, you share the values of the Chinese bosses who didn't let the little girl's face show on the Olympics because her front teeth were still coming in. ie looks are everything!

I'm shocked, I really am.
========
Little Hawk, was Patterson's Twit discovered by Spaw?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 10:43 AM

Then there is the Heisenberg Loon, which flies so fast and dives so quickly that you can sometimes ascertain its velocity or location but never both at once.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 11:34 AM

Don't ignore the Mudcatbird, which embodies, but is not limited to, the qualities of all of the above.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 01:37 PM

They are of course the only known bird which has a large fleshy featherless bottom on which to repose. Hence the expression sitting in the mudcatbirdseat.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 03:15 PM

I'm not sure who discovered the Patterson's Twit, but it may have been one of Spaw's ancestors.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 09:11 AM

Tatterson's Pit? Ain't that that lousy bar-b-q place out on old highway 15? The one that even burns the beer?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 08 - 01:42 PM

It's Thursday now and still no Jadrool.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 08 - 12:29 PM

Another day and still no Jadrool.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 08 - 01:50 PM

Why would you even miss it?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 08 - 02:03 PM

Not if I had the gun loaded.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 08 - 05:04 PM

It probably flew East for the winter. Or maybe Up. Or yonder.

Jadrools are directionally challenged, big time challenged.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:58 PM

Nothing to see back there today but grass...

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:43 PM

That means it's hiding somewhere, biding its time, waiting for you to come outside and provide a meal....

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 11:48 PM

That's why I always let the dachshunds out first.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Art Thieme
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 12:18 AM

All of you who have mentioned the taste of these things are surely completely off the mark. My opinion is that the flavor is somewhere between a Bald Eagle and a Trumpeter Swan.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 12:21 AM

It depends mostly on whether they are in or out of season, doesn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: GUEST,Jack the Sailor
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 04:43 AM

It is interesting how the bird got its name.

1st Scientist: Vas iss dat coming from its beak?
Iss it drool?
2nd Scientist: Ja.. drool.
1st scientist: Ja, drool.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 12:44 PM

That's it. You can always spot the Jadrool by watching for that telltale sign.

Subject: RE: BS: Midwestern Jadrool sighted in Orillia
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 01:13 PM

Not to be pedantic or anything, but the protruberance issuing from a Jadrool's head isn't technically a "beak". It's a "snout". The Jadrool is, in fact, the only bird known to have a snout instead of a beak.

Also, while the substance sometimes seen issuing from a Jadrool's snout may be drool, it's just as likely to be snot. After its discovery, it was a toss up as to whether the creature should be called a "Jadrool" or a "Jasnot". The issue was decided when it was determined that any animal with "snot" as part of its name must be an oyster, and that the Jadrool appeared, mostly, to be a bird.