Open Letter to Min

Subject: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,The Shingles
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:38 AM

What are you doing with the great all-British leather telescope?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:41 AM

Ah Mrs Bannister, didn't I see you on the stairs?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,big dick
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:41 AM

hey shingles your days are numbered.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:56 AM

Hugh Jampton might pop into this one!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:56 AM

I think he just did!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 11:19 AM

Oh, this one's promising!
Going for an Eccles caake now.

Seamus

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: gnu
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:13 PM

Hehehehe... that's just nasty enough to make me chuckle. Good one!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: skipy
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:41 PM

"Letter to Loretta"
The Case of Mrs. Bannister (1955)
Skipy

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 05:45 PM

He opened the door in his pyjamas, I thought 'That's a funny place to put a door'
G.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,wordy
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 06:10 PM

I would leave this thread but the wick in the engine's gone out!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Oct 06 - 10:16 PM

He's fallen in the war-ter!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 03:59 AM

Neddy - I tell you I'm as sane as the next man!
Eccles - little does he know, I'm the next man!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 04:02 AM

Can you see ahead Eccles?

Yup, a dirty great bald one!

A doomp a doomp a doomp, a doomp a di ☺

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 05:35 AM

"Hold tight,MMMotoring Min. We're doing three miles an hour"
"OOOOOOOOOOOh, we'll al be murdered in our beds"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:04 AM

Nine miles I swam; the last three were hell. They were over land!!
Finally I woke up in a heap on the ground.
I've no idea who left it there!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:30 AM

Anyone seen Neddy Seagoon?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Leadfingers
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:35 AM

It was a man with a military bearing , which he threw into the air and caught.
He emerged from the daekness and walked into the light.

               {CLANK}

                               "OOOW!"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 06:55 AM

How do you spell artillery, one L or two?
Two Ls.
To hell with you too, you rude person

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 07:23 AM

Prisoner in prisoner of war camp;
"Eccles, how's your german"
Reply from next cell;
"He's fine, how's yours?"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:07 AM

Neddy "Eccles"
Eccles "Yah"
Neddy "When the guard comes in with our food, let him have it"
Bluebottle "An' what are we gonna eat ?"

This could go on for ever, and why not ??

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 08:33 AM

Why are the Germans holding their fire Eccles?

Perhaps they haven't got a fireplace!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 09:02 AM

"Bluebottle: What's the time Eccles?
Eccles: Just a minute, I've got it written down on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote it down for me. If anyone asks me the time, I show it to them.
Bluebottle: Let me see that paper. It is writted here that it is 8 o'clock. Here what happens if they ask you and it's not 8 o'clock.
Eccles: Then I don't show them the piece of paper!
Bluebottle: But how do you know if it's 8 o'clock?
Eccles: I've got it written down on this piece of paper!
Bluebottle: You should get one of those things my grandpa has. It tells the time, gets you up in the morning, makes you tea.
Eccles: Oh yes, what do you call that?
Bluebottle: My grandma!
Eccles: Here! How does she know what time it is?
Bluebottle: She's got it writted on a piece of paper!"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:04 AM

Eccles, "Why are you wearing that Wellington boot on your head?"
"Because it fits"

Then, all of a sudden, NOTHING HAPPENED!.
- But it happened suddenly!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: JennyO
Date: 26 Oct 06 - 11:09 AM

Seagoon: Listen! Warning! Do not land at Croydon Airport because it's not there yet.

Bluebottle: Right oh then!

Seagoon: Now, what is your exact position?

Bluebottle: I'm lying on my side, with my knees drawn up, under my chin.

Seagoon: Why?

Bluebottle: I'm at home, in bed.

Seagoon: You fool, McChisle. You've got the wrong number!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 04:53 AM

[Neddy Seagoon]
I was dressed as a leopard, so cunning was my disguise that even my own Granny wouldn't have recognised me.

[Deep male voice]
Hello Neddy!

[Neddy Seagoon]
Hello Granny!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 07:57 AM

The blinds are drawn - they are not real!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 02:42 PM

Splat!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Oct 06 - 02:46 PM

How do I open the door?

Turn the knob on your side.

But I haven't got a knob on my side!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 12:09 AM

Min, put the cat out,   why ?   it's on fire.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dead Horse
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 09:42 AM

Here Bluebottle, have a big fat red cigar with a wick on the end!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 10:01 AM

Take this evidence to the west of minster forensic laboratory, and get it forensicked!
G.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 12:35 PM

Now... have a gorilla.

No thanks – I only smoke baboons.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: open mike
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 12:45 PM

who's min?

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: bobad
Date: 28 Oct 06 - 01:26 PM

Opposite of max.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 03:05 AM

Mrs Crun, wife of Henry ?

eric

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: autolycus
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 05:21 AM

Seagoon: I arrived on Brighton beach.
   Suddenly,I saw someone sitting on a deckchair.
   "Eccles,what are you doing here?
   Eccles: I'm on holiday.
   Seagoon: Well,what's all this snow doing on the beach?
   Eccles: That's on holiday as well.




    Ivor

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 07:02 AM

Minnie is Minnie Bannister and she is friend and possibly consort to, Henry Crun.
G

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 07:27 AM

Avalanche!

No thanks, I've just had breakfast.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 11:46 AM

Consort? We'll have no such lewd allegations here!

'Companion of Honour' is the good lady's status sir!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dead Horse
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 12:19 PM

It is all in the esteemed Radio Times, produced by the Beeb Beeb Ceeb. and at only thruppence, dear listeners! Why, I would rather curl up with the Radio Times and have a good read by the fireside than listen to the wireless, indeed I would.

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: autolycus
Date: 29 Oct 06 - 02:16 PM

Bluebottle.   Eccles,why aren't you wearing any clothes.

    Eccles.      I've just been to answer the 'phone.

    Bluebottle.   You don't have to take your clothes off to do that.

    Eccles.      Well, you learn something new every day.




    Ivor

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 30 Oct 06 - 09:10 AM

You want us to steal Napolean's piano? That'll be a sticky job!

Why?

It's just been varnished!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Oct 06 - 11:18 PM

Pull up a bollard!

No thanks, I've just put one out!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Gurney
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 12:36 AM

Where are you?

I'm hidin', in the piano!

Don't be silly. Haydn's been dead for years!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 02:38 AM

Here, sit on this photograph of a chair.

eric

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Michael
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 01:19 PM

"The floor was so cunningly laid that no matter where you stood it was beneath your feet"

'The curtains were drawn but the furniture was real"

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: autolycus
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 04:33 PM

Seagoon: That's anice tie,Eccles.

E:       Yah,I got it in Cambridge.

S:       You were at Cambridge.

E:       Yer.

S:       What were you doing there.

E:       Buying a tie.




    Ivor

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: GUEST,Allen in OZ
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 09:33 PM

Neddy: "Dear mother; she was like one of the family"

AD 1943

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Oct 06 - 11:20 PM

Peter - Tell me, tell me, tell me Mister Man, tell me Mister Man can a woman with a wooden leg change a pound note?

Ken - Can a woman with a wooden leg change a pound note? Of course she can.

Peter - No she can't, you see she's only got 'Half a Nicker' ha ha!

Subject: RE: Open Letter to Min
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 06 - 04:23 AM

I went to Eton you know
What were you doing there?
I was delivering the groceries
Why were you a greengrocer?
No, more a sort of dirty yellow colour