My husband does not like Folk music !

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: momnopp
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 10:56 PM

Thread UN-creep:

I think there are lots of issues here. One is just how important a part of your life and your heart are focused on folk music and how many other dimensions of your relationship DO work to your (mutual) satisfaction. It could be the tip of the iceberg, but who knows what the iceberg looks like? It could be indicative of greater dissastifaction within the relationship, or it could be just the "sign" to get the two of you talking and moving to an even greater appreciation and understanding of one another. Only you can say just how important your different tastes in music are to your relationship.

That being said, since I've been married and divorced twice and dated a number of men, I have come to a conclusion for myself. Music is such an important part of what gives my life joy, that I want to be able to share that with my (future) mate. This, for me, is of primary importance.

As others have said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having different interests/passions. It's only a "problem" if you decide it is. Perhaps it's just an opportunity to examine what's important to you.

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans." -- attributed to John Lennon

Peace,

JudyO

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GutBucketeer
Date: 31 Oct 02 - 11:18 PM

I've known (and envied) couples that seem to just be extensions of each other with both into folk music and supporting each other, playing with each other, etc. I've also known couples where one of them isn't interested per se, but is fully supportive, showing up at the club gatherings, helping, and just being friendly. I understand that they also support their spouse's interest in the same way. Not as great, but still pretty good.

Then, there are situations like mine, where "folk music" has become "my" thing. She liked it once, but now uses it as a point of division. If I propose a family outing that just might have a folk performance, or linger too long listening to a group at a festival I'm being selfish. She says she doesn't mind when I go to a sing, or when I'm off to the Getaway, however, it always comes back at me somehow in subtle and not so subtle ways. It's like she tries to make it a choice between music and family. Maybe it's because my interest in being active in music lay dormant for a long while and wasn't rekindled until my kids were born and I started singing to them at night.

Does your husband try to make your interest in music an issue? If not be glad and look for some shared interests.

Wishing it were different too.

JAB

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Skarpi at work
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 02:47 AM

He doesen´t know what he´s missing.
All the best skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 04:40 AM

I have just spent ages replying and a glitch occurred and I've lost the lost - damn will have to come back to it later, really p..... off now

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: greg stephens
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 05:16 AM

Well I've got the opposite problem, I play in the same band as my significant other and I can never get away from her.Except she's now gone to work away for a week on another project, and I miss her. So I've been putting on her records so as I can hear her singing.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 08:10 AM

Eric the Viking :> Great, will take you up on the offer next time I'm up in Huddersfield, will be great to meet other Mudcatters.
Maryrrf:< I agree that it is healthy to a point for couples to have separate interests, but as you say to a point, don't have any problem with that.
Little Hawk :> I love fly-fishing and when asked to go with Mr rc and just chill out, but get your angle.
GUEST,Peter from Essex :< Yes but it's nice to go home with someone occasionally, isn't it?
GUEST,Folk Music ~:-l We are all entitled to dislike someone my dear, and I take your point!
Guy Wolff :-() Done all the talking I can over the past 8 years, think I'm all talk out, he is an ostrich, buries his head in the sand, one day when he comes up there may be nothing there anymore!
Barry Finn ~:<> Thanks, think I need all the luck I can get, what ever happens one way or tuther.
momnopp :-> I agree with what you say as music is for me such an important part of my life and one that gives me unbelievable happiness, I can get so wrapped in it that I'm on another plane, to me is of primary importance also.
GutBucketeer :-? No he rarely make an issue of it, occasionally he will remark that I'm out a lot, but not often, I did stop playing for a year or so when I was given a hard time, but then I was so miserable that the kids (who said I should stop anyway, they were a lot younger then, now all grown up) and Mr rc said take it up again, so when I did, I was very angry with myself that I had stopped in the first place. Now I go and play when I want to, however I still feel guilty going out and leaving him behind, but that's his choice. Hope life improves for you.
GUEST,Skarpi at work :-> You're SO right
greg stephens :-> How sweet.
What great people you all are, so much advice, in my heart I know what I have to do! :-< but in the meantime the MUSIC GOES ON

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Melani
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 01:29 PM

You have my sympathy, rock chick. My husband claims to like folk music, but will never go to concerts or sessions. I stopped singing for 25 years because he kept telling me to shut up. Now I go out without him, and sing when he's not home.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: kendall
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 01:42 PM

Seems like many of us just gravitate to the wrong mates. Back when I was married, I used to say, "When my wife and I go out, one of us has a good time."

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:31 PM

Well I was going to stay at home tonight, then thought no I have some good folkie friends that expect me to meet with them In one of our pubs then play and sing to early hours, thought that sounded better than sitting at home, done that for 20years bring up the kids, NOW It's time for me, mind you I can practice when Mr rc Is home, bad really I know but when he walks up that path away goes the guitar etc, must stop doing that, In fact think I should play louder!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 03:35 PM

Kendall:o> Know exactly what you mean, mind you I have tried to enjoy going out with him and on occasion I do enjoy myself, there are some hobbies we both like, but my biggest is music, unfortunately this is NOT his :o<

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: skarpi
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 06:34 PM

Halló rock chick, have you tryed to take him to a concert
with some great performers like The Dubliners?
I know they won´t be here with us forever and I think he will
like them in a Alive consert rather than listen to some cd.
I have not seen the hole thread but , what kind of music does he
like'?,country, classic , pop or rock maybe rapp??
All the best Skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:06 PM

Ok-Wednesday nights, are good times for sessions. See you up here sometime.

All the best.

No matter what, keep up the music. i stopped for over 20 years, only took it up again a few years ago. Wished I hadn't let it die, but I have more fun now than I ever did.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:29 PM

Hi skarpik, yes we went to see the Dubliners couple of years ago, and he did quite enjoy them, even went back stage and spent a few hours chatting to them, they were great, mind you when they finished playing I, like most of the other people whistled shouted etc for more, Mr rc looked very embarrassed at my behaviour, me well I was just me, having a great time.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:33 PM

Eric the Viking :o> Wednesdays may be a difficult day as I normally would come up on a Friday, Sat, mind you now I know I could rearrange thing to fit in with a Wednesday, after all must get the priorities right wouldn't you agree!

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not l
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Nov 02 - 07:45 PM

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Nov 02 - 01:35 PM

rock chick - it seems you have a pattern that works. It seems it's only the accepting of it that is missing. Once that is sorted you will have more time for the nitty gritty. You can't wan't things on behalf of other people.

My ex used to show all the signs of emabarrassment on my behalf if I merely sang along with the chorus. Result, not much folk. I always say "I never sang till the wife left home" - daren't stop just in case the magic wears off. No! I am not being harsh on her, she put me in the position of not doing something which I have found since satisfies a part of me she never could, by her own choice. What a waste.

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 04 Nov 02 - 11:07 AM

I must admit that I've never seen your husband out with you, Rock Chick, but then you always seem quite happy getting inebriated with Dipsodeb - perhaps he thinks that he won't be able to keep up with your guiness drinking - even on real ale !

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: alanww
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 08:07 AM

Sorry to have picked up on this thread a bit late, rock chick, but I can certainly sympathise with you, as my wife has no interest in my passion for folk generally, and shanty singing and concertina playing in particular. She therefore does not attend any events with me.

I developed my folk interest only quite recently some seven years after remarrying. I am now going for it hammer and tongs - out nearly every night of the week and festivals or other events most weekends. This is reinforced by the fact that I am 50+ and I see some of my contemporaries winding down their activities. My middle age crisis has turned me the other way, however. I am working hard at improving as a performer and intending to enjoy all the time I have left with as much activity as possible.

The difficulty comes if you feel that the bits which bind you and your husband together are insufficiently important to you. No doubt having children together is a big bonding factor but this does not apply to me and anyway eventually they leave home to make their own lives ...

To her credit, my wife has always acknowledged that my interest is a passion for me and therefore she has always supported me in my folk activities. But, given we share so few joint interests, it has been very difficult for her to be at home alone or doing something else all the time, with us essentially living separate lives.

She therefore took a very bold decision to move out and she now lives 175 miles away. But we are still friends, we speak often and I go to see her and she comes back to see various members of her family who all live near me. Time will tell where we go from here - but perhaps I already know in my heart of hearts!

It is a cliche to say that life is full of choices but it is true. And some of them are very hard to make and are potentially life changing. And, of cousre, not making a decision to make a big change is, in effect, a decision to stay with the status quo. The other cliche, of course, is that you only live once ...

Have you seen this thread: NotMusic: I'd pick more daisies.... It certainly made me think.

"... and my soul it soars enchanted ..."
Alan

Subject: RE: BS: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 08:25 AM

Rock Chic ...............Friday nights see the General Ludd folk club at The Wheel Golcar, just to the west of Huddersfield, about 2 miles from the centre. The club has a guest about once a month and singers sessions for the rest.
The club in run by Dave & Ann Ellis and the place is friendly with decent beer, separated from the rest of the pub. Drop a line if you're thinking of going and the Wombat (my good lady) and I will try and get up there

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: rock chick
Date: 05 Nov 02 - 02:55 PM

Sorry haven't been around, home laptop, major problems with Broadband Line, still here I am again!!

Raggytash; I will be in touch without a doubt when I'm up that way, I think I will have to visit for a week, what with the invites I've had, can't wait to meet you all, sooner than later.
.

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Noreen
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:19 PM

Just wondering what's the current situation, rock chick?
Not easy, I know- been there, bought shares in Kleenex.

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: GUEST,Frank Hamilton
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 01:41 PM

Rock Chick,

You bring up a point that we all must consider. There are a whole lot of people who don't care for folk music. It's been stigmatized by the media, for one thing.

BTW, I like both folk music and disco (particularly KC and the Sunshinge Band).

Here's the deal as I see it. People have got to "own" it by playing or singing it themselves. It may not be a very interesting spectator sport for some.

If your husband was thrown out of choir, that in itself is significant. Conventional music educators haven't done a very good job in empowering people to make music.

The only way I think you're going to get him interested is if he can find a way to participate and not feel threatened by it.
Is there some form of music in which he could participate that he would like?

Frank

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 30 Jan 03 - 08:09 PM

My husband doesn't dislike it, but will only come to the odd concert now and then, when his frantic toe-tapping disturbs everyone around! He won't come to festivals or sessions, but doesn't seem to mind me going, even if I'm away all weekend - which can be open to misinterpretation by friends (also not great folk enthusiasts) and other festival-goers. His "drug" is rugby, and he will not willingly miss any accessible matches! Our children are no longer of dependent age (except when it comes to money!)
My husband is a good singer, but doesn't choose to do it in public, and doesn't play an instrument.
I have found friends through folk music as people are generally welcoming, so now I rarely feel "on my own" at festivals. It is my personal "stress-buster" outside of a very demanding job. So I say, "go for it" and enjoy it!
Tattie B

Subject: RE: My husband does not like Folk music !
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 31 Jan 03 - 05:40 AM

It doesn't seem to stop Rock Chick getting around - see the PEL "Red Lion" photos. I'm sure she'll probably be at "The Duke of Edinbrough" tonight.

She can always keep that Folkmob hearthrob Dave Kenningham company !