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Eternal Questions
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Subject: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 15 Apr 02 - 11:56 PM As folksinger, songwriters and general practioners or observers of folk arts and folk ways it is frequently our job to ponder and, at times, attempt to answer the Eternal Questions. What is the meaning of life? Is there a purpose to pain, suffering and death? Did Jimmy Buffet ever pay the mini-mart back? Where's the cream filling? If, indeed, it is better to light a candle why is cursing the dakness so much fun? How much wood COULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? And, most importantly... Why are folksingers such MERCILESS punsters? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull Date: 15 Apr 02 - 11:59 PM The meaning of life is 42, I am not sure about the rest of your questions but I am sure somebody here will be able to help you. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: DonMeixner Date: 16 Apr 02 - 12:12 AM A woodchuck would if a woodchuck could, chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Night Owl Date: 16 Apr 02 - 12:15 AM If our purpose in life is to help "others"......what do "others" do???? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Mudlark Date: 16 Apr 02 - 12:21 AM I don't know about the rest but I DO know where the cream filling is...it's squirting out the back of the bun as you bite down, thence down the front of your shirt...at least that is usually where MY cream filling is... |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: katlaughing Date: 16 Apr 02 - 12:22 AM Why...they help udders, don't they?**BG** |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: wysiwyg Date: 16 Apr 02 - 12:24 AM Mudlark, what you do is suck a little as you bite, and turn it around with each bite to keep the goop generally in the middle. As you can see, we gospel folksingers know it ALL. We never answer eternal questions, though; we just promise to pray for those asking them. *G* ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Date: 16 Apr 02 - 01:04 AM Life doesn't come with a meaning; you have to add your own user-defined variables to make all the Interrupt Requests make sense. The purpose of death is to get back to life. Lighting a candle is more fun. Folksingers are punsters because they are Time Travelers and understand the endless river of considerations that lie behind the use of words better than most. So they goof around with it. Sixth graders do the same thing with bathroom jokes, because they've just gotten confident enough about toilet trianing not to worry about it. A |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: mack/misophist Date: 16 Apr 02 - 03:06 AM There was once a man named Wittgenstein who did the most excruciating study of English grammar ever. And determined that ALL the great questions of philosophy were grammatical errors. The correct answer is indeed 42. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 16 Apr 02 - 05:09 AM Amos, That is the most intelligent and coherent answer I've ever recieved to the pun question. My semi-cynical joke aside, I agree completely with you about the candle. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:26 AM You left out "What is folk?" |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Nigel Parsons Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:28 AM Never mind the woodchuck; What noise annoys an oyster ? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:29 AM "What is folk?" is being covered in another thread. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Hrothgar Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:47 AM I tell you, boys, a noisy noise annoys an oyster most. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:50 AM "What is folk?" is being covered in another thread.
Eternally. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: kendall Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:56 AM How high is up? Why is a crow? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Micca Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:57 AM And you also ommitted from your list "Would you prefer to be in the light with the 5 wise Virgins, or in the Dark with the 5 foolish???" |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Hrothgar Date: 16 Apr 02 - 07:04 AM What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Nigel Parsons Date: 16 Apr 02 - 07:05 AM The five foolish virgins were, originally, in the light. They were only in the dark when the bridegroom came! But you would be safer with them because the wise virgins believed in trimming wicks! |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Fibula Mattock Date: 16 Apr 02 - 07:24 AM When you toast brown bread, how do you know when it's done? What would you rather be or a wasp? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: artbrooks Date: 16 Apr 02 - 08:14 AM Is there life on Venus, have we lost control, what's in tortellini, and why can't Johnny bowl? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Date: 16 Apr 02 - 08:57 AM Wittgenstein was a jerk, frankly. A |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Date: 16 Apr 02 - 09:22 AM Funny you should mention eternal questions, Stephen; I just received an e-mail list of "Imponderables" from a friend yesterday: 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 6. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in... what happens to the other penny? 7. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 9. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? 11. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? 12. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, why aren't electricians delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 16. Since American mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 17. How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning? 18. What would the speed of lightning be if it didn't zigzag? 19. If you played a blank tape at full blast, would it bother the mime next door? 20. Think about Preparation H. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: greg stephens Date: 16 Apr 02 - 09:27 AM what songs did the sirens sing |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Date: 16 Apr 02 - 11:19 AM Sharon: If you take a map and crumple it up, it still has all the streetnames on it but they appear out of alignment with reality to someone loking for a flat two dimensional map. Most of your imponderables are just semantic map-crumples. Greg -- I believe it was "Unchained Melody". Art: Which Venus? Yes, "we" have lost control to "them" -- get used to it!! Tortelloni contains fat, starch, flour and salt. It's very nutritious. Johny can't bowl because he doesn't understand bowl movements. That seems obvious enough!! :>) A |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Liz the Squeak Date: 16 Apr 02 - 11:29 AM I could play my part in life a lot better if I had a copy of the script..... LTS |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: katlaughing Date: 16 Apr 02 - 02:36 PM Are you living to keep from dying, or do you live because you want to be alive? Not necessarily imponderable, but a valid question, if one really thinks about it. Most people focus on not wanting to die, instead of on living. Sharon, those would have been more fun without the references to "Orientals" and "toothpicks.":-( kat |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Mrrzy Date: 16 Apr 02 - 02:59 PM In answer to what is a whack, it's a drop of candle wax. The singular of wax, in other words. I found this out when I accidentally dripped some red wax on Timmie, who asked Is it blood? I said no, candle wax; he then asked, well, why did it whack ME? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Les from Hull Date: 16 Apr 02 - 03:45 PM Cursing in the dark is fun. You can always claim that it was someone else. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: greg stephens Date: 16 Apr 02 - 03:53 PM katlaughing: does "toothpicks" mean something unmentionable wherever you live? I can't understand your letter. Please enlighten. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Date: 16 Apr 02 - 03:56 PM kat: Sorry; I guess I should have edited what my friend sent to me before posting it here. Amos: ...or perhaps I should not have posted it here at all? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:15 PM Greg: The toothpicks, as I understand the joke, are supposed to be miniature chopsticks for feeding the babies of people who traditionally eat with chopsticks. I thought it was cute (miniature flatware, miniature chopsticks) but kat sees it as an ethnic slur. Likewise the disoriented Oriental pun. I wasn't aware that "Oriental" is not PC, and again had no intention of making an ethnic slur. Now if you all will pardon me, I'll go re-read the "Santiana" thead with McGrath's link to the version of the shanty with the lyric about "knocking them yellow girls two at a time" in it. Sheesh! |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Kenny B (inactive) Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:16 PM Why are fire engines red? Was PC49 politically correct and what was the signicance of 49.? And did they ever decide whether the Ambulance should be "Down in the Valley" But seriously, many many years ago I heard a comedian called Vic Oliver on Worker's Playtime doing a monologue of why a fire engine is red but I have never heard it since . xx I can hear you saying "I wonder why?" TTFN Kenny B
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: RolyH Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:27 PM This morning I bit into a doughnut,only to discover there was no jam inside "Oh well",I thought,"Life's like that" And it is! |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Kenny B (inactive) Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:33 PM Three cheers for Google, here it is
A Fire Engine's Red. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: GUEST,greg stephens Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:37 PM SharonA..that's what I thought you meant about toothpicks...that's wy I wondered what katlaughing meant. Is it some kind of ethnic slur? I can't see how it could be, so I wonderedif there was some kind of vulgarity in the word toothpick I was unaware of. I'm still none the wiser? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Kenny B (inactive) Date: 16 Apr 02 - 04:50 PM Amswers to PC 49 Click here |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:01 PM I also forgot to include "Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?" |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:13 PM Sharon, No matter what anyone says puns are not ethnic slurs. The very nature of puns renders the original meanings of the words, for lack of a better term, meaningless. I thought it was hilarious. The question about wise men as opposed to wiseguys reminded me of this one. Why are a "slim chance" and a "fat chance" the same thing? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:28 PM Thanks, Stephen. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:38 PM If a hen-and-a-half could lay an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how long would it take a cross-eyed grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? ...you want the meaning of life? I'll soon post the meaning of life! 42!..BAH! that's just another Urban Legend! When I was younger, they said "life is a 3-legged kettle"...then they said "life is a fountain"...silly Zen balderdash!..... now ya'll just hold on...I'll get a candle and head down to the archives in the catacombs and fetch the definitive book on the meaning of life!.. *mumble, mumble*...Oahspe, no...that's not it..The Urantia Book...nope, WAY too complex....ah...there it is! ....now to scan it so the folks will have the complete set of answers to it all.... .......soon now........... |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: katlaughing Date: 16 Apr 02 - 06:50 PM I thought it was the boob book, BillD? No?**BG** Sharon, it was just my opinion; didn't need to go on and on about it. Last I knew I had a right to express my opinion and to answer any questions about what I've posted. It may be a pun and funny to some; I was just saying it was not funny to me. kat |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Amos Date: 16 Apr 02 - 07:19 PM Sharon: No. no!! I thought it was funny -- I was just being a wiseacre. You should know me that well by now!! LOL!! And as for toohpicks, well, I thought it was funny too! They actually get disoccidented, I think. Opps! Slur on Occidentals....sorry!! My bad. Ooooooo..... :>) A |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Celtic Soul Date: 16 Apr 02 - 08:01 PM I like my Fathers answer to many of the questions of life: "Chogagogmanchogagogchabunagungamog" It's the name of a lake someplace in New England (obviously borrowed from one of the Native American languages), and it means "I'll fish on my side, you fish on your side, nobody fishes in the middle". Or, as I read that: play nice, share some, and leave a little space for privacy.
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D Date: 16 Apr 02 - 08:13 PM .....*puff, puff...pant,pant*.....cain't climb them stairs like I uster, folks.. ok, here you go...1st installment on The Meaning(s)of Life ..now, mind you, as a card-carrying **Philosopher**..(actually made $2000 at it as a grad student!), I have been persuing this question for many years, so who better to provide enlightenment?... |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D Date: 16 Apr 02 - 08:17 PM whut the heck?..Is THAT as big as they make them pictures?...I need to do some editing!! |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Bill D Date: 16 Apr 02 - 09:02 PM ok...I think we got 'em all viewable now...It pays to do experiments before you trust technology! (Most browsers will even enlarge a bit more, if necessary) |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Stephen L. Rich Date: 16 Apr 02 - 10:40 PM Bill D, nice touch. |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: Trevor Date: 17 Apr 02 - 04:30 AM Why do 'flammable' and 'inflammable' mean the same thing? |
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Subject: RE: Eternal Questions From: SharonA Date: 17 Apr 02 - 07:01 PM Celtic Soul: Now there's an Eternal Question – how do you spell "Chogagogmanchogagogchabunagungamog"? On this page, it's got a similar spelling, "Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg." There's also a map of the lake of the same name: http://tompayne.dsl.speakeasy.net/tompayne/sigep/lake.htm This site, with a photo of said lake, says the word was coined by the Nipmucks, but it inserts an extra "gag" (or is it "gog"?) into the name: http://www.net1plus.com/users/websterpd/webster_lake.htm This blurb says that the word is from the Algonquin (is that the same as Nipmuck? or was one a tribe and the other a clan of that tribe?): http://www.roadtripamerica.com/signs/chargogg.htm Some of these sites refer to the lake in question as being currently named Lake Webster, but this site says it's locally known as Lake Manchaug: http://www.mchs.net/MCHSLIB/HTML/didknow4.html And finally, an answer to what I thought would be another Eternal Question, "What is the proper term for a word like Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg (besides 'long')?" It's called a hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian, according to this site: http://jewel.morgan.edu/~salimian/humor/humor_203.html |
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