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BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Jon Bartlett Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:28 PM What is this "morning after" pill? After what? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Bert Date: 17 Sep 02 - 08:32 PM True story from when my Dad worked in a body shop. One of the lads had a hole in his rubber boots. Dad says "Go over to Jim (the welder) and get him to weld them up for you. The lad trots over to Jim with his rubber boots in hand. Jim say's "Sorry, I don't have any rubber welding rods, go and ask Bill, see if he's got any" Of course Bill doesn't have any, and he sends him to someone else. So, for about a week the lad goes around trying to find some rubber welding rods. Eventually, on of the guys gets some old welding rods, knocks what's left of the flux off of them and threads on some rubber from some old electrical wire. The lad gleefully takes these over top Jim who says "Sorry Son, You need a DC machine for those. This machine is AC." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Chip2447 Date: 17 Sep 02 - 10:13 PM From my days in Uncle Sam's yacht club; Fifty feet of flight line, a bucket of propwash, the infamous mail bouy watch, gotta get our mail ya know. Probably the best was the Go NoGo gauge, which usually causes the newbies who have been a victim of one of the above to scoff and vow that they aren't going to fall for that. However, a Go NoGo gauge is an actual piece of equipment used to determine if a deck padeye (aircraft tie down point to you uninitiated) needs replaced. If the jaws of the gauge won't fit over the bars of the padeye...hence NOGO, it is not worn enough to replace. On the other hand, if it GOes then so must the padeye. Chip2447(who paid close attention to the stories tha his uncle told him of the U.S. Navy, and used mail bouy watch time for a much needed break) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 17 Sep 02 - 10:25 PM John B., It's a pill for those mornings when you wake up and stammer, "What?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Sep 02 - 11:10 PM Well, as Banjer can attest, in the automotive repair business, you send the yahoo out to get the key to the vapor lock. Also, a lot of customers want an instant diagnosis of their problem and ask, "What do you think you can do?" The reply of course is, "Well, I could jack the radiator cap up and slide a new car underneath it." And surely every shop has at least one "French jack" sitting in the corner. What's a "French jack" you asked? It's one that's got a leaking seal and therefore keeps going down on you. I had a friend who constantly played with a tape measure that was on his keychain and would walk over to someone and act as though he was measuring them. When asked what he was doing he'd reply, "Just seeing how long you've been here." He was later committed to a mental institution. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Homeless Date: 18 Sep 02 - 12:01 AM Like Walrus and Micca, one of my coworkers didn't believe in cow-tipping (and she had lived in the Midwest AND Texas!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Keevan6 Date: 18 Sep 02 - 01:53 AM my dad and I once sent a newbie down 11 flights at a construction site to get a battery for an air-winch....kid fell for it.....later we sent the same kid back down and up to bring us a harness-stabilizer for a couple of saw-horses we were using |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Hrothgar Date: 18 Sep 02 - 05:04 AM I'm still trying to get the right pile driver for knocking in those post holes I bought. Micca: If I remember correctly, pure alcohol is either 173.74% or 174.73% proof. That's why something that is 40% alcohol by volume is rated as 70% proof. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: nickp Date: 18 Sep 02 - 05:47 AM Then, of course, there's the Glass Hammer - although I understand that there really is such a thing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Nigel Parsons Date: 18 Sep 02 - 06:51 AM To answer the question posed once or twice; a "morning after pill" is a high power hormone pill intended to produce spontaneous abortion (is it PC to call it abortion at so early a stage?) when prophylactic measures have not been taken the night before. It is, obviously, intended for female use. However, the powers that be are quite right to issue them to male students. Having to apply for one makes the male appear to be a 'stud'; whilst if the girl applies she appears to be a 'loose woman'. I know this is a double standard, but it isn't mine. Along the same lines, it always used to be the case that condom machines were only sited in the mens toilets. Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Micca Date: 18 Sep 02 - 06:56 AM Hrothgar, but of course, the trend towards putting % by vol. of alcohol on labels of alcoholic beverages now is because the USA, the UK and I think France have different values for fluids of the same equivalent "proof" and they are trying to thus creat a "common" standard?!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Nigel Parsons Date: 18 Sep 02 - 07:12 AM %Proof was always a variable quantity. IIRC "proof" spirit was originally that which, if poured on gunpowder would still allow the powder to ignite. Thus any alcohol (by vol.) content between 73-100 would be "proof spirit". Anything below would be shown a %proof based on the lower limit. (i.e. what quantity is left after removing water by further distillation thus bringing the spirit up to "proof".) Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Micca Date: 18 Sep 02 - 09:27 AM Nigel, an interesting point about removing water by distillation thats why Absolute alcohol may contain traces of benzene(see my post above) they add benzene to form an azeotrope so that the benzene/water mix distills at a lower temp than the alcohol/water fraction and the water is thus removed, but traces of benzene remains and the alcohol needs to be passed down an alumina column and then checked on a spectrometer until no benzene remains, if you want to safely drink it!!! This is , of course, a "Douglas Adams" use of the word "safe". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: NH Dave Date: 18 Sep 02 - 12:13 PM Having spent some time in Boy Scouts as well as in the AF, two situations come to mind. As a boy, on camping trips, I recall being sent on missions to scare up a tent stretcher, as we were a couple of tents for the outing. This stopped when I brought a set of tenterhooks, two bits of scrap, joined at one end by a bolt or rivit, with a series of brads or hooks at the other, used to keep woven work a specific width, against the pull of the weft. The second involved an air base that trained Hospital Technicians, and AF Instructors as well as having the usual flying operations. We sent a tyro off for a couple Fallopian Tubes, to repair a bit of radar gear, suggesting he check with the Radiology Department of the base hospital since there were many similarities in radar and X-Ray machines. Unfortunately, instead of encountering a fellow prankster, willing to kid him on, he ran into a crusty, older, Nurse, Major, with a limited sense of humor about things medical, feminine, and military, who extracted the name of his immediate supervisor and called, demanding an instant stop to this nonsense. Dave
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Abby Sale Date: 18 Sep 02 - 07:37 PM Well, wilco48's original story reminds me of the serious side of all this. In 1946, when the horror was still very much with us, my father told me some news he'd heard directly from some relatives who were there at the time…Survivors. This was early in 1938, before "Kristallnacht" when Jews still could live a bit and own stores in Germany. One day Goering says to Hitler that he's not entirely sure it's a good idea to get rid of all the Jews. Maybe they're clever and can contribute something useful. Hitler, of course, is outraged but allows his comrade to explain. "Please come with me, Fuhrer," says Goering, and they go out into the town to the shops. Stopping at an Aryan dry goods shop, Goering asks for a dozen left-handed teacups. The shop owner shuffles around offering this and that but finally admits he never heard of left-handed teacups and he can't help. "Okay," says Goering, "lets try again." They go to another Aryan store with the same results and also to a third store. Hitler is becoming very impatient but Goering says, "Fine. Let's try this shop here." It's a Jewish store. Again, Goering asks for a dozen left-handed teacups and the owner says, "Yes, sir. Immediately!" He goes to the shelf, gets the cups, places one left-handed teacup on the counter and politely turns it so it's convenient to Goering's left hand. "Very fine and unusual cups they are, Sir," he explains. "That will be 50 marks." Goering says he'll think about it and takes Hitler outside. "See what I mean, Fuhrer? Clever people! Maybe we can use them." But Hitler knows better…"What's so clever?" he asks. The Jew just happened to have some in stock!"
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: wilco Date: 19 Sep 02 - 10:24 AM Abby Sale: It's amazing where a thread can lead. Thanks for the story. Wilco in Tennessee |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Hecate Date: 19 Sep 02 - 10:48 AM I have for sale a selection of ocharina strings, if anyone is interested. I also know a bloke who does an excellent line in reduced fat cigarettes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: gwonya Date: 19 Sep 02 - 04:59 PM One spikey beer nut + apple juice in a sterile urinalysis speciman bottle makes for one tasty kidney stone after discussing the horrors of passing such a beast with brand new professionals at our Emergency department. Its just very important that this does'nt backfire somehow. Know your props and how they differ from those belonging to someone else. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Mr Red Date: 19 Sep 02 - 05:19 PM Dave James Gotcha as promised. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Genie Date: 19 Sep 02 - 08:17 PM Abby, that's a wonderful tale! Genie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Gurney Date: 22 Sep 02 - 05:41 AM a Kiwi luthier is selling lead-free pencils if anyone is interested. There's no fuel like an old fuel. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Leadfingers Date: 22 Sep 02 - 12:51 PM I understand that in the Good Old Days(who said THESE are the Good Old Days)in railway workshops the new apprentices were liable to be sent off for Red and Green Lamp oil. And the do use Rubber Hammers in Vehicle bodyshops. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: leprechaun Date: 22 Sep 02 - 07:11 PM On occasion we kick in a door for a search warrant and there's nobody home. If we have new recruit with us we assure them the procedure is to read the search warrant aloud anyway. We wouldn't want to lose any evidence on a technicality. My partner got a guy to confess when he told him we found "male fingerprints" on his stash box. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: gnu Date: 23 Sep 02 - 05:11 AM About sixty years ago, a fellow hired by my uncle to dig six post holes arrived while my uncle was at work. The fellow asked my aunt where she wanted the postholes, to which she replied, "Just leave them on the back porch." After about ten minutes, she paid him the $1.50 each and he left in a rather good mood, never to be seen again. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Nigel Parsons Date: 23 Sep 02 - 05:26 AM Gurney: 'lead free pencils', was the kiwi serious, or taking the piss? A couple of ways to look at this, 1, he may make sales to people who think 'pencil lead' is actually lead, and harmful to the environment 2, He may be dealing with an older generation who were told not to bite their pencils in school (The painted outsides often included lead paint)3, He may just acknowledge "There's one born every minute" Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: GUEST,noddy Date: 23 Sep 02 - 06:39 AM we used to get lab assistants to "standardise all new thermometers by walking round with hem under their armpit for ten minutes. other things of use . Chocolate teapot Chocolate fireguard . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Nigel Parsons Date: 23 Sep 02 - 06:46 AM Guest, Noddy: About as much use as: 1, A pork pie at a bar mitzvah 2, a lace condom |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: The Walrus at work Date: 23 Sep 02 - 08:45 AM Nigel, You've forgotten the plough on a fish farm. Walrus |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Micca Date: 23 Sep 02 - 08:46 AM Nigel, in my very " multiethnic multi faith" college I heard" as much use a Pigskin Koran" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: MudGuard Date: 23 Sep 02 - 09:21 AM I am thinking about starting a new business selling high-temperature telephones. There must be a lot of customers for that - all those people who want to call hotlines ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: The Walrus at work Date: 23 Sep 02 - 02:15 PM MudGuard, While you're at it, how about insulating the hand set, that way thay can also be used for dealing with those sales centres that "cold-call". Walrus |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: MudGuard Date: 23 Sep 02 - 02:19 PM cold-call? Never heard that expression. My dictionaries seem unaware of it as well. Could you explain, please? (English is only my second language, and I am not too good at it - especially such expressions...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: JohnInKansas Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:05 PM "Cold Call" is advertising jargon for a call to someone who has NOT indicated a need for what you have to sell. Salespersons would, of course, prefer to call on "qualified" customers who have shown an interest; but seem willing to "call everyone in the phone book" if there's a chance of a sale. A modern day equivalent is advertising SPAM email. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: MudGuard Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:11 PM Thanks John! I can go to bed now, as I have learnt something new today (although it is a bit early, it's just 9PM here...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: katlaughing Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:20 PM In sales, a "cold call" is the very first time a saleperson makes contact with a protential |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: katlaughing Date: 23 Sep 02 - 03:39 PM Meant to add, though the jackalope enjoys world-wide acclaim and recognition now, it all started back in Wyoming when an old taxidermist in Douglas stuffed the first one of these elusive creatures. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Nigel Parsons Date: 24 Sep 02 - 05:50 AM Now we seem to drifted onto phones, am I alone in being irritated by some of the 'standard' comments used by supposedly professional telephone users. "Hold the line": nope, I'd rather hold the handset. "Bear with me": does this mean get undressed together ? Nigel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: Gurney Date: 24 Sep 02 - 07:06 AM Nigel, how about "Jane speaking." (This is Chris speaking, do you think we are related?) "Have a nice day." (I'll have any kind of day I want!") "You are speaking with Jane." (No, I'm seaking TO Jane.) Thread drift rules OK(UK) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: wilco Date: 24 Sep 02 - 11:55 AM Mentioning phones reminded me of a gag that we pulled when we were teenagers. We would call our friends, disguising our voice, and tell them that we were telephone repair people, that they had too much "slack" in their phone line coming into the house, and to pull as hard as they could on the cord plugged into the wall. I should be utterly ashamed (Hee Hee :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: GUEST,noddy Date: 24 Sep 02 - 12:17 PM phone someone with an ansaphone and leave a meassage which sounds as though they have called youu and got your ansaphone. It causes all sorts of confusion. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Left-handed spoons. Post-holes for sale From: catspaw49 Date: 24 Sep 02 - 12:48 PM Why is sales such a maligned occupation? For those who have never done it I realize that the common image (ie-used cars) is somewhat down the totem pole of jobs. The standard cliches and other things like attire (Hey' I see your belt matches your shoes--Both white!) have done in what is truly an art and a science. Selling is an art and if you don't believe me, think back to all the wonderful things you've bought over the years and then on to all the pieces of absolute crap you have been sold. "Cold Calls" are the number two ability on the list of tools a salesperson must have, the first being the ability to carry on long conversations without making a statement--only asking questions, regardless of the answer. Cold calls establish a customer base and build prospects so time isn't wasted on non-buyers and others can be developed over time. Many seem to believe that the way to do this is thorugh the phone or internet. At best, all they can provide is a remote possibility that a customer might be expecting them. Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats standing face to face with a person. It's the only way to evaluate them. Frankly, I think telemarketers do far more harm to a saleperson's chances of actually making a sale and they irritate the hell out of most of us. Sorry......I'll stop the rant now and replace the Soapbox in the corner. Spaw |