BS: Blonde Jokes

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Blackcatter
Date: 15 Apr 03 - 05:53 PM

Fuck-off GUEST.

Stay un-named and you deserve less from me than does a roach.

Blonde jokes offend me - I have a right to say that on this list. And I'm not the only one.

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Raggytash
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 02:53 AM

Blackcatter,
I'll be named I'll give you my home address if you want, you may be educated, you may be successful, you may be sought after by many sections of the community but I have to say you don't sound happy with life.
I think happiness outweighs all of the other benefits you seem to enjoy

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Pseudolus
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 01:53 PM

If the title of the thread is "Blonde Jokes" and someone who is offended by Blonde jokes goes in and reads it anyway. whose fault is that?!? The fact is that some people are offended and some are not offended by stereotype jokes, neither group is right, it's just different opinions!! I'm personally offended when people come into threads like this and essentially tell me that I'm WRONG if I'm NOT offended by the jokes!!!! And comparing it to the workplace is just plain wrong.....you HAVE to go to your workplace, you don't HAVE to open this thread......

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,mufdvr
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 04:39 PM

How 'bout getting back to jist of the thread...let's have some more good blond jokes.

What do you call blondes in a freezer?   FROSTED FLAKES

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,C.
Date: 16 Apr 03 - 05:35 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 05:21 PM

Q: what do you call an upside down blonde?
A: a brunette with bad breathe

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Songster Bob
Date: 18 Nov 04 - 11:13 PM

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?


... so men can remember them.


Bob (yeah, I know...)

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Bert
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 03:05 PM

Ely, there's a difference.

There are no Aggie Jokes, they are all true stories.

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: *Laura*
Date: 19 Nov 04 - 05:51 PM

Ok I don't like this one much - but it's something to slap your male mates about when they tell it to you...

Three blondes are stuck on a dessert island and they can't find a way off to mainland. Miraculously they discover a magic lamp - which contains a genie. He says he will grant them one wish each.
The first one says 'I wish i was more intelligent so I could get off this island' - he turns her into a brunette and she swims to the mainland.
The second one says 'I wish I was more intellegant than you made her so I could get off this island too' - he turns her hair black and she builds a boat and rows to mainland.
The third blonde says she wants to be the most intellegant of them all - so.. wait for it...
he turns her into a man and she uses the bridge!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Oh. My. God!!!

xLx
p.s. and i am blonde! but don't find them that offensive - depending on what they are. Especially as I have a (very blonde) friend who can really act the dumb blonde at times!

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Lighter
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 10:45 AM

Maybe these were on an earlier thread. I heard them on the Fox News Channel yesterday, told (mostly) by a blonde lawyer and a blonde news anchor.

"She's so blonde, she thinks General Motors is in the Army." [Note: "Navy" would be more subtle.]

There were several more of the "She's so blonde" variety, but they didn't stick.

"Three blondes were walking in the woods when they found some tracks. The first blonde says, 'Deer tracks.' The second blonde says, 'Elk tracks.' The third blonde says, 'Moose tracks.' Then while they were arguing they got run over by a train!"

From the same source about eight months ago:

"A blonde walks into a department store to buy a TV. She sees one she likes, but the salesman says, "I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes here." Naturally she gets angry and says, 'What do you mean you don't sell to blondes? That's an outrage!' But the salesman says, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, but it's store policy and I don't make the rules. We just don't sell to blondes.'

"So she goes home and dyes her hair black, puts on new clothes and giant dark glasses. Then she goes back to the store, finds a different salesman and says, 'I'd like to buy this TV please.'

"The salesman says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes.' She says, 'I beg your pardon, but what makes you think I'm a blonde?'

'The salesman looks at her with her black hair and giant dark glasses and says, 'Because that's a microwave oven.'"

(You can tell blonde jokes even if you're blonde! Just change 'em to "redhead" jokes, "male chauvinist" jokes, or, as was the fashion when I was in grade school, "little moron" jokes. Let there be no bounds to the funsmith's art!)

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 01:06 PM

Hey! I'm blonde (with a bit of white nowadays).

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Barry Finn
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 11:50 PM

3 blondes walk into a building


Barry

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 12:08 AM

Dyslexic blonde got hurt when she walked into an iron bra!
The blonde who thought Sherlock Holmes was an appartment block.
The blonde who though Manual labour was a Spanish man.

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: frogprince
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 10:36 AM

warning, bad taste...

...who thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease...

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 10:37 AM

If you're a musician, you can recast all the blonde jokes to violist jokes. Or accordionist jokes. Or drummer jokes. (etc., etc., ad nauseam)

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 02:28 PM

The blonde who thought 'Boxcar Willie' was something men caught on trains.
The blonde who thought 'Willie Nelson' was a wrestling hold

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 03:50 PM

A while ago I was watching "Skins", the British-made somewhat-comic soap opera about teenagers, on BBC America. The opening scene went something like this:

GIRL: Can I tell you a joke?
BOY: Sure.
GIRL: What do you call nacho cheese? ... Wait a minute. That's not right. (She gets out her cell phone [mobile] and calls a friend.)
GIRL (speaking into the phone): How does that joke go again? ... Yeah, right. ... Cheers. (Hangs up.)
GIRL (to boy): What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
BOY: Nacho cheese?
GIRL: Oh, you've heard it before!

The girl was not a blonde (as if that matters). I found it hilarious, because something similar has happened to me innumerable times. While we're out with friends, my wife will start telling a joke, then get confused, then turn to me for help, or ask me to finish telling it, after she has already spoiled it by giving away the punch line! I hate when that happens! My wife is not a blonde, either, but she might as well be, when it comes to telling jokes!

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 04:20 PM

A half-century or so ago, Stan Freburg solved the "who to insult" problem in a simple and effective way: All groups who were subjects of jokes were "Swiss".

Sample: "My wife came down with the flu"
       "Hong Kong Flu?"
       "No, Swiss Flu. That way we don't offend anybody"

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Lighter
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 04:28 PM

Compare with Jim's joke:

JOKER (suddenly): I just heard the greatest knock-knock joke. You start!

JERK (eagerly): Knock knock!

JOKER: Who's there?

JERK: Uhhhhh.....uhhhh....*I* don't know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOKER: Sorry. This time, *you* say knock knock.

JERK: Knock knock!

JOKER: Who's there?

JERK: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Needless to say, I was the "jerk" in this particular case. (It may have been in the '80s.) But this time, *you* say knock knock. You'll never guess the punchline!

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: artbrooks
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 09:46 AM

How do you knock a Marine unconscious?

Throw a shovel full of dirt on the side of a wall and say "hit the beach!".


I don't think I saw this one earlier:

What does a blonde think about during sex?

"Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Dec 08 - 04:10 PM

There was the blonde who thought "safe sex" meant a padded headboard....

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Rog Peek
Date: 08 Dec 08 - 02:08 PM

A blind man enters a Ladies' Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman to his left says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things .....
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6 foot tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah...Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Rog

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: EBarnacle
Date: 09 Dec 08 - 10:12 AM

They've gone mainstream. This was on the MSN home page today.

http://tech.msn.com/news/articlecnet.aspx?cp-documentid=15737752>1=40000

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 Dec 08 - 09:21 PM

Some cultures have a convenient town to visit such jokes on: Gotham (UK) or Chelm (eastern European Jews).

"Which is more important, the sun or the moon?" a citizen of Chelm asked his rabbi.
"The moon, of course," replied the rabbi. "It shines at night, when it is needed. The sun shines only during the day, when there is no need of it at all."

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: EBarnacle
Date: 09 Dec 08 - 11:21 PM

Joe, that one was told in Sholem Aleichem's Tevye and his Daughters.

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 01:46 PM

And most blonde jokes work very well as Bush jokes!

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 02:14 PM

But then, Bush is ALREADY a joke!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 10 Dec 08 - 04:06 PM

Y'know, most ethnic (or other minority) jokes are largely interchangeable--and not particularly funny. The occasional one that taps into a specific characteristic of a minority --the ones that aren't interchangeable--are much funnier. And much more potentially harmful, in that they help preserve stereotypes..

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: Richie Black (misused acct, bad email)
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 03:05 PM

Glamour model Katie Price has escaped unjuried after the car she was travelling in crashed into two wild horses in Argentina.

Price, also known as Jordan, was in a 4x4 driven by her boyfriend Leandro Penna when a pair of stallions jumped a fence and galloped into their path on a remote country road.

Both of the animals were killed, with one breaking through the windscreen of the car.

I wonder did her airbags work ?

Subject: RE: BS: Blonde Jokes
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 03:25 PM

Groooooan.