BS: Piles or other irritants

Subject: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 06:25 PM

A long long time ago I was so puzzled by the unpredictable and irrational agression of a member that I started a thread called "Has Gargoyle got piles". The powers that be, of course, disapproved.

But there are some people currently behaving with all the self control of Naomi Campbell after a botched Brazilian.

Should we have a monthly "gall-bladder" award for the most outpouring of unnecessary bile?

Who should we currently nominate?

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Peace
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 06:38 PM

Start with me. You can have it next month. Howzat?

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 06:44 PM

Never can keep a straight face when hearing the song "Pile Drivin' Man"...

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Peace
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 06:47 PM

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: JennyO
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 10:29 PM

I'm tempted to post John Dengate's song "Rectal Bleeding Calypso", but do I dare?

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 30 Apr 07 - 10:35 PM

Dare! Dare!

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 01 May 07 - 12:03 AM

Well, Peace, neither of us were exactly who I had in mind at the moment.....

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Peace
Date: 01 May 07 - 12:05 AM

Oh. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: JennyO
Date: 01 May 07 - 12:13 AM

Oh all right. Never could resist a dare. But beware - this song should carry a bad taste warning!

Rectal Bleeding Calypso - Words & Music ©: John Dengate

I was passing some rectal blood
Sometimes half a cup –
So I go up to the doctor,
Thinking he will fix me up.
He poke around in my rectum
'Til his face is wreathed in smiles.
As he idly toyed with a haemorrhoid,
He says "Have you got piles?".
      
Chorus
Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding,
Or some sim'lar disease – Ooh!
Stay a-way from the hospitals
And the doctors' surgeries.

But I don't get snaky or cranky –
I know he's doin' his best.
He say, sincerely and frankly
I must see the specialist.
Oh! The specialist is a rugby man –
He ruck the Uni scrum.
He practise shoving and pushing
With this thing stuck up my bum!

Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding ...

Oh! Off to specialist number two
And this he say to me:
"Have to put you in hospital,
For colon-os-co-py".
Oh! Colonoscopy does not sound like
Very pleasant idea
And first you swallow this poisonous muck
That gives you diarrhoea!

Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding ...

Oh! Doctor say to me, sadly,
With a face like wise old owl:
Colonoscoscope won't go round
The main loop of your bowel.
Barium enema – that's the thing
He reckons must be tried.
I should have taken the coward's way
And planned on suicide!

Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding ...

Is no damn wonder that my hand shake –
No wonder I imbibe.
Barium enema … so damned terrible,
Words can not describe.
I've had a bowel and a belly-full,
I've had much more than I need.
I've naught to show, for they still don't know,
What causes me to bleed.

Oh! If you suffer from rectal bleeding
Or some sim'lar disease – Ooh!
Stay a-way from the hospitals
And the doctors' surgeries.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 May 07 - 12:23 AM

The proctologist said to the patient

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 May 07 - 01:16 AM

Hey, when we had a radio show, Max called it the Rat Bastard of the Week. I say, bring it back!

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Gulliver
Date: 01 May 07 - 09:13 PM

Using a lubricant might help.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 07 - 10:50 PM

Didja hear about the drink made from milk of magnesia and vodka? It's called a pile driver.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Bert
Date: 02 May 07 - 01:06 AM

I went for a checkup a while back and they did a colonoscopy.

Before I went in a nurse took my blood pressure.

After the event she took my blood pressure again.

I asked "Is there any difference"?

She said "It went up a little"

I replied "I'm not surprised".

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:49 AM

I thought it "Poles or other immigrants"...

D.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:55 AM

Demonstrating deserved outrage is only 1% what it should be.

at 25% there is chaos at 50% there is civil war

do I hear 20, 20 20 20 going once going twice....

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 07 - 05:58 AM

http://www.rense.com/1.imagesH/OK_dees.jpg

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 07 - 09:33 AM

Piles or other irritants...I thought this was one of the political threads....

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: GUEST,Justin U
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 07:04 AM

Anyone any cures for piles that itch ? Tried everything the doctor gave me, they are a bastard. I can live with the piles, not the itch.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: GUEST,wallaby
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 07:12 AM

Try some tea tree oil, Justin, it'll do wonders.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: quokka
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 07:56 AM

dencorub

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 07:57 AM

Sitz bath and a good book.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 08:41 AM

Song for haemorrhoids, and other assholes

XG

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: GUEST,Justin U
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 09:25 AM

Thanks wallaby, just bought some there on ebay.

Again thanks

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 09:32 AM

Sawz and rigs have pulled ahead of Doug R

But who really cares if a teenager gets some kind of award for being the most disagreeable.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 11:15 AM

Maybe it ain't just piles...maybe it's pinworms... (he says from sad experience 35 years ago)

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 12:15 PM

shit, one more thing to worry about

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 12:20 PM

*grin*... exactly!

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: bubblyrat
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 12:58 PM

Is it really true that,in the US, a manufacturer of a cream or other remedy for piles used the song "Ring of Fire" in their advertisements ?? I do hope so !

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 01:02 PM

hmmm... I seem to remember something about that. I can't remember if it was real or a parody.

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Oct 08 - 07:14 PM

Such a savory set of threads going this afternoon. Is this the antidote to too much politics? Or too many politicians?

Subject: RE: BS: Piles or other irritants
From: freda underhill
Date: 23 Oct 08 - 03:11 AM

They tried to use the song, but Johnny Cash's family wouldn't let them. June Carter wrote it btw.