BS: Your Obituary

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: EBarnacle
Date: 25 Sep 07 - 01:41 AM

For my epitaph--"Saved a mountain with a phone call and let someone else take the credit." [I've told the story elsewhere.]

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 25 Sep 07 - 12:43 AM

Some of you folks are confusing obituaries with epitaphs.

I'd like to have my epitaph read as follows:

(an arrow pointing to the grave beside mine) "I'll have what he's (or she's) having."

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Janie
Date: 25 Sep 07 - 12:42 AM

"On balance, she did no harm."

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 25 Sep 07 - 12:32 AM

Well - that is certainly true.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 25 Sep 07 - 12:28 AM

the time to say nice things about anyone is when they're alive and they can hear it. afterwards, its meaningless.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 25 Sep 07 - 12:17 AM

Batgoddess - I LOVED Lived desired and died lamented......one could aspire to worse things.......

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 24 Sep 07 - 11:26 AM

I've fortunately never had to write an obituary but in August I helped write the family's thoughts and memories for Paul's father. There was alot of laughter as well as tears for someone that lived for 85 and a half years and had a full and interesting life. A person is still alive for as long as the people who love them still remember them fondly. May they not be forgotten.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 10 Aug 07 - 10:25 AM

Laminated, indeed!

(Hmmm...maybe I should try that...)

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Joe_F
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 09:48 PM

I don't deserve an obituary, but if I am to have an epitaph it should be
"He got around to everything eventually."

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Mickey191
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:41 PM

Rapaire, You didn't list one of your major accomplishments for which another took credit-The Dewey Decimal System. Melvil took all the glory!


Linn, I'd love to have known Ms. Van Loon. Thanks for the laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:03 PM

This from local gallery (Portsmouth, New Hampshire USA) owner Priscilla Van Loon's obituary — which was so controversial, the Portsmouth (NH) Herald wouldn't print it! (It ran in its entirety in (Dover, NH's) Foster's Daily Democrat.)

Here's some of the good bits from her obit:

"Priscilla Van Loon, one of Portsmouth's leading personalities, died Sat., Nov. 1, 1997, after a long valiant fight with her family and a short bout with cancer."

"Priscilla received her education daily and on four continents. She managed the Season's Galleries in the Hague, the Netherlands for many years and opened Gallery 33 in Portsmouth in 1984. She held court there regularly for 13 years. . . She worked fearlessly throughout her life to rid the world of poor taste."

"There will be a memorial service . . . at the Unitarian Universalist Church . . . A cocktail party in her honor will be held at her home . . . Republicans and other conservatives attend at your own risk."

"In lieu of flowers, Priscilla wishes people to make donations to any or all of the following charities [list of deserving follows] . . .Alternatively, she asks that purchases be made in her memory at Gallery 33 to support her grandchildren in a manner they could soon become accustomed."

Wish I'd written it!

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Micca
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 05:26 PM

Linn, I read It as "Lived, desired, and died, laminated"
:o)

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:14 PM

On two early 19th century slate markers in York, Maine (both for women):

"Lived desired and died lamented."

If that isn't something to aspire to, I don't know what is!

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:26 PM

Well, I would like my small accomplishments mentioned, I guess. My landing on the moon, finding the polio vaccine, winning the Nobel Peace Prize, the ten Olympic gold medals, writing "Huckleberry Finn" -- small things, but they mean a lot to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:21 PM

There's a great book published a couple years ago --

The Dead Beat: Lost Souls, Lucky Stiffs, and the Perverse Pleasures of Obituaries by Marilyn Johnson

Records a lot of trends in obituary writing, especially the recent informal style.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:42 AM

I'd like "Still thirsty."

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Flatpick
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 06:20 PM

"He snuffed it - he knew it might happen as he got older, it sometimes does"
That might be a realistic one for me.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Megan L
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 01:55 PM

"Dammit he should have cut the red wire"

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 11:13 AM

It might be as well, at this point, to try the agent for a replacement.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: JennyO
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 12:04 AM

You seen him

Well, it was late at night. Dunno where the 'n' came from.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Mickey191
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 08:25 PM

Thanks for the laugh, Micca.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Micca
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 06:17 PM

Mickey, I heard him recite it live and the wistfulness he put into that line leaves no doubt at all!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Mickey191
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 05:58 PM

Thanks Bobert.

Micca-great poem.Going to google Roger McGough--looks like an interesting mind. One wonders which "piece" was kept. Oh no! It can't be! Or am I the only one thinking p----r. Sometimes I'm actually ashamed of myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Bobert
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 04:10 PM

Mickey,

My source is the Washington Post which has an excellent obit department...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Micca
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 04:07 PM

Brett, and Mickey Just for you both

Let me die a young man's death (Roger McGough)

Let me die a youngman's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death

When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight party

Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns burst in
and give me a short back and insides

Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one

Let me die a youngman's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
"what a nice way to go" death

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Becca72
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 03:28 PM

Just my 2 cents worth, but when my mother died in February we didn't mention my father in the obit for the simple fact that they had been married for 25 years but divorced for 27 and all three of their "children" are adults so in my mind they had no real relationship anymore.

I should clarify that....we did put in when they married because it was a big event in my mother's life, but did not include my father in the "survived by" list as at that point they'd been divorced longer than they'd been married.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Mickey191
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 02:19 PM

I saved this from a local obit. written about a young man who seemed to have many adventures, many friends, and was much loved:

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body,
But rather skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "What A Ride."

I think he "made it." IMO all who pass and leave their friends and family feeling the loss while remembering all the goodness of the person, has truly "made it." One doesn't need approbation from a world of strangers to have a lived fine life.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: JennyO
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 01:50 PM

Reminds me of that scene from "The Meaning of Life" where the convicted criminal is allowed to choose the manner of his death. You seen him running from a group of beautiful topless women with their boobs bouncing up and down, till he dives off the edge of a cliff, straight into the grave on the beach that is waiting for him.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Naemanson
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 07:17 AM

It wasn't the cough that carried him off,
It was the coffin they carried him off in.

I have a friend who says you are not supposed to take care of yourself to leave a good looking corpse. You are supposed to slide sideways into the grave, martini in one hand, cigar in the other, while being chased by a jealous husband.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: kendall
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 07:15 AM

"I knew if I lived long enough something like this would happen."

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Folk Form # 1
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 07:04 AM

Micca, I have not seen the statue, but I shall now look out for it.
Jacqui, I agree.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 06:45 AM

I found this on a grave in California:-

She did not follow where the path led, she went instead where there was no path and left a trail.

Down at the bottom of the stone was:-

And she was known to raise a little hell now and then

That, to me, sounds like one hell of an obituary!

Penguin Egg - depends on your view of 'making it'.Being a public figure worldwide doesn't mean as much to me as being loved by those who really know me.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Micca
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 06:44 AM

PE, have you seen the statue of Achilles in Hyde Park? it has one of the best inscriptions on its plinth, (I paraphrase slightly perhaps)
" This statue was raised by subscription from the Women of Britain who contributed to its erection"

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Folk Form # 1
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 05:28 AM

Megan. I live in London and every day walk past stone monuments and statues that tower over me. For the most part, I haven't a clue as to who they are. Judging by their uniforms, I think they may be muscle men for the British Empire.

Rusty Dobro. You have found contentment, which is a good deal to have indeed; but that is not the same thing as "making it" and will not grant you an obituary. Ofcourse, if Hitler had not "made it", then the world would undoubtedly have been a better place.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Megan L
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 04:10 AM

"It'll be all the same a hundred years from now"

There is a big fancy monument near the observatory in Edinburgh. A lot of money was obviously spent and the person or their relative thought the memory would live forever. people do ask "who was that for" but i have never yet heard anyone who could tell them.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 03:16 AM

I agree to differ too... didn't Hitler, Mao Tse Tung and Phol Pot get front page headlines and flags at half mast?

Maybe not all over the world...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 03:12 AM

Beg to differ, Penguin Egg. I sat in the sunshine in my garden the other day, with my children (both happily married and happy in their jobs), surrounded by grandchildren, and enjoying a nice pint of Adnams finest ale. I've got five days left to work, a pension I should be able to live on, travel plans including Ireland and Marrakech, two nice guitars and choosing another one soon. None of this fits your criteria, but even if the great foot descends on me from the sky today, I'd think I'd got the better deal.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Folk Form # 1
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 02:21 AM

When your obituary appears on the front pages of the newspapers around the world, flags are flown at half mast, and a day of national grieving is announced in your own country, then, and only then, can you say you have really made it.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 02:15 AM

I hope my obit would read 'loved by many'... yes, I am that insecure!

Obits are really, really hard to write, when you know the truth about someone. Writing my fathers' was a job I left to someone else, someone who didn't know what a violent, racist coward he was, who didn't know about the punches he threw at my mother or the abuse he hurled at anyone not like him or the way he sent his 12yr old daughter out to fight his battles for him.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 01:06 AM

Good warning, SRS. Anybody who wants to can get a deceased's ssn from ancestry.com if they are willing to pay the fees.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Aug 07 - 12:19 AM

One of the problems with obituaries these days is that the place and date of birth make it very easy for criminals to dig up social security numbers and start fraudulent accounts in the name of the deceased. By the time the family gets to probate, etc., a lot of damage can be done. You might want to generalize to help avoid that. Too bad about the genealogy folks, but there is so much information about everyone these days I think it is best to protect yourself.

I wrote the obituary for my father and named the wrong death date on purpose. We know he died on a Tuesday, and the neighbor who found him a week later was sure he'd seen him and they'd spoken in the road outside the house on Friday. But the neighbor had been pushing an IV on a pole for a couple of days as he recovered from a bad infection and I'm convinced he did see dad--in spirit. Since it didn't matter to any of us and though we could document that last time a phone call or Internet connection was made, I wrote it with Tom's date because he was the only one who was going to care about the date.

If you read obituaries from northern parts of the country you'll find they are more forthcoming about the cause of death, and they are more frank about the family relations. I regularly see the remark about the ex-wife in them, though not always.

I used to write obituaries at a local newspaper, and people would call in with long ones written out to be streamlined or edited (I worked with them, I didn't just rewrite) and other times they would just tell me what they wanted and we'd talk and I'd put it together. A lot of them (the poorly written ones, usually) came from the funeral homes.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 11:54 PM

EBarnacle, Hattie McDaniel, who starred in a lot of movies, but was probably best known as "Mammy" in Gone With the Wind, said of herself, "I did my best; God did the rest" or something close to that. Kind of puts it into perspective, for her, at least.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Slag
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 11:29 PM

How about "Man, it's hard to get recognition in a crowd of 6 billion."

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 11:01 PM

After listing the usual wife, kids, military, etc., my late friend Bob's obit had one line that spoke volumes to those who knew him: "He was a rifleman all his life." To Bob this would be the highest possible praise.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: EBarnacle
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 10:52 PM

The saddest one I have ever seen was "He did the best he could."

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 10:34 PM

He said he was dying.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 09:53 PM

I should have said: in my dad's obit, his wife and her family did mention my mom and stated when they were divorced. Only thing is, they got the date wrong! So, going by their dates, my dad's second marriage would be invalid as he was still married to my mom until a year later. Did I tell them? No, his wife was in real sorrow and getting elderly so I figured it served no purpose. I have the correct dates in my research archives.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 09:49 PM

Me, too, Bobert. At one point I was collecting them from western papers and only about women who had lived a long, long time, and only those ones which told the tales of their early days on to their accomplishments, many of them pre-modern conveniences.

Mickey, I wrote my mom's obit and did not mention my dad out of respect for her and my siblings. Their divorce came after 38 years and it was very abrupt and unexpected for her. He remarried as quickly as it came through. I like to put as much info as possible in an obit because i know their value when it comes to genealogical research, but I still feel there are times when the public just doesn't need all of he details.

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Mickey191
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 09:10 PM

My daily obits are from the local Gannett Paper. Not alot of choice here. They do, however, cover the deceased's accomplishments. The war records of both men & women from WWII get to me. Those who won purple hearts & bronze stars and sadly -those POW's. We all owe so much to those heroes.

What is your source, Bobert, for interesting tales?

Subject: RE: BS: Your Obituary
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Aug 07 - 08:50 PM

I like to read obits... Oh, no, not the ones that have deen written by a funeral home director or, in most cases, family members but the ones that have been written by real obit journalists... These obits don't dwell on the biological stuff as much as the accomplishments of the deceases... How many kids and by whom is for tabloids... I want to know what folks did and what folks left... The rest is like gossip...

Jus' my opinion...

BTW, I have a cut out obits from newspspares over the years of folks who left behind real stories...War heros... Boxers who almost made it... Women who fought the good fight... Etc..., Etc..., If one ever wnats to understand what "life is all about", I'd suggest findin' a newspaper with a good obit department...

Like I said, jus' my opinion...

Bobert