BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 03:48 PM

She was still living in that "40's" sensibility, obviously. Chongo would have understood her immediately, and not blinked an eye.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: GUEST,Ed
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 03:32 PM

A few years ago,I worked in a mostly male work place.

Each day, before she left for the day, the receptionist would say:
"I am going to blow this place"

We males used to look at each other puzzled, but never had any response.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 06:59 AM

I always like the Elwood P. Dowd line:

Q)"May I help you?"
A)"What did you have in mind?"

And for the "street use" male response to EVERYTHING, there is always the classic, partially visual. You grab your crotch with your hand and say, "Hey....yeah man.....I got yer ___________ right here."

One of my most common responses to the "How are you doing?" question is "Same old seven and six." Truthfully, I've been saying it for probably 40 or more years and I have no idea what it means. No one really gives a turkey as to "how you're doing" anyway. Since I take nine different meds everyday, I also use, "Barely living through chemistry."

I have never liked that stupid ass goodbye thing, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I now respond to that with "If I do, I'll do it better."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: DMcG
Date: 25 Oct 07 - 03:29 AM

Taking things literally: When a friend was asked by a salesperson to give his name, it was often followed up by the question "Can you spell it?"   "Yes, thanks" was his usual reply.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: folk1e
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 06:45 PM

"Are you all right?"
"This half is" followed by a quick head jerk to the right!

"Is XXX in?"
"Yes but she doesn't want to speak to you" To the tele sales people

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 06:15 PM

Yeah, we did the same thing for a while, Rowan. One day her dad was visiting and answered the phone. Since we were living outside Akron, Ohio and he lived in Silver Spring, Maryland (and had a wicked sense of humor) the salesperson must have had a nervous breakdown.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 06:07 PM

We had a third line in the office at my Dad's business, and it never got anything BUT wrong numbers for some reason. I knew this for a fact, based on direct experience, because I was the one who normally answered that phone. Accordingly, after awhile whenever it rang I would instantly pick it up....say..."YOU GOT DE WRONG NUMBAH!!!!" in stentorian tones...my best imitation of a mean black gangsta rapper voice...and instantly hang up.

Heh! I've always wished I could have seen the reaction on the other end...

No one ever called back.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rowan
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 06:00 PM

Ah, Rapaire.
My partner and I did the same but the phone was "in" her name; you could always tell who'd just got the number out of the directory, and I had the same fun as you.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 04:25 PM

When we married my wife kept her own surname. So the sales calls came:

Hello, is Mrs. XXX there?
No, she's not in right now.
Do you expect her soon?
No, not really. She's living in Illinois.

etc.

After my mother died it could get even more exciting:

Hello, is Mrs. XXX there?
She'd dead.

This was good for quite a few responses....

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Bainbo
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 04:24 PM

After a long search for a misplaced item: "Eeh! It's always in the very last place you look."

"Of course it is. Once you've found it, you stop looking.
"Tell you what to do next time you lose something - after you've found it, keep on looking for a bit, then it won't be in the last place you look."

The penny's never dropped with my ma-in-law. She still says it every time.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Bert
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 03:45 PM

Or you could have said "36 inches!"

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Chip2447
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 11:19 AM

"Has anyone got any questions?"
"What is the square root of pi?"

"How are things on your end?"
"Fine, now that the sores have cleared up."

Back in the days when I wore my hair VERY long I was often asked "How long have you been growing your hair?" To which the replay was always; "All of my life."

Chip2447

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Mr Happy
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 09:36 AM

Another angle that really gets 'em at times is the literal approach.

'How are you?'

'I think, therefore I am!'


'Pleased to meet you'

'How? you don't know me!'

etc

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: The PA
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 09:32 AM

Just taken a phone call at work - "is Mr ********* about?", to which I answered "yes" followed by silence.

I think she meant "is Mr ******** available, can I speak to him".

She was obviously completely stumped and after a while repeated her question to which I replied, "yes he's at his desk". She still didnt get it, got in a strop and bellowed "well can i speak to him" I just quiely said "yes of course, I just thought you were enquiring as to his whereabouts".

My boss calls it my 'doctors receptionist' mode!

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 09:30 AM

LOL! I can just see them flinching and backing away from you....

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 08:58 AM

"How are you?"
"A little better, but still infectious according to the Doctor."

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: gnu
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 06:59 AM

How are you?

I'm okay now. Much better, thanks. The doctor says I have a have a good chance. I dunno; I haven't gotten the test results back yet. Well, they upped the meds (gave me a new cream to try) so we'll see.

And, of course... I've been better but it costs more.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Morticia
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 05:15 AM

A dear friend of mine once snarled, when invited to ' have a nice day', " Don't tell me what kind of day to have!".

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Mr Happy
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 04:56 AM

So many folk seem to have stock phrases that they regurgitate with no thought of a response.

Such as 'How are you?' when they probably don't really want to know your current status.

Sometimes, if I'm feeling a little piste off with these sort of inanities, I'll reply 'As well as can be expected under prevailing circumstances' - usually results in a blank look!

Tee-hee!

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 24 Oct 07 - 03:16 AM

There were times in the past when the "I'm a taxpayer & you should give me everything I want - immediately ..." received the following answer.

"Then you will be very pleased to know that we now receive less taxpayer money as we raise money from those who need our extra services, however our basic services are free" or something like that.

When I was very new at the job (Info Services in a Federal Govt agency) I answered a long, long rant & rave with silence. Continual silence, no defence of our Agency or policies or anything, just silence. Even more silence, till he finally said in a hesitant voice "Eh, hello, are you still there?"

"Yes', I said politely, 'is there anything else you need?'

'eh, no'

'Thank you for calling, good bye.'

"eh, good bye'.

I won!! so I jumped about saying I'd won (but I was very young then.)

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 10:14 PM

"Did you find everything you want?"
"I never find everything I want."

"Do you have any questions?"
"Thousands, but not about this."

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Bert
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 09:38 PM

Then there's the person who, having completely failed to solve your problem on the customer support line asks, "can I help you with anything else". I usually reply , "You haven't helped me with this yet!"

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Joe_F
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 08:55 PM

"Have a nice day."
"No, thank you, I've already had one."

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 08:15 PM

I worked with a woman for a few years, and she had the incredibly annoying habit of saying, whenever one yawned... "Are we keeping you up?"

I would always respond, "If you were, I'd tell you."

Nevertheless she kept doing it, just as predictable as a cuckoo clock striking the hours. I don't think she was capable of not doing it. She would also say "Bless you!" whenever I sneezed. That woman lived by the cliche, the automatic response to every situation, predictable as pushing a button on a machine.

Another one of her little habits was munching on junk food of the junkiest sort possible...I mean these weird little multi-colored sweet thingies that came in plastic bags. They looked like little squares of foam or plastic. I asked her what they were one day and she told me, but alas!....I have forgotten what they're called in the years that have passed by since then.

"They have absolutely no real food value!" she told me proudly. "They're completely synthetic."

"So....then why do you eat them?" I asked.

"I'm trying to lose weight," she responded brightly.

She used to go on trips to Mexico and she would spend the entire trip inside a resort, never meeting a single living, breathing Mexican...except for those few who were were on staff at the resort. She described these sun-drenched days by the pool and on the beach and patio to me, and told me about all the other nice tourists that she met from Canada and the USA, broiling themselves like lobsters. She might just as well have gone to DisneyWorld as far as I could see, because she never encountered Mexico. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Chip2447
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 07:58 PM

I almost always answer a "God Bless you" sneeze or not with a thanks, but the jury is still out on that.

When my Sister is not having a particularly god day she answers "Hi, how are you(s)" with a "Crappy, but thanks for asking"

Chip2447

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: artbrooks
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 07:10 PM

When I was in the (US) Army, I was at a location where there were also some members of the 7th Cavalry Regiment (of Lt. Colonel Custer fame). They habitually saluted officers while also saying "Garry Owen, sir!" "Garry Owen is the traditional "air" of the Seventh Cav.) I was often tempted to respond with "Sitting Bull, sergeant", but never quite had what it would have taken to do so...suicidal tendencies, maybe.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: GUEST,Ed
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 07:01 PM

People who say" You haven't done a thing all day"
Response "How have you found the time to watch"?

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rowan
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 06:13 PM

As I commented elsewhere, when a shop assistant approaches me and asks
"Are you right?"
I have several versions of smile (or lack of it) on my face when I reply
"Once upon a time, the customer was always right!"
And, if I think that's being too hard on them in the particular circumstance, I'll immediately add
"Just confused!"

My daughters, often the same age as the shop assistants, wince.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 05:35 PM

"Instant Gratification takes too long."

Not if you MICROWAVE it!

But take care. Don't set the microwave to full power or you could wind up in the past, with only potential future gratificasion.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 04:43 PM

Instant Gratification takes too long.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 03:24 PM

I think I'll start a product line called "Instant Gratification." Just scoop some out and stir it into a cup of water.

I'm thinking of a nice laxative....

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 03:07 PM

Of course they don't... those taxes pay my wages and I'm pretty damned sure I'm not getting paid enough for the crap I have to put up with on the phone from taxpayers!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 02:52 PM

LOL! Good one, Rapaire. I can't get over these self-centered bastards who blather on and on about being "taxpapers" all the time. They don't have a flipping idea what their taxes are really paying for or any comprehension of anything really but their own need for instant gratification.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 02:46 PM

"I'm a taxpayer and my taxes pay for that phone! Why can't I use it to call my niece in Hong Kong, huh?"

"Sir, you may use the Library's phone when you go down to the police station and are allowed to borrow a shotgun to go duck hunting."

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 01:23 PM

It's an expression that people use, Mrrzy. I wouldn't go reading too much into it. My father used to exclaim "Jesus!" or "Good God!" when he was astonished and yell "Godammit"! when he was angry. He did not believe in either God or Jesus....and had absolutely no interest in them. ;-) He was an atheist.

Subject: RE: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 12:45 PM

(I get in trouble for this but...)
Thank God the doctors/firefighters/other people saved them! I always ask, why not thank the doctors/firefighters/etc instead?

Subject: BS: Your answers to other peoples' sayings
From: Bert
Date: 23 Oct 07 - 12:37 PM

"Are we there yet?"

Answer! Yes. Pull over and stop, turf the kids out (if they are old enough) and drive off.