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BS: My Hat's In The Ring!!
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Subject: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 29 Dec 07 - 12:34 PM I herewith declare my candidacy for the office President of the United States. I would appreciate your support, your vote, and especially your contributions, as I will not accept any Federal money. My platform is as follows: 1. I will resign the Presidency the second I'm vested for the retirement benefits that it brings with it, and I will provide a pre-dated letter of resignation. 2. I will begin a program to provide a harmonica to everyone in a US prison or jail (or gaol) so that The Blues won't be lost. 3. I will do my best not to screw things up too badly before I resign. Thank you, thank you, thank you all. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: freightdawg Date: 29 Dec 07 - 12:40 PM Can I be the White House dawg? I promise I'm quite housebroken. Freightdawg |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: SINSULL Date: 29 Dec 07 - 12:46 PM You've got my vote! We can write in candidates, you know. Mickey Mouse gets a few hundred votes every year. As does Pat Paulson even though he is dead. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Becca72 Date: 29 Dec 07 - 12:49 PM Mickey Mouse has won the last two, hasn't he? |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Janie Date: 29 Dec 07 - 12:57 PM Before I decide, Rap, I need to know which hat. The triangle shaped one with the big plume, or the green poly-cotton baseball hat with "Other Peoples Money" embroidered above the beak? |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: GUEST,Cruiser Date: 29 Dec 07 - 12:58 PM You really should not defame Mickey Mouse with such a statement. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: GUEST,Cruiser Date: 29 Dec 07 - 01:01 PM If you really want more support, instead of a harp give everyone a Jew's-harp. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Sorcha Date: 29 Dec 07 - 01:02 PM Look, the hell with the harmonica, I want a chicken in every tot! And don't forget the tots either!!!! If it's good enough for the Royal Navy it's good enough for US! |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Leadfingers Date: 29 Dec 07 - 02:41 PM I dont think a vote from West London , UK , would be any use to you Rap - but you sure as hell couldnt screw up worse than the current incumbent whatever You did !!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 29 Dec 07 - 03:06 PM Positions will be filled after I'm elected. I don't make campaign promises I might not keep. For example, suppose I promised everyone in the US a bodhran and then decided that it was too costly and gave them a kazoo instead? How would that look on my historical record? Or maybe I promised, say, Bee-Dubya-Ell the post of Potter Laureate and then found that it would break whatever passes for a Federal Budget? I mean, the government can't just go out and borrow money now, can it? Besides, I've made all the campaign promises I intend to |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rog Peek Date: 29 Dec 07 - 03:07 PM Anyone suggesting Mickey Mouse for president should beware. When the 'Chicago Seven' nominated 'Pigasus' the pig for Presidential candidate in 1968, they were tried and convicted of conspiracy. Rog |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: RangerSteve Date: 29 Dec 07 - 03:10 PM Convicts have gyms and cable TV for free, things that I would have to pay for, and I'm a law abiding citizen. Now Rapaire wants to give them free harmonicas, while I will still have to pay for them. And the price goes up all the time. What's next? Free banjos, fiddles, guitars? Sorry Rap, you lot my vote. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 29 Dec 07 - 03:19 PM I must admit that Mickey Mouse has better name recognition than I do, but I'm married to the woman I live with. Now, I'm not saying that Mickey and Minnie are co-habitating without the benefit of matrimony, but! Donald and Daisy Duck, friends of Mickey and Minnie, never wear pants, either. I must ask if this is the sort of thing we want our children exposed to, or if it is representative of the America We All Love. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 29 Dec 07 - 03:21 PM I didn't promise to give them GOOD harmonicas...or lessons. But perhaps it is time... ...for a banjo in every pot! Yes! |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: gnu Date: 29 Dec 07 - 03:41 PM #3 implies that you may actually do something. I would think that if you do absolutely nothing, there is no way you can screw anything up. When you get in, if you appointment me as the Secretary and Chief of Everything, I will make sure nothing gets done for you. Hell... I won't even show up for work except to sign up for direct deposit for my pay. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: GUEST,Cruiser Date: 29 Dec 07 - 03:43 PM I almost forgot about the Mickey/Minnie/threesome scandals. They were not near as bad as the sleazy things B. Clinton was involved in, however the electorate should be aware of them. Surely Mr. Rap. has not been involved in any such scandal to keep him out of office. Mickey Mouse in divorce court... "But your honor, I didn't say that Minnie was crazy! I said she was F****** Goofy." One day Mickey Mouse woke up and Minnie wasn't there. He went to look for her and, as he stepped outside, he saw "Mickey Sucks!" written out in a yellow liquid in the snow. He investigated and realized there was good news and bad news. It appeared to be Goofy's urine, but *Minnie's handwriting*. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 29 Dec 07 - 07:09 PM Well, I mean I might have to go to the bathroom or something before I resign and it would be embarrassing to screw it up. I don't plan on doing a lot, maybe just a few Sessions and House concerts or a beer bust or two -- that sort of thing -- and I'd like to do them right. That's all. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: John O'L Date: 29 Dec 07 - 07:21 PM I reckon for the short period before your resignation takes effect, you should actually try to screw up as horribly as possible. Find out once and for all just how far you have to go to get impeached. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Bobert Date: 29 Dec 07 - 08:49 PM Oh, the torment... I had allready made up my mind that I was gonna write in Bullwinkle the Moose and now I might have to reconsider... Of course, if Bullwinkle would agree to resign then it would make the decison a tad easier... ...or not??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Bobert Date: 29 Dec 07 - 09:01 PM Okay, Rap... After some consideration, I'd be proud to be yer runnin' mate and promise, if I am selected, that I will also resign... (But, Bobert... Wouldn't that make Nancy Pelosi the president???) Yo, Rap... We need to talk... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: catspaw49 Date: 29 Dec 07 - 09:22 PM Well Rap, I wanna' wish you a lotta' luck but we've had others try this in the past and things didn't go all that well for any of them. Hell, back in 2000, I gave it a go myself. I was at the height of popularity so it figured to be easy but, uh................ See, to start with I got it wrong right away when I became confused and instead of declaring myself, I exposed myself. While it made me a hit with some, it also got me 90 days and a $1000 fine. This cut into my campaign time AND funds but I figured to have an ace in the hole when I made my first campaign promises. My slogan was, "Two Chickens in Every Pot and Every Chicken Stuffed with Pot" The Feds checked up on me and MaryJane and I got another 6 months and $5000. At that point I just tossed in the towel. Sadly they kept my towel as well as my hat and then made me give back the $17.23 in matching funds. I wish you the best but take it from me, you're pretty well fucked from the gitgo. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 29 Dec 07 - 09:28 PM Hell, Spaw, I've known THAT for years. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: kendall Date: 30 Dec 07 - 01:05 PM A little pot in every chicken. That could catch on. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 30 Dec 07 - 01:19 PM Or maybe I promised, say, Bee-Dubya-Ell the post of Potter Laureate and then found that it would break whatever passes for a Federal Budget? Nay, I say! Having my humble self as Potter Laureate would be a money making proposition! See, the honorific would increase the value of my pots by about 1000%. That means a teapot I currently sell for $50 would sell for $500. Of that $500, I would keep $250 for myself and kick $125 into the General Treasury Fund, thus enriching the Treasury more, by the sale of a single pot, than the annual tax contributions of most Fortune 500 companies. The remaining $125 would, of course, go to the President Rapaire Personal Slush Fund. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Janie Date: 30 Dec 07 - 01:39 PM The problem with that, of course, is they don't usually get slush in Idaho until the spring thaw. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Liz the Squeak Date: 30 Dec 07 - 01:48 PM ...for a banjo in every pot... A little pot in every chicken. Does this mean brownies (not the Girl Guide variety for the benefit of UKers here) will be made with chicken and banjos now? I may well have to resign my membership of the Sensible Persons club... And as for the stone cold sober, completely clean and totally not under the influence of anything mind image that THAT is conjuring up... well.... there went any chance of sleep tonight! But basically Leadfingers has it right. You could elect an eggplant and it wouldn't be any worse than your present incumbent. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 30 Dec 07 - 07:21 PM I've been considering an eggplant as my running mate for that very reason, LtS. But it has to be an American eggplant. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Skivee Date: 31 Dec 07 - 12:59 AM Have you started selecting your cabinet yet? I'd like to be the Second Assistant Undersecretary of Shanty Singing. Who do I bribe? |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 31 Dec 07 - 01:31 AM But it has to be an American eggplant. But of course. With a drab commonplace name like "Eggplant", it would have to be American, wouldn't it? If it were of any other nationality, it would have some class and be called "Aubergine". |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Liz the Squeak Date: 31 Dec 07 - 03:15 AM Eggsactly right Beedub... I would have called it an aubergine otherwise. Why call it an egg plant when a) we know eggs don't come from plants and not even Americans are that silly and b) it only looks like an egg for about 3 days.. the rest of the time it looks like an aubergine. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 31 Dec 07 - 01:10 PM Tsk, tsk, Liz. You know better than that! Many protists produce egg cells in structures termed archegonia. Some algae and the oomycetes produce eggs in oogonia. In the brown alga Fucus, all four egg cells survive oogenesis, which is an exception to the rule that generally only one product of female meiosis survives to maturity. In plants, oogenesis occurs inside the female gametophyte via mitosis. In many plants such as bryophytes, ferns, and gymnosperms, egg cells are formed in archegonia. In flowering plants, the female gametophyte has been reduced to an eight-celled embryo sac within the ovule inside the ovary of the flower. Oogenesis occurs within the embryo sac and leads to the formation of a single egg cell per ovule. (The brown algae gave rise to the expression, "Them politician just want to fucus.") |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 08 - 11:05 AM Refresh! I've got to keep my name and platform before my adoring public! |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Amos Date: 01 Jan 08 - 11:45 AM Seems to me if you had an adoring public they'd be refreshing this thread for you. I think despite all your shortcomings that with "A Little Pot in Every Chicken" slogan you could still win, sweeping all issues off the table in a single swoop of mindless meme-trance. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: topical tom Date: 01 Jan 08 - 12:01 PM Were I an American you would have my vote!But please,don't resign immediately.That smacks of greed and we don't need more of that.You won't institute a search for wmd's in Canada, will you? P.S.Could you give a banjo to the followers of Obama and Clinton as well? These could be valuable weapons in a war against GWB.The very racket could drive the opposition to distraction. P.S.S.:I do love the banjo. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 08 - 02:32 PM Wild Mindless Drunks? Surely there are none of THOSE in our Good Neighbour To The North!! My campaign staff will not permit banjos to be given to the other candidates. We are instead insinuating accordions into their campaigns and teaching them how to play "Lady Of Spain" thereon -- ONLY "Lady Of Spain." A nasty campaign trick, but better and more open than what ol' Karl Rove has done. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: topical tom Date: 01 Jan 08 - 04:28 PM Yes, we do have WMD's in the Great White North-wicked maniacal demons.There are quite a number of them.No doubt the CIA would agree.Some even use tasers irresponsibly. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 01 Jan 08 - 08:16 PM And I'd unleash Chiang Kai-Shek. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Don Firth Date: 01 Jan 08 - 10:34 PM My hat's on the closet shelf. . . . Actually, though, I volunteer for Secretary of Whistle Blowing. I'll even supply my own whistle. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Skivee Date: 02 Jan 08 - 05:15 PM Are you thinking of giving Shane a postion? We should do something to get him off the streets during the cold winter months. Of course, in Blind River Winter lasts from August through May. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 02 Jan 08 - 05:20 PM "Shane" is a Canadian problem. Unless he crosses the border he's all yours, and good luck to ya. (I don't mess around in other country's matters, especially ones like that.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Skivee Date: 03 Jan 08 - 12:12 AM So, if I understand you immigration policy, it's something like:"Good fences with moats on both sides, topped with electrified razor wire, and 24 hour guards, sniper scope rifles, anti-personnel mines, tiger pits with real tigers, and motion sensors make good neighbors"? Or to put it another way,"Whatever it takes as long as we keep Shane out"? I'm just askin' here. I want to be sure that we are on the same page when you appoint me your Second Assistant Undersecretary of Shanty Singing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: TRUBRIT Date: 03 Jan 08 - 12:23 AM I think I should be Chief undersecretary to the Assistant Chief for a) Immigration and b) sneaking in a British style National Health here.........I've got all the qualifications -- I'm a legal alien and I can't vote -- what could be sweeter? |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 03 Jan 08 - 09:06 AM I will not interfere in the internal matters of other countries. Shane is a Canadian Problem, perhaps THE Canadian Problem. Canada must deal with him. If that involves tiger pits, ditches full of Black Mambas, flaming gazebos, electrified razor wire, and all that stuff it's still Canada's problem although we might make some sort of Lend-Lease agreement if Canada is short of guard towers or something. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Amos Date: 03 Jan 08 - 09:16 AM The candidate is veerong away from his primary campaign promise about putting pot into chickens. Typical demi-publican. A |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 03 Jan 08 - 09:19 AM My previous answer assumes, of course, that "Shane" exists. Whether he does or not, he's still a Canadian Problem. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: KB in Iowa Date: 03 Jan 08 - 01:47 PM The big day is finally here Rapaire. I will go forth this evening and caucus for you. Hopefully the rest of the nation will catch the buzz that starts in Iowa tonight and sweep you into the White House. BTW, my chicken is running a little low. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: KB in Iowa Date: 04 Jan 08 - 11:12 AM I tried Rapaire but a caucus is a funny thing. In order for you to be a viable candidate I needed to convince 37 other people to stand with me. This proved difficult since most of the folks in my precinct don't visit the Mudcat regularly. You would think that out of 250 people I could have found at least one, sadly no. Don't feel too bad, Kucinic and Gravel had no support either. Dodd had 10 and Biden 6 at first but since they didn't have 38 those supporters went to other candidates. Final tally was: Obama 92 Clinton 56 Richardson 53 Edwards 48 Rapaire 0 |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: GUEST,Neil D Date: 04 Jan 08 - 12:21 PM A little pot in every chicken. That could catch on So that explains the origins of the chicken dance. Bawk, Bawk, Bawawawawk! Neil |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Skivee Date: 04 Jan 08 - 12:47 PM Rapaire, I don't want you to let this setback get you down. You have to get back in there and keep swinging. Ask yourself,"What would George Gip do?". Just stand up and take your rightful place in history. Don't let 'em get you down. You have to brave enough to face the future head-on, apply directly to the forehead. Apply DIRECTLY to the forehead! You're our guy. We are standing behind you 137.6%! Lean in and grab the ring. Move that ball down the field. Good luck in New Hampshire. I'm sure we'll all try to get up there to vote for you! Now where did I put that bag of chicken? |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: KB in Iowa Date: 04 Jan 08 - 03:05 PM Keep fighting Rapaire! On to New Hampshire! I think that a malevolent liberal could sell well in the Granite state. |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Amos Date: 04 Jan 08 - 03:14 PM >< |
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Subject: RE: BS: My Hat's In The Ring!! From: Rapparee Date: 04 Jan 08 - 04:14 PM Thank you. I am humbled by the support I am receiving. On to New Hampshire! |
