BS: In order not to offend......

Subject: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 07:43 PM

Ahem! In order not to offend in these politically sensitive times we all live in, I am considering a whole new approach, an elegantly simple one, to avoid causing anyone any offence.

It is this: to do nothing at all, and say nothing at all.

That should do it. I think it's time to launch a new national party, in fact, the Do-Nothing-Say-Nothing Party. We will have a convention where no one says or does anything. We will not campaign, we will give no speeches, we will have no policy. Nor shall we venture an opinion on anything.

If elected, we will continue doing and saying nothing for as long as we are in office.

Others will no doubt continue to offend people, but we shall not! By this means, we will soon become, I predict, the most popular party in political history.

The whole country will get behind people who do and say absolutely nothing, because no one will ever be offended by them.

Anyone want to join the Party?

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: ClaireBear
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 07:57 PM

I'm not saying, needless to say...

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: RangerSteve
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:00 PM

But if you're asked a question and you don't answer it, won't you be offending the asker? I don't expect an answer to this.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: artbrooks
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:09 PM

If nominated, I shall not run; if elected I shall not serve.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:19 PM

The best way to answer such potentially damaging political questions is...

Make a very wide and expressive shrug with your arms, mouth, shoulders, and eyebrows...like Woody Allen would if he was asked a potentially embarrassing question by his enraged wife or girlfriend, and accompany it with a sort of incredulous "You're asking ME????" expression. Try to look extremely innocent and noncommital at the same time.

If pressed, venture to say that you have no firm opinion about that.

If it's a very specific question, just look puzzled and remain silent. Sigh deeply. Scratch your nose. Look down at the floor.

If all else fails, say, "Excuse me, I have to attend to an urgent call of nature," and leave the room.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:20 PM

I find it offensive that someone would be presumptuous enough to think he knows what I would find offensive and, thereby, seek to avoid offending me by not doing it. In fact, it's the only thing I find offensive. Outside of that, anything goes.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:22 PM

I mean, look, if Gerald Ford had fully mastered what I am proposing here, he'd probably have been elected in '76...

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:24 PM

Ditto, Peace...

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:30 PM

You're so right, Bee-Dubya-Ell. It IS presumptous to think that one knows what another would find offensive. That's why it's better just to do and say absolutely nothing, precisely because we don't know what might offend people!

I had an uncle like that. He had no opinions about anything and never spoke out about anything. He was a clerical worker who collected many kinds of moths and butterflies, thus risking possible offence, I suppose, but as far as I know, no one was offended by that, because very few people even know he was doing it. When he died, there were 45,000 moths and butterflies carefully preserved under glass to be dealt with, and it was quite a chore, I can tell you...or it would have been, but we got the Provincial Government of Prince Edward Island to take them all, in case they might need them someday for a huge public moth and butterfly display. It took a week for the government lads to move them all. They are still filed away in warehouse 32-b in Charlottetown.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: number 6
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 08:58 PM

I'd like to join ... but I just don't quite get what all this is about.

Can you please explain it again L.H.

If you don't want to it's ok ... I'll join.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Bee
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 09:04 PM

Tsk! Thumper's dad had it all sussed long ago... "If ya can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

'Course, that maxim may only apply to small fat Disney rabbits.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 09:14 PM

Contrinutors to this thread should remember that Orwell's expression "Doubleplusgood duckspeaker" had two meanings.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 09:15 PM

So Thumper's daddy will be the symbol of this new Party?

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 09:40 PM

Number 6 - Well, it's sort of a satirical comment making fun of a couple of other threads that happened around here just lately. Namely....

BS section - "Why should we sing folk music at all?"

and...

Upper section - "Folklore: Amazing Grace - Should we be singing it?"

I figured it was time to respond to some really dumbass propositions with one that was even dumber... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 03:44 AM

A moderate degree of organization of the proposed "party" may already have been accomplished.

I'm not saying whether I'd wish to be associated with any of these fellows should I decided (or not) to do nothing at all.

John

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: gnu
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 04:09 AM

The Canuck Senators have been at this for years. Some of them don't even show up for work.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: jeffp
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 08:04 AM

Detail.CFM?messages__Message_ID=72478

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 08:45 AM

Actually LH...to say nothing at all and to do nothing at all sounds much more sensible than the current set up where they 'think nothing at all'

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 12:04 PM

---- ?

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Mooh
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 12:13 PM

As I was not saying...

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 12:23 PM

A glorious day of doing and saying nothing lies before us! Let's make the most of it.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Jeri
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 12:48 PM

But can you make it rhyme?

If elected, I shall promise
Permanent enfluctions,
Far beyond the prolous storn
Bemording any bructions.
I flord the plome, and though I claim
Perfluctory dismission,
I clarm my serds with gule and clore,
And flord without verstition.

I am the dandicate you trind;
Opponets skirm the tward.
They froot and frilbish, plith and stoon;
They stengolosh the spoord,
But I flord the plome, I flord! I flord!
Oh listen to my wreab!
Beyond the purfious sween of bulg
I flord in glovious dreebe!

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 12:56 PM

I thought that Patterson, Fielding and Swann had this under control?

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 01:23 PM

Man, you can't even do nothing without offending somebody. I submitted a post w/o comment and it was deleted. Though, truth be told, the very act of submitting the post was doing something but if I didn't hit submit then nobody would know I had done nothing. What to do?

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 01:38 PM

O

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 01:38 PM

It's a conundrum, isn't it? I've had relatives (mostly female relatives) who spent their entire lives trying simply desperately not to offend anyone, and they usually ended up doing all kinds of stuff they in no way wanted to do, experiencing maximum stress all the time, finally freaking out utterly and ending up at odds with all their kids, their siblings, their spouses and most of the other people they knew. Sheer misery was thus accomplished for all, in the name of not offending anyone. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 02:08 PM

JErry:

That is worthy of LEwis Carroll's best!!! It's wonderful to find someone who really knows what they're doing!!! ;>D



A

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 02:14 PM

But does it offend?

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 02:19 PM

"When I say nothing, I don't necessarily mean nothing."

                   Ashleigh Brilliant

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 02:46 PM

I say a pox on offendees,
Of excess sensibilities
Who wear their hearts stuck on their sleeve
And jump at every chance to grieve.
Who spend their lives in desperate quest
For things to make them feel depressed
And explanations, short or long,
About how others do them wrong
So much that all with common sense
Can see they have to take offense.
Oh, piss on whiners, plain or snide,
Why can't they all have tougher hides?

Rambo McNabb Hurliburle
Complaints to a Higher Power
Published in the New York Journal of Loquacity
April, 1907 edition

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 04:02 PM

Bravo! Marvelous! So apt!

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: MaineDog
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 04:13 PM

We're having a thunderstorm here now. I'm offended -- I can't go out and play in it because I broke my toe playing in the ice yesterday.
woof

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 05:58 PM

Depending how it is expressed...nothing can obviously be something! but I guess that's something and nothing really eh?

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 06:04 PM

There's nothing like a complete, total emptiness echoing hollowly in a featureless void.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 06:09 PM

Dubya is checkin' it out, LH . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Gurney
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 07:53 PM

I hope you realise, LH, that you are forcing someone to found the Shit-and-Derision Party, simply so that they may serve as a viable opposition! And you can't do a damn thing about their abuse, can you!

See you at the polls. Should be fun, for some.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 08 - 07:55 PM

We greet that sort of thing with a cold and haughty silence. Rather like Penelope Rutledge would. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Canberra Chris
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 07:11 PM

I think Brer Rabbit got there before Thumper. I seem to recall every story ending with him saying nothing.

Chris

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Joybell
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 07:27 PM

I love parties. Will there be presents? I won't even be offended if it's socks.
Joy

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Art Thieme
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 09:04 PM

What little Hawk is describing is the 1950s Eisenhower administration. Back then, kids had a toy ---- the Dwight Eisenhower Doll-----! It sat on it's ass and did practically nothing all the time it was in office. And then, in the end, all the things Ike should've taken care of, like the Military-Industrial Complex, he finally took note of in his last speech------when he warned of the dangers of the M.I.C.

As I'm fond of saying, "As is said, history repeats. And it costs twice as much every time around."

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 09:30 PM

LOL! Yeah, you're right, Art...pretty much like the Eisenhower administration. Just coast along obliviously on a wave of rising affluence and ask no disturbing questions whatsoever.

Do nothing. Say nothing. Know nothing.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Neil D
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 10:57 PM

There already was a Know-Nothing Party in the U.S. back in the middle of the 19th century. And guess what there raison d'etre was.
Oppostition to immigration. Now what was that about history repeating itself.

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Slag
Date: 12 Jan 08 - 11:31 PM

I remember the Eisenhower doll. You wind it up and it does nothing for eight years! But! Remember, Ike felt very passionately about it!

LH, I could be offended as I, I,I,I,I,I,I,I, Aye, EYE, I founded that party some time ago. That was my opinion THEN and it really ticked off everybody. You started this thread with, can I say it? Amazing style and, well, Grace! What a relief from that contentious thread, aforementioned. I was feeling kinda flord myself. Glammulous, I'd say but that too would torque some one's body out of shape, I know!

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 04:21 AM

LOL! Yeah, what a hoot, eh, Slag?

I remember reading about the Know-Nothing Party. They hated immigrants and wanted to keep Der Grosser Amerika Homeland pure and unsullied forever by those filthy foreign types (mostly Irish at the time, I think?) that were pouring in looking for a new life...

Well, I think that expanding on the Know-Nothing principle by adding Do-Nothing and Say-Nothing on top of Know-Nothing could take this magnificent party tradition to its logical conclusion, by gosh!

Subject: RE: BS: In order not to offend......
From: Slag
Date: 13 Jan 08 - 05:02 AM

Damn the Irish! Present company and a percentage of myself excepted, of course. Or as Gene Wilder told Marty Feldman in "Young Frankensteen" "Damn your eyes!" and to which the said Mr. Feldman answered "Too Late!"

And as far as knowing anything, I have this incredibly prodigious memory but to what end it has really served me, that's hard to say. I remember to look both ways when crossing the street and I ALWAYS seem to remember to feed myself at every available opportunity but just about everything else is hit or miss! I tell ya, I'm a natural!