BS: A thread for insulting each other

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 12:59 PM

Why do I not see Ron Davies here? He has a gift for snide condescension and superficially polite but vicious forays in personal character assassination that is just awesome. Why has he not gifted us with a demonstration of same on this thread?

Oh, I know why. It's not a political thread. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 12:38 PM

Why, thanks, Bill. One of many I wrote under the enthralling spell of the long absent Gaeilic Goddess, when she ran the Song Challenges with a velvet hand.


A

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Jim Lad
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 12:13 PM

Good call MOH, although the worst offenders haven't really shown their faces here.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 12:05 PM

If that is yours, Amos, I will have to be off-topic for the thread and offer my most sincere congratulations!

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 11:53 AM

An extension of Nell Flaherty's curses, writtwen for a song challenge concerning a dead chicken:

"May his laws never pass, may the frost nip his ass,
In drastic depression may his businesses fail,
May his drafts always bounce, may his cats never pounce,
May the Council reject him and clap him in gaol!

May busloads of trippers, with mama's and nippers,
Come trample his dahlias , make his pacemaker click,
May a foreclosure lease cause the rapid decease
Of the monster who murdered my beautiful chick!

May his pecker stay limp and his wife be a blimp
And his son be a wimp with a cross-threaded dick
May his Sundays be stormy and overdraft warnings
Stack up on his doorstep in piles deep and thick.

May the tourist-trade swells with their antiquéd bells
Harass him to hell with a suit for lost trade
May his house lose its power, his watch lose an hour,.
His daughter her flower an' his soul lose its shade!

May his landlord be snide, and likewise his bride
And his best hand-grown roses blow up and away;
May his checks be rejected, his phone disconnected
And his dam'd PDA start to write en Francais

May his groin spring a sprain, may his picnics all rain
May his guilt like a lance burn a hole in his head
May he spavine his back and be tortured and racked
By hemorrhoid pain, as he lies in his bed

May his friends borrow money, his jokes not be funny,
HIs dog turn a traitor and leave him alone,
May his appetite jade and his draperies fade,
May his wife turn to ice and his mistress to stone!

Now, I'm done with my cursin, for I'm not a hard person
And I've always believed we should live and let live,
And things are much brighter since the damned underwriter
Agreed to the sum the insurance should give.
..."

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Alice
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 11:38 AM

There is a very old thread on mudcat that links to an insult generator.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 11:27 AM

WEho is Pete Seegar?

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 10:59 AM

"You are all nearly as socialist and/or absorbed in active causes as Pete Seegar."

Jeez, you say that as if it were a bad thing.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 10:48 AM

My daughter says she loves her boyfriend because he's strong and funny. I told her, "Honey, smell ain't everything."

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 10:37 AM

You can all shit in one hand and clap it to.

That the Hag of Hell and her nine blind bastards may chase you so far across the hills of perdition that the Lord himself would have to use radar to find you.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 10:06 AM

Peace beat me to adding a musical note to this thread. I post this with the caution--insult all you want, but don't start cursing each other!

From the DT:

Nell Flaherty's Drake

Oh, my name it is Neil, quite candid I tell,
And I lived in Clonmell, which I'll never deny,
I had a large drake, and the truth for to speak,
My grandmother left me, and she going to die;
He was wholesome and sound; he weighed twenty pound,
And the universe 'round I would rove for his sake.
Bad luck to the robber, be he drunk or sober,
That murdered Nell Flaherty's beautiful drake.
His neck it was green, he was rare to be seen,
He was fit for a Queen of the highest degree,
His body so white, it would give you delight,
He was fat, plump and heavy, and brisk as a bee;
My dear little fellow, his legs, they were yellow,
He would fly like a swallow, and swim like a hake.
Until some wicked savage, to grease his white cabbage,
He murdered Nell Flaherty's beautiful drake.

May his pig never grunt, may his cat never hunt,
May a ghost always haunt him in the dead of the night,
May his hen never lay, may his ass never bray,
May his coat fly away like an old paper kite;
May the lice and the fleas the wretch ever tease,
May the pinching north breeze make him tremble and shake,
May a four-year-old bug build a nest in the Iug,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.
May his cock never crow, may his bellows ne'er blow,
And a-pot or po, may he never have one,
May his cradle not rock, may his box have no lock,
May his wife have no smock to shield her back bone,
May his duck never quack, and his goose turn quite black
And pull down the turf with his long yellow beak.
May scurvy and itch, not depart from the breech,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.

May his pipe never smoke, may his teapot be broke,
And to add to the joke may his kettle not boil,
May he lay in the bed 'till the moment he's dead
May he always be fed on lob-scouse and fish oil,
May he swell with the gout, may his grinders fall out,
May he roar, bawl and shout, with the horrid toothache.
May his temples wear horns, and all his toes corns,
The monster that murdered NeII Flaherty's drake.
May his spade never dig, may his sow never pig,
Every nit on his head be as large as a snall,
May his house have no thatch and his door have no latch,
Nay his turkey not hatch, may the rats eat his meal,
May every old fairy fiom Cork to Dunleary,
Dip him in snug and easy in some pond or lake,
Where the eel and the trout may slime in the snout,
Of the monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.

May his dog yelp and growl with hunger and cold,
May his wife always scold 'till his brain goes astray,
May the curse of each hag, that e'er carried a bag,
Alight on his nag till his beard it turns grey,
May monkeys still bite him, and man-apes affright him,
And everyone slight him asleep or awake,
May weasels still gnaw him, and jackdaws still claw him,
The monster that murdered Nell Flaherty's Drake.
Then all the good news l have to diffuse,
'Tis for Peter Hughes, and blind Peter McFree,
There's big nosed Bob Manson, and buck-toothed Ned Hanson,
Each man has a grandson of my darling Drake,
My bird he had dozens of nephews and cousins,
And one I must get or my heart it will break,
To keep my mind easy or else l'll run crazy,
So this ends the song of Nell Flaherty's Drake.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:55 AM

"1.I Just Don't Look Good Naked Anymore

SHEB WOOLEY & DICK FELLER
CHANNEL MUSIC CO-ASCAP and CORDIAL MUSIC -BMI"

Dang. All's I'm doing is apologizing. Have a great day, y'all.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:53 AM

"May your ear holes turn to arse holes, and shite run down your neck.

or


May your balls turn square, fester at the corners, and break out under your armpits."

Don't hold back, Giok.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:49 AM

...and ther sewers of Rangoon back up into your breakfast cereal.


A

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:31 AM

May your ear holes turn to arse holes, and shite run down your neck.

or


May your balls turn square, fester at the corners, and break out under your armpits.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: artbrooks
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:30 AM

You betcha, Rap...after my jeep drove past Slicky Boy Corner in Munsan-ni, I found an extra field jacket and a clean entrenching tool in the trailer. On the other hand, I heard that your records were so bad that the IG set up an office in the next hootch.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Amos
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:28 AM

Leej, that's not an insult, it's a fact!! Rapaire's is not. I would never do such a thing to good Scotch. Just ask Giok. So seventy-twelve to you, sir.


A

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 09:25 AM

He also can't mix 30 year old Macallam's with diet Coke well, even though it's his favorite drink.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 12:35 AM

Amos, you make the worst damn Diet Coke 'n Bailey's Cocktail I've ever had, and I mean it.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Mar 08 - 12:13 AM

Art, I've heard that your gear was so bad even the slicky boys wouldn't have it.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: artbrooks
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 11:42 PM

Gnu, the fleas of a thousand diseased camels refused to infest your scrofulous scrotum.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:57 PM

Sheb...indeed. Google is your friend.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:55 PM

I do, Kendall, but I can't tell you or I'd have to kill myself.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: kendall
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:53 PM

I am working on a new CD, and it is made up of old field recordings that I made before I lost my voice. "I Just Don't Look Good Naked Anymore" will be on it.

I was told that it was written by SHEB Wooley, not Shep Wooley. Who knows the truth?

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:33 PM

The child that is not clean and neat,
With lots of toys and things to eat,
He is a naughty child, I'm sureÑ
Or else his dear papa is poor.


R. L. Stevenson

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:15 PM

My apologies to y'all. That song lyric was s'posed to go on another thread. Now I've found the song, perhaps I can go to the correct thread and do it right this time. It was written by Shep Woolley.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: GUEST,meself
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:10 PM

"I thought I was somebody else"

Sounds like you was me, by the description.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 08:02 PM

Back atcha, Bodad:

Þú hafa eini tveir bók, og báðir hafa allur fagur Kölnarvatn.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: bobad
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:22 PM

Here's one for Rap: "Ista libraria odet malissimum! Estne libri decadentes aut patrones?"

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:18 PM

I don't look good naked anymore
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I stepped outta the shower and I gotta good look at myself
Pot belly, bald head, man, I thought I was somebody else
I caught my reflection in the mirror on the back of my bathroom door
I just don't look good naked anymore

So, I'm goin' upstairs and turn the bedroom mirror
to the wall
I hung it there when I was trim and tall
I'd stand there and smile, and strut and flex until
my arms got sore
But I just don't look good naked anymore

Well, I used to go out with the girls
I loved them one and all
Now they don't get very close to me
They're afraid that I might fall

Well, I went to the Doctor for my annual medical exam
Stood there in the buff, suddenly he said "MAN"
I said "What is it Doc, some fatal disease,
I just gotta know the score"
He said "No, you just don't look good naked anymore

Well, me and my wife had a dance routine
Everybody said it was unique
Now it's only when we're back to back
That we're dancing cheek to cheek

Well, I went to a nudie beach to have some seaside fun
Stretched out in my birthday suit, soakin' up the sun
Somebody yelled, "Hey, there's an old white whale
washed up on the shore
I just don't look good naked anymore

Yeah, my arches fell, my chest went to hell
And my butt's a-draggin' the floor
An' I just don't look good naked anymore

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:15 PM

Atque memento, nulli adsunt Romanorum qui locutionem tuam corrigant.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:11 PM

Found a neat insult for anyone who wants to be insulted: Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Slag
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:04 PM

No, it was a '92 Caliginous.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Amos
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 07:01 PM

I think you are misunderestimating him, fellas. He once drove a lexis, remember...


A

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Slag
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 06:10 PM

GS, as the Wizard told the Tinman "You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous JUNK!" and spell check had NOT the word "caliginous". why can't the "Spellcheck" use the OED?

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 06:10 PM

naahhhh..he'd be confusilated and disorientated.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Peace
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 06:10 PM

For sooth.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 06:03 PM

Brilliantly put, BillD! Man, I wish someone would say that to George Bush. The poor man would be confused and disoriented for days afterward.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:55 PM

On reading this thread from start to this far, I can quite honestly say I love nothing better than a thread for such writers....nothing is much more preferable!

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:53 PM

Georgiansilver...the paucity of relevance in your egregious characterization of my gratuitously randomized elucidation of the disreputable nature of the paradigms displayed by the average participant in this exercise leads me to remorselessly relegate your opinion to lexicographical limbo!



(ha! And the spell checker didn't beep once!)

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Megan L
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:51 PM

Scunner

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:50 PM

Ah thocht ye wis ma Granny's auldest coo?

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Megan L
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:48 PM

Yer jist an aikel on the hin end o me grannys auldest coo

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: kendall
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:47 PM

I know insults that would never pass for humor here.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:37 PM

Whist hen, if ye wis the last wummen left oan Jock Thamson's roond earth, ah widnae be in the least surprised.

G

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Megan L
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:33 PM

Yer a knotless thried ya erselinstwirnie faced gappus. Ye did aw yer coortin up a dark close wie a pokie ower yer hied

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:30 PM

You're all a rabble of clapp'd out, poxy-faced, lily-livered, chicken molesters. Why, there isn't one of you who could even hold a burnt paper match, much less a candle, to C-G Smyte-Withers of the Idaho Legion! Now, she's one in a billion with language, you bilious bunch of bilge suckers!

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: gnu
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:28 PM

Oh my! It's the antithesis of Burns & Allen. Not to insult the rest of you, but, watch and learn. If you don't know what I am talking about, I hope you soon will. It's pure art.

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:27 PM

Och lassie an auld pudden' faced nyaff like yersel wid gie the back end o' a Heilan' flitting a run fur it's bawbee.
Ah widnae rax fornense ye we ma een open fur a haundfu' o' gowd sovereigns.
Ye'd gar Auld Nick himsel tae grue an' tae greet.

Love

Giok

Subject: RE: BS: A thread for insulting each other
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Mar 08 - 04:23 PM

LOL!

Herga Kitty, don't you mean "traditional?" There are only a handful of them on here who are old enough to know anything about ANY "originals" and they are so old they probably can't remember, anyway.:-)