BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O

Subject: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:06 AM

I went to my frig this morning and to my horror I saw that sometime during the night my wife made a bowl of red quivering

Jell-O.

The horror- the horror! Now anyone who has ever spent a long hospital stay knows that the meals in the hospital consist of
Jell-O in the morning, Jell-O in the afternoon, Jell-O at suppertime.

Jell-O is the great scourge of mankind. I am convinced that all problems in the world are caused by Jell-O.
Jell-O makes people angry. Once even I - a mild mannered person by nature - threw a bowl of Jell-O against the wall in the

Hospital. World leaders who eat Jell-O wake up angry and then a war with someone breaks out.

The awful slander terms against our British friends - caused by Lime Jell-O

Religious leaders who complain about the rise in porn - caused by the bikini clad young girls jumping into large vats of

Jell-O claiming it is for charity

Poverty - caused by people spending their hard earned dollars on Jell-O


It is a curse I tell you, a curse to all mankind. Unlike the hot dog (another thread) that brings peace to the world. There

Is no place for Jell-O? Especially the kind my mom makes with all the fruit stuck inside it. I am afraid someday a reaction

To the fruit and Jell-O will cause a nuclear explosion that will take out a state.

Dear friends, you must listen to me. Avoid the evil Jell-O at all costs.

My wife and I had a deal. I was not allowed to have Cristi Brinkley, and she was not allowed Jell-O … does anyone have Cristi's number?

Now I have to find a priest to do an exorcism on my frig ...

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: pdq
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:09 AM

Perhaps you could decorate it with burnt weenies?

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:13 AM

Perhaps you, Cristi, AND jello..... in a plastic wading pool...would alter your opinion.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:24 AM

To the tune of 'Did you ever see a lassie?"


Did you ever have a supper, a covered-dish supper?

Did you ever have a supper tum tum tum tum teen

There's Jello a-quiver and casserole liver

And there's lots more macaroni than I've ever seen.

=======
I feel for you olddude, but perhaps there's some innocent explanation. Are you expecting a visit from young children? Going to a potluck?

I used to hear that eating Jello was good for weak fingernails, but I don't know if there's anything to it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Bee
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:29 AM

Worst food with jello: shredded carrots in lime jello, moulded and served as a 'salad'. <>.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:35 AM

Bee
that is an image nightmares are made from ... sends shivers down my spine .... yieeeee

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:53 AM

Ok here is the deal, she was asked to make it for a wedding shower. Clearly I can see that marriage won't last .. but now I still have to sprinkle holy water on my frig to drive out the Jell-O demons. I liked PDQ's idea. I could decorate it with the burn weenies from last nights grill tragety

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Bee
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:54 AM

Could be worse, olddude - I warn you, do not look at this image without a strong drink in hand.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3063/2381832444_3769517d0f.jpg?v=0

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 11:04 AM

Bee
I looked, now I have been stricken blind !!!
the image is burned into my head. I will not sleep tonight ... that is the scaries thing I have ever seen ...

I need a drink

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 11:11 AM

J-O with fruit... isn't that a type of Asspic?

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:03 PM

lol

As it happens I don't eat jello- although I have drunk it very hot in the middle of winter. It's a quick warmer-upper.

The funny thing is that for the last year or so I've been making jello every week and taking it up the hill on music night. The host is legally blind- and as he says, Don't turn him loose with boiling water - and he likes jello. He is an autoharp player and not only does he like the taste of ALL flavors of jello, he swears that it keeps his fingernails heavy.

His wife feels about as you do, olddude, and she can't abide the stuff. So I am the one who makes it. We have a running joke about it. There is only one flavor that disturbs me when I'm stirring it- the Berry Blue (or something like that) has an acrid scent to me. But my friend likes it- so what can you do. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:11 PM

I consider this literary abuse. Jello? Give me a break!

I save Joseph Conrad for far more serious culinary emergencies, like the substitution of Miracle Whip for mayonnaise.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:20 PM

You can buy a Jell-0 mold that looks like a human brain! Just imagine green jello in it! Or blue! Or sit a red jello brain on the table and watch it as it sloooooooowly melts....

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:21 PM

Olddude's problem is that he hasn't had the Jello presented in an appropriate form. For that, one needs a tasteful gelatin mold.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:30 PM

Ebbie posted on the virtues of hot liquid Jell-O.

I remember with great relish and appreciation drinking hot Jell-O during a week on the glaciers of Mt. Rainier. Wonderful when you're cold, dehydrated, and hungry!

I'll pass on the cold squiggly stuff, though, either plain or with fruit or vegetables in it.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:33 PM

Drinking Hot Jello and lived to tell about it
now that is what I call tough ... OMG

I hope it did not cause side effects like growing a second ear or something ... it could happen ya know

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:36 PM

Thankfully, I've been unable to find any evidence of the existence of gelatin molds in the shapes of either Barney the Purple Dinosaur or Telletubbies.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: ClaireBear
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:48 PM

One of my finest childhood memories is something I experienced many times while tenting with my folks in Sequoia National Park, where the rivers are always icy. At home we never had any kind of dessert, but on camping trips my mother would often make up a batch of Jell-O in a screw-top canning jar. She'd then close it up tightly and set it in the river (in a net beg, weighted down with a rock). It'd be firm in just a few minutes, ready for hungry kiddies like me.

By the way, the river also chills beer to perfection -- and that would my camping dessert of choice these days.

C

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Bee
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 12:53 PM

Gelatin as floral arrangement.

href="http://www.gelartfloral.com/technique.html">http://www.gelartfloral.com/technique.html

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: RangerSteve
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 01:15 PM

I like Jello. Lime with canned pineapple. Cherry with canned peaches. And I don't care what anyone else thinks.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 01:15 PM

Here it is.

the other one missed a bracket.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 01:33 PM

My grandfather found Jell-O horrifying too, olddude. Why? Because it wiggles and jiggles! He was convinced that it was still alive and regarded it as if it were some kind of monster from a bad 50's horror flick like "The Blob". He felt that it might attack at any moment.

Did you know that if you overdo the proportion of jello powder in the mix that you can come up with stuff that's so firm that it will bounce like a crazy ball? You can cast it in round balls and bounce them around to excite the dachshund. (Just picture a jello ball the size of a basketball....and think of what fun you could have with such an item.)

But if one of them gets lost under the sofa you may find it weeks later when dusting, and it's a pretty disgusting sight by that time, let me tell you.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Bee
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 02:07 PM

Must be seen to be believed: San Francisco in Jello. She has others as well.

http://www.lizhickok.com/portfolio_jello.html

(Thanks for fixing the other link, SRS)

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 02:08 PM

Bee
I love my little old weiner dog Doolie, I could never expose him to the terrors of Jell-O. That would be cruel . Ranger Rick be afraid, very afraid. Sometime during the night the stuff comes alive .. it does - I am sure of it ... Just like the blob in the 50's movie.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: GUEST,frogprince, on Martha's Vineyard
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 03:43 PM

Just got back from a flea market outing. Someone had what appeared to be a translucent plastic clothing manniquin torso, of the female variety. When I got closer, I saw that the back of the figure was open, and it was tagged "jello mold". After I cracked up, the owner admitted that it really was a manniquin variant, and he had just decided to have fun with the tag.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 08:00 PM

A while ago, there was a competition to see how much alcohol could be incorporated in what we Aussies call "Jelly" - the product burnt with a blue flame - not by itself, but would hold a flame ...

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 08:10 PM

Jello is more common than you realise...

"By its very nature, Earth's reference frame is moderately uncertain no matter how it is defined," said Donald Argus of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in California. "The problem is very much akin to measuring the center of mass of a glob of Jell-O, because Earth is constantly changing shape due to tectonic and climatic forces."

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Art Thieme
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 08:14 PM

An early edition of MAD MAGAZINE featured tales of the creeping red death called DORMANT GOOKUM that slithered and slimed it's way inside anything through any possible opening and proceeded to do it's dirty work of enveloping and killing and then digesting everything in it's path. It was revealed at the end of the expose piece that this dormant gookum was really cherry Jell-o.

Thanks to this thread, that dumb memory is back up in my current consciousness. Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 08:30 PM

It is my job Art
to share the horror of Jell-O
you are welcome

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 09:10 PM

My dad said he wouldn't eat anything more nervous than himself! (My mom used to make a lime jello 'salad' with shredded cabbage, 7-Up and cottage cheese!.) She only dared to take it to carry ins.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 09:17 PM

Sorcha,
you win, you beat Bee on the scariest image. I won't sleep tonight ..

Hey where is Severn tonight?
I am suprise he does not have a polka for me to listen to while the young girls do their jello jumping into the wading pool filled with the evil stuff

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 10:32 PM

Visit the Mudcat Tavern. There's a jell-o pit there, but you have to share it with the Giant Squid.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 11:16 PM

Mike
can I bring Cristi Brinkley ?

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 08 - 11:47 PM

Why do I get the feeling Paris Hilton knows all about the alternative uses of jello?

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Art Thieme
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 12:21 AM

yes

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 04:31 AM

Old dude, at your age is it really wise to frig every morning?

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 12:45 PM

The world's most terrifying celebrity: Jello Biafra!

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 05:08 PM

I love Jell-O. Jell-O shots - have not made those in ages. Maybe for the Getaway. Yet another way to slip something alcoholic past the keepers.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: pdq
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 05:23 PM

I realized how awful life could be if I pissed off my mon (at least for any exnded period of time) when she served lunch consisting of a pile of cole slaw next to a lump of lemon jello.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 05:54 PM

The vision of the lump of lemon Jello is disturbing ... it reminds me of my mom's with the pears stuck inside it screaming to get out. Like the pears had just been eating by the mass of giggling alien life from another galaxy. You have my sympathy PDQ

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: RangerSteve
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 07:37 PM

something for you Jellophobes out there: http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/knox/index.html

sorry, I can never get these blue clicky things to work. If someone can do it for me, I promise it'll be worth your while.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 24 Aug 08 - 08:37 PM

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/knox/index.html

Ranger Steve
It is a modern horror show

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 08:57 AM

One year my sister-in-law attempted to make Jell-O eASTER eGGS USING REAL EGGS AS THE MOLD - THE RECIPE CAME ON THE BOX.
dAMN cAPSLOCK!

Anyway...
She made pin holes in each end of the egg, stuck in a skewer to break the yolk, shook it up really well and blew out the contents. She should have let them dry out for a week or two because the Jell-O eggs were coated with egg slime - pretty but too revolting to eat even after washing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 09:26 AM

You should have given them to a dachshund, then.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 12:20 PM

You all must have seen the movie BLOB as a kid.

Subject: RE: BS: The Hurrah! - The Whore-er of Jell-O
From: Severn
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 02:42 PM

Did somebody call for me upscroll?

If it behooves you, olddude, must I be the one to rescue you from a hospital-lunch-green fit of Jello-Sea?

I can send you some cassette tapes of the old Jack Benny radio shows when Jello was the sponsor and announcer Don Wilson used to read Jello recipes weekly on the air and see how many plugs for the sponsor he could work into the show.

Sandy & Jeanie Darlington on (Folk Legacy FSI-28) have an original song called "Jello" in which they pretty much feel the way you do. The great blues songwriter Willie Dixon, however, felt differently in "Shake For Me", as he wrote fondly about a "hip shakin' mama" who shook like a plate full of the stuff (Life through a rose colored gel, as it were). So there's both sides of the spectrum for you No red hot polka to stick you with this time and no Jello themed CDs, (or Jello Con-jerti) alas, like there was for a barbeque.

The Jello has yet to find its Yo Yo Ma, but it sure found "yo' mama"!

And thanks to Ferdinand Magellatin, it's a global phenomenon, though it tends to work better in a partially flat mold instead (Otherwise, it just rolls for a little while and then collapses, unless you use Little Hawk's recipe.).

Jello Shots, SINSULL? I'm sorry, but I cry every time when it comes to the part where they shoot "Ol' Jeller". You can call it what you want to, but Youth In Asia would have eaten him for dessert!

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 03:36 PM

Bill? Bill Cosby is that you?

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 04:07 PM

OMG
Severn is at it again.... can't stop laughing

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 04:12 PM

Olddude: Whatever you think of Jell-O, I congratulate you for spelling it correctly.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 05:11 PM

Thank you Jim, I thought I had better be precise in case there was a song called Jello that everyone liked, then I would be in trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: open mike
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 07:58 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmCkjrimXXs
jell-o shots..an action-packed instructional video

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 28 Aug 08 - 01:14 PM

Heck...olddude has a Jelly Song! :0)

Jelly Jelly Jelly

Awww...I *like* it, Dan, it kinda makes you wobble when you listen..

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 28 Aug 08 - 11:24 PM

That is funny Lizzie but it is the Jelly that you put on toast AHHH yea that is it, not the evil Jell-O my

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror of Jell-y-sy
From: Severn
Date: 29 Aug 08 - 12:24 AM

If it were the same thing, Lizzie, I'd be eating peanut butter and Jell-o sandwiches and Jell-o beans while listening to Jell-o Roll Morton.

And God save us from Naval or Petroleum or KY Jello!

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: Alice
Date: 29 Aug 08 - 12:30 AM

I thought the great scourge was Spam (the state food of Hawaii).

Subject: RE: BS: The Horror - The Horror Jell-O
From: olddude
Date: 29 Aug 08 - 09:50 AM

Alice
Noooooooo ! Spam is the cousin of the Hot Dog, well maybe second cousin, you must wisper, we can't have the hot dog hear you say that. It could cause a lot of world problems