BS: Walking the Dog

Subject: BS: Walking the Dog
From: olddude
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 09:57 AM

It was beautiful last night, the stars were out, it was warm. I could not sleep so I decided to take my old weiner dog Doolie for a walk. Sometime during our trek, I did it, I stepped in a doggie land mine and didn't realize it. Senses dull as we get older you see! Well needless to say I tracked it all over my house. My wife was really impressed this morning when she woke up. Now I get to steam clean rugs , mop floors and figure out how to clean all the little nooks and crannies from the sole of my new sneakers!

Same thing happen last Christmas it was very cold and I took my family off to church like I always do.   I did not realize that walking into church my shoe hit a frozen doggie land mine!

Now Scientists use some very large numbers in describing vast periods of time. They use words like billions of, trillions of, light years, millennium and others. I have simplified the terminology somewhat.   I have determined the formation of the earth took four hockey seasons or two Catholic high Masses at Christmas. As a Catholic, we kneel! What I did not realize is that as my shoe warmed up, and I would kneel, the people behind me would be in their own private version of Purgatory. I thought they were really religious. I could hear them praying. I found out afterwards - they were praying for the Mass to end!

Stuff happens to Me!

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 10:11 AM

lol

Odors and Old Dudes just go together, I guess. Catchy song title anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 10:14 AM

What a touching tale ...

It makes me think of a couple of things:

First, coming from an Irish family and having been brought up as a catholic I have no doubt that the people behind you were only too grateful to add to their penance, in the process ensuring full and proper absolution.

And likewiise I imagine that they were praying that the stain might also be removed from your soul - or should that be sole ...

... hmmm ...

The second thing was how much it annoys me that while I live near two public parks, which exist for the sole purpose that people can walk there dogs there and let them do what they gotta do without it being a risk for the feet of playing children, most of the dog owners in my area seem to take pride in allowing their dogs to .. erm ... mine the local streets.

I caught a man recently watching his dog plant one enormous mine, before walking off with the dog and making no attempt to clean it up.

When I questioned him about it and expressed my view that he knew full well what a disgusting thing it was to allow happen, he countered with the compelling argument:

"I've lived here for 65 years".

As you can imagine I was comletely persuaded by the sheer weight of his reasoning.

Presumably he likes to live surrounded by ... doggy landmines ...

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 10:15 AM

A friend of mine loved to tell the story of a time when a friend of his picked up the guys on some excursion.

Suddenly the friend said, Hey, someone here's got some dog s*** - check your shoes. I smell it.

The voices all responded, Not me. Not me. Not me.

They drove farther and the driver swerved to the side of the street and stopped.

He said, OK, everybody OUT! And clean off your shoes!

The stuff was on HIS shoe.

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 10:29 AM

It's maddening! I have two of the little tiddlers here (dachshunds) and they leave their doggy landmines everywhere. I cannot count the number of times I have stepped in dog shit in the past year. Every day or so I go out in the yard peering around with a gardening tool and a shovel at the ready, looking for their latest contributions. One blessing...they are sooooo damn lazy that they won't bother going beyond a certain fairly confined radius to do their thing. There is no danger whatsoever of them messing up the neighbours' yards. Ha! Much too far away for these little sods. Too much effort involved.

The worst is when you wear those work boots with the deep treads...those things collect dog shit like a magnet collects iron filings and they're hell to clean afterward.

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 10:32 AM

Ohdeargawd.............More friggin' Dachshunds.................................gimmee strength............................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 10:40 AM

Arf! Arf! Arf! Yap! Yap! Neef! Neef! Baff! Baff!

(all the livelong day...)

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: olddude
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 10:48 AM

My uncle Dan had a weiner dog named Pisser
I asked him why one time when I was visiting why he named it that. The little dog came over and raised his leg on my ankle. Dan looked at me and said "do you have any other stupid questions for me to answer"

this tragedy could not have been caused by a wiener dog. It was too big a pile to clean up

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: PoppaGator
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 12:41 PM

Dang, when I opened this thread I was hoping it would be about Rufus Thomas, the once and future World's Oldest Teenager, and his greatest hit!

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: olddude
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 12:47 PM

PoppaGator
I am humming it for you right now if that helps

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: PoppaGator
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 01:07 PM

"She broke her needle and she can't sew!"

Thanks for the help, olddude!

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 01:15 PM

One of the worlds great books

don't judge it by its cover

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 01:19 PM

old dude we are kindred spirits of some sort.

I have been writing a piece entitled 'walking the dog' for the last 4 days. It is existential flow of consciousness that is both social and enviormental. Walking the dog is a backdrop of viewing the world and measuring time.

When I saw the thread title I wondered if I had been sleep posting, and I don't even take Ambien.

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 01:25 PM

"Walking the Dog"???   But I don't even OWN a yo-yo!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: olddude
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 01:31 PM

About two weeks ago when I was walking my dog (I always clean up after him and never let him in yards) a guy came out of his house as I passed by. He yells " You guys with dogs, do I let my dog shit in your yard"

I yelled back " I don't know .. do you own a dog?"

He slammed the door

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 05:26 PM

RUFUS THOMAS; WALKING THE DOG


:ady mac dressed in black
silver buttons all down her back
hello tipsy toe
she broke the needle and she can't sow

    chorus;
walking the dog
just a walking the dog
it you don't know how to do it
I'll show you how to walk the dog

asked my mama for fifteen cents
see the elephant jump the fence
he jumped so high he touched the sky
never got back 'till the forth of july

    chorus

mary mary quite contrary
tell me how your garden grows
you got silver bells and you got cocktail shells
pretty maids all in a row

    chorus

oh oh
just a just a just a walking
just a just a just a walking
just a just a just a walking



if you don't know how to do it
I'll show you how to walk the dog

just a just a just a just a (8 times) walking
just a just a just a just a: (8 times) just a walking

just a walking...

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 25 Aug 08 - 05:28 PM

Whenever I see someone cleaning up after their dog, I generally make a point of going over and thanking them.

It usually cheers them up to hear it as much as it cheers me up to see it.

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: GUEST,lox
Date: 28 Aug 08 - 05:31 AM

Old dude and LH, and what the hell ... spaw too ...

check this out

Subject: RE: BS: Walking the Dog
From: Paul Burke
Date: 28 Aug 08 - 06:03 AM

I have determined the formation of the earth took four hockey seasons or two Catholic high Masses at Christmas.

But the Good Friday liturgy is a sight longer than both of those, by which standard the Earth hasn't yet been created. Which, of course, comes as no surprise. Perhaps it won't be complete until it is entirely covered by a layer of dog muck.