BS: The things kids say

Subject: BS: The things kids say
From: Bert
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 12:45 PM

Dante's Dad has a beard and I'm clean shaven.

Wel I get a bit lazy at weekends and I was sprouting about three days growth. Dante(3 years old)Says to me 'Granpa, you're growing up'.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 02:16 PM

ohhh! That's lovely.

My daughter Andie from the time she was 5 (in 1986) until she was 10 claimed she was going to be president because "I have to be in charge." At 10 she stated it was impossible for her to become president, because "women never get any party support." What kind of a thing was that for a 10 year old to say?

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: paula t
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 03:09 PM

Kathryn and her friend (both 4 at the time) were arguing.....

Friend: "Right! That's it! I'm going to tell my mum!"

Kathryn: "So! I'll tell MY mum then.....and MY mum's OLDER than
          YOUR mum!"

Obviously my greater age gave me rank!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Megan L
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 03:50 PM

we were in a chinese resturant when the small child at the table across the room said in that childlike whisper that has the carrying quality actors pray for "Mummy you smell" I do hope she was wearing perfume.

Though I wasnt brave enough to get close enough to tell

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 05:38 PM

many years ago my friend's 2 year old daughter told the assembled guests "Mummy's got long titties"

now why did Google asses this thread & give us links to Grief & Memorialization and Bereavement Counselling? Are they anticipating the way this thread will run?

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: quokka
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 06:08 PM

3-year-old on being given tuna for lunch:"Why do you keep your fish in a tin? We keep ours in a fishbowl."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 04:44 AM

long titties... Classic!

My baby brother Tim at 5 years was witnessing the birth of puppies. Confused aout which end of our Manchester Terrier they were appearing from he asked our Dad. "But where are they coming from?" My Dad thinking himself clever said, "God brought them."

Timmy pondered for a moment and asked "Why is she eating them?" My Dad explained "she not eating them she is cleaning them."

Tim not to be thwarted by superior adult logic responded, "Why, did God have dirty hands?"

Come on folks. Post more. I like this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:36 AM

I have posted this one previously, but I still think it's worth an action replay :

The youngest grandson, on seeing a 'no right turn' (UK) road sign said :

"No boomerangs allowed down there".

I'm still chuckling . . .

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:54 AM

I've posted this before:
When my sister-in-law was planning a vacation/business trip, her three year old listened half terrified of being left behind with Aunt Mary and half fascinated at airplanes and hotels.

They were going to Miama. So it "Miami this and Miama that. One day Chris asked "When you get to your Ami, will you call me?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:55 AM

My son upon hearing Show Boat went around singing "Old Man River, he don't wear cotton..."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: quokka
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 08:10 AM

When my eldest was a precocious 3 year old his favourite word was 'Extraordinary!' Blinky Bill, a koala on a kid's show here used to say it "with feeling".

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 08:35 AM

Awwww! these are making me so happy. Gonna say no boomerangs evertime I see a no right turn sign now.

I am sure I have posted this before

My youngest when singing a Vacation Bible School song about Saul

Instead of "He was a loyal Jew" sang "He was a laywer too"

And in Celebrate the Child (at 3) she sang No more laundry (wandering)in the night

And Jesus made is purply (perfectly) clear

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: dwditty
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 12:39 PM

When stuck in traffic one Thanksgiving weekend (for hours), my then 6 year old daughter asked, "Why doesn't the first car just go?"

When my youngest daughter was about 5 she misplaced a tooth that had come out that day. She was upset that the tooth fairy would not come. Her 8 year old sister told her to stop being silly...that Mom was the tooth fairy. The youngest paused for a minute, then said, "Mom can't be the tooth fairy. She's HOME every night."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 12:51 PM

giggle... give those girls some cookies and kisses.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bert
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 01:07 PM

Years ago, my daughter broke the point of her pencil. She said 'Look! my pencil's got a wobbly tooth!'

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 01:22 PM

Recently, during story time, one of my first grade boys burped loudly. Belched is more like it. I looked in his direction and he said, "Excuse me." I smiled at him and went on with the lesson. About 4 seconds went by and he said, "If you think THAT was loud, you should hear my GRANDMA!"

Guess who was lauging on the inside? LOL

I'll never look at this child's grandmother the same!!!

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Pseudolus
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 01:53 PM

When sitting on the potty at 2 1/2 years old my son Joshua leaned down, looked towards the bowl, leaned back up and said, "My penis is biiiiiig!!"

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:40 PM

At the school where I was caretaker and playground supervisor, I was on the playground one lunchtime when a five year old came out from lunch.

She walked up to where I was standing and stopped, with a very thoughtful expression.

"Mr. Thompson, I think I'm going to be sick", she said.

Euurrrrpppp!    She christened my shoes with the recently ingested lunch.


With a big beaming smile on her face, she said "I WAS RIGHT", and gaily skipped off to join her classmates.

Even while I was standing barefoot in the staff toilets, washing my shoes and socks, I just couldn't stop laughing.


Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: quokka
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 07:43 PM

Another from my eldest - he must have been about 5 -
"You know why I don't know some things? Because I've never HEARD of it before!" It was like a lightbulb moment. I rushed off to write it down for posterity...now if I could only find that notebook!

Cheers,
Quokka

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:08 AM

Don and Quokka... just brilliant.

Another from the Hiatt family archive. My little sister said whilst squeezed between me and brothers as we pushed our noses against the window praying feverishly for snow and a close of the schools, watching a few lonely flakes fall.

"Ants are lucky, when it snows, one flake covers their whole yard."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: paula t
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:05 PM

Many years ago I was accosted by an angry fellow teacher who accused one of my form of taking the mickey out of his maths assessment. A rather stupid question was worded as follows:
"I need 5 biscuits on monday, 7 on tuesday, 19 on Wednesday,20 on Thursday and 15 on Friday. When I go to the shops, how many do I need to buy?"
The child , who did most of the shopping for her family ,gave the answer, "One large box."
Well, ask a stupid question and you might just get a very smart answer!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:59 PM

My Uncle Jack was visiting at my Uncle Ed's (brothers). One of Ed's kids came running into the room and said, "Uncle Jack! We just saw a commercial on TV! That's the kind of aftershave you use, right? Old Scheiss?"

(For those who might not know, Old Spice is a brand of American aftershave. My family is of Germanic extraction and we then and even now sometimes lard familial conversation with Platt Deutsch.)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 05:05 AM

That one about the maths teacher reminds me of a comment I heard over 50 years ago in a maths lesson, from one of the form jokers :

"How the fuck can you expect to fill a bath when some fool has left the plug out ?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 03:30 PM

From my younger daughter, aged about 3, attending a Baptism service in church, at which two infants and one adult were being baptised -

"There's two babies and one grown-up being crucified today"

At least it had something to do with the Christian faith!

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 06:09 PM

I remember many years ago, during the chaotic period of non education in the sixties, hearing about a child psychologist who was assessing some kids with behavioural problems (nonsensical:- The KIDS didn't have behavioural problems. EVERYONE ELSE had problems with their behaviour). Anyway, the gist of the tale was that this guy was trying to see how these kids handled an illogical situation.

So, he gives them a long rigmarole along the lines of

"If it takes a man and a half , a day and a half, to dig a hole and a half, with a spade and a half, how old am I?"

Without hesitation, one youngster said "Twenty".

"How did you come to that conclusion?" asked the psych.

"Well mate, me bruvver's ten and he's half f***ing daft", came the crushing reply.

Don T

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 07:45 PM

I was in a take out restraunt with my young son, and the service was slow.
The manager came out and said, excuse your server she is in training.

My son immediately moved to the end of the counter and looked at her legs.
He said: But, she's not wearing any training wheels

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Gurney
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 12:25 AM

My sister, as a toddler, was unsure of the difference betweeen a ship and a boat, so hedged her bets by calling all vessels 'Shipboats.'
The way she pronounced it caused some strange looks.

Her indoors once said to our son "Don't even think about it!"
"Too late, I've already thought about it."

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Anne Lister
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 02:57 AM

I've been working with a class of 5/6 year old children this week .. favourite moment, when discussing nocturnal animals, was the child who volunteered "skeletons".   I could see his point of view ...

Anne

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 07:24 AM

training wheels = stabilisers for any English who may not know.

It was a surprise to me in reverse.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Acorn4
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 02:10 PM

From my step-daughter -8 at the time:-

Mum, you know that programme you were watching last night - a woman of subsidence?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Dec 08 - 02:27 PM

that is just brilliant Acorn4

Was the show surrounded by adverts for foundation garments?

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: quokka
Date: 06 Dec 08 - 08:15 AM

My second son is a wee bit of a perfectionist. When he was learning to talk, he pronounced his brother's name as 'Bike' instead of Mike. So, instead of calling him by his name, he called him 'Brother' for about a year. He's 16 now - and yeah, he still idolises his big brother.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bert
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 05:09 PM

Ayla at 18 months calls her Grandma - 'Granmababy'

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bert
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 05:25 PM

Dante aged three, 'I love you Granma, and I'll love you again tomorrow'

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 05:42 PM

My grandson had learned that "Goosing" someone meant pinching their bum/backside/posterior.. or whatever you call it.   There is a sign in the UK to warn of elderly persons possibly being on or crossing the road... a sign which shows a man walking with a woman. My grandson asked as we passed one of these signs "Grandad, why is that woman goosing that man on the sign"?   Until then I had not noticed the phenomenon.. she does appear to be doing just that. I will never look at those signs in the same way again.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 09:38 PM

Dante - 3 years old says 'I like Sex'

Granma - 'Ah! um! what does it feel like?'

Dante - 'you know it tickles when a caterpillar crawls on you.'

Granma, Greatly relieved 'Ah you mean INSECTS!'

Dante 'yes, insecs'

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 10:27 PM

My nephew was driving with his family down the highway when there was an unmistakable sound from his little son's vicinity.

He said, Dusty!

Dustin shook his head vigorously. It wasn't me, he said. Then turning to his older sister he said, Nessie, did you feel something?

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 12:25 AM

I was at a bluegrass session a while back, and a woman had brought along her eight year old guitar and mandolin playing daughter. When a session member called out a song, she says "what are the chords?" He says "well, it's in G, and there's a C..."
She cuts him off, saying "that's enough".

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: maple_leaf_boy
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 07:36 PM

When my youngest brother was little, he said to a cousin of ours who
had braces just installed: "When's that train coming in?"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Acorn4
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 08:00 PM

Not really kids this but teengaers.

I do exam invigilation at a local school, and last week the students got their results from the November exams. A group of girls were gathered aroung their English teacher talking about their results when one of them yelled out:-

"She got a B , and she's an idiot!"

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 03:15 PM

I work in a special school. Today a young lad aged 12 who was due to come to a music lesson with me this afternoon said 'Oh Mrs Gilday you'll have to open the windows I think I'm having a hot flush!'

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 04:12 PM

How about the things that our kids make us say?

After spreading parts of a visible man model all over the house, I yelled at the kids "I want you to pick up all those human organs and put them back where they belong!"

At which my wife emerged from the beedroom with a more than curious worried look on her face.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 01:15 PM

I just found this in old emails. Too cute.

Very chatty tot

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 01:42 PM

My nine year old nephew pestered his sister almost to tears then started on his mother and father. Finally, his dad had had enough and he said, sharply: Phil, that's enough.

Phil, tears welling in his eyes, sobbed, It's no fun being the only happy person in this family.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bettynh
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 02:20 PM

My two-year-old twins dragged me from the kitchen, eyes agog, to confront the cat.

"Look! Kitty has PINS on her fingers!!"

Bless her, the cat had decided that my kittens were now old enough to learn some manners. She never scratched them, simply extended her claws to show she could enforce her rules.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Bert
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 02:49 PM

Ha! now the thread has come a full circle. The other day Ayla said to me "Granpa, you have needles on your chin"

I guess the lazy ol' bugger should shave more often.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 03:02 PM

Niece to nephew arguing about the proposal of playing house. They were both about four. The nephew insisted he would only play if they could live in a trailer. The niece felt strongly that one should play real house, not living in a trailer, but the nephew, a year younger, dug in his heels and wouldn't budge.

The niece finally said she would agree to that stipulation if she could get to play the husband. This seemed agreeable, so the niece walked out of the room to "go to work". Reappearing suddenly, she announced. "Good news!! We're moving to a REAL house!"

Maybe you had to have been there...



A

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 03:54 PM

lol That is too funny, Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 04:57 PM

hahahahaaaa

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: paula t
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 12:27 PM

One morning break, one of our reception children boldly marched into the staffroom, opened the freezer door and announced "I fell over so I need an arse pack!"(She needed an ice pack for a bumped head.)

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 01:08 PM

Amos.... wonderful girl that niece of yours. How old is she now? Wondering if she grew up to be as clever.

Subject: RE: BS: The things kids say
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:20 PM

On one occasion I asked a class of reception children 'Now who can tell me what we were thinking about yesterday' and one boy said 'why Mrs Gilday have you forgotten?'