BS: Middle Age Dating

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jan 09 - 08:25 AM

"All men talk too much"

Maybe in California but not in Maine. Ayuh is considered a conversation.

I feel the same way Janie. I love to go out on a friendly "date". Prefer to share the expenses. Micca and I thoroughly enjoy each others company and there are no strings attached. But without exception, every date I have had in the past four years has been with a guy who was looking for sex - NOW.
LOL "I bought you a donut andcoffee. Now let's screw." very enticing.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Diva
Date: 19 Jan 09 - 08:15 AM

What Janie said!! Absolutely....sharing a nice meal and having a nice time......If they want somebody to wash their socks let em go somewhere else!!

Diva...managed 17 years

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 09:45 PM

Oh, right. Kendall doesn't flirt!

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 07:54 PM

You are so right, flirting is a lot of fun. I don't do it myself, but I see others enjoying it.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 12:10 PM

Oops. A few posts went up while I was composing my last post. I was reflecting on Jeanie's and Diva's posts when I said I must be a good candidate.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 12:10 PM

All men talk too much; and they acknowledge too little.

The same can be said of women.

Men who are trained in Western cultural modalities have a deep yearning for admiration and a deep terror of being revealed as flawed or vulnerable. This makes it very very hard for them to discuss how they actually feel about things.

A smart woman learns to deal with this the same way a circus trainer manages a giant tiger. A little whip, a little chair-in-the-face, and a lot of encouragement and affection.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 12:08 PM

That must make me a good candidate. One marriage, 25 years. Thing is, like others have said, I like who I am now, know what I want and need, am pretty content by myself and not too inclined to want to compromise.

Maybe this has been talked about on the thread and I missed it, but I haven't seen any conversation about dating simply because it is fun, and not because one is looking for a significant romance or relationship. Flirting is fun. Good dinner conversation or recap of a movie or rafting trip is fun, and can be more fun and a little exciting when shared with a member of the opposite sex who one likes, respects, and finds attractive.

I'm two years out of a 25 year relationship and not at all interested in seeking another mate or even serious romance. But I would enjoy going out on dates for the fun and stimulation of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 12:00 PM

"There is only one sin that the Gods will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed, and he won't go. That, they will not forgive."

Zorba the Greek

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,Peter
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 11:33 AM

I tried chasing women after my divorce and it was a total disaster. I stopped and they promptly started chasing me. It took a bit of practice to learn which ones to dodge.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Diva
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 11:03 AM

I wish Id used that logic with the last one....3 ex's...hmmmmmm Funny though, when speaking to his son recently, he mentioned his father couldn't stand competition and my pals ma said the same thing.......
I tell you I'm putting it out to committee I'm not safe to pick on my own

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Jeanie
Date: 18 Jan 09 - 09:16 AM

When I moved to a new town a few years ago, I was regularly chatted up by one such serial monogamist/relationshipist (good word, eh ?) Thankfully, it didn't take long for me to cotton on to this and see beyond his somewhat considerable charms. To misquote Lady Bracknell in "The Importance of Being Ernest": 'To have one ex-wife is a misfortune. To have two ex-wives starts to look like carelessness.' Once it gets to more than this...well, the clues are there, as they say.

This man had 3 ex-wives, but that wasn't the end of it. He was recommending to me various music venues and theatre companies in the area, and when I asked him "Do you go there ?", the reply about each was "Oh no, I can't go to that one any more. One of my ex-wives/girlfriends goes and we parted under traumatic circumstances."

I have nothing to add to the general discussion about "middle age dating" ( except that I also thought of Chaucer when I first read the title)- except to say that having reached a certain age when the hormones no longer hold total sway, it is lovely just to get on with living life and enjoying what life brings, free from the urgency to find a mate.

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 17 Jan 09 - 10:25 AM

Actually, HE'S the wrong people.He should never marry anyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 09 - 08:54 PM

Or simply that he is attracted to the wrong people?

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 09 - 08:39 PM

It never occurred to him that he might not be mature enough to make a go of a successful marriage? Or that he is quite possibly chasing a rainbow?

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 15 Jan 09 - 07:48 PM

I used to hear a friend of mine say, "When I was married to Ruth" or Sally, or Carol, finally I asked him "How many times have you been married"? He said "Five". I said, "Doesn't that tell you something"? he replied, "Yes, I just haven't found the right one yet." And he was serious.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Jan 09 - 12:56 PM

Well...NOW I see why this thread keeps popping back up - it has 'drifted' in interesting ways.
I will add to a couple of the above comments by noting that I have known both a man and a woman who "screwed (their) way up the food chain"...neither one was terribly happy. Both considered that life was more easily led by hopping in bed with someone,,,then seeing if they liked each other. (Then analyzing why they didn't)
I found it VERY difficult to explain to both of them that the very attitude that led them to this habit also made them kinda shallow and not able to adjust to the idea of 'sharing' in a relationship.

   It is my view that it IS much harder to find really compatible mates these days than in our grandparents days. One reason is that there are so many more directions to go and variables to consider now.

(insert detailed examples here)

Thus, the easiest way to find someone is to DO things... go out and find interesting hobbies, and get involved with other people who do the same things..but make the HOBBY the main point!... and do not automatically look at everyone you meet as a potential mate.... that will come if other chemistry is right.

Yes, for me it was folk music that let me find the 'right' one..and almost 30 years later, I am able to look back and realize how I did it...(I sure didn't have all this theory worked out then!)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 15 Jan 09 - 09:09 AM

You have a very long memory, Sins.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Jan 09 - 09:59 PM

Any comments on anti-abortion advocates, Captain?
LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 14 Jan 09 - 08:59 PM

If I didn't want the same things that most women want, I would still be single.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 14 Jan 09 - 08:53 PM

Dani, I went a little overboard on purpose to get a reaction, and I did. hehehe

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jan 09 - 08:25 PM

Well I think there are a lot of shared colors, even if the males tend more one way and the females the other. It's the endless variations on the theme that are so faskinatin'.   The Mars-Venus divide looks much larger when you first approach it. Once you've learned to speak a little Venusian (or a little Martian) it gets to looking a good deal narrower.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 14 Jan 09 - 07:36 PM

Kendall, I'm raising the bullshit flag here.

I think you have to admit there are elements of both those lists of desires in both sexes!

Men want some of those same things you attribute to women, and well... I'm speaking for myself here, ladies, so chime in anytime... but I'm sure there's a little on both your lists there that I PERSONALLY would like in a relationship.

Dani

PS: I'M not afraid of your wife, I just love her. It's about as effective : )

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 14 Jan 09 - 09:43 AM

This is such a complex subject, there are few firm answers, because we are all individuals. However, there is one fairly firm fact. Men and women are very different when it comes to sex.Women need stability, a home, help in raising the kids, love, to be listened to and RESPECT.
Men are hard wired to hump any female that is willing.It is the same with the males of any mammalian species. Denying this is pointless. That's how nature made us, and it's not our fault! We are not dogs because we want to be dogs, it's in our genes.
Richard, you are partly right. Men are initially attracted to a nice ass, big boobs and a pretty face. That's fine for a short term relationship, but for the long run, give me a pleasing personality, WIT, high IQ, talent, educated and interested in many things besides her grand children. Old Maine proverb, "Kissing don't last. Cooking does."
If a happily married man has an encounter with a hot chick he will be torn between nature and conscience. Is this bit of dalliance worth the possible loss of my marriage?
Now, I must admit I am still a sucker for big boobs, (or small ones)but all the women I know are afraid of my wife so I don't get to have my conscience tested.

Wesley S right on the money!

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 14 Jan 09 - 02:50 AM

Found just the date for ya:

Middle aged woman in China who never married but is now ready to take the jump.

The local Chinese government has even offered to help her find an appropriate husband. (possible political contacts?)

Would-be bride, xxx, seeks first husband

She'll probably be out there surfing and hunting soon.

She's ready and rarin':

"I'm already (middle aged) and I still haven't got married," the Chongqing Commercial Times quoted her saying. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?"

John

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 03:14 PM

I remember a woman who did that (screwed her way up the food chain). She was involved with a series of CEOs. It didn't seem to make her all that happy, but it kept her busy and entertained, I guess, and it helped pay the bills.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Jeri
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 01:47 PM

'Screw their way up the food chain'...uh.

Maybe in Juarez or someplace like that. Ick

Where the hell's Catspaw when you need him? (Probably off somewhere trying to convince someone he's necessary step.)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 01:32 PM

It is sad.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 12:14 PM

Yes, Amos. I was simply quoting what was said to me. I know it is not true of all men and I suspect not even most. I found the concept sad.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 10 Jan 09 - 01:07 AM

I have spent most of my evening writing, editing and rewriting a post to this thread, which is an excellent indication that I probably should not post.

As an aside to Dewey, what Peter T. has said at least twice.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 10:43 PM

SOME men, s'il vous plait.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 10:16 PM

Little Hawk, a very close friend of mine told me the same thing. Men screw because it is available and it is not grounds for throwing the idiot (my words) out. Women of a similar mind set screw their way up the food chain.
Sad but true.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 09:26 PM

A lot of men are like dogs. They'll mount anything that's available! This is because sex isn't a personal/emotional experience for them at all, it's sort of like getting hungry and scarfing down some junk food at the first available counter.

Not many women are like that. I've only known 2 such that I can recall. Most women are a bit more subtle and they are hoping for some genuine emotional connection...in other words "a relationship". The men I mentioned above don't even know what "a relationship" is...though they may have heard of it. ;-) They get nmarried too, God knows why! No imaginative forethought, I suppose...or maybe they're looking for someone to cook and houseclean?

Then you have the ones who regard sex as a competitive game, and they're always looking for the next "score" and bored with the last one. There are quite a few men like that, and a few women. Again, I've only known one woman who followed that form of behaviour. She was...strange.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 08:19 PM

Bastard! I will never understand.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 07:18 PM

No kidding, Sins! That's what I asked my first husband when I found out he'd been dating and screwing one of whom I thought was our best friends! Thankfully I was the only one he got preggers or it would have been a lot worse. As it was I got rid of him and none too soon!

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 02:32 PM

"I would rather be lonely alone than with someone."

I used to say much the same thing. Loneliness when you are with someone sho just can;t be arsed is keener than loneliness alone. Kind of a constant reminder that you are lonely.

In fact I believe, if I had not met my current love that I would not feel lonely.   If I wasn't so blasted contented (I am like a pampered cat) in my current relationship, I'd rather relish the idea of solitude.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 02:17 PM

Dating at any age is difficult. That's why I am always fascinated at people who manage to date while married. How the hell do you manage it?

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Diva
Date: 09 Jan 09 - 06:49 AM

Good phrase Gnu. One of our team at work is now been appointed matchmaker....after a very funny and very drunken works night out. I am held to be beyond hope because I'm too picky.....my 'list' is too complex LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 06:19 PM

I worded it this way in one song: "being lonely is a feeling better felt in solitude"

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 04:49 PM

Diva! Around 1999, I coined, "I would rather be lonely alone than with someone."

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 02:34 PM

Well, that sounds very nice to me, VT.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 02:16 PM

Why do you want your voice at a lower pitch, VT? Are you aiming for the "Lauren Bacall" throaty purr...? ;-)

Yes!

I am not keen on cut flowers. Would rather have an interesting looking pebble or day out in a forest.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 11:09 AM

You're absolutely right, Peter. I have settled for 5/10, because it appears to be the most likely and workable thing to do at this time.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Peter T.
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 09:51 AM

My classic ratio:

Being together with someone you hate: 0/10
Being alone: 5/10
Being together with someone you love: 10/10

To avoid 0/10, many people will go for 5/10, rather than gamble for 10/10. (I've been in all three).

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 09:04 AM

I agree with you Diva, very well put. The key is being comfortable and happy in yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Diva
Date: 08 Jan 09 - 09:01 AM

I think its difficult at any age and can't remember who said it earlier but i agree with the 'didn't like at 16......' I also agree with being happy in your own skin. As I am getting older I am less willing to compromise with things I don't want in my life. I'd much rather be on my own than be miserable with someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Riginslinger
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 10:22 PM

I really don't think dating in the Middle Ages was all that different. Of course the people were younger, but...

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 10:04 PM

Ah! Now I understand. (grin) The light has dawned. The groundhog has emerged to check for his shadow. Elvis has left the building.

There isn't anyone I liiiiike at the moment. At least not anyone even remotely realistic or within reach.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Jeri
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 09:58 PM

Hawk, I don't mean like like, but liiiiike. It's 'enjoy the company of' vs 'fancy'. I like like a number of folks, but I don't feel the urge to 'date' them. Like, I'm pretty sure you didn't cuddle with the guy after you got him tickets to the Dylan show, no matter how good it was.

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 09:42 PM

I don't quite follow that, Jeri & Dani. Seems to me that everybody I like at present likes me back. I do remember one person I liked in the early 70s who didn't seem like me for awhile for some reason I never knew...but then I got him a ticket to Dylan's 1974 show, and after that he decided he liked me after all, and we became good friends. He was crazy about Bob Dylan, and he was definitely not expecting me, of all people, to get him that ticket, but I got it for him precisely because I knew how much he loved Dylan. I could relate to that.

I remember some girl who didn't like me too, but it was just because I was entranced with her, and because of that I tended to get really nervous and say dumb, awkward things when she was around. I don't think she ever knew what the problem was... (sigh)

Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 07 Jan 09 - 08:57 PM

Jeri says: "There aren't a lot of people I like who like me back"

Tell, it, sister. The more I get to know myself, and be satisfied with myself, the smaller that pool gets. It's a double-edged sword, isn't it? Those who really know me and still like me are either great friends who could never be romantic partners, married to super-smart women already, or flat-out gay.

Dani