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BS: Middle Age Dating

GUEST,hidden identity 21 Jan 09 - 08:37 AM
kendall 21 Jan 09 - 09:47 AM
jacqui.c 21 Jan 09 - 10:11 AM
George Papavgeris 21 Jan 09 - 10:36 AM
meself 21 Jan 09 - 11:17 AM
Little Hawk 21 Jan 09 - 01:39 PM
Richard Bridge 21 Jan 09 - 06:01 PM
Ebbie 21 Jan 09 - 06:22 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 21 Jan 09 - 06:26 PM
Amos 21 Jan 09 - 06:32 PM
Little Hawk 21 Jan 09 - 07:15 PM
Joe Offer 21 Jan 09 - 07:24 PM
kendall 21 Jan 09 - 07:31 PM
Janie 21 Jan 09 - 08:04 PM
GUEST,Dani 21 Jan 09 - 08:11 PM
Janie 21 Jan 09 - 08:21 PM
Amos 21 Jan 09 - 09:11 PM
Janie 21 Jan 09 - 09:15 PM
Janie 21 Jan 09 - 09:22 PM
Little Hawk 21 Jan 09 - 09:32 PM
Janie 21 Jan 09 - 10:05 PM
GUEST,Dani 22 Jan 09 - 06:54 AM
Richard Bridge 22 Jan 09 - 02:50 PM
Stilly River Sage 22 Jan 09 - 03:02 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 09 - 03:25 PM
Janie 22 Jan 09 - 09:49 PM
Janie 22 Jan 09 - 10:07 PM
Richard Bridge 22 Jan 09 - 11:02 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 09 - 11:28 PM
kendall 23 Jan 09 - 12:38 PM
Diva 23 Jan 09 - 02:47 PM
Richard Bridge 23 Jan 09 - 06:08 PM
Richard Bridge 23 Jan 09 - 06:09 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 23 Jan 09 - 06:46 PM
Janie 23 Jan 09 - 06:59 PM
kendall 23 Jan 09 - 11:30 PM
Rowan 24 Jan 09 - 01:07 AM
Richard Bridge 24 Jan 09 - 03:48 AM
kendall 24 Jan 09 - 09:12 AM
GUEST,Bob Ryszkiewicz 24 Jan 09 - 11:08 AM
Stilly River Sage 24 Jan 09 - 11:40 AM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 12:18 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 09 - 01:02 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 09 - 01:15 PM
Janie 24 Jan 09 - 07:21 PM
Richard Bridge 24 Jan 09 - 07:24 PM
Janie 24 Jan 09 - 08:00 PM
Richard Bridge 24 Jan 09 - 08:15 PM
kendall 24 Jan 09 - 08:23 PM
Janie 24 Jan 09 - 08:37 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,hidden identity
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 08:37 AM

Well I live alone, have a regular "date" plus a really good friend who adores me. An enviable situation on the face of it but not all plain sailing. Only by being scrupulously faithful and honest to one can I justify having the pleasant company of the other at times.
The side effect is that it makes the first more attentive - which is a mixed blessing and not what was intended.

I could not have done this as a teenager - only with the maturity of middle age is it do-able.

But as mother used to say "keep 'em mean to keep 'em keen"
and she was right.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 09:47 AM

Ok, I have to admit sometimes I flirt, and I really enjoy it. I even have a close friendship with my ex wife, and Jacqui is not threatened by any of the women I like. She has no reason to be worried. (Up until now) (snicker)


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: jacqui.c
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 10:11 AM

She has no reason to be worried. (Up until now) (snicker)

Unlike you, Sir. The cellar awaits!

I agree that I, too, need to know a person before getting physical. In my much younger days I ended up in a one night stand and felt horrible for quite a while afterward.

I know that some people can go from one sexual partner to another without any qualms but, whilst I don't quite go so far as considering sex to be sacred (it tends to get a bit too sweaty and strenuous for that) it is as close physically as we will ever get to another person and, to my mind, there needs to be a matching closeness in non physical ways.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 10:36 AM

Where's Dewey? ("gone decimal" - sorry, librarian joke).
This thread was about helping him I thought, and it has continued for 20 days after he last contributed.
I used to play this trick on the "Cloggies", when I lived in the Netherlands: I'd start a conversation with two of them, in English, then I would walk away on some pretext a minute or two later. The two Dutch would invariably continue the discussion among themselves, still in English!
Methinks that's what's happened here.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: meself
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 11:17 AM

I imagine that by the third post Dewey had seen the error of his ways, and even as we speak is throwing away his hard-earned cash on a bevy of painted ladies ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 01:39 PM

A bit of flirtation can definitely be fun...just on its own merits. I have no problem with that. It's a lot like any other kind of banter or play that people engage in...just kind of exercising your emotional muscles.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 06:01 PM

Sacred? Rather a quaint idea. Not in that sort of sense. But lots of people pray for it.

Sex is good. Sex with love is better. Love without sex rots your soul and destroys your self-worth, whether it is because of your own inhibitions or embarrassment, or the refusal of another.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 06:22 PM

"Love without sex rots your soul and destroys your self-worth, whether it is because of your own inhibitions or embarrassment, or the refusal of another." Richard Bridge

This brings up a recollection of a question I once asked a lover of mine. I said, Which would you choose: unlimited access to each other but with no sex or just one hour a week but which would include sex?

His choice wasn't mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 06:26 PM

Love without sex sometimes, say for medical reasons, has to be, and that is when the true test of Love comes into being, and a new richness comes in to replace that which is lost in sex.

Sex, without Love, on the other hand, (imo) is an empty place to be, a lonely place to be, a cold and aching place to be, a dishonest place to be, and perhaps a place that is often visited by those who have locked away their hearts.

I feel it doesn't bring happiness. It may bring 'satisfaction' for some, but that soon wears off I'd imagine...and down comes the loneliness once more.

To know that you are Loved, truly loved, above all others, above all else, and that glorious sex is a part of that, freely and frequently given and accepted, is the warmest place to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 06:32 PM

It has always puzzled me that apparently it is possible for people to have sex without feeling love.

What are they paying attention to?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 07:15 PM

I can relate to what you're saying, Amos, but I think they are paying attention to a number of things, such as...

1. the enjoyable physical sensations
2. the sense of being "desirable" to someone else
3. in some cases, the feeling of conquest
4. excitement, risk, danger
5. thrills
6. enhanced view of their own status
7. even, in some cases, a form of sadistic domination
8. or, in others, a form of masochistic fantasizing
9. escape from boredom
10. "winning" a competitive event

All these things can arise in various people's sexual experiences, and all without love playing any part whatsoever. Or you might have love present...yet with some of the above aspects mixed in as well.

It's just that some people really want love with their sex, while to others it doesn't matter in the least.

I'll give you one example: I knew this young guy back in the late 70s, early 80s, and his trip was to seduce every female he ever met, by any means possible. He always tried, and he tried very hard (but without looking like he was trying hard). He was willing to do anything it took...and he had lots of money...so he would take the latest object of pursuit out to the finest restaurants, buy her flowers and other gifts, write her love notes, show her a great time, pretend he was in love with her, find out what she liked and admired and pretend he felt the same....he was quite an actor. He looked like a slimy little toad to me. (rather like the Austin Powers character in general appearance) I thought he was repulsive. But I have to admit that when it came to seducing women he was a master...because he was singleminded, focused, well-organized, enthusiastic, determined, and quite confident of the outcome. Well, this complete asshole never failed in his objective. He always bedded them. And then he promptly lost interest in them! Once or twice in the sack and it was done, they were "history"...so a long series of upset and astonished women discovered one by one that Prince Charming had a very short attention span indeed.

What was he after? Well, it certainly wasn't love. I think it was several of the things I had in the above list, I'm not sure in what order, though. ;-)

I also knew a female with basically the same attitude. She tried to seduce every man she ever met. The main difference between her and him was...she didn't really enjoy the sex much(!)...she just enjoyed "the game".

Other than that, by the way, she was fine. Basically a nice person to know as a friend. I don't know what her problem was regarding sex, but I'm sure it would have fascinated a Freudian analyst. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Joe Offer
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 07:24 PM

Well, as you know, Mudcat is a folk music forum, probably the best folk music forum in the world.
That being the case, I wanna testify-




Testify to the value of folk music as a way to improve your love life.


In 1992, I found myself unwillingly single and homeless at the age of 44. Not long after, I discovered the Sacramento Song Circle, and I've attended regularly every month since 1993. Later, I discovered Mudcat, and the San Francisco Folk Music Club, and the Folklore Society of Greater Washington - and all of these have given me lots of wonderful opportunities to sing with lots of wonderful women. I've developed minor to major crushes on dozens of them, and I've been able to enjoy their company without all the uncertainties and nervousnesses and complications of a sexual relationship. And in 2002, I married one of those wonderful women. And because I've kept singing, I still get to meet and love all those other wonderful women - and still have a terrific marriage.


So, if you wannna be happy for the rest of your life - SING!!!! The rest of it will all fall into place.

End of testimony.

Hallelujah!!!!

-Joe, a True Believer-


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 07:31 PM

If I say any more I will never get out of that damn cellar.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 08:04 PM

Bravo Joe! Bravo!

What strikes me about the two antedotes Little Hawk shared is the dishonesty and manipulation that it sounds like certainly the man, and perhaps the woman engage(d) in. You didn't say enough about her for me to opine.

Games are fun and healthy only when everyone playing knows the rules and readily joins the play after being fully informed.    What you describe is what I tend to think of as f*cking with some one else's head. Trying to capture a heart solely for the purpose of access to the body. Absolutely deceitful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 08:11 PM

Oh, Joe, you make me so happy. You know you do.

Thanks for shining the light.

All this talk about sex and love reminds me of a song I'm working on (recently overheard, poached, re-worked):

"I'm a complicated woman, and I'll tell you the reason why
I'm a complicated woman, and I'll tell you the reason why
I am easy to please, Lord, but hard to satisfy."

Dani


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 08:21 PM

Oops. LIttle Hawk, was referring to your antedotes, not Joe's. Maybe a clone can insert that.
    Or maybe we should leave it. You look kinda cute with egg on your face, Janie.
    ...but I was nice and fixed it for you.
    -Joe-


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 09:11 PM

A beautiful verse to a major blues song, Dani! I do hope you will finish it. And record it!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 09:15 PM

I don't consider sex sacred, but at 57 I know I am not interested in physical intimacy that is not an expression of genuine caring, concern and mutual respect.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 09:22 PM

Joni Mitchell's "Woman of Heart and Mind" keeps coming to mind. I think because it used to be a bit of an anthem to me from my late 20's through the 1st 10 years of my relationship with my husband. (met when I was 30. Married age 35.)

I am a woman of heart and mind
With time on her hands
No child to raise
You come to me like a little boy
And I give you my scorn and my praise
You think Im like your mother
Or another lover or your sister
Or the queen of our dreams
Or just another silly girl
When love makes a fool of me

After the rush when you come back down
Youre always disappointed
Nothing seems to keep you high
Drive your bargains
Push your papers
Win your medals
Fuck your strangers
Dont it leave you on the empty side
Im looking for affection and respect
A little passion
And you want stimulation-nothing more
Thats what I think
But you know Ill try to be there for you
When your spirits start to sink

All this talk about holiness now
It must be the start of the latest style
Is it all books and words
Or do you really feel it?
Do you really laugh?
Do you really care?
Do you really smile
When you smile?
You criticize and you flatter
You imitate the best
And the rest you memorize
You know the times you impress me most
Are the times when you dont try
When you dont even try


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 09:32 PM

That's "anecdote", Janie. ;-) The man in question was completely and utterly deceitful, no doubt about it. He was also rich, spoiled, constantly horny, and about as shallow as one of those pans you bake cookies on. (but he was clever)

The woman in question was not being deceitful, she was quite straightforward about it. She just wanted to get drunk and have casual sex, not convince the other person she was in love with him. Hardly that! ;-) There was nothing deceitful in her behaviour at all, but it had something to do with conquest...or proving her own attractiveness to herself...or something? I never quite figured out what was driving her when it came to that. She didn't do it for money. She didn't do it to get a boyfriend or a steady partner. She may have done it for company(?) She didn't seem to do it much for bodily pleasure either, as far as I can surmise. She did it, I think, to fulfill some kind of psychological need. I don't think she herself knew exactly why she did it, but she never wanted to be with any one guy for long....just the next guy. There was always the next guy.

Friendships, on the other hand, she was fine for friendships. She was a friend for me and another guy I knew for many years, and basically was a practical person whom you could rely on.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jan 09 - 10:05 PM

I guess an antedote is what immediately preceeds doting on some one?


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 06:54 AM

Yup, and an antidote is what is needed when it doesn't work out.

Dani


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 02:50 PM

What is he thinking of? Temperature and friction.

And an honest woman? The same.

So many people deceiving themselves!


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 03:02 PM

Yuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 03:25 PM

They're not necessarily deceiving themselves, Richard, they just have a number of differing concerns in mind, that's all. Everyone else isn't the same as you.

It's a unique case in every case. This is confirmed by the fact that different people react differently to the same basic incident (on a physical level). Yes, they all go through a basically very similar physical experience (which is what you appear to be talking about), but they interpret it differently in an emotional sense. How they interpret it is on the basis of belief and emotion and memory tied to emotion.

As you grow up, you absorb emotional impressions. They are what underlies your belief system. You will use your belief system to interpret the meaning of a physical experience.

Your belief system is clearly different from mine, for instance, so our interpretations of sex are quite different...although on a purely physical level, it's basically the same scenario for both of us. You are attracted to someone. You get an erection. You place it in slot "V" and move it back and forth until reaching orgasm. Big deal, eh? ;-) When put in merely physical terms, it sounds about as exciting as tightening a loose bolt on the snowblower...all just a matter of applied torque and friction, nothing more... ;-)

It's the non-physical aspects of sex, Richard, that raise the prosaic physical act itself (which any idiot can manage) into a truly sublime experience. (grin)

And you think I'm deceiving myself? Well, fine, mate. I think you're deceiving yourself too, but I prefer my way to yours, so I think I'll stick with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 09:49 PM

My exposure to all the wonderful artists on Mudcat seems to have stimulated my creativity inmany areas of my life, including spelling.

Let's make that "precedes."


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 10:07 PM

Just saw your correction and note, Joe of the Big Blue Eyes;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 11:02 PM

Of course people have different concerns, aspirations, and so on. And the biggest sex organ in the body is the brain (well, I suppose the biggest erogonous zone might be the skin) - but those are all overlays and add-ons.

As a result - temperature and friction - plus the whatever, which might be romantic love, or it might be whatever your particular head game is - is going to seem preferable. We might be intelligent animals, or animals with moral sets, but we are still animals.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 09 - 11:28 PM

The biggest sex organ is unquestionably the brain, Richard. ;-)

Yes, we have animal bodies and an animal biological structure, but we also have a number of mental complexities that seem to set us apart from animals. We worry about the future and the past. We build all kinds of extraordinary things and invent new things. We keep track of our past history and concoct new philosophies. We read and write. That suggests to me that animals are our relatives, yes, but that we've moved into a somewhat different mode of existence from most of them, if not all of them. Why that is, is debatable, but we may not just be animals, we may be something more than animals by now.

But here's an interesting story about the part the head can play for animals too.

I once took care of many rabbits. The females and males were kept apart after reaching adulthood (although you can keep many females together in harmony, you can't with the males, they get into fights all the time). At any rate, the mature females and males got their own cages and when a female was willing you would put a male rabbit in her cage to breed and produce some more rabbits. This worked only if she was willing. If she wasn't, she just didn't cooperate and there was nothing he could do about it (though he might try his hardest). Well, we had one young female rabbit who was simply not willing for some reason. Not at any time, and that was unusual! The male rabbits found it unusual too, and they developed an obsession about her. They all wanted specially to be with that one female. She had become immeasureably desirable in their eyes...simply because she kept saying "no" and no one had succeeded with her yet. It was easy enough to tell from the way those male rabbits acted when taken anywhere near her cage that they were desperate to have sex with "the princess" rather than with the other females. Oh, they were definitely willing to have sex with the others any time...but they were all hoping for the holdout.

Now, isn't that a lot like human psychology? The one thing people always want is the one thing no one can get. Those rabbits were acting just like people do.

She finally gave in one day, and the male rabbit who was with her at the time just about had a heart attack. His lucky day, I guess. All the other males were pretty chagrined about the whole thing, I would presume....green with jealousy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 12:38 PM

Why men don't write advice columns.

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bed with the lady who lives next door. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

I hope this helps.
Walter _______________________________________________


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Diva
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 02:47 PM

Richard B...hormones...its hormones are to blame!!!!!!

Diva......putting head back below the paraphet


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 06:08 PM

Blame? Without them life would be rather dull, and dating pointless.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 06:09 PM

In fact, come to think of it, in one generation life could be extinct.

Or were you expecting a joke about "moan"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 06:46 PM

Kendall, that was *very* funny. :0)

* * * * * * *


It fair incenses me that so many kids today are taught/told far more about 'sex' tan they are about 'love'. It's become, for so many of our young people, little more than a bodily function, to be had with anyone and everyone who's willing and if you can't recall their name in the morning, oh well...never mind...there'll be another along come evening. Gee Whizz! Where did we let go of self respect, gentleness, responsibility, spirituality...and Love?


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 06:59 PM

Damn! I think back to my sisters and I lying baking in the back yard, slathered in suntan lotion, waving away the bugs and waiting expectantly for the radio ditty to sound out "Time to turn - so you won't burn!) between Beachboy and Motown top 40's.

All that work for a tan, when sex would have accomplished the same thing in a fraction of the time.

And we thought we knew it all in the 60's ;^)


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 23 Jan 09 - 11:30 PM

What happened to all that Lizzie? In a word, equality. It has taken a nasty turn.

In schools they can't really teach love, but they damn well could teach responsibility and consequences.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Rowan
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 01:07 AM

What is he thinking of? Temperature and friction.
and
You get an erection. You place it in slot "V" and move it back and forth until reaching orgasm.

Both made me wonder whether we've been conned by the rationalists who, in schools, are responsible "that so many kids today are taught/told far more about 'sex' tan they are about 'love'."

Lizzie's concern is one I share but it seems that schools are required to teach (or at least subscribe to the notion that they're teaching) on the basis of rationality rather than of feelings and or emotions, so I doubt schools will change much or soon. And the above quote is the only one of LH's on this thread that I'd question. Even for blokes there is a clear distinction (in my experience) between ejaculation and orgasm; perhaps it was because of my emotional engagement that I was able to experience the difference.

From Richard's posts on the thread I get the impression of an ultra-rationalist, and I confess (and hope) I may be completely mistaken. He may be thinking, though, of the following.

A hand reaches out
to another.
A helping hand can
be strong, firm, gentle.

A tentative move
of one to another
can send
so many signals.

The first touch
can be electric
in its impact;
such power!

The world hangs
by a thread;
twisting, turning
on that touch.

Is the first move
rejected,
the other's hand
withdrawn?

Is the touch
received
with cool
reserve?

Is the touch
returned
with growing
warmth?

Hands gently
wrap,
entwine;
rapt.

Fingers interlocked
show intent,
however far away
in future,
of love's
consummation.

Cheers, Rowan


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 03:48 AM

Nice piece of poetry.

I don't deny that emotions exist.

I do assert that sex is close to vitally important in the forming and maintenance of romantic attachments.

I also fear that many, mostly women, have been conditioned into a state of guilt about sexuality that does them no good at all (on balance).

Of course, at my age and girth (where the waistline ought to be) the subject matter of this thread is pretty well 100% a moot interest, but I'd really rather see people happy than screwed up by all the baggage, some set out above, and some hinted at above.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 09:12 AM

In the south sea islands before the whalers and missionaries invaded those tropical paradises crime was unknown. Rape was unknown, juvenile delinquency was unknown, as was jealousy.
So, what did our enlightened ancestors give them? Guilt, sexually transmitted diseases and poverty. Their culture was destroyed and they ended up like our native Americans.

So, humans and certain apes have the gift of enjoying sex anytime they wish. The apes don't have to worry about consequences. We do.Only those of us who care about what we do take responsibility for our actions. Sure, nature says, "Do it." Our civilization says "Do it, but take responsibility for the outcome including the offspring." Ah, there's the rub.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: GUEST,Bob Ryszkiewicz
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 11:08 AM

Hi Kids: It was cold here in Montreal last night. Friday. The chance came to be with my beautiful Mamacita, so I invited her over for an afternoon brunch. As the fondue began bubbling, we lit candles as the fireplace provided the atmosphere.

Garlic bread goes great with fondue and a salad. Highly recommended. The wine was called "MUST" with one of them thar "umblatas" ;0) over the "U". Fruity and tasty...

We ate like bears and spent the whole day and most of the evening in bed. Glorious rest and relaxation...

Then, as we're hibernating like bears in winter, she whispers in my ear, "Jello". I'm thinking, "Jello"? She says, "Yes(pronounced "Jess") , when I die, I want to come(kom) back(bik) as a little yellow(jello) bird(beeird)." Silly me, forgetting to translate her Spanish accent.

Anyways, she just phoned me now to give me a kiss through the phone and I wish we could spend another 10 hours together like yesterday....Why am I so lucky to have a beautiful woman, 13-14 years my junior with me? The hand of God my friends, the hand of God...

bob


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 11:40 AM

In the south sea islands before the whalers and missionaries invaded those tropical paradises crime was unknown. Rape was unknown, juvenile delinquency was unknown, as was jealousy.

Kendall, this is an Ur-style Garden of Eden description, held up as a pre-European world template, but it just isn't so. Don't labor under the impression that only the "civilized" world managed to mess things up. There are plenty of other cultures that managed to live and die without European help, and their sexual practices were no doubt part of it. The other view suggests that with our complexity and civilisation comes our social ills. (Europeans after The Enlightenment still need to get over themselves.)

We take opportunities to talk about life, including sex, when they arise in the context of life going on around us. Often times when watching films together subjects will come up that we can discuss (but not belabor, or you miss the point) germane subjects.

I wouldn't begin to rely on the schools for this. The entire state of Texas is still under the thrall of conservative religiously-oriented "leaders" who think that teaching youth about abstinence is effective sex education. I've always told my kids that their bodies are temples so take good care of them, and take good care of their hearts. So far, so good, in the serial relationship department. Stay friends with your former dates, if possible, it's better for both of you and good practice in general. Again, so far, so good.

As a divorced mother of two I went in to my ob/gyn a while back and arranged a new method of contraception. The nurse piped up with the line that "abstinence is best. . ." and I cut her off. "I know you're probably obligated to pronounce that nonsense, but I'm a 45-year-old woman and I'm not here to talk to you about abstaining from sex." She laughed and took care of my request. My point is, she shouldn't have even bothered with that nonsense, it's unrealistic and uninformative. Better to teach people how to choose good partners and how to protect themselves in a reasonable manner.

We pay for my college-age daughter's health care and her Rxs because we want to be sure that they are freely available and used. Openness to this topic is important, and you don't get there by being silly about it.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 12:18 PM

THere is nothing irrational about emotion.

Emotion often accompanies irrationality, and it is usually misplaced or mistimed emotion, relating to things that are not in the present.

That's irrational emotion. But the real present is rich with emotion that rings the chimes of the moment, rivers of it, totally appropriate, totally responsive to the now, and totally rational. That does not mean reduced to analytical propositions. It means relating to the real in the moment. It does not mean suppressed into equations or buried in restrained language. It means alive.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 01:02 PM

Rowan, I think you misconstrued the tone in which I wrote that line you quoted. Read the post again. I was making the same point you seem to wish to make...that the emotional connection between two people is what makes it all worthwhile. The physical aspects are prosaic....everyone experiences them...they are unremarkable in themselves...what is remarkable is the emotional (and spiritual) connections that are established in a genuinely caring relationship.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 01:15 PM

To put it another way: Sex is a brief, transitory experience. Love is something that can last a lifetime.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 07:21 PM

Back to topic....

I"m not lonely...but I do sometimes get bored with my own company. However, I am extremely introverted (though not particularly shy,) and am so busy with work, raising a child, and taking care of chores that when I do have free time, I need it to recharge my own batteries.   Only then, sometimes I get bored with my own company.

Oh dear, what's a girl to do?


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 07:24 PM

FFS - examine what you WANT to do, do it and stick two fingers up at the black magicinas who want to control you through guilt. But consider the price.


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:00 PM

uhhhhh ( or should that be duhhhhh.....) What does FFS stand for?


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:15 PM

For Flip's Sake


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: kendall
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:23 PM

SRS, I'm curious. What is your source that contradicts my post?


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Subject: RE: BS: Middle Age Dating
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:37 PM

Richard m'dear.... are you being irascible?


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