Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(

Subject: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 08:56 PM

In shock, not what I hoped and planned for, but seemingly no alternative.

I'll be glad soon, I hope.

Hugs gratefully received.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Maryrrf
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:13 PM

Oh I'm sorry to hear this. Whatever the circumstances, and even if it is necessary and for the best, ending a relationship is never easy. You'll get through it, and probably yes, you will be glad. But for now, hugs and white light are in order.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:14 PM

And if it's the right thing to do, which I know it is, why does it feel so horrible?

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:15 PM

Thank you, Mary. Much needed.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:34 PM

One from me too. I don't know you, but I sure know what that feels like. Remember, it WILL heal. You will not always feel like this.

Love from Bonnie

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Janie
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:46 PM

I'm so sorry Noreen. Fairly recently divorced myself after 25 years together. Don't know what your circumstances are, but do know that it was very hard, and is still very sad, even though it was me who made the decision to end it. While I have never regretted the decision, I will always regret that it was necessary.

Hugs, light and loving kindness to you.

Janie

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 10:19 PM

{{{{{{Noreen}}}}}

It will pass.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:13 PM

Ach, NOreen. My sorrow for any pain.

We males are unruly, volatile, and full of conceits.
Not always as smart as we pretend to be, either.

So, even though the short term is full of momentary pain and loss, the chances are the long term is full of growth, new discovery, and fulfillment.

The sooner you are free to find those things, the better. Free yourself at your earliest convenience.

Warm regards,


Amos

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: maeve
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:55 PM

Noreen-

       When Singledom Beckons

First there is winter; the pain and the grieving,
Bitterest anger washed clean with your tears.
Snow-swirling blizzards will bandage the wound.
When singledom beckons the earth keeps its spin.

Next will come planting; the seeds hold their harvest.
Throw off your burdens and compost the fear.
Seeds of tomorrow will grow in the warm earth.
When singledom beckens, new spring can begin.

Sunlight caresses the garden inside you.
Fragrant wild rosebuds are blossoming here.
Trickles of joy melt the ice-hobbled stream.
When singledom beckons the song can begin.

Maeve in Maine
copyright 2009

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 12:08 AM

Noreen, it does hurt like hell. If you were thinking about dieting, don't bother. If you're like many of us you'll one day look down at yourself and wonder that you don't blow away in a strong breeze. Broken up relationships will do that to you. But you do get over it, and you usually gain the weight back. It all takes a while. Keep your friends close by--they can be a huge help.

SRS

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:06 AM

Sorry to hear this Noreen. You are a strong woman and time heals. Hugs.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Stower
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:14 AM

Noreen, as someone who has been in this situation more than once, you have my every good wish. It does get easier. In the longer run, life also has a habit of springing some nice surprises, though that ray of sunshine will be hidden behind a very dark cloud at the moment. Be kind to yourself. Seek the company of good friends when you need them.   

Sending kind thoughts and good wishes.

Stower

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:03 AM

Dear Noreen,

It won't always hurt like this.

You are going through grieving ; bound to, when what might previously have been a loving relationship goes tits up.

Give time time.

It won't always hurt like this.

Joy, Health, Love and Peace.

Should you have access to a reasonable book of poety, try John Donne's "Nocturnal on Saint Lucie's Night".

Erica and Bryn

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Morticia
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM

i'm so sorry, hugs and much love to you xxxx

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:34 AM

Thanks for reminding me of the Donne poem, Bryn - one of the most beautiful expressions of loss and sorrow in the language. It's the right time of the year for it, too.

* * *

A Nocturnall Upon St. Lucie's Day, Being the Shortest Day

John Donne

Tis the year's midnight, and it is the day's,
Lucie's, who scarce seven hours herself unmasks
The sun is spent, and now his flasks
Send forth light squibs, no constant rays
The world's whole sap is sunk
The general balm th' hydroptic earth hath drunk,
Whither, as to the bed's-feet, life is shrunk,
Dead and interr'd yet all these seem to laugh,
Compared with me, who am their epitaph.

Study me then, you who shall lovers be
At the next world, that is, at the next spring
For I am every dead thing,
In whom Love wrought new alchemy.
For his art did express
A quintessence even from nothingness,
From dull privations, and lean emptiness
He ruin'd me, and I am re-begot
Of absence, darkness, death - things which are not.

All others, from all things, draw all that's good,
Life, soul, form, spirit, whence they being have
I, by Love's limbec, am the grave
Of all, that's nothing. Oft a flood
Have we two wept, and so
Drown'd the whole world, us two oft did we grow,
To be two chaoses, when we did show
Care to aught else and often absences
Withdrew our souls, and made us carcasses.

But I am by her death - which word wrongs her -
Of the first nothing the elixir grown
Were I a man, that I were one
I needs must know I should prefer,
If I were any beast,
Some ends, some means yea plants,
Yea stones detest,
And love all, all some properties invest.
If I an ordinary nothing were,
As shadow, a light, and body must be here.

But I am none nor will my sun renew.
You lovers, for whose sake the lesser sun
At this time to the Goat is run
To fetch new lust, and give it you,
Enjoy your summer all,
Since she enjoys her long night's festival.
Let me prepare towards her, and let me call
This hour her vigil, and her eve, since this
Both the year's and the day's deep midnight is.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 10:44 AM

Oh, my dear one- so sorry. I've traveled this road. I did learn that the pain heals, the heartache eases, and you will grow stronger.
Sing out the pain, my dear.

love,
Allison

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 11:09 AM

The right thing to do is often the horrible way, so you are strong and admirable for taking it! I have an old thread, called something like Miserable and singing about it, for when this happened to me, I'll try to find it for you, there were a lot of very helpful posts from this community there...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{best of luck and fortitude!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 11:10 AM

Here you are, dear.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Paul Burke
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 01:44 PM

Fairly recently divorced myself after 25 years together. said Janie.

I wish I had the courage to divorce myself.

Soon may both of you recover.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Barb'ry
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:09 PM

Take great care of yourself and I'm so sorry this has happened. Lots of love.
Keep in touch xxx

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:39 PM

Good luck with whatever changes you need to make Noreen.

I vividly recall you singing Suil a Ruin (amongst others) at one of the Kent meets early this year btw! And noticing in particular your beautifully elegant ornamentation - very lovely. Hope you're still getting out singing?

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:04 PM

Hi Noreen,

It's a grieving process, but it does get better. I met a lovely, kind, supportive man a little while after my marriage ended and we're still together. You never know what's round the next corner. It was a very tough time, but it was definitely the right decision.

Hugs.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Leadfingers
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:14 PM

Sympathy Noreen !

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:16 PM

"Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:04 PM

Hi Noreen,

It's a grieving process, but it does get better. I met a lovely, kind, supportive man a little while after my marriage ended and we're still together. You never know what's round the next corner. It was a very tough time, but it was definitely the right decision.

Hugs."

[I copy & pasted this Guest message when I spotted it, as the moderators simply delete any and all anonymous posts]

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:23 PM

"And if it's the right thing to do, which I know it is, why does it feel so horrible?"

Simple... it is a loss on many levels. No need to go into all of them. Each is a loss and they all add up.

Just remember one thing... if it is the right thing to do, better now than later. If, by some strange twist of fate, it's not, it will eventually right itself.

No words can stem the feelings. Only time heals. In the meantime. take solace in another simple fact. Life happens and sometimes all we can do is wait for time to heal.

Just don't be hard on yourself in any way... life happens... whether we like it or not.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 05:58 PM

These responses are just wonderful, thank you all so much.

Much thinking to do, had lots of positive thoughts today and hope to be able to sleep tonight.

xxxx

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Janie
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:12 PM

What gnu said....

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bobert
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:18 PM

Yeah, it sucks but one door closes and another opens... Here's hopin' that the one that opens will make you look back at this as God's way of making your life better...

But for now???

{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}

B~

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: My guru always said
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 04:16 AM

Oh Sweetie!! Huge hugs for you, hope you can tread the right path!!!

Lots of love,
Hil xx

Ps, Maeve that was lovely, what a star you are!!

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 05:50 AM

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It happened to me and it is awful, but it eventually brings greater compassion, wisdom and understanding.
The phrase 'sadder but wiser' is very true.
Very best wishes.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Acorn4
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:29 AM

The folk "community" is really supportive when things like this happen. We've always maintained that there's far more to it than just the music -it becomes a bit of a family in a funny sort of way!

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,Mr rEd
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:02 AM

Time to write songs........................

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM

Oh my! Sometimes life is just too complicated....

Best wishes for easing into the next stages...

(gee--don't I sound like a dull philosopher?)

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 04:02 PM

not dull, Bill.

You are all lovely people and these responses warm my heart xxxx

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Diva
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:15 PM

Wishing you all the best on this next stage

Kathy

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Diva
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM

It will get easier and though the end my relationship wasn't my choice I eventually realised that he'd done me a huge favour and I have had so much fun with my pals since then..........be kind to yourself and keep busy

Kathyxx

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Abdul The Bul Bul
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:41 PM

Noreen, you know why you did it and you know why it was right. Don't get diverted. Theres only one way through it and thats to get through it. Time passes, your life is wide open and yours again.
Al

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: ClaireBear
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:48 PM

[[[Noreen]]]

Sympathetic hugs from another who know the feeling. Remember, wisdom is what you get when you don't get what you want. Doesn't much help sometimes, but it's still true.

Claire

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 02:34 PM

Oh my. So sorry Noreen. I have been off the threads for the most part for several days so I come to this late.

TSO and I send best wishes to you for strength and positive outcomes to very tough decisions.

And a big hug.

Tam and Chris

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 10:31 PM

I think it was Bat Goddess who enlightened me about these kinds of situations being AFGOs..."another fucking growth opportunity!"

Hope that brought a smile to your face. Of course what the others have said is true. Sending you good thoughts and hugs.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:31 AM

My life, too, is just effin' FULL of AFGOS. I sympathize.


A

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Alice
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:41 AM

I've been happily single most of my life, including raising a son.
Don't worry, there is a happy life possible in singledom!

((((((hugs to keep you going)))))))

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 04:21 AM

Noreen

I (like Janie) left a 25 year relationship. Well the last 10 were more separation in the same house. And even with that length of time of no emotional connection it still hurt terribly when I said "enough." I hurt for him and for the us we used to be.

I managed to get happy again, but then it is not my nature to be unhappy, which is probably why I stuck to it so long. It would have been better for everyone, kids included if I had left 10 or more years earlier.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, ain't it? Totally fekking useless.

anyway... still thinking of you.

tam

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: John J
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:06 PM

Keep yer chin up chuck!

JJ

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 04:33 PM

How're you doing Noreen, dear?

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:56 AM

refresh

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:58 AM

I doubt you. If you ARE Noreen, why no update?

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:59 AM

just posted a long message from my phone but it got lost.
Briefly- i stayed in december, but now i am definitely going.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:02 PM

sorry, fair enough to doubt me but i am away from home posting on my phone-hence short messages. Those who know me have some idea what has happened and that i am actually going this time.

Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM

no updates because i felt a bit of a fraud when i decided to stick it out one more time, when so many were offering support for my leaving him.