BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009

Subject: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 03:28 AM

It's that time of the year when we go to office parties in the run up to the big day, and the first crackers get pulled.

Please feel free to add any jokes you have read from a cracker this year - the good, the bad, the ....... awful.

To get the ball rolling, from my co-op's xmas do.

What happened when the frog stopped in a controlled parking zone?
It got toad away.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 05:39 AM

like thge NZ trailer tent company - Towed Hall.

So when the rope end was asked if it could prevent dis-entanglement it replied. "I'm a frayed knot".

And the biggest tree in the whole wide world is..............
















Tree-mendous.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: GUEST,Mike of Hessle
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 07:17 AM

Q. What's the difference between Snowmen and Snowwomen ?

A. Snowballs.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 08:57 AM

This last post from Mike of Hessle rouses my taxonomic hackles suspiciously. It is a very old joke: & I don't believe any Xmas cracker manufacturer would enclose it in a cracker intended to be pulled, as likely as not, by a small child. If I am right, it belongs on the 'joke thread' rather than here — except, as I say, that anyone reading that will have known it for the last umpteen years anyhow.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: Mrrzy
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 09:43 AM

Americans don't have these. I've read about them since I read all the English books, but have never experienced them. Do they go off like a firecracker, and is it like a wishbone as to who gets the little joke, which I imagine to look like a fortune from a fortune cookie?

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:03 AM

That's a pretty accurate description. There's usually a cheap paper hat and an inexpensive small gift.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:57 AM

Swantex has updated its jokes after realizing they had become predictable and boring. Only took them 50 years to figure that out.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/8418328.stm

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:58 AM

Look at the updates. LOL



OUT WITH THE OLD
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
What lies quivering at the bottom of an ocean? A nervous wreck
Which bird is always out of breath? A puffin
Where does Tarzan buy his trousers? A jungle sale
What did baby corn say to mummy corn? Where's popcorn?
What country has a good appetite? Hungary

IN WITH THE NEW
What does a snowman eat for breakfast? Snowflakes
What is a sheep with no arms or legs? A cloud
What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate clauses
What is Rudolph's favourite day of the year? Red Nose Day
How did the Vikings send secret messages? By norse code
What did the shy pebble say? I wish I was a little boulder

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:59 AM

Not sure why but I love Christmas Crackers.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 11:47 AM

CLICK if you're like me and have no idea what this thread is about.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: Moses
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:52 PM

My mother made Christmas Crackers as 'home' work some time in the early 1950s. We lived in North London at the time.

There would be a cardboard tube that was formed somehow by rolling the cardboard over a metal 'former'. Crepe paper was rolled over the tube, the paper hat, motto, 'charm' and 'banger' were inserted and then, in a way that I never quite grasped being very young at the time, the cracker was crimped using string and another metal 'former' together with more cardboard. Finally, a decoration was added to the middle part of the cracker - usually a picture of a festive scene printed on thin card, perhaps with some glittery or metallic finish.

The crackers were packed in boxes of a dozen. I think they were collected periodically by an agent from the manufacturer as I don't remember stacks of boxes around the house and I doubt Mum had the means to deliver them anywhere.

My brother and I occasionally played with discarded tarnished 'charms' (which had been bright and silvery when new) - they were in the shape of a swan and were made of LEAD. He, being 3 years younger than me, used to suck them if I remember rightly. None of your health-and-safety lark then. There might have been a warning on the box about small parts being hazardous to young children but nothing about the lightlyhood of them being poisoned!

Later, the lead charms gave way to small back or white plastic stallions. Even as young as I was, I understood that this was the 'economy' end of the market.

All this would have been at the time that Britain still had some rationing and tinsel was made of something that tarnished in time.

Christine

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: frogprince
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 01:16 PM

A Christmas Cracker Joke? In the U.S., that might start out something like: "On Christmas Eve, Zeke and Clem were chopping wood for the stove of their little store in Georgia, when..."

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 01:18 PM

Groannnnnnn

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 03:10 PM

Todays crackers.... from my TA xmas lunch

Why did the cow wear a bell?
Because her horns did not work.

Why do cows lie down inthe rain?
To keep each udder dry.

Where do snowmen go to dance?
To a Snowball.

What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A chew-chew train.

What do you call a horse in his pyjamas?
A Zebra.

What do hedgehogs have for lunch?
rickled Onions.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: gnu
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM

Some of these really cracker me up.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 06:06 PM

Mrrzy... you can get them in the US if you try...or live in a big Metro area like DC. I have had them for years at friends gatherings (just a few days ago was last time.)

They often have silly paper hats or little 'prizes' in them also....

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: GUEST,Tig
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 06:27 PM

Q What do you use a wombat for?

A Playing Wom!

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 07:03 AM

I'll have the next batch of cracker jokes after I get back on 8/1

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:18 AM

any candidates yet for the best/worst joke of the year from a cracker?

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: Alice
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 11:30 AM

I used to buy them in a tea shop here called Wellington's, owned by and English lady who imported teas, tea pots, and other nice things. I may still have a few left packed away with Christmas decorations. I'm not home enough to decorate any more.

Subject: RE: BS: Christmas Cracker Jokes 2009
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 04:23 PM

Ill-conceived love is like a Christmas cracker: one massively disappointing bang, and the novelty soon wears off.-Ebenezer Blackadder