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BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story...
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Subject: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 24 Dec 09 - 08:48 PM It was back around '76 'er '75.... One of those two years unless it was '77 then it was neither but nevermind that 'cause it don't much matter now, does it??? I was livin' in this, ahhhhhhh, big house in east Richmond with a bunch of stoners who I had known going back years and Christmas was a'comin'... But before we can get into all that I gotta introduce my housemates to ya'... Billy D was a truck driver, one fine harp player, quite intellectual considerin' he had never taken a college course and always reading history books... Why??? I donno seein' as all them peoples was dead... Then there was Stoner Bo who wasn't quite as intellectual... Might of fact, he flunked outta college during freshman orientation... Speakin' of flunkin' out of college during freshman orientation there was JD... He flunked out while fillin' out the application for college... I mean, he was a serious stoner... And there was me... Considerably older and workin' to save the world as a social worker by day but just another pothead at night... And, of course, there were always womenz hanging around doing womenz things like askin' if we were goina get a Christmas tree??? "Well, sho nuff, we are gonna... Right, boyz???" *What's a Christmas tree???" "Screw that, what's Christmas, man" You know, the usual stoner answers... But Billy D was driving a truck for a paper company that made big rolls of paper and his bossman said that we could go out to his farm and cut any tree we wanted to use as a Christmas tree so that was the plan... So, I happened to have the largest car which was a '66 Falcon 2 door so we grabbed the directions that Billy D had gotten from his boss, piled in the Falcon with a couple of the womenzfolk and was off to the country to get us a Christmas tree... Twenty miles and couple joints later we arrived at what we thought was Billy D's bosses farm and piled out, found a fairly nice white pine, cut it down with a handsaw we had brought and was tiein' it to the roof of the Falcon when 3 Henrico Police cars pulled up, red lights a'blazin'... "Ahhhhh, what's up, officer???" Well, as long as I live I don't think that when you ask a cop "Ahhhhh, what's up officer?" that yer gonna like the answer and this was the case, as well... Best I could figure after gettin' handcuffed was that Billy D got something wrong in the directions.... Hmmmmmmm??? Did I say that he was kinda intellectual??? Well, not that night he wasn't... He was just another handcuffed stoner and we were all off to the Henrico County jail fir trespassin' and tree stealin' and just being dumbass stoners with wrong directions... Maybe they didn't like my Falcon either, I donno... It did have a hand painted paint job so it couldn't have been the paint... So we all got booked for trespassin'... Fortunately fir us the at least the majistarte beleived our story and didn't make it the felony kinda trespassin' and seein' as Stoner Bo's parents were upstanding citizens we was all released on persoanl recognizance... BTW, I never understood that stuff at all... I mean, most folks been 'round enuff mirrors in their lives to recognize themselves, right??? And seein' as God looks after fools, stoners, drunks and kids we had plenty of Devine coverage that night 'cause the cops even gave us a ride to the impound lot where we had to fork over $35 to get the Falcon back... Also in the category of Devine coverage the cops never looked under the drivers seat where I always kept my stash... So, what to do??? "Fuck it, let's go back and at least get that tree..." I said and so we were back in the Falcon, smokin' pot with the AM radio a'blarin' country Christams songs on our way back to get the tree the cops wouldn't let us take... Stoners ain't really the wisest of the lot, ya'll but that Devine coverage held up long enough fir us to stop on the side of the road, open the hood as if we was havin' car trouble while JD jumped the fence, snagged the tree, threw it over the fence, got the sumabich tied down and off we went to the tune of "I Saw Grandma Makin' it with a Raindeer" 'er somethin' like that... 'Bout 2:00 in the mornin' we get back home with the tree and the next day is Saturday so noone had to work 'er nuthin' so we got up bright and early, you know, about noon and brought the tree in and rigged it up inside a wash tub with cinderblocks holdin' it upright... We didn't really have any orniments so we made stuff outta beer cans and stuff and it looked, ahhhhhhh, okay to us... Well, friends came by over the next week and added things to it and by Christmas it was one heck of a stoned out Christams tree!!! I mean, righeous... It was a lovely Christmas... Someone got a new Outlaws LP and we played it between Dead stuff, stayed stoned up prurdy good the entire time and that's all I remember specifically about that Christmas, other than the tree, of course... New Years Eve came and the tree continued to get more and more decorated by us and by friends... Only trouble was that it had dropped about half it's needles but din't seem to bother anyone at all... Our court day was January 15th and we all had to go in there and say they same story 7 'er 6 times about the directions and how we was sorry to have broke the law and that we'd be good and help old ladies cross the street and we was all given $25 fines and another $37 in court costs which brings me to the quesion about them court costs... Hey, what do we pay taxes for, anyway??? Ain't this like double jeoprady, 'er something legalese like that??? But we din't go to jail and we was all good and broke from all the money goin' into Boss Hog's peepot but it was over and so what are ya' gonna do??? Yep!!! Invite all yer friends over to listen to Outlaws, Dead and smoke alot of pot... It was one of them coldass night that Richmond gets the middle of January and we had us a bigass wood stove in the livin' room with a bigass fire in it... Now that woodstove also had a bigass crack in the side but it din't much matter as long as it was roarin' and roarin' it was a'doin'... This guy from Southside always had this weed that he called "skunk" and he had brought a bag of that skunk and I'll be the first to tell ya' that everyone was purdy danged messed up on that skunk stuff... 'Bout midnight on that coldass January 15th night that dried out Christmas tree and a spark from that bigass woodstove somehow got inroduced and it was love at first sight... Sho nuff was 'cause before anyone could actually comprehend what was occuring before them, let alone get their stoned ass off the couch, that tree was seriously burned up... I mean, gone burned up... Gone, gone gone burned up... After a chorus of "Far out, mans" one of the womenz went into the kitchen, filled up a cook pot with water and threw it on what little fire was left burnin' on the trunk of the burned up Christmas tree while the rest of us rounded up fans, opened windows and doors to get the bad smoke out and after about a half an hour we was all back to listening to the Outlaws and Dead, smokin' that skunk and havin' some good laughs about everything... Kinda made us forget that $25 plus $37 in court fees fir the rest of the night... Now adays, I don't smoke no skunk and steal no trees and one might attribute that to that night but that ain't so... Just can't find the skunk no more... Ya'll have yerselves a Merry Christmas and don't put yer Christmas trees next to yer woodstoves, ya' hear??? Bobert |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Ebbie, away from home, house/dog sitting Date: 24 Dec 09 - 09:43 PM Are you all alive to this day? What happened to the rest of them? lol |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 24 Dec 09 - 09:59 PM Yeah, Eb, well at least 2 of 'um.... Billy D married an attornet lady, she put him thru college and he is now teaching history at some college in the boonies... Stoner Bo went back to college, got his degree in computer stuff and has been working for the Department of Mental Health (Yeah, I know...???) as a programmer... JD??? Prolly didn't do to well in life... Don't know what happened to him but it prolly wasn't good... The womenz??? Ahhhhh, one of them is my son's mother and they are both in Oregon... Both stoners but my son is at least in college... His mom??? Don't ask... The other womenz and the skunk guy??? Donno??? Me??? Ahhhhhhh... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Ebbie, away from home, house/dog sitting Date: 24 Dec 09 - 10:12 PM I'd like to read the whole story. How about jotting down some more memories? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 24 Dec 09 - 10:37 PM Sounds like a typical tale from back in the day...the early 70s. ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 25 Dec 09 - 09:19 AM What, Eb??? Like the cops names??? The color of the Falcon??? lol... Actually, like LH says, it was the 70s and I'm lucky to be able to retrieve that much but... ...oh geeze... There are a 'plenty of stories about that stoner house... One is that I found it for rent quite by accident... It was 3 houses on 11 acres just east of Downtown Richmond and at the end of a road and over several years, as other houses of the three became available our friends oved in and so we had a nice little stoner community (mostly muscians, too) right htere 10 minutes from downtown, completely surrounded by woods and with a big garden in the middle and folks would come to our infamous parties and be amazed that this property existed so close to downtown and in what alot of folk thought to be the bad side of town... We even named it The Federation of Fulton Hill and had a flag desigend... And when we thru parties, they were parties... We had a annual Rights of Spring party and every danged musican in the city showed and with 11 acres and 3 houses there was plenty room for jams... Well, maybe some more stuff will surface later on the Christman Tree story, I donno... Maybe not... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: akenaton Date: 25 Dec 09 - 09:42 AM Bob....What the F... is a "stoner"? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: olddude Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:04 AM LOL OMG !!! PRICELESS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:28 AM Well, Ake... Ahhhhhh, it's like this, ol' son... You takes you a little cannibus sativa (prefeably the bud, ahhhh, flower...) and you either roll it up into this cigarette kinda thing (joint) or you put the stuff in a pipe and then you strike a match and put the flame from the match close enough to this cannibus stuff while inhalin' the smoke from the cannibus stuff... And then you either cough, or not, before yellin' out "Cowabunga", or "Wow, this is some dynomite shit", or both... That is a stoner... Try it, you'll like it... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bill D Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:33 AM A 'stoner' is an individual who indulges in the inhalation of the smoke of cannibus sativa and related compounds to a perhaps excessive degree, preferably in a semi-continuous manner, supposedly to enhance the lugubrious aspects of life and cultivate interpersonal relationships with members of alternate genders...of various sorts. or sumthin' like that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bill D Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:37 AM As you can see, I was NOT one...and have had the intrinsic sense of the experience described by one WAY more qualified than I. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bill D Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:41 AM (although I once DID have some stuff grown under lights in a silo in Benton, Kansas that would curl Bobert's toes!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,bankley Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:41 AM in the spirit of 'The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers' , 'Cheech and Chong' and an array of other characters who's names I, ahhh, forgot B. You are funny.... you gotta be a 'hoot' to be jammin' with mon maybe one day... thanks R. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: akenaton Date: 25 Dec 09 - 12:14 PM Thanks Bob.... we dont have that expression over here :0) There is an old family lives down the road called Munroe, all the male members were nicknamed "Stoner" Stoner Duncan, Stoner Neil, Stoner Alan As far as I know its been a tradition for over 200 years but nobody knows where the name came from. AS these old guys never smoked anything stronger than "Thick Black" tobacco, I guess it must have been sumphin' else. I thought I had just unravelled a 200 yr old mystery :0) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 25 Dec 09 - 12:20 PM Sorry, Ake, to disappoint ya'... But ya' know that cannibus *has* been 'round a long time... Who knows???... Maybe you have solved the puzzle without even knowin' it??? B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 25 Dec 09 - 01:25 PM A stoner is also someone who has discarded traditional religions and traditional customs in favor of a new religion...a cult devoted to gathering with other cult memberes and sucking a vile-smelling smoke into one's lungs in a convivial manner while doing much vigorous coughing (because the lungs are fighting desperately to keep themselves alive and functioning under the circumstances). Following the coughing, the cult member says something appreciative like "Wow. Good shit!" He then passes the "joint" over to the next worshipper who repeats the process. It is fairly obligatory for cult members to discuss the origins and quality of the aforesaid "good shit", and they can do so for hours. Some good shit comes from Asia, some comes from Mexico and Latin America, some is grown locally on vacant lots, on balconies or in your bedroom or basement under a grow light. The police, for some inexplicable reason, show a great deal of interest in "good shit", although they seldom smoke it themselves...at least not in public anyway! They will go to great efforts to discover where people are growing their shit or where they are hiding it. This would be understandable were the police willing to share in the fun of smoking it, but they are not! Instead, these uniformed miscreants will either STEAL it...or worse yet, they will destroy it in an act of outright vandalism! The antisocial foolishness so offensive to devout stoners continues as the judges, lawyers, and courts get into the act, punishing the hapless stoners who worship and partake in "good shit". This is probably because the judges and lawyers are deeply jealous, given the fact that they can't grow "good shit" themselves and are too uptight to learn how to. It's very petty behaviour, if you ask me. Now, all you have to do to educate yourself about "good shit" and its relative value is to make friends with some stoners, hang around their place, and watch carefully what they do and listen to what they say. You will soon discover that "good shit" makes a person get pretty laid back and easy-going. An uncharitable way of putting it would be: "fuckin' lazy and good-fer-nothin'!" It can also give some people "the munchies", meaning they will raid the fridge a lot and order pizza and stuff. You can smell a stoner from quite a ways off, because he and everything he wears smells like burnt shit. This will really bother you if you don't smoke anything yourself. Trust me. ;-) A stoner is 5 or 6 times more likely to be male than female, but there are still a reasonable number of female stoners, so the race is not likely to die out any time soon. Stoners are easy to get along with, affable, and easily amused. A stoner can happily spend 2 or 3 hours being fascinated by the pattern in the wallpaper, and he can get by with a vocabulary of less than 24 words and short phrases. He is also generous, always willing to share freely in his habit, which is more than you can say about the Mafia. Stoners are pretty safe to be around, because they are usually too relaxed to get uptight about anything. Stoners are very seldom on time for anything, so don't expect them to show up when they said they would...UNLESS it is to pick up some "good shit". If it is, then you can set your watch by them. If the German Army had all been stoners, WWII would have ended in a decisive Allied victory by around, oh, maybe early June 1940... ;-) Too bad Hitler wasn't a stoner, eh? It would have saved a lot of lives. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 25 Dec 09 - 02:03 PM Well, good shit and Mexico in the same sentence is no longer true... Mexican shit is just that... Okay, there used to be some real good shit grown there but no more... Best shit is grown in the US of A and is cloned good shit... No seeds and stronger than anything you could get in the 70s... As fir Hitler and WW II... Yeah, had he been a stoner then we could have avoided that entire episode of insanity... Now, as fir coughin'... Yeah, okay, if yer smokin' joints then yer gonna get alot more of it than if you are a "bonger"... BTW, Stoner Bo's nickname was and still is "Bonger"... I mean, that's how much things have changed when people call him Bonger who really wouldn't know a bong from a plumbin' S-trap... Back to the story for Eb's curiosity... I really didn't learn about Billy D becoming a danged history ptofessor until about 10 years ago when I threw a party for the old gang and one of them had his phone number.... So I called him to invite him... He told me that he had kids, was a professor and a respected mwmber of the community just before thinkin' me for the invite and makin' some lame excuse as to why he and his wife wouldn't be able to attend... My thinkin' is that he must have thought that either he was afraid that we might let his wife in on his stoner days or that we all were just like we were in the 70s and still getting stoned everyday... I donno... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: gnu Date: 25 Dec 09 - 04:29 PM Just after Xmas..... Late 70's. Just after Xmas break at uni. We were dry. The RCMP had put on a big push and there was no weed at all... AT ALL. 64 guys in the residence (kinda like a frat house fer ye southerners) and not one toke. Not even a roach was stirring. Four whole days. So, my buddy said it was time to resort to drastic measures. I fired up the Yellow Bat (Bug) at 5PM and off we went into the darkness. When we hit hwy 7 the ice patches, some two inches thick, were so bad, 40mph. An hour later, buddy says, slow down... yeah, I think this it it, turn here. The hill as steep, but I had 6.5s with studs in the rear so that VW would stick to ice like shit on a blanket. Slow down... turn up there.... okay, slow down... pull over. We were in a gully running perpendicular to the road. Just trees and snow on a back woods road. I figured he was lost and needed to ponder... or piss. He got out and started to climb over the high snow bank. Oh, he had to take a crap? He turned and waved "come on". He produced a flashlight, and at that moment, I had a flash... what the hell is going on? He shone the light on it and said, "Good, no ice or frost." "It" was a trail of timbers attached to hardwood stumps about four feet high and it ran along the side of the gully, through pines. As we rounded a turn in the gully, I saw the log cabin. It was huge. At least 40 feet by 30 feet and 1 1/2 storeys. He stopped and said to hush and to wait while he appraoched. Someone was playing a guitar and singing and I could hear children playing. My buddy stopped about 30 feet from the cabin and pushed a peeled spruce tree that was slung on two ropes up against an old oil drum tied to a tree. Silence. He hollered the old words, "Hello the camp." I knew the accent immediately... "Whaht business"? Buddy answered, "My name is X X and I have come to ask you about X." "Show you to me." Mu buddy walked into the light shining from one of the windows and I heard, "Look, it's X come to visit. Now, you just stay riiight theyah until I set the dahhgs." Upon entering the cabin, I was amazed. It was "open"... not a complete upper floor, but there were some floors here and there with "rooms" without walls. And kids hanging from the rafters, playing. About 8 kids. We were immediately offered food, home made wine, tea, coffee, and many questions. Lovely conversation. And, yes, weed.... from a certain MacDonald's Tobacco tin which was from a very good year. There were a lot of tins lining one wall. X was a draft dodger who settled in the hills of southwestern New Brunswick. He squatted on Crown Land in back of beyond. Many of these lads were actually deeded land by some Canucks who opposed the Vietnam Conflict. Oh... as far as a lot of tins... he had one of those old cigarette rolling machines that made 5 at a time. The tins all contained rolled joints. Finally, after conversation filling him in on the latest news of the world and a few tunes, the purpose of the visit was told. He led us along another set of timbers mounted on tree stumps to a huge barn built over the head of a rill fed by a spring. He used the tree slung door knocker against the door jamb timber and I wondered why with a quizzical to look to my buddy. My buddy whispered, "Larry.", and smiled and stifled a laugh. We entered and climbed a rope to the attic.... ahhhhhhh... holy shhhit! Hangin upside downie was a whack a weed. He grabbed a large plastic bag and "milked" some plants. He asked if that was enough. I thought, yeah, I don't even know if I have enough money for all that. It was a large bag of boo. My buddy could see my concern and asked the price. X said, "$20 if you can manage it." I sprained my wrist gettin the coin outta my ass pocket. Then, I heard it. Sounded like a Pontiac that wouldn't start on accounta wet solenoids or sommat. Anyone ever heard one a them knows what I mean. Since I was buzzin, I asked WTF is that? Oh, that's Larry. He's pissed that we are wakin him and the girls up. I'll go back down first and take care of him. Now, anyone who knows sheep knows what I am talkin about except for one thing. Hairy Larry (named by one of the young children) was the biggest ram I ever saw. And he was pissed! X descended the rope and Larry was rising on his hind legs and going for it. X kicked him in the head and when Larry fell on his side, X let go of the rope and jumped on Larry and grabbed him by the ears. That was when he yelled, "GO!" We got out and so did X. X said, I hate that, but, fact is, that ram could kill a bear.... best ram I ever had. Anyway.... the trip back home was at 60mph. When we came through the front door, everyone was there... my buddy had been elected president of X earlier in the eve (nobody thought he would be... it was a lark... a scam... a parody of the student government) and residence tradition was to be thrown into the swimming pool (indoor pool, or weren't you reading the whole post?). So, off he goes. One, twooo, threee... Spaaaalasshhh. And then me... but... one... twooo.... and I hollered out, "I GOT WEED!" I did not get wet. Well, a bit later... yeah, but I made them carry me down three flights of stairs. What a party! Ahhhh.... memories... from back when we would live forever. The innocence and naivety of youth. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 26 Dec 09 - 09:38 AM Nothin' like good stoner stories, gn-zer, fir goin' into the new year... That one reminds me of a couple "aquisition' stories but they kinda get lost in the translation... But I never had to wrestle with no farm animals in any of mine so ya' got me on that count... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 26 Dec 09 - 11:55 AM Hey Gnu! That was like the best fippin' story I have herd in years!!! Holy flip! Lissen...if enywon needs some dinamyte weed you should meet me at back of Tim Horton's in Blind River weekdays after 4 pm. I have homegroan that will kick yer ass halfways acrost town! - Shane |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: gnu Date: 26 Dec 09 - 01:26 PM Back then, and even today I suppose but not so much due to the new tech, it was common for boats to run in and quickly dump a load of weed off the Bay of Fundy coast using an old lobster poaching trick. If ya know the depth and ya know the tide, you know how long the rope should be so that the buoy is submersed at all times. This is even more important when you have the highest tides in the world. Have a boo at the vid. So, a buddy of mine used ta live in Alma. He had a fishin boat and he was a good ol boy times 11. Rough and tough as they come... joined the RCN at 15 on accounta he didn't like school. Soon found out that 8 hours on deck and 4 hours a "school" EVERY day was worse, but it paid off in the long run. Anyway, one day, he was checkin a pot (yeah, I know... that's two) and seen this here green buoy. Not his pot but it was his spot. Even poachers have some honour - and some common sense, especially when yer infringin on the spot of someone who just don't take no shit on principle. So, he latches on and starts the winch. WTF? The old girl listed about 4 and the winch strained. Hell of a go. And there it was. Not a hope a gettin that aboard with the pot winch (that one don't count). So, he swings the davit and uses the chain hoist... and full to Cape Enrage. He cut the thing open and it was Black hash. Can you say, "rich."? And, then, "dead"? Back to where he got it, over it went, and straight to the dock. He told me that story in 1985 when I worked with him on a construction job in Labrador. In 1978, a buddy of mine told me that he knew wehere ya could buy Black hash fer $5 a g, 2 fer $7! After a taste, we being prudent shoppers, the lads in the residence pooled our money and bought a quarter. Best damn hash I ever smoked. Better n Leb Blond. It was so cheap on accounta it had a real funny smell. Kinda like Shediac Bay at low tide in July. We nicknamed it Seaweed. No shit! (3) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 26 Dec 09 - 05:25 PM Geez! I am startin' to wish I lived on the flippin' East Coast, eh? - Shane |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 26 Dec 09 - 06:49 PM Yeah, gn-zer... Lotta weed came up the Chesepeake Bay back in the 70s on both sail boats and motor boats... Lotta places to put in with a 12 foot John boat and meet yer "friends" off the Virginia side of the the bay... Not that I know anything about that, mind you... As fir livin' on the East Coast, Shane??? What, are you a retard, 'er what??? You can move in with Amos and buy the good shit legally on just about every corner 'cause it's friggin', ahhhhhh, legal there.... Heck, you can grow up to like 30 plants and they won't bother you at all... So go west, young man... Go west... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Amergin Date: 26 Dec 09 - 06:59 PM That's why Amos lives there.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 26 Dec 09 - 08:45 PM I see that you know the boy, too, A-gin... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:12 AM Are you flippin' SEE-reous??? It's legal where Amoes lives? Holy flip. He lives in Cali-flippin'-fornica doesnt' he? I gotta find a map and get bus money! I wonder what kinda I.D. I will need at the border? Do they take Canadian Tire money? Maybe I can get refujee statis on account of the bad way the cops have treated me here with their harrasment and all. - Shane p.s. DON'T EVER call me a retread!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 27 Dec 09 - 09:08 AM Yo, Shane, Hold on there, son... I got some good news fir ya'... Ya' see, Washington, D.C., you know, where the USA capitol is, voted 8 years ago to make the stuff legal and now that Bush, you know, that president who started all them wars, is gone the new president, you know, that skinny black guy on the TV, says that's it's okay in his book if D.C. goes ahead and legalizes it, too... Any of that confuse you, son??? Well, it did me, too... Lemme put it another way... Don't move in with Amos jus' to get some weed when you might be able to move in with beardedbruce, take the Metro and get all the weed you want... What, you don't like beardedbruce??? Hey, don't listen to stuffy ol' Little Hawk... Beardedbruce ain't a bad guy once you get to know him... Okay, he's a tad on the misdirected side but, hey, look around you, son... Okay, if you really don't like beardedbruce then maybe you could move into BillD's basement... He's got alot of cool machines down there which I'm sufre are alot of fun when you get all smoked and he ain't half as misdirected as beardedbruce... But now if ya' just can't wait then maybe Amos is a good temp-fix fir ya'... Plus, it's warm out there and all the girls look like Miss February but better 'cause they ain't got staples in their bellies... Ahhhhhh, lastly, Shane-o... I'd never call you a retread 'er anything else that is suggestive of round rubber things.... You can take that to the bank... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Rapaire Date: 27 Dec 09 - 07:44 PM Back to the top, so I can read it all when I get back home tomorrow. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 27 Dec 09 - 09:48 PM I don't have a stoner Christmas story. In fact, though I had some stoner periods, I pretty much avoided the extremes of the recreational drug experience. Oh, I indulged in all the usual suspects, but not in high dosages or for extended lengths of time. Okay, there was that one cow pasture full of mushrooms, but that was an exception. Hell, they were free, for God's sake! If God hadn't wanted people to eat the things, He wouldn't have put 'em out there, would He? But that's not the story I'm gonna tell. I'm gonna tell you about something that happened early in my senior year in college*.... My then-wife and I were living in a small mobile home park with a bunch of other students for neighbors. We'd been there for a few days when the fellow who lived in the trailer next door came over and introduced himself. Frank was his name. Frank asked if we had a teabag he could borrow. Sure, we had a teabag. "Great!" Frank said, "Ya'll wanna get high?" Well, I'd heard of pot bein' referred to as "tea" by some folks, but I'd never heard of actually smoking real tea. But Frank sits down at the kitchen table, breaks open the teabag, puts a joint-sized quantity of orange pekoe onto a rolling paper, reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a small pill bottle filled with some black goo, pours some of the goo onto the tea, rolls it up into a joint, sets it on fire, we pass it around.... Within two tokes I was higher than I'd ever been off of anything that didn't have the name "Owsley" associated with it. Well, it seemed that Frank had spent the previous summer abroad and one of the places he'd been was Lebanon. He had gone there with the intention of scoring some good Lebanese hashish, but had happened upon this new stuff called "hash oil" which was like the essence of cannibis, distilled down to liquid form. Ten times more potent than regular hash. An eyedropper full was the equivalent of an ounce of average strength pot, and he'd brought back a couple of wine bottles full of it. It was such a new thing at the time that the customs people had no idea what it was. He said an agent had opened one of the bottles, smelled it, made a face, put the cork back in and waved him on. Anyway, we got blasted with Frank pretty regularly for about a month until one day Frank came knocking on the door again, looking white as a sheet. "Aw, man!" he exclaimed, "You aren't gonna believe what happened!" Well, seems that Frank had decided the hash oil wasn't quite strong enough to suit him, so he'd poured his last pint or so of it into a sauce pan, put it on the stove on low heat to cook it down a bit more, and promptly fell asleep. When he woke up, the trailer was full of smoke and what was left of the hash oil was a lump of charcoal in the bottom of the sauce pan. Shortly thereafter, Frank withdrew from the university and disappeared. Whether he went back to Lebanon to get some more hash oil. I have no idea. * "In college" means the same as "at university" for you UK types. Don't ask me why we Yanks always say "in college" regardless of whether the institution calls itself a college or a university. Maybe "university" has too many syllables and abbreviating it "uni" just sounds too pansy-assed. It's something you UKers can get away with, but we can't. Sorta like calling football "footie". That'd get your ass kicked at any sports bar in the US. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:02 AM Goin' me down at university Gonna get my hash oil boiled Goin' me down at university Gonna get my hash oil boiled Been in college way too long My hash oil done got spoiled... Somethin' like that, Bee-zer... Man, if I had been Frank I wounldn't have come outta that trailer fir a week... No, I'd make sure the doors and windows were tight, put me on an Outlaws or Dead LP and at least get what buzz waz left in the air... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: GUEST,Don McBride Date: 28 Dec 09 - 11:43 AM TWO WHOLE BOTTLES FULL OF HASH OIL???????????????????????? JESUS FLIPPIN' KEERIST!!!! I nearly flippin' passed out when I read that. Shane DID pass out. He is layin' heere on the floor like a dead man. I wish to flip that them customs peiple were as ignorant now as they was back then, i would go to Lebinon and do what yer buddy Frank did, bring back a whole caseful of bottles of hash oil, and retyre fer life. - Don McBride |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: olddude Date: 28 Dec 09 - 12:16 PM Great Story my friend found this elaborately decorated bong at a yard sale, He put it on ebay and told me "Hey check out the great Turkish tobacco pipe I found" .. I laughed and told him, you have bong ... didn't know what it was ... Ebay took it off saying we don't allow drug related items ... LOL He turned 5 shades of red .. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 28 Dec 09 - 02:41 PM See, that's what is wrong with America... You know, takin' a bong off ebay... I mean, geeze... Bongs are better fir yer lungs that rollin' papers... Heck, they oughtta sell bongs in health food stores... Me??? I gotta some medical stuff I found many years ago during one of my svagenging expeditions in an old abandoned warehouse for the Medical College of Virginia... All it needed were a few rubber stoppers with holes drilled in 'um and this thing is like the bong to beat all bongs... You can use ice water in it and don't much matter, you ain't goin' go coughin' out yer innards... Okay, maybe not Lebanese hash which is very tricky under any circumstance... Gotta portion taht stuff no matter how ya' smoke it 'cause that stuff can put a hurt on ya'... B~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: gnu Date: 28 Dec 09 - 04:02 PM BWL.... in Canuck, "college" means a trade school or a prep school for uni. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:14 PM One can use a bong to smoke tobacco too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: gnu Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:19 PM Tobacco... now, THAT should be illegal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: olddude Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:19 PM LH trust me this one wasn't fer tobaccey lol |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Rapparee Date: 29 Dec 09 - 09:15 AM Up, boy! I'm not done with you! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Dec 09 - 10:39 AM Experiencing that annoying little dysfunction again, Rapaire? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Edthefolkie Date: 29 Dec 09 - 11:20 AM Why does this thread remind me of the big house I lived next to (1971-1972) round the corner from Portobello Rd? It was painted purple and yellow all over and a steady stream of freaks went in & out at all hours. It resembled one of Robert Crumb's nightmares and you could smell the skunk from Wormwood Scrubs. It must have been the only house round there that was demolished rather than being yuppified and sold for a million quid! Now WE weren't stoners, we were alcofrolics! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: olddude Date: 29 Dec 09 - 11:38 AM The guys I lived next to in the dorm at College, well you could never see in their room, there was always a smoke filled fog that surrounded them. Well one time they decided that some beer would be good, not having any money it was going to be a no go. Suddenly Larry looks out the window. A couple of the Football players had stashed two cases of beer out the window 2 floors below them on the ground. It was 6 packs in cans. The took a clothes line, made a coat hanger hook and fished up both cases. You could hear the huge Football guys screaming, what happened how could someone get in to take it ... it disappeared ... I could believe my eyes when I walked into their room and someone said , hey fish up another 6 er ... LOL good grief |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Dec 09 - 11:54 AM Typical college stuff. Some of the idiocy I saw at college I will never forget. A bunch of guys moved this other guy's entire dorm room contents out onto the law from his second floor room and arranged it exactly the same way...only out on the lawn. Everything was there...furniture, bed, books, potted plants, pictures, clothing, personal items of every sort, wastepaper basket, all the stuff from his washroom, record collection...everything! And it was all set up the same way too, only the toothbrush and that stuff were on the ground instead of up on the washroom counter area. Fortunately it didn't rain tbat day. That would have been not good at all. The guy arrived back to find his room completely empty and was stunned, to say the least. Then he looked out the 2nd story window and saw it all standng on the lot below. Well, he was not very amused, but all the guys who had done it got together after having a good laugh about it and helped him move it all back, and then they had some beers (naturally). They also took someone's subcompact car and carried it over and put it in a place that you couldn't possibly drive it out of. It's amazing what stupid things bored young men will do to dispose of their excess sexual energy....kind of like a roving pack of dogs...you have to keep a close eye on them at all times. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 29 Dec 09 - 02:58 PM What's "stupid" about that stuff... Sounds like fun to me... Might of fact, I been thinkin' of doin' exactly that with the P-Vine's office come spring time seein' as I don't have the manpower to get her Honda CRV on the roof of the barn... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 29 Dec 09 - 04:24 PM Always looking for new ways to endear yourself to her, eh, Bobert? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Bobert Date: 29 Dec 09 - 04:35 PM Hey, she's worth it, LH... Sho nuff is... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: gnu Date: 29 Dec 09 - 05:04 PM "Room hits" were the norm. Moving furniture... best I ever saw was one time a lad was in the NEXT room and his furniture was moved. Then, there was always the garbage can leaned up against the door full of water (and, sometimes, including "punchies" from the computer room cards). Saw a room filled with snow. Saw one filled with crinkled newspaper. Worst... a mackeral place on the fins of the heater. Took the lads two days to decide to remove the cowling and look. I NEVER had a room hit in five years. I left my door unlocked. I jammed the passage set and plumbed the door so that it could just be pushed open and would shut on it's own. Odd the things you recall that mean sommat to you and nowt to anyone else. >;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: gnu Date: 30 Dec 09 - 02:42 PM Sooooo... Mumbles and Snatch got into the tequila shots. After a half a quart each, they fired up some Wowie and decided to look at the moon and make snow angels. That's when they spotted the canoes that belonged to the Don of the next door residence. They tried to use it like a toboggan on the hill next to the dining hall but it kept nosing in and throwing them out. That's when they decided to take the canoe to The Old Arts Building... there is a sidewalk that runs on a pretty good hill down to Head Hall (yup... the Engineering building... I was a injuneer). The canoe, an Old Town (the Don was from Maine), rapidly gained speed and hit the front of the Cadillac exiting the Head Hall parking lot with such force that the grill and radiator were toast. Mumbles and Snatch were thrown on top of the Caddy and slid off the back of it, ran through the lot and into a back door of my residence and made their way to my room. I had seen the "accident" from my window after my roomie had said, "Check this out! Some nuts are in a canoe up the hill.", but did not realize who the nuts were. Luckily, my roomie was 6'5" and so was Mumbles. Me and Snatch were about the same size too. A quick change of clothes and they left. Now, here's the REAL stoner part. They went out and talked to the cops and the driver the Caddy. Said they saw two guys running like mad around Head Hall and down the hill. Now, here's the best part. Wowie was hard to come by and it cost a lot more. Guess what fell out of Snatch's jacket pocket. >:-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: gnu Date: 30 Dec 09 - 02:51 PM BTW... Snatch's nick-nickname was Mons Pubis. You do the math. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Amos Date: 30 Dec 09 - 03:30 PM Math?? LOL!!! That ain't math, it's Art Appreciation!! A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story... From: Little Hawk Date: 30 Dec 09 - 07:11 PM Those 2 guys sound like what you would get if you osterized Shane in a large blender or a cement mixer, distilled the resulting goop down to its purest essence, and used it to artificially inseminate a half-witted donkey... |
