BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011

Subject: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 12:18 PM

So, lessee, we need a new joke, a new god story, and what else? Here it is already *lunchtime* Mudcat time, and there are no new 2011 thingies yet? What is up with you people, me included? All I could come up with was an old knockknock joke... which I will spare you.

What about you all?

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:04 PM

New Year's Resolutions (The realistic kind)

With the close of a year, many "resolve" to improve on their outlook for the new year, but many are impossible dreams and are left unrealized.

Here are some more realistic New Year's Resolutions:

1. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

5. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.

6. I am at one with my duality.

7. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

8. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

9. I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

10. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:11 PM

It isn't really New Years. ;-) New Years begins when Spring begins. See my other thread on the subject.

Aside from that, if we're going to have a new god, Mrzzy, I have some possible nominations:

1. Liv Tyler
2. Mary Chapin Carpenter
3. the Great Dachshund

Okay, those were in jest. ;-)

How about instead:

- Mother Nature (in all her majesty and power)

And New Year's resolutions:

I will be kind.
I will practice moderation.
I will not make judgement on the essential worth of others. (but I do reserve the right to judge their behaviour on occasion)

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:13 PM

The last year before 2012 and the end of the Aztec world. SIGH.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:18 PM

Was it the Aztecs too? I thought it was a Mayan concept.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:56 PM

It IS so New Year's, Hawkster; by definition widely agreed-upon. The whole purpose of a caledar is making a common framework for coordinating operations. You are an intransigent mugwump , sir.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 03:19 PM

Intransigent, am I? And you, sir, are an obstreporous diddly-whacker. So there! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 03:55 PM

One of my favourite 2010 News items:It can't get any worse,"

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:20 PM

Not a new god, a new god *thread* for 2011... I didn't start the last one so I'm waiting, faithlessly.

And we have a new joke thread, but it has an old joke in it!

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Mrrzy
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:22 PM

Sorry, that should have read "we have a new..." -my bad.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:32 PM

Ed... priceless! Hahahahaa

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: framus
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 07:45 PM

My glass is up to Uncle Dave, but I do, also like both mugwump and diddly-whacker,(which sounds like a euphemism).
Davy.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: saulgoldie
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 09:54 PM

Quick! While there's still time!

This tip courtesy of Bill Gold, the late columnist for the Washington Post:

On the first ten checks in your checkbook, write "2011" in the year field of the date. (Unless you do all your transactions with cash or cards, you know you will have at least ten checks for the year.) This accomplishes two things. First, it establishes the habit of writing the correct (new) year. Second, you now have ten checks that have the correct year, even if you haven't done step one.

I have been doing this for several years, and it really works!

Saul

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Naemanson
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 11:39 PM

If it's true does it count as a joke? Oh right, Dan Quayle and George W. Bush. It's true.

Today is, according to the Japanese and the Koreans, one of four days that a dog can clearly state the date. According to their cultures dogs do not go bow-wow they say wan-wan. So today the date is wan, wan, wan-wan.

The next three are: wan, wan-wan, wan-wan; wan-wan, wan, wan-wan; and wan-wan, wan-wan, wan-wan.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Naemanson
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 11:40 PM

I forgot that Mexicans also use wan-wan for the sound of a dog barking.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 11:47 PM

Kind of what, LH?

1. I will practice everything in moderation, including excess.
2. I would pledge to become in better physical shape, but that's an impossibility. You can't improve perfection.
3. I will not kill anything that doesn't need or deserve it.
4. Amos will be allowed to exist at least until tomorrow. After that, no promises.
5. I will not drink any more.
6. That's enough. Any more and I might not keep them.

Subject: RE: BS: The first 2011 thread of 2011
From: Nancy King
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 08:53 PM

Here's a little verse, courtesy of my friend Al Kehs:

    This year I'll make the same mistake
    I've made since I was seven;
    And I shall write it as a '10
    Instead of an '10.