BS: Hero Worship

Subject: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 10:47 AM

Who knows how these things get started. Yesterday I was looking at the mother of all Mudcat threads and noticed the mutual admiration society going a bit overboard in what I would call Hero Worship.
By doing a word association search I found many examples of this kind of maudlin admiration. Still I am intrigued if only half of the found statements are true:
Amos could bench press the debt ceiling without breaking a sweat.
Amos flew planes all over the world for the United States Air Force during the 1970s, and, boy, are his arms not tired.
California used to be a swing state, before Amos outlawed kinetic energy.
Amos single-handedly enforces 'Don't Mess with Mudcats'
Amos can pay his restaurant bill by simply drawing a dollar sign on his receipt.
Amos can give bees and peanuts anaphylactic shock.
Amos can stop a hungry honey badger
This is a spoiler, but Harry Potter vanquishes Voldemort by showing him a photo of a steely-eyed Amos.
Amos' legacy from his 5 years in the U.S. Air Force? Well, for one, he gave them their slogan.
Amos 's favorite food is the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Amos won the Kentucky Derby... On a unicorn.
Wisconsin used to be just east of Texas until Amos kicked its ass.
The ministry was originally going to have Amos guard Azkaban but realized it was more humane to have dementors.
There were originally five houses at Hogwarts. Griffyndor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Amos House.
Sharks have a week dedicated to Amos.
Amos won the 1986 Daytona 500 even though his car wouldn't start.
Amos loves his kids and gave his son all a dad ever could. Love, support, guidance. And a firearm
Amos distills his own 30 year Scotch. It takes him 15 minutes.
It takes Amos 7 min to win at Risk, including 6 min victory dance and inventing the Moon Walk - literally on the Moon
Amos can, in fact, squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
The only time Amos made a mistake was when he thought he made a mistake.
When Amos so much as looks in Obama's general direction, looks at the ground.
You know who else inherited an economy from George W. Bush? That's right. Amos.
When Amos approaches a stop sign, it turns green and says go.
Amos is the only person to win a NASCAR race by making only right turns.
Amos has dissected frogs that are alive and happy to this very day.
Amos doesn't run from meetings. Meetings run from Rick Perry
Amos caused 24 to be canceled. Jack Bauer became boring and pedestrian compared to Amos
Kenny G. is allowed to live because Amos doesn't kill sax he encourages it.
Amos brand toilet paper went out of business because it wouldn't take $#1t from anybody.
Amos is a Gang of One
Amos "flew himself to his own events in a beat-up propeller plane." It's in the New York Times, it has to be true
Amos can turn weiner dogs back into wolves. He thankfully just chooses not to anymore.
BREAKING: NFL lockout ends after Amos realizes his Fantasy Football league would be "all messed up
It was scientifically proven that Amos 's DNA is single-stranded. The left strand did not put up with the right strand's crap.
Amos doesn't play golf, but if he did, his handicap would be negative seven million.
The PH balance in Amos 's hair is the template for all shampoos.
You can see his charisma from space.
Remember back when Pluto was a planet? Yeah, Amos took care of that mistake.
Google won't search for Amos because it knows you don't find Amos, he finds you.
Amos is the only palindrome spelled differently forwards and backwards.
After a lap dance with Amos, the stripper pays him
Chuck Norris is known to throw baseballs 100mph for fun, Amos is known to throw Chuck Norris 100mph for fun
Amos threw out the first pitch on July 23, 2009 in Chicago, IL. He also threw 116 other pitches that day. (look it up)
Amos created Palo Duro Canyon while mountain biking through what was formerly known as "Wee Creek."
Amos has a full body tattoo of himself.
Amos strongly abides by the motto: "Safety third."
Amos is an unabashed supporter of PETA -- People Eating Tasty Animals.
Amos sneezes with his eyes fully open.
Amos can cut the mustard.
It's shorts-wearing weather again. Guess who you can thank for that? Yep. Amos invented Summer. And shorts.
If Amos were to sing happy birthday to you personally, it would add an extra year to your life.
With broken wrists (just to feel what that's like), Amos arm wrestled the World's Strongest Man and won. Easily

Amos won Rookie of the Year. 6 years in a row. In everything.
"It takes Amos 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes".
Sometimes Raven thinks to herself "That's SO Amos "
If there were an awesomeness gland, Amos 's would be larger than an average alcoholic's entire liver.
As a boy in Paint Creek, Amos beta tested the Lion operating system. Actual footage:
Amos can whistle in thirteen different languages, including sign language.
Yes. It has one decidedly French part.: you think Amos 's computer has French anything?
Amos doesn't have migraines, migraines have Amos'
Amos plays duck-duck-goose with sex offenders on death row
Amos 's boots weren't made for walkin'. They were made for kickin'
Amos was born without an umbilical cord.
Amos 's computer doesn't run Windows; it has giant French doors.
Amos can easily climb a cactus, but why in the hell would he do that?
Amos once defeated Bobby Fischer with one hand and constructed an intricate diorama with the other.
Amos doesn't cry wolf. He makes Wolf Blitzer cry
Amos was given a soda can and a Fisher Price computer as a child; shortly thereafter, he developed the B2 Stealth Bomber

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 10:54 AM

I made a mistake...Hey I'm not Amos.
When Amos so much as looks in Obama's general direction, Obama looks at the ground.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 11:04 AM

Amos uses an electric chair to scratch the place on his back that is unreachable.
Amos was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Amos"
Amos signed America's first #DreamAct into law in 2001 & remains a steadfast supporter
John Hancock is renowned for putting his Amos on the Declaration of Independence
You can lead a horse to water but Amos can make him drink
Amos hasn't heard of Amy Winehouse
Rick Perry is a not a strong man, he is King of the Strong men and women.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 11:11 AM

Amos has united Gravity on the Macro scale with the Quantum scale, but has chosen to keep it quiet...until mankind is ready to face the consequences respondsibly.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: maeve
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 11:37 AM

Amos has written and recorded some darned good songs. Amos has quietly given help to many Mudcatters.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 11:49 AM

Amos has selflessly served as a beard for many of the accomplishments by Max, Joe, Rapaire, Ebbie, Susan and Wendy, giving them privacy and peace of mind without the chaos of the media spotlight and papparotzi.

Ted Turner calls Amos when he needs money to donate to the UN.

Glen Beck owes the loss of his show due to the advertising ban started by Amos.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 12:08 PM

When Mother Teresa got depressed, Amos would give her a hug and the good work continued.

Unlike Stephen Colbert Amos would transfer his awards behind the scenes to people who needed it more.

I have awarded Amos the good sport award as the result of this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 12:13 PM

Amos does not drink Equus beer, but he wrote the commercial based on actual events.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 12:25 PM

One sunny day Jesus, Moses and a thin, black man named Barak
were playing golf.

Jesus was the first to tee off and he hit the ball a little
left and it ended up in the water hazard. Because it
was Jesus, his ball floated, and when he got down to
the hazard he walked upon the water and hit the ball
onto the green.

Moses was the next to tee off, and like Jesus he hit the
ball into the water hazard. When he got down to the
hazard, he parted the waters and hit the ball onto the
green.

The thin black man was next, and he too hit into the
water hazard. Just then a big fish swallowed the
ball and began to swim away. A hawk swooped
down and grabbed the fish in its talons and started
to fly off. As the hawk passed over the green, it
tightened its grip on the fish which caused the ball
to pop out of the fish. The ball landed on the green
and rolled into cup.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with
your Dad!"



(stolen from uncle Dave)

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 12:40 PM

This is the source for most of the "facts" above (as some may have already guessed...


http://twitter.com/#!/rickperryfacts

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 02:06 PM

You've got a lot of time on yer hands.

When did this obsession begin?

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 03:55 PM

When I became a part time political cartoonist during the Reagan administration.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 04:38 PM

I got the link from what Tim Russert's son, Luke Russert reported this morning.

But I get it, you're not thrilled with me or (Lewis) Black humor. Thats perfectly OK
I like you well enough to make up for it.
We are alike in some things like you have time on your hands too. From 1 til 11:30

13 gnu   RE: BS: 'Right to carry' anyone?   25-Jul-11 - 11:27 PM
14 gnu   RE: BS: No sex with your spouse while deployed?   25-Jul-11 - 11:07 PM
15 gnu   RE: BS: Should I Tell ?   25-Jul-11 - 10:40 PM
16 gnu   RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!   25-Jul-11 - 09:52 PM
17 gnu   RE: BS: New Tax Structure Idea   25-Jul-11 - 09:32 PM
18 gnu   RE: BS: 'Right to carry' anyone?   25-Jul-11 - 08:59 PM
19 gnu   RE: BS: When things go wrong....   25-Jul-11 - 08:14 PM
20 gnu   RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads   25-Jul-11 - 08:13 PM
21 gnu   RE: BS: Should I Tell ?   25-Jul-11 - 08:00 PM
22 gnu   RE: BS: When things go wrong....   25-Jul-11 - 07:55 PM
23 gnu   RE: Films I alone haven't seen{apparently}   25-Jul-11 - 07:36 PM
24 gnu   RE: BS: Too Effing Hot!!!   25-Jul-11 - 07:13 PM
25 gnu   RE: BS: Should I Tell ?   25-Jul-11 - 07:05 PM
26 gnu   RE: BS: When things go wrong....   25-Jul-11 - 06:59 PM
27 gnu   RE: BS: When things go wrong....   25-Jul-11 - 06:12 PM
28 gnu   RE: BS: Too Effing Hot!!!   25-Jul-11 - 05:57 PM
29 gnu   RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!   25-Jul-11 - 05:45 PM
30 gnu   RE: BS: Interceltic Lorient   25-Jul-11 - 05:42 PM
31 gnu   RE: BS: Chongo cracks the Human code!   25-Jul-11 - 05:40 PM
32 gnu   RE: BS: Chongo cracks the Human code!   25-Jul-11 - 05:28 PM
33 gnu   RE: BS: Should I Tell ?   25-Jul-11 - 05:27 PM
34 gnu   RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads   25-Jul-11 - 04:51 PM
35 gnu   RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads   25-Jul-11 - 04:50 PM
36 gnu   RE: BS: Calling All Canucks   25-Jul-11 - 04:39 PM
37 gnu   RE: BS: Should I Tell ?   25-Jul-11 - 04:30 PM
38 gnu   RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads   25-Jul-11 - 04:29 PM
39 gnu   RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!   25-Jul-11 - 03:58 PM
40 gnu   RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!   25-Jul-11 - 03:54 PM
41 gnu   RE: Films I alone haven't seen{apparently}   25-Jul-11 - 03:48 PM
42 gnu   RE: Films I alone haven't seen{apparently}   25-Jul-11 - 03:28 PM
43 gnu   RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!   25-Jul-11 - 03:23 PM
44 gnu   RE: BS: Calling All Canucks   25-Jul-11 - 03:20 PM
45 gnu   RE: Films I alone haven't seen{apparently}   25-Jul-11 - 02:59 PM
46 gnu   RE: BS: Should I Tell ?   25-Jul-11 - 02:52 PM
47 gnu   RE: BS: Birdwatching 2011   25-Jul-11 - 02:41 PM
48 gnu   RE: BS: Ireland v the Pope   25-Jul-11 - 01:44 PM
49 gnu   RE: BS: Should I Tell ?   25-Jul-11 - 01:38 PM
50 gnu   RE: BS: Stallone films - best and worst?   25-Jul-11 - 01:37 PM
51 gnu   RE: BS: Bobert Cracks the Women Code!!!   25-Jul-11 - 01:30 PM
52 gnu   RE: BS: 'Right to carry' anyone?   25-Jul-11 - 01:22 PM
53 gnu   RE: BS: New York state legalizing gay marriage   25-Jul-11 - 01:18 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 04:51 PM

Yer scarin me.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 06:08 PM

Are you weirding out on us today, Donuel?

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: GUEST,number 6
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 08:48 PM

Wow .... hey Donuel .... if you got some free time on your hands I know someone at work who got assigned a pretty hefty though tedious project this week and he could certainly use someone like you that has some expertise in regards to data mining.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 10:45 PM

Jeez I thought if folks liked the Equus commercial they would find this as funny. I shoulda stashed it in the joke thread

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 11:01 PM

Dos Equis commercial.
I figured that's what it was based on, but the extreme focus on Amos creeped me out. THEN you went after gnu...

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: maeve
Date: 26 Jul 11 - 11:08 PM

Same here, Donuel. It lost something in the translation, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Max
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 06:09 AM

Ooooh, you just gave me an idea for a new rule...

Any new thread who's first message contains any variation of "I was looking at the mother of all BS threads and noticed..." does not have purpose to exist in this Universe let alone this forum. What happens in Mother Of All BS stays in Mother of All BS.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: kendall
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 06:47 AM

Thanks, Max.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 06:53 AM

I think they are personal attacks attemting to demonstrate in some strange way that there is something wrong with the individuals focused upon. My last post was serious.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: maeve
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 07:10 AM

Thank you, Max. It sure looked disturbing to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Wesley S
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 07:44 AM

I've got to say it. All this talk about Amos and not a single mention of Andy? There's something terribly wrong here.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: kendall
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 11:55 AM

Or da Kingfish!

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 01:38 PM

Jaysus!! I think all those starry hyperbolics are veyr funny and inspiring, but I am sure you should find someone better to pin them on!! I am just a middle-aged folkie with an imagination, but even my imagination never went to those extremes of self-aggrandizement!!

Anyway, Donuel, thanks for thr grin. If you feel you need some help, let me know!!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: olddude
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 02:19 PM

Got into some really really good weed did ya there Don
and to think he did not share it with the rest of us catters ..

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 02:41 PM

Ohhhh... it was a joke... ahhhh... well done Don.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Jeri
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 03:14 PM

I wondered why you were pickin' on Amos, but then I figured why NOT?

Anyway, Amos is a guy who pays off his bets, not with a bottle of Laphroaig, but a whole CASE!

How'm I doin'?

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 03:35 PM

MEthinks the lady doth protest overmuch. Now that I am coming to the Getaway--and assume you are too--your bet shall be made good, on the original terms, oh, wily one!


A

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Jul 11 - 11:20 PM

The whole post was posted backwards from 12 to 1. From 1 to 12 it really was creepy. But from 12 to 1, much less creepy.

[Great Weed? I wish, actually my cable box broke and I'm not watching TV.





Now back to regular programing...]
{The Satirical Rant Channel}


Dr. Shmarmy Swashbuckle once said "we should not worship Heros, we build them!"

Name one person who is as beyond reproach as Amos. Why there is not a finer man who has ever breathed! Why? Because we say so.
Heros are made not born. Cherry Trees and not telling lies, log splitting, (brush clearing?*?) These are the seeds of heros we can plant to grow into mighty Oafs.
They say America needs heros, well there several among us mere mortals who can fill these heroic shoes.
Think of it...
A man of the people, Amos. President Amos.

With a savage shake of Wall St. in his maw he could send all the thieving criminals and crooked rating agency heads into the Hudson. He could unite the Tea party leaders with the Anarchists with the Neo Conazis in the most grand celebration dinner at the Four Seasons in Washington DC and be the only survivor of the worst restaurant fire in history.

He could take the Presidential Book of Secrets and read it out loud in fireside chats on Fox, in a segment called Patriotic Power is Knowledge.

We could again celebrate our heros.
We need not worship our heros, we need to make them from scratch. Heros are not the unfortunate victims of a disaster, they are legends...and this group knows thier legends. We can make up the legends better than the 3rd Reich.

Look at the propoganda that strives to place a propagandized Sarah Plain Palin on the pedestal of pedantic polemic leadership. The showing of her film 'Underfeet Ed.' made $24,000. We have the talent here to do much better.
Imagine starting with an intelligent and resonable person and give them a rise to fame and service.

Why Amos? First of all he is a damn good sport. However if he is as reluctant as Chris Christy, well I heard GfS cleans up real good. And gnu could be his running mate! If overwhelming support proves a challenge there is one obvious choice.

IF there is one man who would only need a voice vote to be elected the man who speaks for AMerica in American, who says it like it is, who can getter done, who everyone knows way deep deep deep down, the truth when he tells it...Who has the guts and ChupzPAW, Its

CatSpaw TAA DAAH.











PS Gnu, I know I did a satirical post about you once, I even PM'd a warning. You did good work on the nuke thread. And I meant mighty Oafs.

Subject: RE: BS: Hero Worship
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jul 11 - 12:25 AM

Stepping from behind the curtain of whimsy back to stark reality.

There really are true heros here and typical of heros they do not toot their own horn. Thier efforts are too seldom celebrated. The Herculean hard work and fortitude of a real hero is not the stuff of self promotion.
It has only been this week that I have learned of the broadcast skills and dedication to a worldwide community by Max.
This should be somthing America would enjoy knowing. It would certainly be fascinating to learn more about Mudcat on npr as an interview or in depth story.

The resources here compare to the Smithsonian in many ways. Much of it would be about Max, the supporting staff and usual gang of idiots. To me it is a story about People first and then thier music, and so much music.

Without causing notorius site crashing pandamonium, a reminder to Pacifica and npr that Mudcat.org is alive and well, will be forthcoming. Think of it, mudcat.org is sort of an Apple Cloud of Folk Music,carousing and merry making 18 years before Apple ever imagined its cloud. Its an amazing mixed bag of composers, performers, criminal justice professionals, archeologists, DNA techs, cynical loners, writers, artists, spouters and twits. It even has Joe.

Its true we don't and shouldn't 'worship' heros, we love them for thier humility of just doing thier jobs and building a living dream in which others come to live and share. Sometimes its music, joy, sorrow, victories, defeats, good spirits, good food, and laughter.

There is nothin virtual about mudcat.org

Thanks Max