Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette

Subject: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 09:29 AM

Hi Everybody, I need help If someone wants to set you up to play with another musician because they thinks you'd hit it off together, how would you approach the situation? I thought it was best to meet for coffee first, get to know each other a little before actually getting together to play some music. Kind of like the old baseball etiquette of dating. First base coffee, second base we show each other our instruments, third base.......... I would greatly appreciate your help here. The Little one

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Bill in Alabama
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 09:44 AM

Neo--

I think your approach makes a lot of sense; but then I'm old-fashioned (I'm told) about such things. After having coffee, you might suggest attending a jam session or an informal event of some sort where there are several folks making music. As much as possible, the choice of folks with whom you make music should be YOURS.

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Morgie
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:02 AM

Neo- I'm mainly with Bill on this one...third base watch others play, group setting, see what kind of stuff you both like..i'd say fourth base is actually attempting to jam together.

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:14 AM

Hey 'phyte, what's with all that 'first and second base' stuff. You wouldn't be trolling by any chance.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Vixen
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:27 AM

Well--

I'd say coffee or something similar at a public and musical type venue (coffeehouse, say ;>) and talk about mutual musical interests. Based on how you feel, take it measure by measure at whatever tempo seems comfortable. I never liked the baseball imagery anyway. If you're both sensitive and open to collaboration and mutual assistance, you'll get to the double bar line at the same time.

Just my $0.02. Mileage may vary.

V

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Magpie
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:35 AM

Hello, Little Neophyte.

I basically agree with the above posts. I've been set up with a complete stranger once or twice meself, and I always find it very intimidating and scary. It's a good idea to meet at a session or something, have a chat, and play a couple of tunes.

Good luck! By the way, it must be nice to be recommended like that!

Magpie

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:13 AM

I think Jean Shephard wwrote the best story I ever heard on blind dating. In it he tells of all the fears he had of going out on a blind date;all those dreadful fears we all have had about what a loser this person might be, etc. About half way through he realizes HE is the blind date!!! It's really choice....We never consider ourselves as the blind date...a nice twist.

I avoided blind dates for years. If you're past 25 and single, EVERYBODY is trying to fix you up. Then, when I was 36, a woman who was attending one of my sales trainings suggested I should meet her stepdaughter..."a really nice girl." I had he flu at the time and would do anything to get this woman out of my office! We agreed to meet at a nearby restaurant a few days later for drinks and dinner. The woman brought her stepdaughter and I brought a friend to help bale me out of this mess. Twenty minutes into the conversation I was convinced that here was the woman I wanted to marry. We shuffled the two "chaperones" out the door after the first drink. We couldn't meet again until four days later and the first thing I did then was ask her to marry me...she accepted. Now I'm 50 and know for sure that I made the right choice. Luckily, she feels the same.

Best blind date I could imagine.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:43 AM

I had one blind date in my life. We met at my favourite restaurant. (the Balkan, in Toronto) She said "I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat cows and lambs. We went to a folk club. She started squirming at the first acoustic guitar. She said she would have preferred to go dancing. (I can't dance my way out of a paper bag). We went for a walk. She asked me whether I was into jogging, or working out. (One look should have told her the answer) She said she didn't like dogs or cats. (I often prefer them to people in general) Her contemporary literary heroes were Ayn Rand and Alvin Toffler. She had no idea who David Halberstam, Quentin Crisp, Jim Bouton and Hunter Thompson were.(some of mine)She asked, "Do you ever think you'll make any money playing the guitar"?

What is still beyond me 15 years later is what was our mutual friend thinking of when they thought we'd hit it off together? They obviously thought we had something in common. Both members of the human race is all I can come up with.

Much easier to play some music with a "blind date". Just say let's pick some blues and go to it.

Rick

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:46 AM

Hey, Catspaw, someone is impersonating you on the 'Cat, or are you really an ole softy at heart?! (Nice story)
RtS

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Vixen
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:56 AM

My Goodness, 'Spaw--

If it ain't Wanda Hickey and the night of broken dreams...

it's one of those mushy, sappy, romantic, sweet, improbable, *love* stories!

*SO* out of "character!" Now we all know the *real* you. The sly, witty, profane, and cantankerous 'Spaw is all a sham. I am devastated...

;> V Looking forward to *meeting* you and yours on Friday!

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Peter T.
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:04 PM

Gee, CP, I don't know what part of the world you live in, but I am over 25 and single, and no one ever tries to fix me up with anyone! Hmmmm. I wonder if they know something I don't..., gulp......
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Margo
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:08 PM

Oh 'Spaw, what a nice ending to your blind date! I had one blind date (that was enough). He was an insurance salesman. He walked through the door, and I showed remarkable control by not bursting out laughing. The guy was in a brown suit, a bowler type hat, and had a round face with a small nose and big round brown eyes......a dead ringer for Elmer Fudd! So I thought to myself, "let's not judge this guy, he might be nice". So we go to a French restaurant, have rabbit, wine, french salad, wine, dessert, wine, you get the picture. Then on the way home, he took me to a park. Nice place, went for a walk, got back in the car and he starts to talk dirty to me! Hell, I was nineteen, and I was appalled. I insisted on going home. Fortunately, he took me and I never saw him again. Boy, I had forgotten about that one. Crazy!

Margarita

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Big Mick
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:24 PM

I think that "Christie" is having fun with us again. "Little Neophyte", indeed. I think we have someone who is either one of us, or is a young person who stumbled onto this nest of aging folkies and hippies and is enjoying watching us trip over ourselves to show what "sensitive" types we are. That is OK, as long as we realize what is going on............

And my tuppence worth is, go to the gigs/sessions and play....If you can make music there, perhaps then in other settings. Just take your time, and keep it on neutral turf for a bit.

Mick

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Mudjack
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:32 PM

My wife and I are results of a teenage blind date.I prefer the term "arranged date". Blind date sort'a implies maybe my wife was blind when we met.We've been married forever and besides being my lover, she's my lifelong best friend. I thank my lucky stars for having such a wonderful companion, especially when I hear the horror stories how some husbands are being mal-treated.
Make sure you can sing harmony together and go for it.
Mudjack

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:33 PM

Sorry gang...I'd say it was a multiple personality thing, but its all one really eccentric personality. Freud would be in love...fortunately Rick gave me his maracas which I take out occasionally.

Rick your story fits right in with the Jean Shephard tale. She probably went home with the same thought as YOU! Its why I refused blind dates for years. When I tell the story of Karen and I, I always say I was running a fever at the time I accepted.

Things are looking worse for the weekend Vix........Karen's new job forced us to modify our plans and now we may have to cancel some things altogether. We're still trying.

And Peter.......Lookit here bro, I know this wonderful girl that I think you'd really like and.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Mudjack
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:39 PM

B.Mick, I'd rather think Little Neo is a "newbee" since her postings have been on the up and up. But you made me go and take a look-see.
Little Neo, if you are fairly new to the Cafe , welcome a board and keep those cards and letters coming.
Mudjack

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Matthew B.
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:45 PM

I think you've got the "bases" sequence backwards, Neo.

I think you should start with jamming together musically, become friends on a musical level, and then see if the chemistry starts to develop on a romantic level.

Then, if it does, you won't have that awkward stage of trying to find something to talk about on some awful first date with its crazy expectations.

If it doesn't, you've still got the music.

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Big Mick
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:52 PM

Little Neophyte,

Please forgive me my ignorance. I just went and looked up your previous posts, and I can see you are completely on the up and up. Will you forgive me my ignorance? I am serious here. I reread most of your posts, and they are excellent. The 'Cat has been made better by your joining and I welcome you to it. I will be watching for your posts, and reading them with interest. I am sorry if I offended you in any way.

Big Mick

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: WyoWoman
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:11 PM

Well, Mick. I don't think you were completely out of line. I wondered as well. I think Christie and Garg are probably one in the same, at least in the same spirit. But until proven wrong, I've decided to take Lil' Neo at her word.

Little Neo... My advice? Don't date. Play music, learn music, play lots of places and with lots of people and completely devote your time to your work and to your passions in life. I wish I had back all the time I spent in my life trying to find a partner or keep the partner I was with happy, and could just give it all to music instead. It's not that I've wasted my life or anything, but I'd rather know a lot more songs now than some of the fellas I've known.

Sorry, guys. That wasn't male-bashing. Most of my best friends are men, but all this intensity over finding romance uses up energy we might be better served in the long run investing elsewhere. Does that sound hopelessly cynical of me?

ww

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:45 PM

Boy you guys are something else. Yep Mudjack I'm a very little new born, itsy, bitsy musician who is trying not be so shy about it. Who is Christe? Dating didn't even cross my mind. I was suggested to phone someone because I don't know anyone who plays music and I highly respect the person who suggested the match. Yep Vixen the baseball imagery is pathetic, I was just joking. And whats with trolling Bert? Do you mean fishing? I figure my man will one day just drop out of the sky. Rick is right, don't make it complicated, just get together a play some music. But I think too much for that, so coffee it is, and we'll go from there. Mathew, you are kind and sensitive. I'll be okay, though you Mudcatters are overwhelming, you are so loveable. Thanks guy, luv Little Neo

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: WyoWoman
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:59 PM

Oh, Christie was this "person" who posted on another thread supposedly asking help on "etiquette" but actually just pretending to ask so s/he could get us to sound caring and then make fun of us. Pretty nasty, so we've been a bit burned lately by people taking advantage of our good spirits. Sorry if we aren't as welcoming as we once were. I don't like being made a fool of, but some people seem to think it's amusing.

The reason I mentioned dating was that in your thread name you had "dating." Again, sorry if I mistook your intentions.

Yup, the 'cat can be overwhelming, but as I said in another post, it reminds me of what the rest of the world might have looked like if we'd "won" during the Sixties. A bunch of hippies, freaks and musicians who just exude whimsy, passion and good cheer. It's undoubtedly a bit hard to take sometimes, particularly for those just putting their toes in the water! (Acutally, I've just known about the Mudcat since May, so it doesn't take long to become a dyed in the wool 'catter.)

Very good luck with your music. I've just started getting back into music after some years away, so I feel like a neophyte in many ways as well. Particularly in jams -- very intimidating, that.

Best regards, WW

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:59 PM

OOPs, it was Big Mick who was very sensitive and kind. Mathew your sweet too, you gave me good advise if I am ever attracted to someone who has a common interest in music. Little Neo

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 02:04 PM

Well Wyowoman, I've learned a very big lesson today.... watch how I word my threads. I'll be a better Mudcatter for it. Thanks for your encouragement, Little Neo

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 02:24 PM

Yup 'fishing' is pretty close. The consensus of opinion here is that you are genuine so I'll tell you what I thought.

I was thinking that you knew this crazy gang here and were trying to get some ribald responses to your remarks about 'bases'.

However, for once, everyone has been kind to you. So welcome aboard and have fun, we're an irreverent lot, but you'll be fine as long as you don't ask for a definition of 'folk'.

Cheers,

Bert.

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 02:55 PM

By the way Bert, I've always wanted to know "what IS the defin......." Arghhh! I've been shot! By myself!

Subject: RE: Blind Dating & Match Making Etiquette
From: Bill in Alabama
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 03:24 PM

And just in time, Rick; if you hadn't done it, I would've!