Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 21 Jan 12 - 08:12 AM

"This picture is of Henry VIII in his later years", he said, not thinking.

"Oh, my grandmother has very sensitive feet!", he said onanistically.

"What an odd way to make love!" he said incuriously.

"Eins, zwei...", sbe began drily. "Drei...", he went on fearfully.

"O!" she said roundly.

"I was executed in Edinburgh Castle", moaned the ghost, heedlessly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 07:38 PM

"I've written a letter to David Hume. Which house should I address it to?" he asked, posthumously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 11:08 AM

They saw other couples spooning in the meadow.

What a stirring sight he said

I've got dermatitis, he said rashly

I've been forced to give up work, he said resignedly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 08:51 AM

What's afoot, asked Tom in measured tones

The dog's eaten all the sausages!

It's got the mangetout as well, he scoffed

Is it difficult to play a harmonica?

No, I've had liposuction, he mouthed

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 06:47 AM

LOL!!

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Kit Griffiths
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 04:52 AM

"Where have all the flowers gone?" sang Tom, lackadaisically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 04:10 AM

I hear that actress Ms Stubbs was mugged & beaten up, he said unabashed

More tea, vicar? He asked reverently

Or would you prefer a glass of Vimto? he inquired cordially

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 01:09 PM

"When I found out who posted all those provocative messages, I hacked into his system, and reprogrammed his printer to spray ink all over him!", said Tom, completely in control.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 11:37 AM

"Would you like to come up to my place and listen to me play trumpet", he said hornily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 11:02 AM

"Ah root vegetable soup again?", complained the vicar parsimoniously.

"Well all the vegetables were donated", said his housekeeper gratuitously.

"We have no choice but to pay the government what they demand", Said Tom taxingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 10:25 AM

Another attack of malaria, he said feverishly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 07:22 AM

"Shut up,I'm trying not to confuse the perfect with the pluperfect", said Tom tensely.

"I'm afraid I'll have to give up my job", she said resignedly.

"I get depressed in the winter",said Tom sadly.

"Do you ever worry about what's behind you?" Asked Tom reflectively.

"I suppose I'll have to read 'Lives of the Great Thinkers' he sighed philosophically.

"You really shouldn't pick in the Scottish philosopher just because he has long hair".Said Tom humanely.

"I drank too much rum" said Tom groggily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 06:55 AM

I'm going to a funeral, he said gravely

He's just banged his elbow, he said humerusly

I'll be waiting under the viaduct, he said archly

I can't feel anything, he said intangibly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 06:02 AM

"Adam, that looks rather like a serpent", she said evocatively.

"Yes I know", said Adam cockily.

"It's definitely sand", said Tome surely.

"A war machine? It looks more like a baked bean tin!" Said Tom cantankerously.

"I'll meet you beneath the church", said Tom cryptically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 05:17 AM

"I didn't want to be crucified"', he said crossly.

"But I do like to watch people having sex", he said doggedly.

"Do you remember the young Vosburgh girl?", he asked mistily.

"I'll show you how to stop the bleeding" he said staunchly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 04:46 PM

"It's not very warm", she said bitchily.

"I'm paid by the stanza for my poetry", she said perversely.

"Strangers don't hang around these parts for long", he said feudally.

"It's by oor ain feelosopher David Hume", he said humanely.

"If the bowler got three wickets with successive balls, the captain used to give 'im an 'at", he explained theatrically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 04:08 PM

"Are you reading mechanical engineering?" he stressed. "No, I'm studying chemistry", she retorted acidly.

"De Valera must resign!" he shouted, devoutly.

"That's not a snail on the flysheet, it's a shellfish!" he said, well content.

"My house used to be a pub", he said informally.

"What an uninspiring bunch of people", she said in dulcet tones.

"Do you sing with other people?" she inquired. "There are lots of people in my choir", he replied menacingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 03:32 PM

"...in a vulgar manner."

I thought that was silly... until I tried to say "vulgalarly"

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 02:32 PM

"Ey ukhnyem! Ey ukhnyem!
Yeshtsho razik, yeshtsho da ras!" sang the boatman, in a vulgar manner.

"69?" he inquired, oddly. "£50!" she responded, evenly.

"Dear Miss", he began, mysteriously.

"I've been in this back street since January, and it's nearly Easter", he said terminally.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 10:30 AM

My shelves have all fallen down, he exclaimed tierfully

Do you have a sore throat? Yes, said the pony rider hoarsely, I've been feeling a little hoarse!

I feel like lying down, he said mendaciously

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 09:00 AM

How's the new telescope?

Astronomical! I've just been looking at Jupiter through it, he answered jovially

I do like your fairground machines, are they very old?

Well they've been roundabout for years, he replied roundly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 07:18 AM

How long is a piece of string? he asked quizzicly

I'll tell you the answer later, he said knowingly

I don't get it, he said uncomprehendingly

I've had a sex change, she said manfully

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Jan 12 - 06:47 AM

I've had a brainwave, he said thoughtfully

You've let me down, he said deflatedly

I'll show you my etchings, he said demonstrably

Would you like to sit down? he asked chairily

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Jan 12 - 09:43 PM

"Radial-arm saws aren't all that dangerous", said Tom off-handedly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,wordfella
Date: 17 Jan 12 - 04:40 PM

I'll take the prisoner downstairs, he said condescendingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 05:54 PM

"Something there is that does not like a wall," he demurred frostily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 04:55 PM

We played the game with great vigor..yes, about 50 years ago. I was renting a room from a guy whose basic business was being a 'slumlord'. He bought cheap houses and rented them with minimum amenities.

So one day the game had gone on for hours, and late in the day, he got off one more good one. After he went to bed, I wrote out one more and taped it to a broom handle and leaned the broom against his bedroom door so it would fall inward when he opened it next morning.

It said: (remember he was a slumlord) "I can barely make a living in this town with so much unemployment and rents so low.", said Tom...vacantly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 04:48 PM

"Buy one large one, and I'll throw in a pair of small ones for nothing", he said, a little too freely.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 04:25 PM

"'Ere is where Ted, Finbarr and Eddie lived", he said furiously.
"Cocklesh and mushels alive alive O!" cried Molly shelfishly.
"It's a dead midget", he said a little stiffly.
"There's a prisoner abseiling down the wall", he said condescendingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 03:23 PM

I'm unemployed, he said dolefully

I'm a virgin, she said chastely

It's too early to get up, he said mournfully

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 03:06 PM

I just love sailing on this lake, he said placidly

One of my pigs has had its nose amputated, he said disgruntedly

I wasn't able to get any concert tickets, he said disconcertedly

I wandered lonely as a cloud, he said airily

I wouldn't want to visit the moon,there's so little atmosphere

I'll re-check those test results, he remarked

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 01:29 PM

For some reason, this thread reminds me of this piece in the broadsheet.ie online publication, which posits that eels always look as if they've just told a joke.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 01:28 PM

"But I can't play bare-fingered," he added pickily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Don Firth
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 12:50 PM

"No, I can't sing," Tom said, tonelessly.

"But I can play the guitar," he added, pluckily.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,GUEST - Montreal
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 11:55 AM

"They've traded the Babe", said Tom, ruthlessly.
"I have no clothes", said Tom, barely.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 10:38 AM

"I dropped my toothpaste!", Tom cried, crestfallen.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: eddie1
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 08:46 AM

The late, great Hamish Imlach was a huge Tom Swifty fan in more ways than one.

"I love camping", he said intently.

"I never drink scotch" he said with a lack of spirit.

Eddie

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 06:41 AM

The insurance company wouldn't pay up, he exclaimed

You seem in good spirits, he said blithely

We're on an efficiency drive, said the trawler's captain

That's good, remarked the French Fries salesman, what we always need are more efficient ships!

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 05:55 AM

" 12 times 12? - in my opinion, grossly overestimated!"

That tree looks lonesome, he opined

This knife's not very sharp, he said bluntly

On the other hand, this one's like a razor, he said pointedly

I think I'm getting alopecia, he proclaimed baldly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 16 Jan 12 - 05:09 AM

"What's 12 times 12?" asked the schoolteacher squarely.

"The illuminations are now complete" said John lightly.
"I bet they won't work", said Harry darkly.

"'P' means 'piano', 'PP' means 'pianissimo', explained the music teacher quietly"

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 10:01 PM

Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?

Sure!

~S~

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 09:35 PM

"            ," Tom said silently.

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Midchuck
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 09:31 PM

"I'm afraid I'm becoming a necrophiliac," he said in dead ernest.

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 02:12 PM

"I can only speak once every seven days", he said weakly.

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 10:55 AM

"No, never!" he said swiftly, as Mr Happy looked on uncomprehendingly.

After the coat of arms fell off the wall, he seemed most crestfallen

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 09:13 AM

"No, never!" he said swiftly.

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 08:23 AM

"I failed the exam", he said testily

"It was on codebreaking", he added remorsefully

Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 07:28 AM

I did try to get a thread going back in 2006, but it didn't really take off.

"Och, ye've got a lang widdle!", she said languidly.

"Stop the horse!", he cried woefully.

"I like Irish dance", she said flatly.

"It's hard being a nudist up North", he said, worn out.

For the Catholics amongst you:

"God willing", she said deviously.

Subject: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Will Fly
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 06:08 AM

One of the teenage bits of silliness we used to indulge in at my school, over 50 years ago, was a game called "Tom Swifty" or "Tom Swifties". Named after a fictional character called Tom Swift, the idea was to invent a short statement by Tom which always ended with an adverb. The adverb described both the manner in which Tom said the statement - and the content of the statement.

Some examples make it clear:

"I've just broken my leg", said Tom lamely.

"Here comes the winner!" said Tom rapidly.

"All my hair's fallen out", said Tom baldly.

And so on...