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Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012.
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 22 Aug 12 - 11:01 AM IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS. At almost the last minute, the festival committee has managed to secure a late concert appearance by the legendary Jenny Talia Band. The band has had a serious rupture of late, so nobody knows for certain what the lineup will be. However, I'm reliably informed that Red Scrotum will be playing the knackers, and the always reliable Richard Hampden will be showing the world what he's made of. Jenny will be leading them on vulvazula and, as always, the band's programme will be gleaned directly from oral transmission. Best of all, this sudden addition will not lead to any increase in ticket prices. That's because the band is funded entirely by pubic subscription. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 12 Jul 12 - 12:13 PM No, that's the Blitherscrum idiots competition and it's only open to natives of Blitherscrum. I know that Obama was born in Hawaii but that doesn't count. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 12 Jul 12 - 12:05 PM He could actually enter the 'Blithering Idiots' competition whilst here. Best time and place for the seminar would be 2am in the throwing up tent... everything gets thrown up in there at that time. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: SINSULL Date: 12 Jul 12 - 09:43 AM Just got word that the US candidates for president will be making an appearance and offering a seminar called Blithering at Blitherscrum. Where can we hold this? |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 12 Jul 12 - 08:55 AM No it was the bodhran player who was winning cups and medals and prizes. The dog didn't even win a wooden nickel. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: GUEST,old git Date: 12 Jul 12 - 07:23 AM where can I get a dog like that?! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 12 Jul 12 - 05:56 AM Because it was sniffing. That's how it came to find my lunch. To make things worse, one of the most respected bodhran players in Little Muckleton, that's the next village to Blitherscrum, was there that year. Winning cups and medals and all kinds of stuff he was, until the dog crapped in his bodhran case. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 11 Jul 12 - 02:04 PM How did you know it was a 'sniffer' dog Owen?? LOL |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 11 Jul 12 - 01:41 PM Has anyone reminded the drug squad this year that we are entirely innoquous. Remember the situation last time they got a call about dubious characters meddling with noxious substances? Turned out to be nothing to do with drug crazed degenerates smoking grass or whatever they call cannabis nowadays. It was just Delaney's donkey had got loose and was helping himself to a tasty bit of somebody's nearby lawn. As if that wasn't enough, one of the sniffer dogs ate my lunch and pissed all down my bloody leg. And I got a caution for not being able to produce a complete set of Voice of the People. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 11 Jul 12 - 12:38 PM And I guess it will have one of those great turbines (modern windmills) on it, as most green grassy fields soon will have. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mingulay Date: 11 Jul 12 - 12:01 PM It's good to know, according to Owen, that the Blitherscrum smokeworks are still going and pouring their black soot into the atmosphere. A tradition sadly lost in most parts of this blighted land. Only the other day I saw a field of almost green grass. A terrible blot on the landscape. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: GUEST,Gail Date: 10 Jul 12 - 05:00 PM Mari Spiper's a good all rounder too. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 10 Jul 12 - 01:09 PM Eh. We'll have no racist slurs around here. Anyone would turn black if they stood in the Blitherscrum rain for long enough. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: SINSULL Date: 10 Jul 12 - 12:15 PM They are a blight on the festival and you know it! A bit of rain and they turn black! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 10 Jul 12 - 11:50 AM Peeleye Stan and Spud Ulike are a pair of mashers. Chips off the old block in fact. Well, they see eye to eye at any rate. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 10 Jul 12 - 11:00 AM Lace? Luxury! we 'ad to dance wi' both ower legs tied together wi' bits o' rusty fence wire! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mingulay Date: 10 Jul 12 - 10:30 AM "I assume that all the morris sides dance the medup tradition." Nearly correct Guest, in fact all sides are required to dance in the well known Nottinghamshire 'me duck' tradition. Flat caps and/or miner's helmets are not obligatory but whippets are and 50% of tatters must be of lace. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: GUEST,Gy morris man Date: 09 Jul 12 - 12:14 PM I assume that all the morris sides dance the medup tradition. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 09 Jul 12 - 08:59 AM Due to the enduring heavy rainfall, this year's temporary toilets have had buoyancy tanks added in case the field becomes flooded and stilts will be available from the festival office,should the campsite become inundated , |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Vic Smith Date: 09 Jul 12 - 08:09 AM Blithersrum is in Berkhamptonshire Are you sure? I was led to believe that Blitherscrum was in Norfolk. I'm sure that one year I was asked to distribute leaflets at our club that were headed:- BLITHERSCRUM FOLK FESTIVAL |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mingulay Date: 09 Jul 12 - 07:49 AM As you rightly say GS, Upton Ogood is indeed the nearest town being, in christian measurements, some 5 leagues away. However, the tiny hamlet (other cigar brands are available) of Nevern Ogood is but a spit, cough and half a tardwainers nard in the same direction and worth a visit to see its Museum of Medieval Gas Cookers. It is not recommended to attempt to go to Berkhampton itself as it involves two hay rides, a three wheeled tandem and an ox drawn dung cart. Return tickets not available on Tuesdays during the bogget hunting season (January thru December). Maps are available. Please send a stamped and addressed goat for delivery. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 08 Jul 12 - 09:23 AM Blithersrum is in Berkhamptonshire... nearest town is Upton Ogood! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: GUEST Date: 08 Jul 12 - 06:34 AM And where is blitherscrum thankyou |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 07 Jul 12 - 12:19 PM I don't think so... someone gave him a roasting for doing that last year! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: GUEST,old git Date: 07 Jul 12 - 12:13 PM is peeleye preparing the mash pit near the main stage? |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 07 Jul 12 - 08:05 AM He had a peal anyway...... Thanks for taking the opportunity to 'chip' in. No half baked comments please.... My ex wife and I used to go to a lovely little restaurant in Blitherscrum, two nights a week... for fun , good food, and companionship... She went Tuesdays and I went Fridays. We get on much better now we sleep in separate beds... mines in England.. hers is in Australia. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 07 Jul 12 - 07:56 AM No, you're getting confused there, he's Spud Youdontlike! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 07 Jul 12 - 06:44 AM I thought that was his buddy.. Spud Ulike! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 07 Jul 12 - 05:28 AM Georgian Silver. Peeleye Stan is the name of the man who has been assigned to peel the potatoes for the food tent, and gouge their eyes out. Hence the name. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 06 Jul 12 - 04:03 PM Actually being held in Octember but the date you mentioned is probably too early.... Can't wait! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: SINSULL Date: 06 Jul 12 - 02:16 PM Octember 32 was the last I heard. Has it been finalized? |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: GUEST Date: 06 Jul 12 - 01:17 PM What date is this festival please |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: SINSULL Date: 06 Jul 12 - 11:59 AM No shaky eggs? |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 06 Jul 12 - 11:35 AM Pongo's Bongos Loud & disruptive percussion instruments especially suitable for drowning out those precious, disdainful & snobbish diddley sessions. New for 2012! Genuine galvanised steel dustbin lid with beater, complete with 1lb hammer: £49.00 Practice Metronome, uniquely calibrated to be perpetually off the beat: £73.99 Pre-stretched guitar strings, guaranteed to stay out of tune: £4.50 each or set of 5 only £9.99 Extra noisy bodrhans & amplifiers if required, can be turned up to eleven!! Instruction books showing how you too can accomplish an unforgettable performance!! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 05 Jul 12 - 05:26 PM Peeleye Stan is appearing again this year or so I have just been informed... also Nate Busby. Vinegar Butt has been confirmed a performing and Mossie Flalavialle from Dalinton! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 05 Jul 12 - 12:09 PM Other mystery anagrammed acts will be: Joe Welz & Ed Sheepbandit Severn Hayward |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 29 Jun 12 - 07:00 PM Last year it was rumoured that one of our Festival goers had visited a graveyard and seen a man actively rubbing musical notes off a page of music. The concensus of opinion was that it was probably a dead musician 'decomposing' ! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mingulay Date: 29 Jun 12 - 06:13 PM It might help some of those unfamiliar with the ways of Blitherscrumites to know that 'hidden agendas' is a local euphemism for the internationally known sport of hiding the sausage (saucisson, wurst etc). The current world champions of course being Winston N'Bristol and Grace M'Siddley of Ketchupwananland. Apparently a saucy pair who have 27 offspring between them. By the way, in the interests of keeping music live, would it be beyond the bounds of possibility to actually have performers this year who are not so much composing as composting? Apart from anything else it's too much competition for the poor cat! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 29 Jun 12 - 09:54 AM New for 2012!! The Mystery Guest Anagram Showcase! Featuring well known artistes appearing incognito in various venues around the campus & town. Only people who are able to state actual names of those appearing will be admitted Participating acts will include: Bad Hole Lew Fetch crust hither Christoph Random Zoe Wallblab Backyard Breastplate |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 27 Jun 12 - 04:08 AM Shot herself in the thigh eh? People who attempt suicide in Blitherscrum usually end up shoting themselves through the foot. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 26 Jun 12 - 02:47 PM Ms Takes apparently attempted suicide by shooting herself last week. She had asked her doctor exactly where her heart was and he suggested that it is usually behind the left breast. Having shot herself through the left thigh she is recovering in Blitherscrum Hospital. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 26 Jun 12 - 01:37 PM Sinsull. You are confusing Mr Stinks with a female fan of the festival who is affectionately known as Ms Takes ('em off). Ms Takes' metabolism has a very low tolerance of alcohol, with the consequence that, after 17 pints of Dirty Nelly's (5.8% OG), she starts to take her clothes off. This act of physical denouement continues until she is entirely naked, usually after she has demolished her 24th pint. The matter has been reported to the festival committee who, I regret to say, treated the complaint with an attitude of "So what? Let it all hang out". This I could have understood fifty years ago when Ms Takes was doubtless in the prime of life. However, at her present age, variously estimated at between seventy and a hundred and three, most of it hangs out regardless of her state of dress. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: SINSULL Date: 26 Jun 12 - 12:54 PM Mr Stinks was a MS actually. She is returning this year with a litter of little Stinkies. Might we not invest in a litter box? Several guitar cases were put out of commission last year with just one cat on site. Eight or ten could wreak havoc or just plain reek. |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 26 Jun 12 - 12:31 PM Corporate breaking of wind...( it's the way they say it!) , |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Jun 12 - 11:24 AM Following popular demand for more openness & transparency & also to meet the requirements of the Freedom of Information Act, a new workshop will be in operation this year, The Festival Committee Squabbling demonstration. It will include: Tips on technique for laying blame for financial losses in previous years Hidden agendas Ego trips Blackmail Insinuations Needling & bullying Other suggestions welcomed |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Jun 12 - 10:10 AM Fringe artistes will include: The Lubliners direct from Poland with their latest hit 'Jiggly Polka!' Icelandic singing sensation, Skwork with her new album, 'Yellow Snow Drops' Klezma Band, 'Oyvaytion!' with their new cd ' Hava Tequila!' Aging superstar Englebert Pumpernickel singing his unforgetable Eurosong, 'Unforgetable' |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 12 Jun 12 - 09:00 AM Yes the smell was catasstrophic |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 12 Jun 12 - 07:47 AM The dog didn't find it funny. I told him time and time again. Drink all the slops and free pints you want, and that amber stuff they serve in those little glasses. That's very tasty. But one bite of a bodhran player's leg, especially if the owner of the leg had been on that 15% proof Hair Of The Goat Special the night before, will prove instantly fatal. Ah well, he's up in heaven now, where there's no bodhrans, only harps. Knowing Rover, he won't be happy till he's bitten through one of them. But as they've all gone electric up there, he might be in for a bit of a shock. BTW., does anyone remember that cat the festival adopted? Mr Stinks they called him. By 'eck, if you stood downwind of that thing after it had had a feed of boiled cabbage and beans!!! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Georgiansilver Date: 12 Jun 12 - 07:00 AM That so made me laugh Thanks Owen! |
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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2012. From: Owen Woodson Date: 12 Jun 12 - 06:47 AM Just for the record Wild Rover was trying to bite the bodhran players, as any dog with intelligence and sensibility would. Unfortunately, one day he succeeded, but before he could be voted Dog Of The Year, he died of alcoholic poisoning. |
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