BS: Old men don't...

Subject: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 12 - 02:59 PM

... use turn signals or sit at red lights when there is no opposing traffic.

Although, some old men will honk their horns at you and point to the red light with their gums flappin and an agry look on their face. I dunno who they are talking to on accounta I can't hear em. I just smile at em.

... come to a complete stop at stop signs when there is no other trafiic around.

Hey, I am all about saving energy in order to stem global warning.

... hold farts in until they get out of the grocery store.

Oh, I will wait for an empty isle but if it's real busy I let it go and say something like, "I'm glad that's behind me." or "Was that you or me?" or "Better out than in, eh?" Of course, being a gentleman, I never fart in the checkout line... that I know of, anyway.

... ogle young women without having sunglasses on.

Unless they are walking away. Sometimes I look up at the security camera and mouth, "Would ya look at the ass on that!" Just seems to me that it might brighten the day of the person that has to monitor the cameras.

Any others?

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 27 May 12 - 03:42 PM

LOL gnu, you're a real scream!

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Don Firth
Date: 27 May 12 - 04:01 PM

Giggle all you want now, gnu, but--you're gonna get there sooner or later....

Don Firth (Certified and ordained Old F**t, Olympics class.)

P. S. Overheard: "It's not that I mind the smell all that much, but it's making my eyes water!")

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 May 12 - 04:09 PM

I had this deep thought today about the life of man.
Over 50 years or so, it goes from manually to annually, and sometimes it goes back to manual again.
Is that the sound of one hand clapping?

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 27 May 12 - 04:29 PM

'Old Men don't.....EVER give up on smiling, all twinkly-eyed, at women...

I know, because I always smile back at them.. ;0)

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 27 May 12 - 04:35 PM

I think they do if they get the chance.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bert
Date: 27 May 12 - 04:44 PM

Instal a new crankshaft on their lawnmower, they just buy a new mower.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 12 - 05:15 PM

... install a new crankshaft on their mower if they don't know what they are doing, don't know if they have all the tools required and don't wanna take the chance that they could fuck up a piece of machinery that has a spinning blade of death.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 27 May 12 - 06:33 PM

collect old pocket watches instead of hot young women

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 12 - 06:37 PM

Ahhhh, Dan... I have proof that they do. >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bobert
Date: 27 May 12 - 07:34 PM

...miss out checkin' Mudcat everyday...

LOL...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Elmore
Date: 28 May 12 - 10:05 AM

Get around much any more.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 May 12 - 10:29 AM

...do a lot of things they used to, because now they know better.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bill D
Date: 28 May 12 - 11:02 AM

"The spirit's willing, but....."

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 28 May 12 - 01:35 PM

... care about the dandelions.

When a neighbour, like the guy next door who spreads who knows what kinda chemicals on his lawn (and hires a company to do "deep injection" fertilization) says with attitude, "That's a big crop of dandelions.", I reply, "Pretty, ain't they? All those brilliant yellow flowers on a green background. It's just beautiful. And, you can eat em and make wine with em. God's gift."

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Kampervan
Date: 28 May 12 - 03:25 PM

.....walk past a public toilet without using it.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: kendall
Date: 28 May 12 - 04:01 PM

Well, I guess I'm not old yet. I always stop at red lights and stop signs. Recently I replaced the auger shaft in my snow blower.
Not too long agoI pulled the transmission and clutch assembly out of a very old car and installed a new clutch. That transmission is much heavier than the one I replaced back whenI was 17.
When I do get old I will probably flirt with the women I meet. I might even buy the leather pants that go with the jacket.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 28 May 12 - 04:50 PM

Kendall... "I always stop at red lights and stop signs."

When there is no traffic, I don't have that kinda time to waste. And I JUST became an old man.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bill D
Date: 28 May 12 - 06:02 PM

"When there is no traffic, I don't have that kinda time to waste."

If you lived where I do, you'd think twice.

We have drivers who use that approach and who are NOT old yet. They develop bad habits about 'not stopping', and they eventually guess wrong and either get caught, or hit someone.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 28 May 12 - 06:13 PM

According to some old inky-skinned sailors on the BBC's "Coast" last night...get any more tattoos.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: The Sandman
Date: 28 May 12 - 06:18 PM

OLD MEN DONT REMEMBER HOW TO SPELL ANMESIA

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 28 May 12 - 06:55 PM

Bill D... "guess wrong". Ahhhh... I don't guess. I look. I don't hafta guess. I can look.

... care about fashion. They care about comfort.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Midchuck
Date: 28 May 12 - 07:21 PM

...pass up an available toilet, or trust a fart.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 12 - 04:18 AM

Just because we don't see another car coming doesn't mean there is not a police car watching. None of the signs say, "Stop unless the way is clear."
I've been driving for 60 years and I've gotten ONE speeding ticket. I can't count the number of times I have been passed by some Dale Ernhart wannabe who ignored a solid line and within a few yards I am right on his ass at the next stop light. He endangered lives to gain one car length.
That ticket was valid. I was coming home from the memorial service of my dear friend, Helen Schneyer, and I was doing 54 in a 45. BFD.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 29 May 12 - 08:15 AM

We need a definition of 'Old'...post 50...post 60. I'm approaching 65. Am I old? What was that saying: "You're as old as the wo/man you're feeling" Nigel ;)

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 May 12 - 08:32 AM

I'm enjoying 69

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 12 - 12:24 PM

Old is anyone 10 years older than me.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: frogprince
Date: 29 May 12 - 01:04 PM

"I'm enjoying 69"
John, this is about age, not proclivities.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 29 May 12 - 02:37 PM

"Old men don't..."
do lots of things they used to to excess.
Joe Heaney once told us that it takes all night to do what he used to do all night
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 29 May 12 - 02:57 PM

Kendall. I did get pulled over. I was 4 or 5 Am and I was on my way to pick up my uncle to go huntin. I don't blame the cop. He probably thought I must be drunk. But, I explained that I am a transportation engineer and in my expert opinion, traffic control devices are for controlling traffic. Therefore, when there is no other trraffic, as an expert in time management and fuel conservation, I made a carefully considered decision to ignore the red light after stopping to ensure it was safe to do so.

He looked at me kinda odd, told me not to do that again and walked back to his car.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: kendall
Date: 29 May 12 - 03:59 PM

was coming home late one night and I stopped at a flashing red light. I looked left, then right, and left again. Crossed the intersection and saw a cop right on my ass.He had the right of way coming from the right, but I didn't see him until he was showing his revolving lights.
My point is, I looked both ways three times and I was sure the way was clear. It wasn't
In both cases I was not paying attention, even when I was sure I was.
"It aint what you don't know that hurts you; it's what you are sure of that aint true."
Two tickets in 60 years.Not too shabby.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bert
Date: 29 May 12 - 04:05 PM

Old Men (with good driving records) don't tailgate 'cos they know that that extra space is the difference between a near miss and a fender bender.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bill D
Date: 29 May 12 - 04:17 PM

"guess wrong".

Many years ago I was riding home from a concert with some friends. It was about 1AM... guy driving was a professional ambulance driver. On the FAR north end of town we came to a red light. He stopped...and waited....and waited... and waited... No traffic in any direction as far as he eye could see. Musta been 2 minutes (which was normal and natural for that intersection in daytime). Finally, driver say "Screw this, I'm gonna turn!"

He turns left.... and from behind the gas station behind us comes flashing lights and sheriff's car pulls him over and gives him a ticket.

My buddy says... "And I KNEW the cop! He says they get 4-5 a night sitting there!"


"guess wrong".

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 29 May 12 - 04:50 PM

I got ONE ticket in 39 years. I passed on a solid yellow line. I could see 6/10ths of a mile up the highway and nothing was coming. It was a 60mph zone and buddy was doing 40mph. BUT, it was downhill and the province regulations were "no passing" downhill back then... since changed. We were the only two cars in sight. Didn't notice the aircraft.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 30 May 12 - 03:36 PM

I fear I was kodaked earlier this week. I await the post... with trepidation. Some Volvos are quite quick.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 30 May 12 - 03:38 PM

don't ... install a new crankshaft on their mower if they don't know what they are doing, don't know if they have all the tools required ...

Sorry, but you've disqualified yourself for any but the extreme lowest grade of ol' man. (we still call them "the young 'uns.")

A PROPER old man has all the tools anyone could possibly need to do anything that can be done. And in addition, probably can do almost anything you can even think of doing, with nothing more than a pocket knife with one old loose blade.

Even if you had scant possibility of a successful repair you missed a splendid opportunity to honor your TAS, by getting at least a dozen "tools you might need" before even starting to take anything apart. (Since the important part is the excuse for getting the tools, you don't really have to get around to taking anything apart once you've got them.) You could certainly have enhanced your "old man" reputation just by having a proper "kit."

Once you've reached the stage of old manship at which you have more tools than you can ever possibly use, the only remaining grades of old manning are the next - having all the tools but not remembering where "the one you need" was put away - and the ultimate grade of having all the tools, organized so that you can find them all, but not remembering what most of them are for. (except the pocket knife, of course, even if it's only use is for carrying around "in case you need it").

John

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 12 - 04:46 PM

Perhaps I should have been more clear. Rephrase... don't know if they have all the tools required because they have never done such a job before.

I have a shitload of tools. For example, I have 6 sets of ratchets and sockets with many special sockets and one set has 153 pieces. I'll bet you could fix it in a jiffy with a small percentage of the tools I have. Me... I ain't gonna bother unless I change out engines this winter as i mentioned above.

My questions would be, what is wrong inside? why is it ratcheting LOUDLY under a small load? what has been damaged? how will I be able to tell? can I get the parts? how long will it take to get the parts? how much will it cost to get the parts? how long will the grass grow before I get the engine fixed? Old men in this situation WOULDN'T fuck around. They would just go buy the cheapest mower at Chinese Tire which has a matching engine, get the job done and maybe try to fix the damn thing this winter if the new engine works okay for the rest of the season.

I hope that clarifies my modis operandi and reinstates my status as a PROPER old man while also including me in the wise old man status because I carefully considered my options and chose a reasonable solution set given the constraints, variables and opportunities that the situation presented. I realize, of course, that there may be a probationary period regarding the wise old man status simply due to the fact that I started this thread, albeit mostly in jest.

Please let me know of the Proper Old Man's Association Membership Committee decision on a timely basis. If you remember, of course.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bill D
Date: 30 May 12 - 05:30 PM

Ahhh..if it was the IM-Proper Old Man's Association, I might be able to help...

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 31 May 12 - 11:22 AM

.....old men do less than they used to, but what they DO do, they do better.

.....old men turn the light out at bedtime BEFORE getting undressed.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: frogprince
Date: 31 May 12 - 01:35 PM

".....old men turn the light out at bedtime BEFORE getting undressed."

Speak for yourself; when I get undressed at bedtime, there is usually a mature lady there who is undressing too, or who has recently slipped under the covers after undressing. With that in mind, I'm quite willing to leave the light on and risk an accidental glimpse of my own sorry old hide.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 31 May 12 - 01:44 PM

STINK

A "Scientific Test" has shown that old people smell less strongly and have a more pleasant odor than younger persons.

(sniff)

John

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 31 May 12 - 02:42 PM

... save $25 by sealing the driveway themselves, especially if they have a bad back.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 May 12 - 06:58 PM

......sit down without checking the position of their balls. True for any sitting device and especially true on the john.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jun 12 - 05:10 PM

Thanks for the heads up. I am sure it will come in handy in the near future.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Bert
Date: 02 Jun 12 - 01:42 AM

Right on there JohninKansas. Every new job that you tackle you get to buy a new tool. That's one of the rules.

However we will allow you to keep your real old man status, but only because of your Dentification remark in the approval thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 02 Jun 12 - 10:07 AM

Yesterday I was leaving the library with a load of books. The 20-year-old ahead of me had his ear glued to a cell phone. He was totally unaware that another person was right behind. He opened the door wide, then let it go - "FWOMP" - right in my face.

He moved to the side of the vestibule, but I still didn't register.

Long ago, a Vietnam vet told me that the guys that survived were those with brains. That 20-year-old would not have lasted, I fear.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: kendall
Date: 02 Jun 12 - 12:29 PM

A few years ago at the UofM I went through a door and I held it for a young woman just behind me. She snarled "Don't hold the door for me, I'm not crippled." I thought, yes you are, and you don't even know it.

I hold doors for anyone behind me.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 02 Jun 12 - 06:08 PM

...but often wish they still could.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jun 12 - 08:33 PM

dick! BEST one yet! Hahahahahaa!

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 12 - 10:17 PM

...worry about what old men can't.

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 03 Jun 12 - 01:01 AM

May you live as long as you want to.....

















...and want to as long as you live. Amen

Subject: RE: BS: Old men don't...
From: kendall
Date: 03 Jun 12 - 07:11 AM

...and not a day longer.