BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 14 - 02:36 PM

hahahahahaha!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 07 May 14 - 03:45 AM

Last Saturday it was Cairngorm itself. Saw a few clockwise haggis. I know Ben McDuie has anti clockwise haggis but not sure what happens if they meet and breed ?

Today, despite the less than favourable weather, we are driving out to Fort William as Mrs Musket hasn't walked up Ben Nevis before. If it is siling it down when we get there we shan't but looking forward to it all the same.

(The only man in a kilt I have seen this holiday was a French bloke on a stag do in St Andrews.)



Is co Messiah S reading this ? As it's an abuse thread, ha! ha! no title in Scouseville!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 07 May 14 - 04:20 AM

Oh Eliza, if you thought you'd got away with abusing me on 29th April, and my home city, then think again. I have been away abusing music at a Festival and the alleged wi-fi didn't work, so further abuse to BT, Virginmedia or BSkyB, whoever is responsible for not connecting. The noble judge of the Folk Band competition further abused us by saying our version of Bad Moon Rising was positively the worst he'd ever heard. I shall put it on YouTube so that you can add your abuse to his.

Even more abuse to the effing seagulls who shat all over my car!

So you are coming to Embra in August, Eliza. I was going to say please, but that would be too polite, but anyway, do make contact by permanent abuse message, then we can meet to abuse each other face-to- face. You'll know me by my Royal Stewart tartan winceyette nightie and hairy legs . Come to think of it, we'll look no more odd than the many random sights one can see during Festival Fringe .

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 07 May 14 - 04:22 AM

Oh, and McMusket, it's going to be horrible on Ben Nevis. Watch out for the precipiss.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 07 May 14 - 04:55 AM

It's ok. I'll piss in some gore.

We haven't set off yet. (We are staying in Kingussie) and waiting to see if the weather report alters. If we can't begin going up by 12.00 we shan't. And there is a 40 mile drive first.   The easy path is the choice, (I once pushed a pushchair up it!) but all the same, the weather can turn.

If it is low cloud then fine. If the summit doesn't break cloud cover then no. It is wonderful to be at a summit looking down into clouds. You must have a well marked path down though, GPS or no.

Anyway, setting off in 10 mins regardless.. if it is crap, then carry on up the great glen and a bit of shopping in Inverness. There is a Rohan shop I recall.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 07 May 14 - 09:21 AM

Ah, but Tattie, have you got the aforementioned bristly beard and moustache (ignore that pervert Dave, he obviously has a 'thing' about hairy stuff) I'd love a tartan winceyette nightie; mine is merely a feeble affair in white with flowers. I remember Embra in the sixties/ seventies cos I lived there, and worked as an auxiliary nurse during the Uni summer vacation, wiping bums in the Royal Infirmary. Went to lots of Festival and Fringe events. I was a bizarre sight myself in long hippy clothes, thick plaits with scarves woven in and a Red Indian-style band round my head with a plastic flower stuck in, thick black mascara and white lipstick. What a picture eh? But then, "Ai was in mai praim."
Can't imagine why that daft McThingy wants to go climbing up mountains in chilly mists and doing Munros etc. He's totally bonkers IMO. Stay at sea-level and go shopping Musket. Shopping is nice. Shopping is interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 07 May 14 - 12:38 PM

"Haggis is a savoury pudding containing sheep's pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased in the animal's stomach and simmered for approximately three hours." = abuse. Yech!

Mcs are Cat'lic. Macs are protestant. Micmacs is a derogatory mispronunciation of Mi'kmaq.. I have spoken, all my relations.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 07 May 14 - 01:07 PM

No beard or moustache thankfully for one of my gender! Ooh Eliza, yer a proper hippie!

I was dahn in Lunnon when you wis up here in Embra. Did my share of same unmentionables during my "holidays" too! Oh but this is an abuse thread, so yes, clearing up shit.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 07 May 14 - 01:15 PM

Gnu - I was going to ask how you can speak to all your relations when you don't even know who your father is. But I decided that was too much abuse, even for an abuse thread. So I didn't say it.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 07 May 14 - 01:50 PM

Managed both Eliza! We didn't climb the big jobby but bagged a Corbett along the way. The clouds lifted and wow... Because it's there.

Then into Inverness and bought a new raincoat in Rohan. Mrs Musket also bought some bits and so the shopping urge was sated too.

Back now and about to jump (hobble) into the shower before going out for a meal tonight.

Gnus don't understand haggis. Possibly a bit too genetically close for comfort? The meat from an anti clockwise haggis is supposed to be the best but if you bake clockwise for long enough, it has a more mature flavour.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 07 May 14 - 05:16 PM

This thread is supposed to be about abuse. Yet in order to be successful , Keith , Goofus or their pet worm would have to post in my name.

Self abuse and all that....

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 07 May 14 - 07:09 PM

Ronald McDonald serves only catholic burgers?

Well, isn't that a "kick in the McNuggets" for the protestant burger eaters.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 07 May 14 - 07:13 PM

McMusk 

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 07 May 14 - 07:46 PM

Kingussie - that brings back some lovely memories.

When my elder son was young my wife and I went and stayed (on a recommendation - how wrong they were!) in a terrible place near Elgin. Apart from the disappointment of finding that the village that Local Hero was filmed in has no beach (because it's on the west coast), the place and food was just grimmm.

We made our apologies and left after a day and headed back to the Aviemore area and found, by chance, a place to stay in Kingussie. It was right at the end of the season and we were the only people staying in the Guest House and it soon became like staying with friends.

Having a 2 year old with us we didn't/couldn't go out which gave the guest house owners the chance to go out! They were wonderfully relaxed and dug out a selection of videos to watch and they went out for the evening telling us to help ourselves to things and having asked us to take a note of anyone who phoned or wanted to stay.

So we popped on Fawlty Towers and had a wonderfully relaxed time in comfortable and friendly surroundings. And the food was brilliant - if vast in quantity.

Enjoyable golf course too which I played with the guest house owner as he was not over taxed with visitors. And Glen Nevis at the back end of the year on a beautiful sharp autumn with all the autumnal colours is just gorgeous.

Happy memories.

We'll be heading north to Arran in a few weeks for a relax and some music and looking forward to it.

(Normal abuse may be resumed at some point)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,McMusket
Date: 08 May 14 - 02:47 AM

Aye. A nice place in itself and very convenient for The Cairngorms, Great Glen etc.

Sadly we go back home tomorrow. Had two weeks of huge enjoyment up here, walking, drinking, eating and visiting friends.

I thought it best to come up before we need to fill out complicated visas to get in.

"Have you ever taken the piss out of Lord Protector Salmond?"

"Have you ever used Scottish coronary heart disease figures to scare English NHS commissioners into action?"

"Have you ever done an after dinner speech in Edinburgh where you recited Monty Python's Horace Poem and commented on the probability of deep fried battered After Eight Mints?"

Yeah, could be my last visit if lunacy prevails. I might have to be smuggled in for The RMS dinner in November.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 08 May 14 - 04:05 AM

This thread has become far too congenial, interesting and friendly. If this goes on I shall have to consider leaving Mudcat, as I'm very very offended by all the pleasantness, fascinating accounts and civil remarks. Disgusting.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 08 May 14 - 04:33 AM

Being pleasant is disgusting. Threatening a Dutch Oven is disgusting..

No pleasing some bloody women....

Obviously comments about Scotland aren't offensive. I must try McHarder.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 14 - 07:14 PM

I plead guilty. I was actually 'nice' and helpful earlier on some posts. I apologize profusely. But, the fact is, nobody has attacked my character or those of my fellow Mudcatters (except for the usual suspects and none of us could give a rat's ass about their ages old spat... incessantly blathering "NO. You are a twit." (Fuck me to no end eh?))

So. Here we are. Called out. Bring some game or sit on the bench. Come on you fuckin pussies! Put up or shut up! Either you have what it takes to be a champion of just or unjust as your case may be or you just fuck off.

BTW... I fried celery prior to adding chopped up roast beef, spuds, turnip and carrots. Thought I'd give it a go to see if it was okay in a hash. It sucks.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 08 May 14 - 08:01 PM

Putting chopped up celery in a hash pipe.

Early signs of dementia, I suspect.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 14 - 08:12 PM

Hash pipe? What are U smokin? I haven't had a toke in over 30 years. I do my hash in an iron fryin pan... NOT in a pipe.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 12 May 14 - 11:26 AM

4 f***ing days without even attempting any abuse! Just shows how crap mudcat is becoming. The posters are all wnakers (Well, have you seen how they spell gun) apart from me, and the mods are off their rockers.

There, I feel much better now...

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 12 May 14 - 11:42 AM

It's been terrible having to hold it all in for so long. If I don't insult someone soon I shall burst.

Who mentioned celery? Ghastly stuff, leaves great long strands hanging out between whatever teeth one has left. And those silly little pale green leaves in the middle. Raw it's bad enough, but cooked...GROO!!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 12 May 14 - 06:20 PM

Celery, the most celebrated of aphrodisiacs.*

When I were a lad.....   My Mum used to boil the leaves of what we called Indian Dolphin, strain it and make us drink the juice. Indian Dolphin, which is, I found later in life, lovage, or fool's celery is not nice at all. It put me off celery for life. It remains the one food I will pick out of a stew and leave, even when it has lost its taste.



*Use it as a splint.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 14 - 07:12 PM

A splint? How would a splint work on a flaccid penis? Are you fuckin nuts? Minds me, I got celery in the fridge that needs to be washed, cut and placed in salted water. BEFORE the hockey game. Thanks. GO HABS GO!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 13 May 14 - 03:20 AM

No hope for you if you can't get it up. Your biological usefulness to the gnu species is at an end.

I suppose in forty years or so I may need a splint to KEEP it up, (different thing entirely ) but for those this side of the pond , there is an old saying from where I come from in Derbyshire.

I'd rather live in Hope than die in Clay Cross.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 13 May 14 - 12:52 PM

No, it was you lying.
A while ago now, but you chose to bring it up again.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 14 - 02:29 PM

Generic abuse no? As for personal spats, fuck of with that shite. They don't belong on any thread. Having said that, I understand one must defend one's self against such abuse but that often gets threads closed and some people banned. Been there, done that.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 13 May 14 - 06:10 PM

If you do not want to be called "liar" do not post such ludicrously false stories.
There were no Muslim school children chopped up and fed to pigs in Nigeria or anywhere else.
There is no such thing as "The Council Of Mosques" and the quote you claimed to have downloaded from their non-existent site could not be found by Google anywhere except in your post.

If you tell obvious lies expect to be called out, and if you can not make a case without lying, what is your case worth?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 14 - 09:03 PM

gnightgnu

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 14 May 14 - 07:59 AM

Is tnis youth abuse?

:)

""Denmark's voting turnout for the 2009 EU elections was around 60 percent. Which isn't half bad—turnout for the 2012 US presidential elections was 57.5 percent—but still, there's always room for improvement. In an attempt to boost this year's numbers, Denmark's parliament opted to combat youthful voting apathy by giving the kids what they love—a raging steroid freak who decapitates hipsters and literally punches women into voting booths.""




"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."  

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 14 May 14 - 09:09 AM

Take your pick over how many councils of mosques there are, but I digress. Repeating an account of an aid worker on the radio makes me a liar too, it seems. Although Amnesty International have made the claim too, so we liars are a growing breed.

Tell me Keith. Is it right to take money out of the collecting plate rather than put it in?

As you have no proof about your bible stories, does that make you a liar to be deluded?



Not nice is it?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 14 May 14 - 11:13 AM

Amnesty have not made such a claim.
You could have said you misheard the report or your memory played tricks.
An honest mistake.
Instead you choose to compound the lie with another.
Keep going.
Tell us how you know that Amnesty claimed it.
Will you share a link with us?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 14 May 14 - 11:18 AM

Did you mean this?
http://www.amnesty.org/en/news/nigeria-children-slaughtered-schools-under-siege-2013-10-03

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 14 May 14 - 01:29 PM

Now this is more like it, real abuse by the bucketload. I'm much happier now that I can read nastiness, insults and bile. Well done everyone!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 14 May 14 - 01:35 PM

No

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 14 May 14 - 07:09 PM

"The increase in wisdom can be measured precisely by the decrease in bile. "

Friedrich Neitzsche

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 15 May 14 - 02:12 AM

Musket, you posted your claim just 2 months after that Amnesty report, and you said the incident was not recent, so it should have been referred to in that report.
It is not because it never happened.
A sick and despicable lie.
Not abuse but a statement of fact.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 15 May 14 - 03:23 AM

Keith dresses in women's clothes whilst robbing pensioners.


zzzzzzz

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 14 - 12:03 PM

Robs pensioners? I suppose. Many are slow so the getaway is easier. Slim pickins, though.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 15 May 14 - 02:18 PM

Pickings even. He's already nicked your G. Ok Nu?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 15 May 14 - 09:27 PM

Well I'm a pensioner but don't you dare come robbing me! I can still run fast in that tartan winceyette nightdress long enough to cover my hairy legs.
And let me abuse that effing bank that can't keep appointments. Oh yes, I'm totally angry, on the warpath, ready to hurl any insult you like at anyone who says they can't see us because they're on holiday/in a meeting/can't be ersed.
No idea what the last few days' posts are about, but sounds a load of abusive excrement to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 16 May 14 - 03:17 AM

I would change to Lloyds then Tattie. Not so much keep appointments as not be available for them at all if a yes vote. Their AGM, hosted by Edinburgh probably means they will be able to drag William Wallace to London behind their horse and cart as they up sticks.

It is abusive excrement. That's the point.

Men in skirts. It'll never catch on.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST
Date: 16 May 14 - 04:28 PM

I only put this here because it's an abuse thread.

10 million nutcases

How many people protested in Washington today? Singwringer and who else?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: akenaton
Date: 16 May 14 - 06:43 PM

Hi Tattie, what are you doing among these weirdos?

Yer legs didnae look aw that hairy the last time ah saw ye....it wis jist efftir the clippin right enuff!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 17 May 14 - 03:30 AM

Akenaton, hahahahha!!! Must say that to my sister when I see her, she'll shriek!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 03:43 PM

Madame Senoufou! You were in rare form here. What an amusing thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 06:51 PM

Heavens keberoxu, over two years ago! Seems like only last week.
I've been laughing my head off re-reading this thread. It's a real classic!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:30 PM

Ah the good ol days.

Keboroxu, you are getting better at this.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:59 PM

You harpies and open-arsed surly pedants! You weak threads, you puny whisperers, crack-hemps, three inch fools and tired jades! You are a lewd mix of simpering strumpets and sneaking servants, naught but a rabble of vile confederates, a herd of boils and plagues, some quantity of barren spectators and base contagious miasmas of infected buboes! You light of brains, you fat-guts, you Judases and each thrice worse than Judas, you knot of mouth-friends, of dogs easily won to fawn on any man, noisome weeds that need plucking and burning! You counterfeit heroes, jealous of villains worse than yourselves, you dwellers in sewers, envious of the multitudes of your betters because of your poverty of wit! A pox of wrinkles catch you and hang as pestilence around your necks!



(Is that enough abuse?)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 09:37 PM

No. Now, piss off!