BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 02 Jul 14 - 11:53 AM

What's your problem, Fwuffy? I'm content at the moment (and you would NOT want to have the details).

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 02 Jul 14 - 11:22 AM

I'm not saying a WORD! ;0)

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Peter
Date: 02 Jul 14 - 11:11 AM

A lot depends on the size of the pool of available singles which in turn is down to population.

What would work for me in London with a population, including the commuter belt, of nearly 19 million wouldn't necessarily work in a small west coast city like Portland (well under a million).

In general terms Maeve's advice is best but, if you really don't want to be a "single", then you may have to end up either resorting to a commercial dating service or moving to a more densely populated area.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 02 Jul 14 - 09:44 AM

Bonnie, you don't say where you live.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 02 Jul 14 - 05:09 AM

I strongly suspect, Shimrod, that contiguity and like-mindedness would still perform the Indian rope trick. I recommend trying. You might even pre-mention that your age creates a statistical possibility - some women might feel challenged to see if their wiles still worked...

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 02 Jul 14 - 04:55 AM

I am now in my 60s and have been 'emotionally disabled' for most of my life. I suspect it's because I was hospitalised at the age of 4. In those days parents were only allowed into the ward for an hour a day and, as a result, the bond was broken between me and my mother. Years later, I overheard her telling someone else that: "When he came out of hospital he pushed me away".

When I got into my teens and early 20s I found it impossible to form close relationships with women of my own age (there were platonic friendships but nothing else). Love and marriage happened to other people - but not to me. At the time, I put this down to very, very low self-esteem (no-one would be interested in an inadequate wretch like me) but it was only years later (in my 50s) that I realised that I had been pushing women away - as I had my mother all those years before. Eventually, I met someone through a dating agency. We were together (sort of - there were complications) for 4 years but it didn't last - mainly, I suspect, because she had issues to.

Nevertheless, I survived and somehow, despite the self-esteem issues, got myself a decent job - which paid enough to allow me to buy a house and, eventually, to provide me with a decent pension. Now I'm retired and living alone in my own, paid for, house.

When I retired, I decided to devote my time to my passion - which is nature conservation. I seem to have been more successful than I ever dreamed possible - which has done wonders for my self-esteem! I'm also a member of a rich and vibrant community of like-minded people. This community includes quite a few attractive women (some much younger than me). Trouble is I now find myself quite severely 'hormonally challenged' - so would find it difficult to take advantage of these opportunities (not that I would take adantage of younger women, of course). Life is complicated and then, I suppose, you die!

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Jul 14 - 12:15 AM

"Since I don't know the OP or other posters here personally, I have no sense of what other people's personal issues are. But it may help for some of us to do a little more self reflection when things don't work out, and look at our own role and attitude in the relationship process. "

From my not particularly unique male point of view...

Cats are a serious warning signal.

multiple cat ownership = beware

Cat litter tray in her bedroom = thanks for the offer but i'll see myself out...

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,City Girl
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 11:56 PM

I'm also over 50 and single, but I mainly consider this to be due to my own issues, and not because of a lack of men.

Over the years, I have always encountered at least some single, heterosexual men in my age group, both at work and at music and other activities. A number of them have been very nice people, and most likely still single because of being shy or lacking in confidence. Although I may have not found "the one" for myself, I did not see these men as losers.

I also have met plenty of men over 50 who enjoy pursuing various interests and are not just sitting home watching TV.

Since I don't know the OP or other posters here personally, I have no sense of what other people's personal issues are. But it may help for some of us to do a little more self reflection when things don't work out, and look at our own role and attitude in the relationship process. (I do not consider myself either an optimist or "positive thinker", by the way, just a realist.)

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Janie
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 11:25 PM

Ladies, we who are past 50 (I'm past 60) and find ourselves single have no reason to think we are any better or any worse than men who find themselves single within our age cohort. Let us steer away from sexist stereotypes of any ilk.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: LadyJean
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 10:58 PM

I'm also single, and past 50. The good men are mostly taken. The untaken ones tend to have issues. I'd love to have someone to go places with. But I'm not sure a guy my age would want to do much besides sit in front of the TV and watcht he game.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 03:08 PM

My point was not simply that old men can father children, but more that it tends to indicate that such fathering indicates that the said old men are not past enjoying nookie. And perhaps they have learned that it's a good idea to try to help women enjoy it too.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 02:07 PM

Do what Maeve says-go places where people are enjoying themselves and enjoy yourself. If you're having a good time, people will want to connect with you--go to the beach with friends, go ride bikes, or horses, walk your dog, or someone else's dog, join a choir, go bowling, enter a chili cook-off--or, wait! Did someone mention this already? Join a Meetup group!!!!

Whatever you do, you should understand that staring men's wedding bands on the bus and wishing they weren't married is what they call a zero-sum game.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: maeve
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 12:23 PM

Guest, Bonnie- If your focus is Looking for a Husband, you are likely to be blind to nice fellows around you. If your focus is to live an interesting and productive life, and your interest in all the people around you shows you are open to meeting like-minded people, both men and women who aren't looking will be inclined to notice you and introduce you to special men who may be interested in you.

Stop shopping for a husband. Live your life. Learn new things. Be kind to all you meet. There are many wonderful men around, but they won't drop their camouflage unless you get busy living your one amazing life. I wish you well in your journey.

Maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: meself
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 11:35 AM

Pierre Trudeau became a proud daddy at 83, I believe it was. However, I don't think the OP is looking for someone to give her a child ... !

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 11:03 AM

bubblyrat... wonderful story! Thanks for sharing.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: bubblyrat
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 10:16 AM

Andres Segovia fathered a child in his eighties , and was he a good guitarist !! I am nearly 67 now, and met Nicola (70 last week) via a newspaper dating page mix-up ( Telegraph / Times ) over two years ago.After a very short telephone "courtship" I eventually travelled to Winchcombe,(Glos.)to meet her ,stayed the night and am still here today !! We have never had a day apart ,except for when I was in Reading hospital for a month ,and she visited me every day anyway.So, these newspaper dating sites CAN work ; I would certainly advise giving one a chance ( "quality" newspapers, NOT "gutter press " !! ).

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 06:32 AM

Here it is again...

I took my ring off the day I said I was filing for divorce, April 17, 1999. A few years ago, a pawn shop opened nearby. The guy weighed the ring and announced it was X grams. I said, "Really!? It weighed a lot more than that when it was on my finger."

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 06:27 AM

"Funny, I'm sure I posted here and saw it take."

Yup. Me too. I check em all now. And, I did post herein and I did check it and it WAS here... now it's not.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Johnny J
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 06:21 AM

Why not go for a "toy boy" in his forties?
;-))

Seriously, don't worry about it. Just enjoy making friends in the meantime.

Also, enjoy your own company too. I never managed to have a successful relationship until such times that I could be happy and content on my own.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 06:01 AM

Funny, I'm sure I posted here and saw it take.

I'd have thought that folk music would be a good place to look. Many men, few women, and most of both over 50. Also most are not "conservatives" - a definite plus.

I would suggest "online dating" too. Just be careful who you go to meet, where and when, and have an exit strategy until you know each other tolerably well. Going on an anti-austerity demo together is a good safe option!

I'd also suggest that many men remain horizontally capable to much older than 60 - and have learned that there is more than one way to skin a cat and that women should be pleasured too. I'm reasonably sure there are accredited cases of fatherhood at 80.

I'd agree that most older English men do not wear wedding rings. Indeed any rings apart from signet rings. Avoid anyone wearing a sovereign ring or sovereign medallion.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 05:55 AM

IMHO
sessions, singarounds, and Festivals would be the best places if you want a shared interest in Folk.
If you are fit, ceilidhs are a great place to just enjoy the social atmosphere. Whatever else transpires is a bonus.
If you lived in Gloucestershire UK, I would recommend Stroud Ceilidhs. We have a policy of not having morris or song spots, in the break, so that people can mingle, socialise and re-fill their glasses without missing-out on any given dance. And the committee and a few regulars make a point of asking wallflowers to dance, and reminding them that any woman can ask a man and no-one will think it at all strange. And the latter is pretty much de riguer in most ceilidh series I know about.
Stroud Ceilidhs the first dance of the season is on (unusually) a Friday and part of the Stroud Folk Festival 26th - 28th Sept.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Jul 14 - 02:04 AM

I came up with a truism today: Old Guys may not be HOT but they are COOL.

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Guest, city girl
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 11:24 PM

This is a site I stumbled upon recently that you might find helpful:

Meeting people

It is probably geared more towards issues with shyness / introversion and how this affects meeting people. (my own issues). From what you've written here, this doesn't seem to be the issue for you. However, I found the articles on this site to be generally helpful, and they might give you some ideas as well.

The person who writes them apparently faced his own problems with this issue and eventually improved his situation. He also got a degree in social work. (I'm just quoting from the site here, and can't verify this.) Regardless, I found these to be some of the more realistic articles on these issues I've come across. They're written with a very practical common sense approach, and, while encouraging, don't try to sugarcoat the process of meeting people. I think he does present some valid ideas about why certain things, like simply being friendly, might not work, and what you might try instead.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 10:52 PM

Some of you folks are damned depressing. Don't you ever watch those Viagra commercials? (They've gotten much better - the Cialis commercials still set set my teeth on edge).

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: bbc
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 09:45 PM

Thanks, Janie!

Barbara

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Ebbie
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 09:35 PM

The only good years that you had were the tires on your car, eh? :)

(Taken from the song)

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Bugsy
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 07:53 PM

I've never been in this situation (Single and looking) I met wy wife when I was 6 years old, started dating her when we were 16 and married her at 20. We've been married now for 45 years(I've been told te firs 46 are the worst.)

I will make one observation though. Wearing a wedding ring doesn't always mean that a man is married. Many widowed men still wear their wedding rings, and that doesn't mean that they are still bonded to their deceased wife.

Good luck with your quest.

Bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 02:42 PM

Build yourself a coffee table.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 12:03 PM

" I don't really want to go to a single's dating service"

After reading the replies to this thread
you may reluctantly conlude this might be the the optimum pragmatic option...

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,#
Date: 30 Jun 14 - 10:03 AM

Probably the easiest way to find 50-60 single men would be a newspaper advertisement.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,jcp
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 11:49 PM

I was afraid, when I broke up a 22 year marriage a few years back, that I wouldn't be able to find a woman in the 50 - 60 range who would want me. In fact that fear was part of what kept me in the relationship for the last few years we were together. I quickly found that I had some sought-after traits: I have a job, my house is clean and neat, I'm not looking for a mommy, and I have minimal bad habits. I was given to understand that I would be snapped up soon, and I was as soon as I was ready to be. Apparently, a lot of guys who get divorced at my age do so because they are terrible at being in relationships; my single female friends report that most of them are looking for someone to take care of them. In general, decent guys in our age group aren't sitting around being single if they don't want to be. My unscientific and ego-centric study of the subject indicates that there are a lot more good single women in this age group than good single men.

And that's just the available pool of mates -- you still have to find the one who turns you on, makes you laugh, and has personal habits you can live with comfortably. Maybe you have to identify the acceptable men shortly after they get divorced and be ready to move in as soon as they are ready to move on. Maybe it makes a difference if the divorce was his idea or hers.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Bonnie - Guest
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 11:17 PM

Nice to hear so many responses.

One person: Jack the Sailor mentioned about doing projects around the home and going to Home Depot & Lowes. I don't have my own home. Have an apt I rent so any work that needs to be done, the manager of the apt. building does it. I am on the West Coast, USA and the guys do seem to wear wedding bands here.

I should also mention that I use public transit - trains & buses a few days a week for part time job.

There are a lot of men on the train and I am always looking around to see if there might be someone single. Well here, the men are also all wearing wedding bands on the train - woman too.

I sit in different places on the train - not the same carriage all the time and I am on the train to get home about 1 hour.

It amazes me sometimes that all these people are married!!!
If the divorce rate is so high - I don't see single people in this age range around, 50 - early 60's. Even the younger guys on the train - who appear to be in their mid-30's or so are all wearing a wedding band. This is a commuter train - the one I use to my area only runs Monday - Friday. Plenty of people on the train, I can't get over that they all seem to be married. Most are business people.

I think that someone was saying that men have a more difficult time of being alone so I imagine after a divorce they get remarried very quickly, maybe even having met the woman while they are still married. I also think professionally at their job that men feel better, more confident if they do have a spouse and not alone, especially in their 40's & 50's.

I also wanted to mention that I am not skinny or heavy - but I think it is pretty hard for a woman in her 50's to meet anyone - here on the west coast anyway. I guess if there are any single guys in the 50's,& 60's, they probably want to meet someone younger, 30's & 40's but not their own age. Their first wife might have been near their age but if they do get a divorce it seems like they do prefer much younger women the 2nd or 3rd time around and not a 50 something year old woman.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 10:53 PM

I highly recommend MeetUp. It is not a dating or matchmaking site, it is an activities site--groups of every conceivable type post their meetings and let you join their groups and sign up for events. And there are groups everywhere.

I was about to spend my first Christmas alone in twenty five years, and I was desperately looking for somewhere to go. I found meetup, and on Christmas day, I was hiking with about 30 other people. A bunch of us went out to dinner afterwards, too. And if you can cover Christmas, everything else is easy...

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Janie
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 10:32 PM

Also what Bill D. said. Live your life and do what you enjoy because it is what you enjoy. Finding a mate, if that is important to you, will be more likely happen if it is a secondary goal.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 10:04 PM

Guest: Maybe it's a cultural thing, but here in the UK I've never known any married men older than me
or my same age who wear wedding rings.

Newly-wedded men in their 20s / 30s may have recently started to accept this fashion;
but I can't help suspecting they are soft touch victims of the grossly profiteering Wedding Industry ???

I don't know how old you are, but I'm a Brit in my late 50s and wore a wedding ring for many years from the day I was married. I stopped wearing it regularly when I really got into rock-climbing and saw one guy get his finger "de-gloved" after he forgot to take his ring off and fell with his finger jammed in a crack in the rock. Having heard about more cases, I changed my "default setting" to "ring off" so that I won't be so used to it being there that I forget it.

Probably over half the men of my acquaintance in my age group got a wedding ring when they were married.

And it wasn't due to being a soft-touch victim on the wedding industry. Our wedding was Registry Office, with a meal for ourselves plus 10 family members only afterwards, and a self-organised party for friends at our flat in the evening. Cost, including 4 days honeymoon was under £200 all-in, in 1980. Most of our friends also had "budget" weddings, but the blokes mostly still had rings.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Janie
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 09:30 PM

What bbc said. And best of luck on your move and finding your way around a new community, bbc!

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 09:10 PM

"Without money, political power, or celebrity, a man isn't visible to women" Guest

Broad brush, indeed. My criterion required "interesting" above all. And talent doesn't hurt. Good sense of humor either.

However, the heavens protect us from boring, whiny, negative or controlling ones.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Jack Campin
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 09:01 PM

The second strain of David Young's tune fits your broadside. The first seems to have been added by an instrumentalist, it's not very singable.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 07:22 PM

Guest... "... getting it on together"? At the age being discussed, that is the last of the considerations. It takes a lot of time to get to 'carpet burn'.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 07:11 PM

What with the female menopause and sagging male virility,
mid 50s to 60s aint exactly the most conducive time in life for new couples to try getting it on together..

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: bbc
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 07:00 PM

I'm in the process of moving to a more populated area, now that I've retired. I've decided to pursue my interests--photography, dance, folk music, shape note, hiking, nature, birding, travel. I think that may be a better direction for me than seeking men. If they happen along, I might consider it. Otherwise, I think my life will be plenty rich. Wish me luck!

bbc

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 05:35 PM

Meetup?

Although in practice, those in their 50s are rather too wise now to fall for the old old story, and those in their 60s are starting to thin out already.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 05:24 PM

They're around. You just can't see them. Without money, political power, or celebrity, a man isn't visible to women. Unless he's at an age where his natural instinct is to aggressively pursue and/or harass them.

And of course the few older men who do have any of those desirable qualities are busy with younger women. Growing old is tough on everyone.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 05:01 PM

Seriouslah.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 03:56 PM

They are out there. I am one. But, like a lot of "nice guys", a dozen times bitten, a dozen times shy. I have absolutely NO need to roll the dice again so I actually avoid encounters of the female kind. I prefer writing, music, comedy and sports TV and keeping to myself. It's horrible that I got messed over so bad that I didn't have any children but I often think, if my potential children grew up in the toxic environment I was subjected to when married (13 years, 4 months, 17 days, 11 1/2 hours), how would it have affected them? Maybe it was meant to be?

Of course, none of that has anything to do with your situation except to say... a 57 year old divorced man like me is NOT getting married again unless he falls in love and I know better than to let that bullshit happen again. I preclude such as stated above.

Good luck. Love is grand... for some but not all.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 02:32 PM

I know some single men in my age group (I'm 59 and married), but they are quite often like this adage: Single men of a certain age are like parking spaces, the good ones are taken and the others are either handicapped or "out there." I couldn't in good conscience introduce anyone or try to set someone up with some of these guys.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 02:03 PM

I wonder if you have a local newspaper Bonnie? Here in Norfolk there's one which has a Finding Partners page. It's better than an online dating site, because the men on it will live relatively near to you, and thus are more likely to be genuine. (It's hard to cheat or be a villain if you're in the same local area as the lady!) I'm sure statistically there are plenty of available men who are a bit lonely and would love to meet you. So if you advertised in a newspaper like that one, you'd probably have many replies.
I still think the best way is through a hobbies or interests club. It's a case of choosing the right subject or interest. My late widowed father took up bridge and French, and used to say it was in both cases a front for a dating agency!

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 12:21 PM

Bonnie,

Whenever Carol goes to Lowes Home Improvement or Home Depot she gets hit on by men in that age range. Maybe you can do some little projects around your home.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 12:11 PM

One of my best friends is a gay man. Good man. Great company.

Subject: RE: BS: Any Single Men 50-60 around??
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Jun 14 - 12:09 PM

For what it's worth, I tick most of your positive boxes except I'm happily married.

However, looking out for absence of wedding rings as a reliable indicator of avilability ?

I have never worn or wanted a wedding ring.

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but here in the UK I've never known any married men older than me
or my same age who wear wedding rings.

Newly-wedded men in their 20s / 30s may have recently started to accept this fashion;
but I can't help suspecting they are soft touch victims of the grossly profiteering Wedding Industry ???