BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 05:31 PM

Why does steel never admit to its crimes?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 04:36 PM

The birthday is actually on the 30th, but we can celebrate as many times as you want to.

Severn looks at the cake, and blowing all 69 candles....

("How did you do that, Severn?" asked gnu?
"The answer is, blowing out the wind", he replies.
The Chorus starts in to singing:

"Sing choirs of gibbons,
Sing by exhalation....")

...."Now have at it, folks and drink up, as well, I can't. I'm diabetic" as he stares down at his can of Zevia Ginger Ale and sighs......

"Why's the cake so big?" asks Donuel.
"Besides needing space for 69 candles, it turns out that I couldn't persuade Sandra, Mrrzy or Acme to jump out of it., said the baker.
"Not for ANY amount of money would I go inside a cake" says Acme. "Bakers can't be choosers, you know."
"Now you tell me" says Teresa. "I could use the money."
"Where would you PUT it?" asks Mrrzy.


"No need any more for the blood shed?" calls out a Red Cross volunteer. "Does that mean we can lock it up and go home?"
"The week is young yet" says Bruce. "Check out over by where Rap is."
Some of the bats are eying the blood shed. "I dodn't think we HAD any vampires up in the belfry" whispered Severn to gnu.
"Maybe they're relatives visiting for the holidays" replies gnu.



Having been declared as "misunderstood", Severn asks Teresa Terrific if she wants to be Queen of the Miss Understood Pageant.
"I'd take it, you'd want me to be "understanding" the mistletoe over there where it "oversits"?......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 09:44 AM

Drawing on a pair of Kevlar gloves, beardedbruce dis-daggers the Dame.

"No need for (more) bloodshed" he says to Rap.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 09:15 AM

...and learns that one does not grab a dagger, highly prized or otherwise.

He sinks back in his bench and opens a band-aid (sticking plaster) for his fingers.

Then, the flow of blood staunched, he reaches to his left and draws his rapier (actually a colichemarde) and his pistol (a Queen Anne style, in flint). The pistol is, of course, unloaded, as he doesn't wish to hurt anyone. The sword, however, is good, honest steel.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 07:26 AM

---------technical digression:

Wootz steel originated in India. There are several ancient Tamil, Telugu, Greek, Chinese and Roman literary references to high carbon Indian steel since the time of Alexander's India campaign. The crucible steel production process started in the 6th century BC, at production sites of Kodumanal in Tamil Nadu, Golconda in Telangana, Karnataka and Sri Lanka and exported globally; the Tamils of the Chera Dynasty producing what was termed the finest steel in the world, i.e. Seric Iron to the Romans, Egyptians, Chinese and Arabs by 500 BC.

A 200 BC Tamil trade guild in Tissamaharama, in the South East of Sri Lanka, brought with them some of the oldest iron and steel artifacts and production processes to the island from the classical period. The Arabs introduced the South Indian/Sri Lankan wootz steel to Damascus, where an industry developed for making weapons of this steel. The 12th century Arab traveler Edrisi mentioned the "Hinduwani" or Indian steel as the best in the world.

Wootz is characterized by a pattern caused by bands of clustered Fe
3C particles made of microsegregation of low levels of carbide-forming elements. The presence of cementite nanowires, and carbon nanotubes has been identified by Peter Paufler of TU Dresden in the microstructure of wootz steel. There is a possibility of an abundance of ultrahard metallic carbides in the steel matrix precipitating out in bands. Wootz swords, especially Damascus blades, were renowned for their sharpness and toughness.

------------------------------end of digression

Rap shakes off the rising hypnotic effect, and grabs for his highly prized dagger.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 07:14 AM

Without the protective power of the puma pummeling pommel ruby, Rap finds himself drawn ( poorly, with a no. 2 pencil) to her eyes.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 27 Dec 17 - 07:11 AM

Licking her lips, a small, perfect drop of blood appears on the damascened steel blade.

"Hey, watch that! I don't want it to rust." Rap says.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 09:10 PM

She pulled the dagger from the floor and placed it to her lips as to say "shh". Rap lookd up and saw it was her, the Dame of Groans.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 09:04 PM

A wealthy puma sneaks in, and snags the ruby from the puma pummeling pommel. He takes it over to the dwarf scowler, who is talking to the Orange-atang librarian.

"Does this have any value, having been pried from a heathen idol's eye, given to the Church and used by a Cardinal of dubious virtue, and 'obtained' by Rap on a trip he does not talk about?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 08:46 PM

Deep in his cups, he sings soundlessly. His dagger falls from his doublet and sticks point-first in the puncheon floor. The ruby in its pommel, particularily pertinent for pummeling poor pumas, glints in the firelight.

In the darkness outside, a Wyrm approaches.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 06:49 PM

Reverend Severn in full Regalia, jeans T shirt and coat, slowly and deliberately offered personal amnesty and blessings to each and every survivor of the weekend still immobile and hung over.
"Eternum forgottenae olde acquaitensea" When all the virtual animals harmed were blessed and living non lifeforms interred in the pit, Severn slowly withdrew while on the phone "whaduya mean the station went dead?"

Camera zooms in on what could be a flickering time distortion nexus as a kovfefe worm wriggles into view...fade to white.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 05:19 PM

Teresa Terrific says " Drinks on me!" as the chori line up bodyshots.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 05:17 PM

a moderate crowd, bringing a birthday cake with 69 + 1 candles.

"Someone here by the name of 'Severn'? This might be early, but we wanted to get it out- that many candles is a fire hazard." says the baker.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 04:51 PM

As darkness falls, the tavern is almost empty. Only the assorted chori, the wombat, and the oversized felines remain to keep Teresa Terrific company, with Rap, Donuel, Severn and beardedbruce dozing off at the bar. The alligator looks at his watch ( with the dodo leather watchband) and thinks about the end of his shift.

The door on the SWS side opens, and in comes

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 11:07 AM

I think Donuel has had a bit too much of the Tavern Brew.


But at least he is awake ( I think) and commenting!


Teresa Terrific looks around, and says "Where is everybody?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 11:04 AM

Uber the top, Donuel!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 09:07 AM

Maybe no one gnu but it is unwise to feed Oxy to moles and trolls.

By golly those bossy Nazi moles on oxy-poppy are cocky zombie Nazis.

An Aussie autopsy by a glossy saucy paparazzi story showed frosty bodies in oxy saki sauce E-mails.

Rightie's hobbies to lobby for oxy coffee and toffee is kovfefe since oxy is deadly for alkies.


I'll get me Taxi.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 01:18 AM

"Outside of a giant wombat, a book is your best friend.





Inside of a giant wombat, it's too dark to read." Says the librarian.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 01:12 AM

There's probably a stable of giant wombats especially bred for tavern duties......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 01:09 AM

The Tavern librarian , a handsome orange-otang, takes it upon himself to start an inquiry. He sidles over to Sandra to ask a few questions.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 01:05 AM

Ahah! The pot sickens ( having been left off the flame for too long). I just noticed this from last year- How many years has the giant wombat been coming here, before performing his sleigh-pulling duties ? And is it the Same giant wombat each year?

Or do they take turns?

"Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2016n
From: Sandra in Sydney - PM
Date: 20 Dec 16 - 05:28 AM

sandra saunters in, having left a giant wombat in the stable where it started eating the straw in the stall where an unfazed Ebbie placed it.

Giant wombats are herbivores, allegedly extinct 25,000 years ago & they certainly don't belong to people (maybe people belong to giant wombats??) Maybe JennieG will sort out the situation when she gets back.

sandra places an order for hot spiced orange juice and a chicken sandwich & looks around ..."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 12:35 AM

TT says " Well, they can stop standing under me!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 12:33 AM

And Severn says "My puns aren't bad, just misunderstood."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 12:31 AM

Teresa Terrific laughingly says "Good to see you boys Bonding."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 26 Dec 17 - 12:27 AM

"Hey Rap, that should be shaken, not stirred!" Sir James says. " How many times do I have to tell you?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 11:57 PM

"201 !" Says the giant wombat.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 11:55 PM

Teresa Terrific says to Rap "Is that a dagger in your doublet, or are you just glad to see me?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 09:33 PM

198? Really?

Back to the drama.

Maybe I'll get caught up during the week.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 08:47 PM

Passed out over his Christmas 151 proof rum and nothing, he doesn't stare at anyone or anything. However, being eternally wary, his heightened senses sensing everything, he dozes with a hand on a dagger inside his doublet. Inside his force field of silence, all is calm and given the lighting and lightning, all is also bright.

He stirs.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 07:53 PM

And Teresa Terrific thnks the moles are kind of cute, if a bit near-sighted. "Sometimes I think they are the only ones not staring at me. " she says.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 07:43 PM

That was MTA, Severn.

No need to remove those moles. Other than some lime jello,which we have lots of, and political commentators, who we banish to the bottom of the jello pit, they ( the moles) don't eat much, and Les, the Lawn Moor has stated he can share the lawn with them.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 07:32 PM

"Is there a doctor in the house? We need to have a bunch of moles "surgically removed" from the premises............"

It's good to see the MBA, as I thought was stuck forever 'neath the streets of Boston, which id probably where he met the moles....

Mmario, somebody writes you in each year as an ongoing charcter, so it's like you've never been gone. Nothing bad ever happens to you in the kitchen, though you're always safe from whatever might fall on us folks out on the floor....

"Troll la la la la, la la la la....." The new trio is still at it. Not too bad, actually.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 06:37 PM

Donuel's predicted, convicted addicted moles are hanging around, waiting for further political comments to chew on.

Teresa Terrific, no longer tipsy, hands a large mug of enhanced eggnog to the giant wombat, saying " you must be ready for a rest, after that long night of work."
The wombat relies " The flying is not bad, but those landings can be a problem."


"There are no problems; Only opportunities to excel. " says an MBA who snuck in with the moles and other vermin.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 10:01 AM

At least the mole of mobs are staying outside...

Hot whisky, barkeep!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 09:49 AM

No one is in charge of the kitchen; it's a free for all zone in there.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 09:12 AM

Who's in charge in the kitchen?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 06:10 AM

The bowl of highly spiced fried pork rind is almost gone.
"Hey, we're almost out of seasoned greasings!" Says the wombat.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 06:05 AM

"Eggnog French toast and mimosa's, over by the fireplace" announces the alligator, setting up the large coffee urn on the bar.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 05:59 AM

The giant flying wombat has finished his appointed tasks, and returns to the Tavern.
"Off til next year! Let's get the party started."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 25 Dec 17 - 05:54 AM

Teresa Terrific opens her stocking to find a lump of carbon. (Nicely cut, a soft pink)

Rap comments " looks like about 3 carats. In a Tiffany setting, no less!"

"Ok, ok. I LIKE mature men with beards." She says.

The chori start up again, with "Santa Baby" as TT blushes to match her present.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 04:23 PM

It's now 8.30 A.M. on Christmas morning, so the giant wombat has settled down to open presents, eat green jello and consume the odd drop of alcohol or two.

"Just what I wanted!" exclaims the giant wombat, opening a gift which seems to go on and on forever.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 01:51 PM

One of the squidlets goes over to DtG.
"You've been looking for me? " it coughs.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 10:31 AM

It turns out that the leader of the newcomers is Carole, The Ancient Yuletide Troll, herself. She and her friends were living under the Francis Skate Key Bridge over the Potomac River until a bunch of goats from the Gruff family butted in and being indignant to indigents, had them thrown out, threatening to use them as bait while trolling for Rockfish. Carole and her friends Con and "Highway Pat" tired from seeking demeaning seasonal work as Mall Elves and Garden Gnomes*, they thought they might be able to score some free grub. They are still dressed in Swiss hats and Leiderhosen fresh from a low=paying Mall gig, posing as yodelers from the Troll-ean Alps. Mmario tells them that the choir is on break, so they can sing for their for awhole and then "Alp themselves". They start off with their signature Swiss version of "Deck The Halls" (sung earlier by some shantymen as "Haul The Decks"). Most people applaud, except for DtG, who has never liked their kind......

BREAKING NEWS FROM CNN.......
Both the Russian pilot and the rhino (with a chunk of the aircraft still hanging on his horn) were rescued alive from chilly Atlantic waters. Luckily, as is usually the case with pea-brained rhinos, why he was charging/flying and even where he started from was completely forgotten, keeping us from having to deal with the Endangered Species List folks.....

As for Teresa Terrific, she definitely deserves a high ranking on the Engendered Species List....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 10:02 AM

Donuel produces a 50% off poop on, bruce laughs "its expired".

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 09:51 AM

I have *MISSED* the Tavern...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 09:34 AM

The dropbear slowly moves over Donuel, preparing to perform its prime purpose.

Looks are exchanged among the crowd, but no-one is willing to warn Donuel.

" let him get his just reward, for ruining the tone of the discussion" is heard from the smilodon.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:19 AM

Tipsy Teresa Terrific guides the wombat over Donuel, where the wombat drops a cube-shaped poop directly into the drink in front of him.

"That's your only warning shot. " shouts TTT. " We have standards around here, even for inside the Beltway folks."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:11 AM

I'm sure someone owes me sick squid...

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:07 AM

Donuel looks and more like the blob fish.

He feels his throat contricting with every political comment.
The mob of moles is starting to move in his direction, and Kris pulls out a
Small blue notebook labeled 'Naughty' and asks "that's one 'n', right?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 08:03 AM

Well, says the wombless bat, if you're going there....
(Warbling)
An awful debility
A lessened utility
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility
In all probability
I'll lose my virility
And you your fertility
And desirability
And this liability
Of total sterility
Will leed to hostility
And a sense of... futility
So let's act with agility
While we still have facility
For we'll soon reach senility
And lose the ability!