BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 14 Dec 17 - 09:39 AM

I observed that the aurochs' remains, or at least some part of them, were in the possession of an un-named "someone" in the corner, and were being incorporated into a musical instrument.

One of the Vikings has grabbed the aurochs's skull, placed it over his head, and is leading a parade of vikings through the main dining room.

Gold armbands dangle from the horns.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Dec 17 - 06:48 AM

The reason why I called you here is to reveal the killer of the auroche, said Detective Donuel. Who Why, Where is but the simplest questions. It was Bruce who found the remains. It was Dave who theorized the brownie dissection, but there are other suspects we need to include so we can eliminate one by one until only one remains!
Having considered the factors that either enable or compel large body sizes to evolve, I now ask how these factors can explain the observed historical pattern in era-level and Phanerozoic-level global gigantism. In particular, (a) what distinguishes the post-Paleozoic interval (especially the second halves of the Mesozoic and Cenozoic eras), during which all ecological categories witnessed the evolution of their largest representatives, from the Paleozoic? and (b) what accounts for the retreat from global gigantism of terrestrial animals during the Cenozoic while maximum size in most marine categories reached its peak during the Late Cenozoic? Who is capable of murdering such a large animal???


IT WAS YOU... --->

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Dec 17 - 03:54 AM

Have you ever known an aurochs with rhythm?

yes Auroch and Roll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 14 Dec 17 - 12:51 AM

A goblin enters, off the evening shift working the Eerie Canal.

Last of the chocolate mint brownie is wrapped to send to Mrrzy.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 14 Dec 17 - 12:39 AM

Have you ever known an aurochs with rhythm?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 07:13 PM

not rhythm bones?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 01:52 PM

A mob of vikings come in singing. A fight breaks out over whether "Row, row, row your knarr" or "I've been working on the whale-road" is the better drinking song.

Someone is over in the corner making a xylophone out of well-chewed aurochs ribs.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 01:38 PM

Or rocks?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 11:45 AM

oar ox

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 09:07 AM

It's not just Firefox that calls the word "aurochs" into question. It's spell-check software in general. That such a significant, noble, and fine-tasting beast should have the reality of its existence questioned by a bunch of ones and zeros is an abomination! We must institute a campaign to raise the public profile of the aurochs high enough that the gods of spell-checking have no choice but add it to their lexicons.


Listen up, you spell-checking fascists!

"Aurochs" is a real word!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 08:19 AM

I want some brownie if it's, you know, one of *those* brownies.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 04:40 AM

Half of an aurochs is a bit like half a brownie.

Errrrrrrrrrrrr

If we are being pedantic you would have: a head, a top, a rump, side, Silverside, Shoulder, Hock, Trotter, Neck, Ribs. (No kidney or liver - I don't like them)

No Butt about it.

And as Beardedruce pointed out. While we debate the imponderable
the rabble have scoffed the lot! And there's a lot of aurochs even today. And you will have to be quick to get any brownie(s).

NOW

here's an interesting aside. FireFox queries the spelling of 'aurochs' (auroras anyone?) in plain text, but it doesn't within HTML TAGs eg italics!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 02:26 AM

The singing in her marsupial pouch
turned into dance inside and out
She crossed the floor and crushed a couch
Rap's head popped up and began to shout
"I am the champ of drivin em crazy"
"I'm much better than Martin Scorsese"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 12:18 AM

A bat without a womb plants a huge slobbery kiss on the old lady, chittering in delight and in French. Irish coffee kinda happens.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 09:06 PM

He sings, his voice pouch-muffled:

I am a bold Irishman, Murphy's me name.
I'm known as a piper and fiddler of fame.
Tin whistlin's me forte, on the flute I'm the same
At the squeeze-box there's none can me equal.
I whistle for breakfast, and pipe for me tea
I play me ould flute twenty-five hours a day.
And I can't understand why so many folk say
I'm champion at drivin' 'em crazy.

Well, I once had a sweetheart, so fair and divine
She said that she loved me, I thought she was mine.
She'd the shape of a fiddle and her hair was so fine
For bowstrings you'd sure find no better.
She told me forever her love would endure;
She asked me to kiss her, me answer was, " Sure.
And why not? It's good practice for my embouchure!"
I'm champion at drivin' 'em crazy.

Well, this lass was persistent and her efforts soon led
To a room in a pub with a big double bed
And she said," Do you know it is time we were wed? "
I said, " Is that a reel or a hornpipe? "
Well I took off my clothes and down on the bed sat
Says she, " Won't your whistle go longer than that?"
I said, "What takes your fancy, is it F or B-flat? "
I'm champion at drivin' 'em crazy.

Well, a little while after, she says to me, "Pat,
I think that your whistlin' is making me fat."
And, a few months being over, she up and begat
A wee fellow, the image of me.
Well, at three weeks of age he could lilt a few tunes;
At a month he was batterin' on bodhran and bones.
And now he's the master of chanter and drones
He'll be champion at drivin' 'em crazy.

Well me wife she soon left us, and all in due course
For "musical cruelty" she got her divorce,
And despite all our vows of "for better or worse,"
I'm left all alone with the baby.
Well, he's Ireland's best piper by quite a long chalk;
His fiddling's unequaled from Sligo to Cork,
And, as soon as he learns how to walk and to talk
He'll be champion at drivin' 'em crazy.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 06:45 PM

Half of an aurochs is a bit like half a brownie. If you cut a brownie in half, you don't have two half-brownies. You have two brownies, each half the size of the original. The indivisible nature of brownieness extends right down to the near-molecular level. It is a Platonic ideal.

A brownie stands in counterpoint to half a sandwich. You can't make half a sandwich. You must make a whole sandwich and cut it in half. A sandwich made from one slice of bread, folded over, is not half a sandwich. It is a half-sized sandwich.

Now, my I please have a barbecued aurochs sandwich and a large brownie?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 03:08 PM

The old lady warbles "Bibo Gallinam Veterem Maculosam!" to complete Rapparee's Carmina Burana ditty. The cats look disgusted, as they only understand Siamese.
She smooths down her pinny, hoists herself to her feet and toddles off for another year. The cats have a final quick wee on any creature available and follow her out of the door and down the snowy path.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 11:58 AM

Carmeena, carmyna,
Burana, burehna,
better call the
calling-orff
Orff

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 09:40 AM

Something was stirring in her pouch now when it dawned on Don that an extinct wombat could only be real if a time nexus portal had opened nearby and other creatures may be lurking about. Don headed for the door.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 09:24 AM

While Rap was still unconscious the wombat snatched him up by the scruff of his neck and quickly stuffed him in her pouch. Uncertain what he just saw, Don glanced back to see if Dave saw the abduction but Dave's face was inscrutable.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 08:15 AM

Dinner?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mr Red
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 03:56 AM

Actually, there's no such thing as an "auroch".

so if the mighty beast were too big for the spit, you would cut it in half.

What do you call half an aurochs?

Just saying

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 09:16 PM

Finishing his song, he begins another:

In taberna quando sumus,
non curamus quid sit humus,
sed ad ludum properamus,
cui semper insudamus.
quid agatur in taberna
ubi nummus est pincerna,
hoc est opus ut quaeratur;
si quid loquar, audiatur.

Quidam ludunt,
quidam bibunt,
quidam indiscrete vivunt.
sed in ludo qui morantur,
ex his quidam denudantur,
quidam ibi vestiuntur,
quidam saccis induuntur;
ibi nullus timet mortem,
sed pro Baccho mittunt sortem.

Primo pro nummata vini;
ex hac bibunt libertini;
semel bibunt pro captivis,
post haec bibunt ter pro vivis,
quater pro Christianis cunctis...

and stops when a tankard, thrown by Squiddy, knocks him unconscious.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 07:23 PM

Bee-dubya checks his phone to see if he's in The Twilight Zone....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: DMcG
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 02:00 PM

DMcG checks his phone to see if he is in the right time zone ...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 01:34 PM

In another corner a swordsman drains another flagon and begins to sing:

Trinke, Liebchen, trinke schnell,
trinken macht die Augen hell.
Sind die schönen Auglein klar,
siehst du alles licht und wahr.
Siehst, wie heisse Lieb' ein Traum,
der uns äffet sehr,
siehst, wie ew'ge Treue Schaum,
so was gibt's nicht mehr!
Flieht auch manche Illusion,
die dir einst dein Herz erfreut,
gibt der Wein dir Tröstung schon
durch Vergessenheit!
Glücklich ist, wer vergisst,
was doch nicht zu ändern ist.
Kling, kling, sing, sing, sing,
trink mit mir, sing mit mir,
Lalala, lalala...

Subject: RE: Attack of the Bat=Diefledremaus
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 09:59 AM

Winds in the east, mist coming in,
Like somethin' is brewin' and bout to begin.
Can't put me finger on what lies in store,
But I fear what's to happen all happened before.
In an old tavern that was an old house
This story bout bats was diefladermaus

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 04:32 AM

Along as it's a drinking contest, no problems.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 11 Dec 17 - 04:26 AM

Two Siamese cats stroll into the Tavern, have a quick wee on the Wombat, lick the jelly, hiss rudely at the Giant Squid and the Chimp, then settle down on the lap of a rather wrinkled old lady in a pinny sitting smiling in the corner, while eating two buttered crumpets and swigging from a bottle of Old Speckled Hen.
The cats break into a garbled song, which is soon identified as "We wish you a Merry Christmas." (In Siamese of course) The old lady nods vigorously in agreement...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 10:36 PM

The wombat in the jello pits themself against the Gnome.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 08:20 PM

Amos? Okay? "Silly don't be," says the little green man with pointed ears in the booth behind the wood for the fireplace. "Okay Amos is not now. Nor ever was he." And he continues eating plankton soup with croutons.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 07:49 PM

Amos will probably arrive in the Tavern through the closet that is shared by the Mudcat Recovery Ward. Nurse Ratched (OMG - we forgot about her!) may have gotten her hands on him. Someone dive through the snow boots and jackets and see if he's in there. And is okay.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 07:41 PM

Of course it is.....don't they all talk?

Meanwhile, the wombat is reclining in the jello pit enjoying the sights and sounds of the season, whatever it is. No one seems to have decided.

In the tree above, a drop bear is waking from a long hibernation. Sometime in the next hour or two or three or four an unsuspecting person will walk under that tree, and the drop bear will drop......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 06:51 PM

Filling in for Amos, who was doing a def poetry jam, J.C. the bartender, began hammering the bar loudly with his ice hammer.
ATTENTION ATTENTION I have an announcement!

I have been getting reports from folks that they are seeing bizarre talking animals of all kinds...
That's when I realized I have been seeing them myself and didn't think twice. So listen up back there... If you had any of the stuffed mushrooms or the sliced cactus snacks please come to the bar and report how many you ate. Don't worry, I had 3 mushrooms myself and I'm OK. If you are seeing bees and talking cats that's perfectly normal.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 03:33 PM

A whole pint of that ever-so-potent brew might be too much. Stick to the drinks to be had at the Tavern itself.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 02:10 PM

What the... asks the Gnome. Never mind what I was drinking before, I'll have a pint of whatever this lot are on :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 12:53 PM

Bats! OF COURSE the Tavern has bats!

What's going on in the stables outside the Tavern?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 12:29 PM

That must have been someone else. I would only play "Honey" (or anything by Bobby Goldsboro) unless I was trying to inflict torture on someone I loathed. (That also goes for Bobby Vinton or Bobby Vee, for that matter). I'm. Not aware of any enemies in here.

Meanwhile, the Christmas tree, which was beginning to topple from the crowd of protesters pushing and shoving to hide behind it. In rushes DeFrosty, the only one among us who a bee couldn't hurt, in time to catch the tree and prop it back up, with some help from a duck and two bats from the rafters who grabbed the top of the tree. DeFrosty had been outside patching up the yellow spots with fresh white snow. The crowd cheers the snowman and the duck and the bats. The alligator tending the bar sets up vodka for all of them

There is the matter of some decorations that had fallen off the tree to the floor and need to be replaced.

The Squid is present, but where is the wife and the Squidlets?

Ducks and bats scatter in all directions, as the Yule Gibbons from the Hairy Simian Chorale, having spent time drinking after the bees had chased them out of the apiary, were not freely swinging from the rafters and making Tarzan calls. Being a trained choir,they were making them in perfect harmony.......

The two, now drunken bats left the bar and are now teasing the wombat, saying, "What kind of bat are you if you can't FLY?"......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 06:31 AM

...which brings up the age-old question, "Why do we have a pair of trousers, but only one bra?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: DMcG
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 04:18 AM

Pondering Bee-Dubya-ell's words of wisdom, DMcG is wondering why trousers and a pair trousers are the same thing, that you can't get a trouser but you can trouser something.

He orders a very large brandy in an attempt to make this seem reasonable.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 01:58 AM

Did you see that?

Neither did I!

(Stolen, like the wombat's underwear. Points to anyone recognizing that reference...)

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 10:52 PM

... what became of the chimp the chimp the chimp the chimp the chimp ...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 10:03 PM

Up high, the bees are reproducing. Soon there will be many sons of bees there.

Below, a chimpanzee wearing a fluffy red dress is dancing with Little Hawk to the haunting strains of "Animal Fair."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 07:32 PM

Actually, there's no such thing as an "auroch". "Aurochs" is both the singular and the plural. Kinda like "deer" or "sheep"...but backwards.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 05:11 PM

The cats and ducks that are ALWAYS hanging around the tavern. Go find past seasons - you'll see them perching in the rafters watching the events below. But you were always busy roasting auroch in the kitchen, so maybe you didn't notice.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: MMario
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 04:18 PM

What ducks?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 02:38 PM

I took a virtual visit over to Amos' new North Carolina spread and found a fir tree that I took the liberty of cutting and hauling to the tavern. It will probably look best on the opposite side of the room from the jello pit.

If someone asks nicely, the ducks and cats that are known to hang around this area might come help decorate it.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Janie
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 01:44 PM

Janie stumbles in, wondering how she got here. Stands and stares, trying to make sense of what she sees.

A tentacle eases up out of the jello pit and pats her gently on the back. From behind the bar, MMario looks over, and says, "You think too much," as he hands her a Glenlivet, one ice cube. As she takes it from his hand he adds, "Sip, don't toss. Savor the burn."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 12:47 PM

The suitably pacified bees drifted up through a hole in the ceiling to build a hive in the Tavern attic, after a false start - Severn went overboard and tried to play Bobby Goldsboro's song Honey at which point the bees became agitated and began to hover and grumble until the music stopped.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 05:35 AM

Without understanding, an expanding cloud of a plan in the center of Severn's mind took over his body as he walked over to automatically play a recording of 'Do the walk of Life' by Dire Straights . As if by instinct Severn unconsciously knew this song had the ability beyond all other songs to cause life forms to release Oxytocin in such quantities it could even cause Obama and Trump to embrace in sincere friendship.

Even the bees felt the oxytocin and became calm and compliant. The love in the room was overwhelming- He got the action, he got the motion
Oh yeah, the boy can play
Dedication, devotion
Turning all the night time into the day
He do the song about the sweet lovin woman
He do the song about the knife
He do the walk, do the walk of life
Yeah, he do the walk of life...woo hoo
It was as though the universe had cracked open and love was flooding in to that god forsaken tavern, Bees Wom jello squid bat and all