BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 09:16 AM

The Gnome leaves the bar, only to re-enter 30 seconds later and approach the bar tender.

"Was you just in here?" Asks the bar keep

"No" replies the Gnome.

"Then you must have a double!"

"OK, thanks, make it Glen Morangie..."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 09:26 AM

The Wyrm and the African chap retire to a corner and are heard giggling together while exclaiming "Abracadabra!" and "Shezzam!"
.
The Old Lady sits down beside the delightful Bat for a nice chat.

Suddenly, the sound of melodeons and jingling bells is heard. Down the gangplank of the cruise ship march dozens and dozens of MORRIS DANCERS of all types: Border, Cotswold, North West Clog, Rappers, Molly.
The old lady peers dubiously into her glass, wondering if her drink has been spiked...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 05:05 PM

Give the old lady some Lee-weigh...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 06:55 PM

Now attached ninja-like to the ceiling (where there IS a ceiling), he thinks, "WATER BALLOONS!!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 29 Dec 17 - 07:12 PM

Rapparee, rigidly holding onto the roof rafters that Ruth had repaired, regards the swarm of chicken- eating Siamese felines.

And he says:

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 02:31 AM

Severn displays his best open mic charm, and soon has the boatload of off key felines yowling along in one big Cat-caphony to:

"And the cats came back
The very next day,
Yes, the cats came back
And they thought that we were goners,
But we wouldn't stay away.....

....and making up new verses.


A lot of these pairs of Siamese cats were the real article. Two heads, two tails, four legs and joined together at the hip.

Severn, who doesn't play an instrument, had grabbed a guitar and was flailing away, because it all wasn't really even close enough for Folk Music anyway. He motions to gnu and whispers in his ear and old battered classical guitars were passed around to whoever wanted them, everybody banging away as violently as possible until strings start breaking right and left. meanwhile, at gnu's instructions, Sandre and Mrrzy roll out a hamper of ill-used, battered tennis and badminton rackets. Mmario brings out a plastic tub of carving utensils from the kitchen...
Sandra declares over a bullhorn that our first New Year's Resolution is to make repairs on all this stuff and get down to some serious restringing, passing out knives to humans and gibbons.
The cats get the hint and start running for the door to the beach which brings them right underneath Rap's water balloons in the rafters.

When they get underneath the rafters where Rap and a host of bats are at the ready, Rap says.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 04:17 AM

The smilodon and the Hungry Tiger silently move behind Severn, with fire in there eyes.:

From the rafters comes the call of "plastic, not catgut."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 04:35 AM

The old lady, who is laughing her head off (probably too much ale she tells herself) winks meaningfully at the nice African chap, and they both stand up, collect the Siamese herd and head for the cruise ship. On leaving the tavern, she asks politely to borrow a plastic bucket. (Sea travel is not her forte, especially when awash with ale)
The massed Morris dancers whirl ever faster, form a dust cloud and vanish into thin air.
Blowing kisses to all the Tavern customers, arms linked the couple board the ship. The Siamese horrors miaow cheekily from the decks as the liner heads off across the ocean...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 07:51 AM

...Rap says, If I were a bat I wouldn't need them water balloons!

Subject: RE: BS: giant wyrm bait has wandered into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 11:37 AM

SenoufouNo further cats were harmed. It was just a ruse to get them back to sea on their catamaran. The tiger is more than happy with that. The sound of a female Siamese cat can only be matched by the cry of pea fowl for approximating a human being tortured and screaming bloody murder. Plus all those cats tend to scare away the ever-increasing rabbit population spawned from DeFrosty's magic hat, the elimination of which interests him far more......

The choir, back onstage and watching all the rabbits run by, strike up a medley of "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" and the Rap version, "Hear Cums Peter, Caught In Tail (Hip Hop Mix)".....
"Isn't it a little early for the Easter stuff?"asks senoufou......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 12:00 PM

A Welch rabbit joins the crowd. " No cheesy jokes!" he exclaims.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 05:24 PM

A Welch rabbit???

I hope he pays his debts first.


:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 30 Dec 17 - 11:21 PM

He can afford to, living in the lop of luxury. His "hares apparent" should have a 24 carrot guarantee on their future.....

As long as they behave themselves, no "Nair-Do-Well"with any sort of Hare Removalsolution will bother them .....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 11:20 AM

The Welch rabbit, as purple as his namesake beverage, is of course of royal blood.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 03:10 PM

If only it *were* a rare bit...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 03:15 PM

Any bits you wish to make rare will be respected Mrrzy:-)

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 17 - 07:38 PM

Far above, he opens his pouch and pulls out six -- count them, SIX! -- balloons of various colo(u)rs. They flop in his hands as if they were full of water or worse.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 12:11 AM

As midnight passes, the giant wombat wishes all a "Happy New Year!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 11:08 AM

,, and there arr other lovely Mudcat ladiesSemimodo, the hunchback in the bell tower, has eagerly awaiting his Big Moment all year, and he doesn't let us down. He hasthe big cathedral bell, a few smaller church bells and a set of tuned small bells, as well. He plays the correct melody for Auld Lang Sine in a medley with the others, and then goes into some jazz improvisations of Caol of the Bells for some ten minutes or so. He ends up his set with a lovely version of "The Bells Of St. Mary's I'm glad the tavern's in an isolated spot without any nearby neighbors, because all this must've taken some serious practice. I checked whip shopping this year, and as of yet, there are no stealth bells on the market ....

The mistletoe is back up, and there are some lovely. Mudcat ladies besides Teresa Terrific to slow dance with after Semimodo has put us through the ringer....

The tip jar for. Mmario, the alligator and Dishpan Hans, the German kitchen helper borrowed from the Mudcst Recovery Ward. (Don't worry, we'd never borrow any of their cooks......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 11:19 AM

"the hunchback in the bell tower,"
A group of tourists visiting Notre Dame in Paris were being taken around the bell tower by a guide when a hunch-backed man ran in, walked over to the giant bell and head-butted it
Despite its massive size, the bell swung up on its pivot then back down again, hitting the hunchback full in the face, and sending him staggering across the tower, over the parapet and down into the street below.
"Who on earth was that?" asked one of the tourists
"I don't know", replied the guide, "but his face rings a bell"
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: David Carter (UK)
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 02:40 PM

Amazed to find this thread still going. I find myself, to my bemusement, half agreeing with beardedbruce. A Diprotodon was not a giant wombat. It was as closely related to wombats as kangaroos are. Modern consensus is that vombatidae diverged from diprotodontotidae around 30 million years ago. There were giant wombats, they are called things like Phascolonus and Ramasayia. Or would have been if they were still around. Sorry to be a pedant. And I have no idea what a Phascolonus would say if it walked into a tavern. If it ever would, I very rarely hear the word "tavern" when I am in Australia. Pub, or Hotel, yes. So it might ask if there was a room available. It might be disappointed though, as hotels in Australia do not always offer accommodation.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 03:34 PM

And he lobs one towards the jello pit....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 03:46 PM

Up jumps the Lone Shark, who swallows the object Rap threw.

" he seems to have eaten it with great interest." Say one of the non-wombats.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 04:59 PM

jump that shark bruce.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 07:37 PM

you're right, David Carter, they are mistaking my friendly banjo loving Giant Wombat for his prehistoric & much older cousin

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 18 - 10:17 PM

And the Lone Shark spits it right back up. Squiddy and the little ones bat it around for a bit, and eventually it lands on one of the smilodon's bicuspids. The mighty jaws close on the object, and high above the fray he grins sardonically.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: David Carter (UK)
Date: 02 Jan 18 - 07:21 AM

I realize I am wrong about the word Tavern in Australia, the Bayview in Gladesville used to be called the Bayview Tavern. I should have remembered that, I used to go there to see INXS, who were sort of a house band, before they became megastars.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 02 Jan 18 - 07:53 AM

I would't ask that lone shark for money. See the loan arranger instead.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Jan 18 - 11:09 AM

The wombless bat starts to think about estivating... looking for a good table to hang myself upside down under. Not that we're down under, or even down east, here. Up with which shot I will not put.

Wake me if I'm going to miss anything, but if you do, feed me, see more glass.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Jan 18 - 07:41 PM

A homophone walked into a bar and got brews duh.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 03 Jan 18 - 12:44 PM

About wombats being able to fly, apparently the phenomenon has been observed by the always reliable Peter Stampfel, a clear head if there ever was one, and later endorsed by this song having been recorded by Dave Van Ronk, as occurring around someplace in the American West called Random Canyon:

"Take me back to Random Canyon where the gryphon's always riffin',
And the unicorn gets horny in the spring.
Where the crystal coyote calls over sleepy garden walls,
And the wireless wombat wanders on the wing,
And the wireless wombat wanders on the wing......"


Who could doubt the likes of those two?......

A truck from a local contractor with Seth Poole & Co. painted on the side pulls to perform the scheduled maintenance and cleaning of the Jello Pit and reports in to Mmario and the alligator, who handle the till, ('til someone tells them otherwise).
Don't you folks EVER go home? We've got work we're s'posed to do, and this year, it looks like more than usual to set this place right. The good news is that we DO do walls, you all, and we just happen to be having a sale. I thought we'd be having to take on extra help, but some guy named Les asked for a job, and we took him on. There's a second truck coming in that will have a load of Army Surplus survival food.......

(Mmario shudders and makes the sign if the cross with his two index fingers)

.....for ol' Semi-modo up in the bell tower. Once you all 'ceptin' him and the Squid family are oughtta here, it should take about a week or so, and they get to have a beach vacation......Just sign here...."

The pen won't write....

"Mrs. Squid! Billy! One of you all please get over here for a second, as I need some ink".....

Most of the guys at one time or other have offered to give Teresa Terrific a ride home, but she said she'd rather jog.
"What's that out in the beach?" she cries in alarm, and while everyone checks it out, she zips on out of the door and is gone before anyone can try to follow her home.....

The ride home applies to anybody who didn't show up from Down Under", says Severn. It turns out that everyune was covered, excepting Teresa, who'd seemed to prefer it that way. Maybe some year, she'll become a re-nude aquaintence.....

The tree is bare, Mama squid having gotten her mischievous offspring to un-decorate and redistribute items to their owners. There's very little for the Lost & Found this year, the most interesting thing being some huge glasses with lenses as thick as TWO Cike bottles that must've belonged to the rhino....

Having bid all a farewell, Severn leaves before somebody tries to outbid him.
"And to think I had to turn around and come back a second time after first finding the place empty", he muses to himself. ....
And they heard him exclaim as he drive out of sight,

LET NOTHING YOU DISMAY!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Jan 18 - 04:18 PM

Beardedbruce comes out of the SWW study and looks around, sighs, and joins the alley gator at the bar, helping to polish the glasses.

"I guess there is nothing to do until twelth night." He mutters.

The bats join him in setting up a samavar of tea, and bringing out a tray of baked goods from the pastry kitchen.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Jan 18 - 05:10 PM

A small group of normal sized wombats wander in the SSW door, and join the nonwombats for a late tea.

One of the wombats, named Walter, looks at the sleeping giant wombat, and mutters "No getting him up until Easter: the holiday job really takes it out of him."

Another wombat, who goes by the name of Winfred, raise a teacup and offers a toast, " May all of us dream of heart's desire, and wake to a bright dawn."

"Amen." Rises out of the loft, where several chori are assembling themselves to help sweep up and get ready for the next day.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Jan 18 - 07:02 PM

Technical note:

The Tavern, like Arizona, is it's own time zone, only loosely related to the mundane world.

The Tavern never closes, although everyone may leave on rare occasions.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Jan 18 - 07:04 PM

is there such a thing as
non-wombatants?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Jan 18 - 12:30 AM

Hors de combat = camp followers? Where did I read that?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 04 Jan 18 - 08:36 AM

Putting the cherry preserves next to the glass teacups, beardedbruce asks the standard size wombats if they need a pouch lunch.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 04 Jan 18 - 01:57 PM

Severn, having left before 12th Night to do his monthly Friday 8-10 am shift on the "Ballads In The Morning" on WOWD-LP Community Radio 94.3 FM from Takoma Park MD, once again has fantasies as he drives home of being able to do a live remote broadcast from the tavern. If radio is truly the Medium of Imagination, we could all ride roughshod over the airwaves and take them by storm......(Sigh!)

But if anyone is streaming me at takomaradio.org I'll give a shout out on-air to all still lurking within the tavern. Even without a have to be better off in there than around here. As WC Fields repeatedly exclaimed throughout "The fatal Glass Of Beer",

"'Tain't a fit night out for man nor beast!"


.....Even in broad daylight.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Jan 18 - 02:12 PM

Severn has Jean Shepard in his blood and his jeans are expressing themselves out loud.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Jan 18 - 11:54 PM

Is it too early to have an epiphany?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 05 Jan 18 - 05:25 AM

You can have whatever kind of phany you would like.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 05 Jan 18 - 10:38 AM

I have an epiphone I can loan you. not much good for long-distance calls, though.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 05 Jan 18 - 11:57 AM

Jean Shepard the writer, I assume, which would be nice, as I was a fan of his writings. That's opposed to the blond female Honky Tonk Country singer who was popular in the 1950s-1960s, not that she's a Shepard I shall nor would not want to listen to is the right situations, either.

Enjoy having your e-piphanies, even at breakfast at Tiffany's ad they happen. They are where you find them.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 05 Jan 18 - 12:42 PM

History note: ------------------------------------------------------

Epiphone began in 1873, in Smyrna, Ottoman Empire (now Izmir, Turkey), where Greek founder Anastasios Stathopoulos made his own fiddles and lutes (oud, laouto). Stathopoulo moved to the United States in 1903 and continued to make his original instruments, as well as mandolins, from Long Island City in Queens, New York. Anastasios died in 1915, and his son, Epaminondas ("Epi"), took over. After two years, the company became known as The House of Stathopoulo. Just after the end of World War I, the company started to make banjos. The company produced its recording line of banjos in 1924 and, four years later, took on the name of the Epiphone Banjo Company. It produced its first guitars in 1928. After Epi died in 1943, control of the company went to his brothers, Orphie and Frixo. In 1951, a four-month-long strike forced a relocation of Epiphone from New York City to Philadelphia. In 1957 the company was acquired by CMI who also owned Gibson, Lowrey, Selmer and others.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have more EKO instruments than Epiphones, but I have not yet figured out what a ekophany would be like ( a kakophony?)

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 05 Jan 18 - 12:44 PM

The wombats help put out a large cask of spiced, heated cider, in preperation for the chilled visiters from the East Coast, US.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Jan 18 - 01:51 PM

And a giant crumpet-toasting machine arrives, together with half a ton of Irish butter, courtesy of the Old Lady, for the poor, frozen folk.
Hot buttered crumpets will soon warm them up.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 18 - 09:13 PM

Hot buttered strumpets? Or just hot trumpets?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Jan 18 - 03:01 AM

All of those Rap. They all have 'warming' properties!

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Jan 18 - 09:17 AM

"Geep," whuppled the parrot.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Jan 18 - 10:00 AM

Whuppled ?