BS: What makes you laugh

Subject: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 09:43 AM

For me its
Bill Mahre 'New Rules' youtube
Wit and foolishness on Mudcat
The universe seen over time (a second sun is coming) in 1.2 million years!
Cat Gymnastics
Local news- man arrested in Petsmart parking lot for sex with a guinie pig)
Cable news like MSNBC
Last but not least my wife's wit

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Iains
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 11:19 AM

People taking their pontifications on here far too seriously!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 11:52 AM

Things that I was not expecting.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Joe_F
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 05:41 PM

Wit, humor, and malice.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 06:41 PM

Billy Connolly.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 06:53 PM

Me too for Billy Connolly.
Mrs Brown
Mock the Week

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 05 Dec 18 - 07:55 PM

Still Game (not sure if you get it down in England, and might need some translation!)

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Joe Offer
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 01:29 AM

Dogs. And grandchildren.


I love 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jos
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 03:03 AM

Jokes I haven't heard already (and even then, not all of them).

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 09:09 AM

sex, poo & farts, and Tory misfortunes...

The perfect killer joke would combine all three...!!!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 09:18 AM

Sketches, skits and improv like SNL & Python. Political; barbs, metaphors and jokes.
Rap and Spaw expanded my understanding and appreciation of satire.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 09:20 AM

Wit, Humour and Malice? Isn't that a firm of solicitors?

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 06 Dec 18 - 09:26 AM

Transgressive 1960s and 70s British working class sitcoms and comedians from my childhood,
that a staunch progressive anti racist lefty like me is not supposed to admit to still enjoying...

I can live with my contradictions and duality... [in the privacy of my own TV room]

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Dec 18 - 03:30 PM

I still crack up
when I hear Who Let The Dogs Out?

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 04:30 AM

Another one that made me laugh from Mock The Week.

I went to visit my Gran. I asked her what she'd been doing.
She said "Oh, just weedin' the garden."
I said, "Never mind, at least it wasn't a shit!"

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jos
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 05:22 AM

That one made me laugh, Eliza.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 07:35 AM

In any order you like, Morecambe and Wise Andrew Preview, ditto breakfast sketch, Four Candles, Dead Parrot, Cheese Shop.

Do you have any Wensleydale?

Yes sir...Oh, sorry, sir, I though you were talking to me...Arthur Wensleydale's the name....

And any episode of Fawlty Towers. Timeless!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: The Sandman
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 07:44 AM

PeterCookDudleyMoore

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 08:12 AM

Sid James, Alf Garnett, Steptoe and Son...

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 08:32 AM

.. and other sit coms best not mentioned...

rarely ever broadcast, gradually forgotten, as my generation die out...


oh all right.. some gags from "Love Thy Neighbour" still raises a chuckle...

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 09:16 AM

Yes Minister we are progressing with all deliberate speed, in the fullness of time.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jos
Date: 08 Dec 18 - 09:36 AM

I like puns, one of my favourites being 'People who indulge in word play do get up to semantics.'

OK, it doesn't actually make me laugh out loud any more, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 Dec 18 - 05:51 PM

Dave the Gnome: I think you are thinking of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe (graced a window in Harvard Square for many years).

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Dec 18 - 07:33 AM

I'm inordinately fond of stupid, silly groan-jokes. I've told this one to tons of people but I'm the only one who's ever laughed:

What have Lulu and Jimmy Edwards got in common?

They both have moustaches, except Lulu.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Dec 18 - 08:29 AM

Some more from Mock The Week:-

Surgeon to patient:
"Good morning Mrs A. Ah, sorry no, it seems you've got MRSA."

and Milton Jones:

"Last year the teacher said I could take the guinea pig home. Seven months later, the animal and I finally arrived in Guinea."

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Dec 18 - 10:10 AM

The Onion
https://www.theonion.com/tag/donald-trump

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 10 Dec 18 - 10:38 AM

youtube videos of ferrets at play...

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Joe_F
Date: 10 Dec 18 - 05:50 PM

An ambulance driver of my acquaintance claimed to have heard this conversation between two nurses:
"Do you have PSDS?"
"Is that a new disease? I've never heard of it."
"No, it means your ES have been PSd."

Hint: This took place in Boston.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 12 Dec 18 - 03:56 AM

I posted on Mudcat a while back about trying to learn the latest dances from that kids' video game Fortnite.

This joke appeared in the paper yesterday:

Q When did the sheep get a chance to show off their dancing skills?

A While shepherds watched them Floss by night.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 12 Dec 18 - 04:44 AM

Back in the sixties a teacher named Peter Moloney jotted down things said by his pupils and later made an LP where he related some of them

He said he was in church when he heard the priest roar out from the confessional "what kind of a boy are you child?"
The reply came, "I'm a girl, father"

Two of his pupils were said to have been walking own the street by the nearby Childwall Abbey, when they say a very elderly Monk, stooped and bent over, approached them from the opposite direction.
One lad said, "Eh father, was0 youse in the Ark?"
The monk replied indignantly, "Of course I wasn't boy, what a stupid question"
"Well why wasn't you drowned then?"

A fellow teacher sent a letter home with one of her girl students which said, "It would be helpful to the class if Maria payed more attention to her personal hygiene".
She received the indignant reply, "We send Maria to school to learn something, not to smell like a bleedin' daffodil"

Loads more of these gems if I could only lay my hands on the album
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Dec 18 - 05:02 AM

He said he was in church when he heard the priest roar out from the confessional "what kind of a boy are you child?"
The reply came, "I'm a girl, father"


Heheh. That reminded me of a confession I did when I was about nine. After giving Fr Davis my long list of peccadillos and receiving my three Hail Marys, he said to me "Now off you go and be a good girl now."

Been scarred for life ever since... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Dec 18 - 10:40 AM

There is a Mexican a Puerto Rican and a Black in a car. Who is driving? ...answer: The Police.
Joke told by Muhammod Ali

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 12 Dec 18 - 10:53 AM

For me is watching my country slide into a cesspit of its own making. I can't do anything about it, so I might as well just laugh it off.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 12 Dec 18 - 06:34 PM

Still Game - again! Just watched tonight's episode, laughing all the way! (BBC 1 Scotland TV.) Senofou, you'd love the Glesga humour!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 13 Dec 18 - 04:30 AM

Hahahaha Tattie! I would indeed!

We loved Rab C Nesbitt and his wife Mary Doll. Husband had to have it translated, but he loved it too.

When Rab had seen a psychiatrist, and Mary Doll was thrilled at the diagnosis. "Oh Rab! A psychopath! We've never had a psychopath in the family. Ahm so proud!"

And when he was passing a beggar on the street, he growled, "Away and work!"

And when he arrived in A&E with an axe buried in his skull and was told to wait as it wasn't serious!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 13 Dec 18 - 07:35 PM

Aye, Rab C and Mary Doll, and going back further, Parahandy!
Oh, and Rikki Fulton, especially as Robocop and the Rev I M Jolly.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Dec 18 - 03:27 AM

the reaction to my jokes.

the mantra is:
if it don't hurt, it ain't working!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Michael
Date: 14 Dec 18 - 08:38 AM

'Newspaper' headlines. From The Hull Daily Mail website today:

"Yellow snow warning for the whole of Yorkshire has been issued by the Met Office but in Hull, it is more likely to be sleet to hit than "fresh snow"."

The whole of Yorkshire? that's an awful lot of urine!

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 14 Dec 18 - 09:20 AM

Now I'm getting on in years I find myself being drawn to humour I have avoided in the past for fear I might give offense
I always expected to have hearing difficulties - a condition passed on by the male members of my father's family - recently it has become a serious problem, and to cope, I have had to find the lighter side of it.

I was once told about a Liverpool hearing aid - you hang a wire over your ear and everybody shouts

Did you know that Beethoven was so deaf he thought he was a painter (Liverpool again)

A couple getting on in years went to the hospital to have the woman's fourteenth child delivered
The doctor took the woman aside and said, "You really need to think about stopping having children at your time of life Mary"
She replied, "I realise that doctor, it's because of my poor hearing" that we have so many"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, each night when we go to bed Tommy has got into the habit of asking me, "Shall we go to sleep or what?"
"I always reply "what?".

A young barman got a job in a pub next to a Day Centre for people with hearing and speech difficulties
Before he started, the Guv'nor took him aside and ran him through the prices and also taught him the rudiments of sign-language so he could communicate with the customers
Very nervously he started work, but by mid-shift he was serving like a veteran - he had taken to signing as if it was a second language - he was proud that he never one mistook an order
At closing time he went into the bar only to find that all the customers were sitting in total silence, swinging their hands up to shoulder level and down to their knees in perfect rhythm
Bemused , he went into the lounge, only to find that everybody there was doing exactly the same thing
Panicking, he sought out the Guv'nor and told him what was taking place
"Shit - we'll never empty the pub now they've started singing"

Sorry 'bout that
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Dec 18 - 10:07 AM

Merry Armageddon and Happy New Year
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71MigfuA6TU

The truth is the comet is 100 million miles away.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jos
Date: 16 Dec 18 - 01:25 PM

Something made me laugh a few minutes ago:
The first item on BBC Radio 4's 'Pick of the Week' was taken from a late-night phone in when the presenters went to a caller who had been kept waiting on the line for more than half an hour - he was fast asleep and snoring ... loudly ...

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 16 Dec 18 - 06:15 PM

Yet another Scotrail train cancellation: the Scotrail website says "the Edinburgh - Aberdeen train will start in Dundee"!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 Dec 18 - 06:31 PM

I remember one occasion at Waterloo station in London in the early 70s. There we all were on platform 13, peaceably waiting for the Dorking train. One minute before it was due to leave, it still hadn't arrived at the platform. Then came the tannoy announcement, "The train due to leave from platform 13 at xxxx hours is just about to leave from platform 14".

Stampede! (We all made it)

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 Dec 18 - 06:55 PM

Just watched the Royal Variety Performance on TV.
Greg Davies sang a funny song to Prince Harry in the royal box about 'Nans' (which can be viewed on Youtube):-

"Your Nan has footmen.
My Nan only sees the footman when she has trouble with her corns."

"My Nan has hats for every occasion. But your Nan, her 'hat' is kept in a fortress guarded by ravens."

"At 3pm on Christmas Day your Nan is on TV. At 3pm on Christmas Day my Nan is fast asleep."

Prince Harry only looked mildly amused, which I found even funnier.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 16 Dec 18 - 07:55 PM

Steve's train story sounds very much like what happened on the station in " Les Vacances de M.Hulot", the Jacques Tati film. Now that did make me laugh!
Repeated unintelligible Tannoy messages sent all the would-be passengers scuttling down the underpass to the next platform, only to come tearing back again after the next equally distorted message, and several times over!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 Dec 18 - 08:25 PM

Heheh, I remember it well!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 05:33 AM

Here's one my sister sent me:-

How do we know the three wise men were from Yorkshire?
Because we're told they came from the East Riding, on camels.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 06:07 AM

If they'd been from Yorkshire they wouldn't have been bearing gifts, tell her.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 07:03 AM

Hee hee Steve, I will!

We noticed the other day a pub near Fakenham called the Cock and Pullet. I started to giggle, but didn't feel up to explaining it to my rather innocent husband.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jos
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 07:31 AM

The offerings that predictive text and autocorrect put instead of what people meant to say.

I recently had an email about a road closure causing traffic chaos. The message said it was caused by a burning python above the road.

It should have been a burning pylon. Does this mean that more people send messages about snakes than they do about electricity supply lines?

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Senoufou
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 08:06 AM

That's hilarious Jos! Was it called Monty?

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Jos
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 08:49 AM

It certainly should have been - I have a mental image of one of those long fiery Chinese dragons swimming through the sky above the road.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 11:06 AM

As my hearing is steadily going down the tubes, I use TV subtitles more often. There are some absolute howlers on there, especially on any live programmes that are being instantly converted to text, presumably by some sort of speech recognition software. Better even than predictive text and auto-correct. Will try to jot down a few examples.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 12:34 PM

I use google dictate to save bother of typing on tiny phone keypads...

It's often fun just leaving in the utter bollocks of mangled words
when I email the mrs a shopping list of stuff to fetch on the way home from work...

She enjoys word games, so can usually decipher what she's meant to buy...

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: SamStone
Date: 17 Dec 18 - 04:42 PM

our political system and the "rats" who crawl through the tunnels of our sacred instutions. 135th AHC

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 19 Dec 18 - 07:11 PM

"Still Game" again: they get away with so much non-PC language: almost unheard of on today's very PC TV. Tonight's episode was laugh out loud per minute!

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Dec 18 - 09:29 PM

It sounds naughty already.

New ideas by republicans make me laugh but, then I find out it is already being done and I stop laughing.

ie Spinning concertina wire that can reduce immigrants to hamburger but are stopped with a 10 pole or exhaust pipe.
15,000 immigrant children tattooed with disappearing ink that makes reunification impossible after 2 weeks. etc.

Subject: RE: BS: What makes you laugh
From: SamStone
Date: 19 Dec 18 - 09:59 PM

kinda makes you want to have an election in January...and a HoHoHo to all...